Mining for Hotties: Baseball Prospect Draft

Opening Day has arrived, and that means several things: everyone’s stocking up on beer for the festivities, looking ahead to how their favorite team will perform (c’mon Cubs, Phillies & Red Sox- I know it’s your year… for at least one of you!) and putting together their fantasy baseball rosters. Here at Ladies… that means it’s time for the Hottie Prospect Draft. Metschick and I scoured through Baseball America’s Top 100 Prospects (and beyond) to draft our lineup of the hottest top prospects for this season (and by “hottest”, we mean in every way possible). Our Hottie Prospect roster will highlight all the very best up and… comers.

Their heat has blocked out the rays of the sun.

Look for the full lineup of hotties after the jump… (and, yes- Jacoby made the roster…)

First Base Daric Barton Oakland Athletics	Daric is a quick change artist, something we admire in a man. Drafted by the Cardinals out of high school to play catcher (and forsaking a scholarship to Cal State Fullerton to accept), he was then traded to Oakland as part of the Mark Mulder deal, and the A’s moved him to 1B… but he actually played 3B in high school. With multiple position (oh yeah) and team switches under his belt, Daric also bats left and throws right- always an interesting combination. The departure of Frank Thomas may clear the way for him to see action in the bigs this year. If he’s this good at switching things up, he definitely belongs on our Hottie Prospect Lineup- so we drafted him to play 1B (the one position which, surprisingly, has a very shallow hottie pool). He’ll do nicely.
Second Base James Loney Los Angeles Dodgers	James wants to introduce himself to everyone- and offers this baseball (and his hot, hot body, deliciously clad in a sexy baseball 3/4 shirt) as a greeting. With those beautiful eyes and that broad chest, we don’t care what he wears- though we’re always open to towel shots. But James is doing more than burning up the screen with his hotness, he’s been burning up the plate with his bat, hitting .455 in spring training for the Dodgers. Even with that crazy action, he’ll still start the season in AAA (he got optioned down last Tuesday)- but don’t be surprised if James and his hot, hot body are called up soon. And batting skills are not all he’s got- James was hurling a 92 mph fast ball in high school, but the Dodgers have moved him into a full-time infield role. Did I mention he’s a Texan? Automatic bonus points! Welcome to the roster, James, it is our pleasure to have you.
Shortstop Brandon Wood Los Angeles Angels	Often labeled as the “Golden One” by the Angels organization, we like to call Brandon Wood the “Hot One” around here. Because he’s hot. (we may not be creative, but we speak the truth) The son of Kerry Wood (no, not that one), Brandon is testing the waters at 3B this season, and that switcheroo may land him a spot in the bigs faster than at short. Things may move slower in the third base corner, but we’re pretty confident Brandon can handle the slow just as well as he’s handled the fast. He’s got a swing of beauty (just needs to refine his strike zone)- and, in case you’re keeping count (like me), yet another Texan. We drafted Brandon as our shortstop hottie, but we’d be willing to let him get to third base with us.
Third Base Evan Longoria Tampa Bay Devil Rays	And speaking of third base, let’s go there with Evan. Hot, hot Evan- who is no relation to Eva Longoria, and thank goodness for that. If 3B is the slower corner of the infield, Evan’s a perfect fit because his career started off slow: he wasn’t drafted out of high school, and headed to community college to play ball. A growth spurt and 25 pounds combined to propel him to a spot on the Long Beach State roster. From there, he was invited to play single-A ball – and his spectacular performance (League MVP!) catapulted him into the top prospect ranks. From undrafted high school senior to the #3 overall draft pick in 2006, Evan just goes to show slow and steady can win the race. And we definitely like the slow and steady. After we saw this cute picture of Evan with his proud parents, we knew he belonged on our hottie roster.
Outfield Justin Upton Arizona Diamondbacks	I’m sorry- did somebody say something? I was zoning out, looking into Justin’s beautiful big brown eyes. Justin was an easy pick for us- he’s gorgeous, he’s talented and he loves his family. He’s a bit of a momma’s boy (which is really quite endearing), and his older brother B.J. also plays major league ball (shortstop for the Devil Rays). The Uptons are MLB’s answer to J.R. and Bobby Ewing, without all the backstabbing and shoulder pads- just some old-fashioned sibling rivalry. B.J. was the #2 pick in 2002, so Justin one-upped him and went #1 in 2005. Everyone says he’s the classic five-tool athlete, and behind the scenes he’s got a killer work ethic and shows immense respect and admiration for his coaches and teammates. He’s definitely our five-tool athlete: skills, attitude, hustle, family-focused and HOT.
