The Masters – Hottie Skins Style

With all the hotties on the PGA Tour, there was no way we were going to let the Masters slip by unnoticed. But we’re not going to bring you dry leaderboard recitations, or boring capsule summaries- which would put you to sleep faster than listening to Jim Nantz talk in hushed tones on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Instead we’re doing the Masters… hottie skins style.

Each of the Ladies… picked one hottie golfer to back in the tournament. We’re pitting our hotties against each other on the course, but instead of just giving the highest finishing hottie the win, we thought- let’s make it more interesting. Why go the simple route? So we’ll be scoring our PGA hotties in a modified skins-style format. Each hole equals one skin- and the hottie who shoots the best score on a hole (over the course of the whole tournament) will win that hole, and that skin. So it’s to each hottie’s advantage to make the cut, because that means he’ll get more shots at a better score on each hole. In the event of a tie, we will use any arbitrary means at our disposal to break the tie. Them’s the breaks.

Some Ladies… selected based on looks alone, some based on a little sentiment, some based on skills, some based on spitting accuracy. But combined, we’ve put together the hottest Leaderboard around.

In alphabetical order- ’cause these guys have to earn their ranking on our Leaderboard:

Chris DiMarco
Team Holly

*So cute, I overlook the fact that he graduated from the loathsome University of Florida!
*Married, with three adorable children.
*Sponsored by Red Bull. Delicious, soothing Red Bull.
*Sponsors an annual tournament (named after his late mother) to raise money for R.O.C.K (Reaching Out to Cancer Kids).
*In 1992, won the Canadian Tour’s Order of Merit. I don’t know what this means, but it kinda sounds like he’s a knight or something, right?
*My dad was introduced to him at a wedding and asked for a picture. Chris agreed, then did the Gator chomp just as the photographer raised the camera. Daddy has still not gotten over this.

Luke Donald
Team SA

Hot English accent + graduate from a prestigious university + sensitive art side = hottie. Major hottie. And that’s before you even see a picture of the guy. Luke Donald is all those things, and I haven’t even gotten to the athlete part. Or the fact that he now has his own wine. Or the blond hair, blue eye combination. Or the…

Wait, where was I again? Oh right, Luke Donald. Well, he’s from England and plays on both the PGA and European Tours. Donald went to Northwestern and graduated in 2001 with a degree in Art Theory. While at Northwestern, he won the NCAA title in 1999, beating the scoring record previously held by Tiger Woods. He was ranked as high as 7th so far this year, the highest ranking of all the Europeans players at the time.

Last year he finished tied for 3rd at the Masters. Let’s hope that this English cutie improves and wins his first major tournament this Sunday.

Ernie Els
Team TheStarterWife

* The Nickname – “The Big Easy”
* Ranked #4th in the world going into this Masters.
* Has won the US Open twice and the British Open. 55 professional wins. Badass.
* Prefers to be a globetrotting golfer playing in as many international events as possible, pissing off the PGA in the process. I like a man who does his own thing in the face of authority.
* In better shape now then he was a couple of years ago, due to all the rehabilitation he went through after a 2005 knee injury.
* Owns and has a passion for his line of fine wines.
* Have you seen his smile? It’s adorable!

Sergio Garcia
Team Texas Gal

El Niño has come to Augusta to kick ass and hock loogies- and after the incident at Doral, he’s all out of loogies. Apparently, the thing to do these days, P.S. (post-spit), is to hate on Sergio- he should be fined! he should be kicked out of the tour! he should be forced to watch old Eurovision reruns in a neverending loop! I say, all the hateration is just fine- that means there’s more of Sergio for me.

The 27 year-old Spaniard is not an ass-kisser and speaks his mind, yet he’s the consummate teammate (explains the Ryder streak), he drives a Ferrari… FAST, he’s notorious for spurning the media, he dates Greg Norman’s daughter, he thought about going pro as a soccer player and owns a team in Spain, he makes bets with Adam Scott about who can let their hair grow the longest, he hit a fantastic clutch shot (against a tree!) with his eyes shut and made the green, he dated Martina Hingis and Tiger’s wife (pre-Tiger), he keeps a set of fake teeth in his golf bag to help break up tension with cheap laughs, he’s buddies with Luke Donald, Adam, Ernie Els and Chris DiMarco, and, of course, he’s absolutely lovely to look at. He wins.

