Would you…listen to what she’s saying Part IV: Suzy Kolber and Rachel Nichols

As we noted earlier in our “Would you do Chris Berman” post, over at The Big Picture they’re having a nice little bracket seeding the female broadcasters against each other in a “Would you…” tourney. Their “Would you…” usually ends with comments that would make Red Buttons Andrew Dice ClayBob Saget blush. Now while we Ladies are far from shrinking violets, we were better off not knowing what “DSL” meant.

So for the rest of “Would you…” tournament, we’re going to give you the reasons why we like these women. Today we’ll see J-Money profile Suzy Kolber and Holly take on (oh, behave) Rachel Nichols. Join us, won’t you?

Suzy Kolber

Dice K

  • Suzy was one of the original anchors on ESPN2, yet has never been affiliated with Cold Pizza. That alone makes me want to snuggle with her.
  • She was immortalized as—go figure—an ESPN broadcaster in ESPN NFL ESPN Football on ESPN for Xbox and Playstation 2. During later versions of the game, she could become Tanooki Suzy and would evade enemies by turning into a statue.

Tanooki Suzy

Courtesy of Elric, DeadOn writer and Mystery Hottie Unmasker 

  • Until Rex Grossman’s Superbowl performance, the most awkward pass seen during a football game was Joe Namath’s attempted Suzy seduction. Afterwards, he was forced to admit that he was an alcoholic…but not because she snitched. As a University of Miami graduate, Suzy knows that snitches get stitches.
  • She admitted that she has chosen to focus on her career first before starting a family, even though at 43 her uterus is dangerously close to needing a Rascal scooter.
  • In the event of a natural disaster, her hair could be used as temporary shelter for up to eight families.

Rachel Nichols


  • Redhead! Definite plus.
  • Northwestern grad! Educated women are hottt.
  • Um…her father-in-law’s responsible for some of my favorite flicks of all time. So, if we were friends, we could talk about that.
  • To continue reading this article you must be an Insider. See, here’s the problem: Her columns are locked away at the WWL; I don’t watch the NBA so I’m not familiar with her work there, and whenever I catch a glimpse of her on Sunday NFL Countdown, her dead, staring eyes give me night terrors. Advantage: Kolber.

27 thoughts on “Would you…listen to what she’s saying Part IV: Suzy Kolber and Rachel Nichols

  1. I’d rather listen to Nichols – she is usually only i spot segments, while Kolber was more annoying AND hosted.

    Kolber did a fine job at the desk, just not enjoyable for an hour. Nichols for three minutes is fine by me.

  2. And in retrospect, I’d take back that second paragraph since there is no way at all to construe as being anything but a reference to their broadcast. Nope, no way.

  3. (what I wouldn’t give to hear the lispy redhead try to read my previous comment on the air in her Cindy Brady-esque voice)

  4. @JB*: “Nichols for three minutes is fine by me.” Are we to take that as representative of your performance abilities?

  5. I’ve said it for years (and I think over at KSK once or twice):
    Rachel Nichols very clearly has the look of a chick that loves it “in da butt.”
    Whether that’s a plus or a minus for you guys is not something I care to know.

  6. always go with the redhead who likes it in the butt in these situations. blondes and brunettes are fucking everywhere, this is an opportunity you must seize


  7. Pingback: Rachel Nichols

  8. Growing up I idolized Suzy Kolber, because I wanted to be a sideline reporter like woah…and then in college, I dated a guy who had a serious crush on her. Like so serious that if he had had to choose between me and her, he would of shoved me aside faster than Tom Brady reproduces. And since then (and that was like almost 5 years ago now,) I can’t look at her the same. However, she is a great reporter, and definitely knows her stuff, so I guess I have to vote for her.

  9. i agree, suze needs to go back to the short do……..don’t like her with long hair. that said, she can be my fantasy sportscaster anytime! she knows her sports and not bad on the eyes!

  10. If you tell most guys that a women is broadcasting a sports event they will most always ask, “Is she hot?” That pretty much says it all. No one gives a damn what the woman is saying so why the hell put her in the position? It’s all about political correctness but don’t we get enough of that crap without having to put up with it in sports!

  11. kolber is my girl. i would love to hit that from behind. nichols is ok, but, the not blinking thing is pretty weird. i would still tap the hell out of her snapper though. suzy all the way.

  12. Need I Say More? Suzy Kolber is one dynamite female sports reporter on television. I would — in two minutes — have an interview with her in my house. She is an absolute fox on television. The song for her would be Sweet’s “Fox On The Run” on radio. Go For It!!

  13. Kolber or Nichols? If I had to choose looking at the two it would go to Nichols. Sure, Kolber isn’t a hag, but her shorter hair says OLD. Nichols has the youth factor and for that, she always comes off as more exciting. Not to be a sexist, but I was so against women broadcasters when the idea came up two decades ago. Would the understand the concept? They d*&n sure do. Now, it seems difficult to imagine the NFL without a professional, attractive, and in the know woman on the field. Not to mention, you never know when you will have another Namith and Kolber incident.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s