Outfield Jacoby Ellsbury Boston Red Sox	So Jacoby is just about perfect- tall, dark and handsome, fabulous body, killer smile. It is no secret that we have a particular fondness for Jacoby after stumbling across his hottness by accident, and it was all downhill from there thanks to gordonshumway’s towel picture. I already detailed Jacoby’s bio and resume, his skills as a ballplayer are unquestioned, so let’s just get to the important part: more photos. Like Jacoby grinning, Jacoby and his cute tongue, Jacoby in black and white, Jacoby clowning around and, best of all, Jacoby taking a beer shower. Was there any doubt he’d be drafted to the OF on our hottie roster?
Outfield Chris Young Arizona Diamondbacks	Could this be? Another Texan? Chris was drafted by the White Sox out of high school, but languished in the minors (including 2 years in the rookie leagues) until he was acquired by the Dbacks. In AAA for Arizona, he hit his stride at the plate and drastically improved his strikeout ratio. And now? He’s tabbed to start at CF this year for the Dbacks on the big stage. Chris definitely gets our Most Improved Award. And then let’s look at him- no, really, look at him. Wow, is he good looking. Classic, chiseled good looks. Arizona’s hitting coach said of Chris, “He’s got quick hands, a short stroke and power to all fields.” And if that’s not a recipe for the perfect man, I don’t know what is. We drafted him to the third and final spot in our Outfield of Hot.
Catcher Jeff Clement Seattle Mariners	We love a man with a little fire. A guy who doesn’t back down from a fight. Who isn’t afraid to go for it. Just look at Jeff in that picture, and you can tell he is that kind of man. And Jeff will need that fire on his rocky road to the big leagues- he’s had some injuries in the minors which kept him out of spring camp and hampered his progress. But that doesn’t look like it will stop him- the guy who went to the Little League World Series as a farm kid from Iowa, led his high school to the state championship (and breaking the national high school homerun records along the way), and then won the Johnny Bench Award while playing for Southern Cal. He’s so very hot, I couldn’t even hold the Trojan thing against him- and that’s saying something. In the words of Seattle manager Mike Hargrove, “Give me an easy chair and a glass of tea, and I can watch him all day long.” Hargrove may have been talking about watching him hit, but we’d watch him do just about anything.
Pitcher Thomas Diamond Texas Rangers	With his name, Thomas was a shoo-in to be drafted by us. Thank goodness he turned out to be very hot as well. He was born and raised in New Orleans, and even went to school at UNO, so you know the boy knows how to party. He’s adept at growing that perfect sexy scruff, and has a few rough edges about him- and that’s a mighty sexy quality in a man. There are only two things wrong with him as far as I can tell- one, he was a Braves fan growing up. We’ll overlook this as a product of brainwashing by TBS. Two, he just underwent Tommy John surgery last week, so he’ll be out the rest of the year– and that means no opportunities to see his hotness in action. We drafted him anyway, and brought in an extra pitcher on the roster to cover. It’s a win-win situation, really. Plus, he got bonus points for his middle name- Nicklaus. The Golden Bear would be proud.
Pitcher Andrew Miller Detroit Tigers	Andrew’s got it all going for him. Boyishly cute good looks. The hardware from winning 2006 College Player of the Year while playing for the Tar Heels. A 97 mph fastball and a wicked slider. Heck, he’s so awesome, they’re already embroidering his name on his glove. That kind of treatment is usually reserved for the big kahunas. It’s really only a matter of time before this hottie takes over the world. And by “world” I mean, takes over the Justin Verlander Award for Heaps of Praise and Attention From Tigers Fans. Oops, too late- the adoration has already begun! Andrew’s decent showing in spring training didn’t earn him a spot on Detroit’s 40-Man yet, though- he’s been sent to the minors for “seasoning”. We say he’s already delicious enough, and we look forward to seeing that 6’6″ body in action on the mound.