Julien Guerrier
Team Metschick

I know very little about golf and the men who play golf. I can only recognize the Big Three: Tiger, Phil Mickelson, and Vijay Singh. Oh and John Daly. I can recognize him. (But that’s neither here nor there.) So when I set out to find who I’d be back for the Ladies… Skins game, I just set out to find the cutest guy I could. And Julien Guerrier was it. All I know about him is that he’s 22 and French. And hot. So he tied for 106 at the 2006 British Open. So he’ll probably get bounced out pretty early. But I don’t care. He’s hot.

Richie Ramsay
Team GordonShumway

In golf, just like in porn, sometimes it’s just as entertaining to watch the amateurs. My Masters hottie is 2006 US Amateur winner Richie Ramsay. Most likely, his Augusta experience will only last until Friday, a phenomenon some call “course-us interruptus” and others refer to as “not being that good”. Not only would I like to get my mashie near his niblick, if you know what I mean, he’s also a bit of a badass, having been reprimanded for throwing a shoe against the wall of his hotel. Now that’s not exactly Keith Richards snorting his dad’s ashes, but he broke the first rule of polite golfing by refusing to fix the divot he left in the wallpaper. BURN! Richie’s paired with Phil Mickelson for the first two rounds, so you may catch a glimpse of him. He’s the one without the boobs…but check out the size of his trophy.

Adam Scott
Team Clare

Aussie hottie Adam Scott is relatively new to the PGA tour, winning his first U.S. tour event at the Deutche Bank Championship in 2003. But he’s come on strong since then, competing in numerous European events, winning The TOUR Championship in 2006 and the 2007 Shell Houston Open with a clutch 45-foot putt for par just three days ago. He’s currently ranked No. 5 in the world, and his career winnings total a cool $1.3 million. And as the face of Burberry golf threads, he looks super-chic out on the course, too.

Editor’s Note: Adam is far and away the hottest golfer. Sorry, Sergio!

Tiger Woods
Team Lady Andrea

He’s all anybody can talk about right now. They talked about him on Rome is Burning, Around the Horn and PTI today. He was featured in a Masters preview on Deadspin. He’s won 2 tournaments this year already and he’s already banked $2.5 million since January 28th. Also, I just happen to love him. In April of 1997, he annihilated the rest of the field at The Masters, winning by a record-breaking 12 strokes. He was also the first African or Asian and the youngest man to don the green jacket. That tournament was what sparked my love affair with Tiger Woods. My family and I were glued to our seats all day on that Sunday, and the way we cheered him on you would’ve thought we were watching our beloved Hawkeyes play in the Rose Bowl. My favorite moment was when he won the British Open this past summer, just weeks after his father passed away from cancer, and was just openly weeping following his win. I was too, Tiger, I was too. A lot of people think he’s goofy-looking and not attractive, but the smoothness and poise he possesses on the golf course coupled with that brilliant smile make him irresistible to me.

Also receiving votes: Aaron Baddeley, Paul Casey, Fred Couples, Padraig Harrington, Robert Karlsson, John Kelly

Dropped out: Phil Mickelson (puffiness), Justin Leonard (not invited), Ian Poulter (hair), Nick Faldo (commentating)

Not even in consideration: Vijay Singh, Colin Montgomerie

This entry was posted in Clare, gordonshumway, Holly/Magnolia, LadyAndrea, metschick, PGA, SA, Texas Gal, TheStarterWife by Texas Gal. Bookmark the permalink.

About Texas Gal

Pitched four years for the Philadelphia Athletics, and then played shortstop for seven years for the Montreal Expos. Taught Rickey Henderson to steal a base. Taught Nolan Ryan to throw a punch. Taught Mickey Mantle to drink a beer. Threw one seven-hitter and seven no-hitters. Wonderboy was my creation, and first Jobu shrine was in my locker. Often called "the next Dustin Pedroia". Always wear high socks and eyeblack. Prefer to slide headfirst.

8 thoughts on “The Masters – Hottie Skins Style

  1. My friend and I first thought Sergio was cute back in 1999. I feel really old typing that because I was 16 at the time.

    I’m not sure what happened to Phil either. I think he seems like a guy who would be fun to hang out with, but he has gotten puffy over the years.

  2. When I’ve been to tournaments, by FAR the golfer with the largest and hottest set of women following him around is Camilo Villegas. And it isn’t even close.

  3. I don’t think Camilo is cute. At all. He looks like if a rat mated with Apolo Anton Ohno’s ugly brother, and then got a bad dye job.

    He’s no Joe-Kim, but still.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s