You’re 16, You’re Beautiful, and You’re Mine

OK, so the tournament’s two rounds deep and by now your bracket’s a bigger mess than Kirsten Dunst’s smile. Not to worry, little Badgers…the Ladies have a quick fix. Behold our Sweet (Ass) Sixteen, a work of art more timeless than anything ever released by the Franklin Mint (including all 3,500 Princess Diana plates, except for the Magic Eye one), classier than the collectibles from the back page of Parade magazine, and perfect for making out with before you leave for work.

Sweet Ass 16

Click here to download the full-PDF verison.


I have already stapled mine to the front door of my refrigerator and oh yeah, I’m taking those Lunchables out of the package one cracker at a time, just so I can prolong my face time with Brian Ligon. And Jamaal Tatum. And you, guy from A&M who never takes your warmups off…except in my head.

Now. Don’t you feel better about being 4% accurate? About being last in your Facebook pool? About eating a tiny slice of ham and tongue kissing a piece of paper? I thought so. Who loves you, baby?

19 thoughts on “You’re 16, You’re Beautiful, and You’re Mine

  1. Oh my god, I was just typing that! “If I could like my own brackets, I’d never leave my apartment.”


  2. Actually, just the other night Holly and I were talking on IM about how hilarious it would be to have a Ladies… Summit, where we all meet and hang out for a few days. Non-stop debauchery, I imagine.

  3. I resent the dig at Kirsten Dunst… But the talk of licking paper — that hasn’t even been treated with anything lysergic — makes up for it.

  4. My younger brother has met (if by “met” you mean, partied with) Jamaal Tatum, and apparently he is as nice as he is FOINE.

    I get him and Randall Falker mixed up, so I just called them both, “DAAAAAMN.”

  5. Lisa, my wife thinks they look similar too, mostly because from a distance they look the same due to virtually the same hair. And as my wife has remarked they’re both much more built than pretty much everyone on the court.

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