Spring Training Report - Non-Baseball Variety

Day 2 : Tampa, Florida – ACC Basketball Championship
@ St. Pete Times Forum

Yeah, I know- with a “Spring Training” title, you’d expect to see pictures of baseball hotties in their sexy baseball unis. Instead, there’s a picture of a basketball arena, which signals that the only pictures you’re going to see will be of gangly dudes in big, loose shorts. Just thank the stars that I’m reporting in on the ACC championship- otherwise, if it was the SEC, you could be faced with pictures of gangly dudes in big, loose shorts with weird alligator-print jerseys.

We decided after one full day of baseball, we needed a break and headed for the cool air conditioning and the hardwoods to watch North Carolina take on NC State for the ACC basketball title. Besides, when would I ever have the chance to see a giant arena filled to the brim with Carolinians, of both the blue and red varieties? I could not pass up the opportunity. (also, I did not want to spend the day at the freakin’ Magic Kingdom, which was the proposed alternate plan)

Here is the story of the game, told in 10 pictures:

1. Hi, my name is Engin Atsur. I am from Turkey. I am also really ridiculously good looking. You might know me from such other photos as: half of the pictures Texas Gal took at the game. I am just that hot.

2. Hi, we’re the North Carolina Tar Heels. Sure, we don’t have a singular hottie sensation like Engin Atsur to offer you, but we can give you an entire roster full of cuties. Also, check out our unis. Come on now, aren’t they the coolest in all the land, with the argyle stripes and what not?

3. Hey, look! It’s me again, Engin Atsur! Ignore those silly Heels of Tar and their enticing argyle uniforms, and pay some more attention to my hotness, please. Here I am with Bryan Nieman, and he’s cute, too (though, obviously, he is no Engin Atsur). Don’t we make a fine pair in our smart red uniforms? They may not have argyle, but they have our bodies in them… therefore, we win!

4. We have one response for you: SCOREBOARD! Hah, gotcha, silly Wolfpack. I’m Tyler Hansbrough, a.k.a. “The Face(mask)” and “Smooshed Plastic Face” and “Ain’t Afraid to Bleed On Your Court, Beeyotch”. I think to teach you a lesson, I will just have to go 11 for 11 from the line. Do not mess with me, or I will scare your little children with my freaky face.

5. Hmm. Plastic Faced Boy has a point. Let the men of NC State convene to discuss.

6. So here’s the plan, while he’s not looking, we tie his shoelaces together. Or, we can smear that plastic face mask with butter- that should make it hard for him to see. Maybe that man? woman? whatever sitting behind us in the tan jacket can grab ahold of those massive white straps on his head and help us out.

7. Hah. Nice try Wolfpack. Your futile efforts and silly plans will not stop us. Let’s all congratulate ourselves for our awesomeness. (also, we have words embroidered on our butts… beat that!)

8. Crap.

9. Well, maybe we can make a last-minute run and score a ton of points to overcome the deficit. I can see it now- “freshman sensation Brandon Costner shoots the free throw that rallies the Wolfpack to a come-from-behind victory over the dorks from that other North Carolina school.” Yeah, I like the sound of that!

10. Not so fast, my friend. Have fun in the NIT, guys!