The Ref

Keep your “Pro vs. Con”. Colbert can have his “Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger”. We’re gonna reward points and penalties to people based on their genius decisions and boneheaded moves.

PERSONAL FOUL: Oklahoma Sooners
As the Sooners prepare for their day of reckoning with the NCAA tomorrow, 82 Sluggo Win goes inside the peace talks between Bomar and the Okies. Note: the NCAA had to hire special interpreters to translate from “Uneducated Hick” to English.
[82 Sluggo Win]
HOLDING: Jeff Francouer
Atlanta totally hearts Jeff, local boy done good. UmpBump wonders why- and compares him to your favorite underachieving asshole and mine, Pat Burrell. I’ll give you a hint as to why I think they love Jeff: he is really, unbelievably good looking. Isn’t that enough?
TIMEOUT: Brad Lidge
Lidge loses his closer role and is relegated to the bullpen as middle relief. The Big Picture listens in on a session with Lidge and his therapist. Lidge could have saved the money- even this armchair therapist can tell you all his problems can be attributed to the 1-2 punch of Pujols and Podsednik homers.
[The Big Picture]
A Mets fan gets injured after being hit by a flying object at Shea. A really large flying object. Like, a person-sized flying object. True to form, the always courtly Met fan ran away without apologizing or checking on the woman he nearly knocked out. Chivalry lives!
[Our Book Of Scrap]
Awful Announcing has gathered together a motley crew of sports bloggers to do our own mock draft, and show up all those punks who do that kind of thing for a living. 5 of the Ladies are joining in- and we may or may not make our picks based on how cute the guys’ butts are. We’re (man) handling the Rams, Steelers, Jets, Saints and Colts– any suggestions?
[Awful Announcing]
This entry was posted in MLB, NCAA football, NFL, Texas Gal, The Ref by Texas Gal. Bookmark the permalink.

About Texas Gal

Pitched four years for the Philadelphia Athletics, and then played shortstop for seven years for the Montreal Expos. Taught Rickey Henderson to steal a base. Taught Nolan Ryan to throw a punch. Taught Mickey Mantle to drink a beer. Threw one seven-hitter and seven no-hitters. Wonderboy was my creation, and first Jobu shrine was in my locker. Often called "the next Dustin Pedroia". Always wear high socks and eyeblack. Prefer to slide headfirst.

19 thoughts on “The Ref

  1. For the Saints (in the mock draft), look for help at cornerback. This is their most pressing need. They probably are looking at someone like Aaron Ross from Texas, McCauley from Fresno State or a kid from Arkansas whose name escapes me. Hope this helps and good luck!

  2. Steelers – take offensive tackle Joe Staley from Central Michigan, if he’s still on the board. The guy grew up dreaming of being a Steeler, may wind up being the best tackle in this draft, and had an absolutely ridiculous workout at the combine.

  3. Good call, Michael. He’s my number one pick now- and, no, that’s not just the Texas homer talking. If any of those top 3-4 CBs are available, I plan on snatching one.

  4. We’re handling the Rams, Steelers, Jets, Saints and Colts- any suggestions?

    Yeah, seriously, I’m picking for the Jets. Tell me who I should take…

  5. Nah, I’m not on the official list. *sniffle sniffle* I just make inappropriate comments about a Marc Bulger/Brady Quinn sandwich and Samardzija’s lower back tattoo.

  6. I’m a Colts fan. Brandon Stokley left, but I always thought he was cute in a baby-faced way.

    Ben Utecht is another who’s cute. I got my picture with him awhile back and he was cute, though of course he is married to some former beauty pageant winner.

    My Dad’s a Dolphins fan and when I’ve seen them, Jason Taylor looks good.

  7. No one asked, so I’m posting my suggestions for your draft:

    Rams – Draft the city of Los Angeles. Seriously now. We’re behind you. The Raiders are simply too embarassing to keep supporting. Come back! We miss you.

    Jets – Draft either Paul Tuttle, Jr. from AMERICAN CHOPPER. He is still young and might be good at left tackle. Plus, he can weld like a mo-fo.

    Colts – I highly recommend a good talent agent for Peyton Manning. That kids got acting chops, yo! Can’t let that go to waste. I can see him starring next to Dennis Rodman, Rick Foxx or Howie Long in a buddy-action-comedy involving the mafia/Russian gangsters/and-or Christopher Walken.

  8. I know it’s bad form to hand out awards to yourself… but let me say that the ladies deserve the “Two Point Conversion” for their thorough shaming of the KSK website the other day.

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