While everyone else is busy figuring out what the Matt Schaub to Texans trade means for the Texans, for Schaub, for Michael Vick, for David Carr, for Brady Quinn and for humanity, I’m concerned about something much more important: what does this do to the balance of hotness in Texas?
Come on, now- this is not really a fair trade.
I am not a Texans fan, so I don’t have any pesky real-world issues to deal with here- just the hot boys, and I don’t like my hometown Houston to be deficient. Yao Ming and Lance Berkman are certainly not bringing the pretty to the table- and we have come to rely on the hotness of David Carr. We like to drape him in Texas flags and little else (except those tight football pants) and put him on the cover of magazines.
Our unofficial state motto is: “We worship QBs here, and if you’re not smokin’ hot, you better win a championship.” (see: Romo, Tony for the former, and Aikman, Troy and Young, Vince for the latter). In a vacuum, Matt Schaub would be a perfectly acceptable and cute guy. But next to the Carr heat? He’s just not enough. Let’s just hope the Texans use what few remaining draft picks they have to beef up the roster- and I do mean “beef up”.
Ladies... 
I love David Carr, and Houston’s treatment of him is inexcusable.
*deep breaths* All right, back to our regularly scheduled ogling. Oooh, yummy.
Add me to the list of people who have always loved Carr and thought he got a bad deal.
He’ll end up somewhere much better than the Texans cesspool, and end up a really solid QB with a long career. He’s got talent- he just had shitty coaches in Houston, and an even shittier OL. I thank my lucky stars Vince didn’t end up there.
Yeah, I’m happy for him; I just hate that he’s knocked so many good years off his life being beat to a pulp. I’m amazed he’s still got all four limbs.
Plus, the pretty. It’s amazing the pretty didn’t get knocked clean off.
That’s Schaub on the right? I think he’s cuter than the guy on the left.
Yup, Schaub is on the right. And that’s the best picture of him I could find, by far. He really looks more like this:
Goddamn, in that pic he looks fug. Man, he’s hurt.
I was trying to be kind to Mr. Schaub. In retrospect, I should have posted that pic above, to give a clearer picture of just how VAST the hottie deficiency will be.
If you’re a Texans fan, what do you really care about a hot QB who goes 5-11 every year, or an ugly QB who goes 10-6 every year?
I guess with the right offensive line, they could put Jacoby Ellsbury in the backfield and succeed. That’s where the real investment should be: the O-line.
If I was a Texans fan (which I’m not, as I mentioned above), my love for football would win and I’d take the 10-6. But if we suck, I’d at least have the hottie 5-11 to fall back on in the other situation.
Carr’s problem isn’t that he sucks- its that he plays for a sucky team with sucky coaches and a sucky OL. But none of that is likely to change- except now Houstonians will not have the pretty scenery to console themselves with.
(and don’t tease me with the thought of Jacoby in white football gamepants… unfair!)
on Schaub, as Meatwad would say, Yuck City!