Conference USA Panty Raid

I almost can’t be bothered. C-USA is plagued by boring guys (no real stunning hotties in the bunch) and an even more boring story- as it looks like it’s once again going to be Memphis, and only Memphis, all the way. I mean- look at the Hottie Team: no stunners, Dave and Robert are cute enough… but Matt? How in the world is this the hottest center in the conference? And you don’t know what a chore it was just to find the guys that did make the Team. Sigh. Hopefully I’ll be able to liven things up for you after the jump.

No such luck. It’s still all Memphis, all the time in here, too. OK, there’s a possibility Central Florida or Houston might win… but not likely. Memphis is the Gonzaga in this conference- beating up on all the other teams and stealing their milk money.

More tidbits from Conference USA:

* East Carolina stinks. That cannot be overstated. They are 6-23 overall, and a whopping 1-15 in conference play. They win the “Suckiest Carolina Of All” Award- beating out North Carolina, South Carolina, Western Carolina, North Carolina A&T and South Carolina State. But this is the C-USA, and all teams make the tourney- hooray!

* Central Florida coach Kirk Speraw has a message for you:

* Tulsa is the Golden Hurricane- not Hurricanes plural (that’s for Miami), and not just any old hurricane… but a GOLDEN one. I’m not sure if that is a veiled reference to another kind of golden water event. I’m also not sure what the heck a landlocked school in the middle of Oklahoma has to do with a hurricane. Hey- it’s better than their original nickname: the Presbyterians. I am not kidding. I suppose that makes sense- Tulsa was founded as the Presbyterian School for Indian Girls.

Captain Cane is here to devour your children.

* Southern Miss is automatically cool because of the Brett Favre factor. Even more important than Brett, Southern Miss also counts one MACK BROWN (Hook ‘Em!) among its graduates (he went to grad school there). Also, they are yet another Golden team- this time, of the Eagle variety. Southern Miss students are one of the few lucky student bodies to have a holiday from class for Mardi Gras- and any school that celebrates binge drinking is a school I can respect.

I know this is not a basketball-related photo.
But it’s BRETT FAVRE – aka “The World’s Most Perfect Man”

* Poor Houston. They’re a commuter school in a state filled with large, tradition-rich universities. As a result, they’ve been forced to concoct traditions to keep up- the best of the bunch perhaps being the weird cougar hand sign shown below. This is what happens when people try to keep up with the Joneses (aka the University of Texas).

Yes, it’s the Hook ‘Em Horns handsign… with an extra (middle) finger.

* You know what this post needs? A random Memphis kid spastically dancing in the stands at a game.

* And finally, something to add to your Christmas or birthday wishlist: a snazzaliciously awful awesome C-USA hat. Now with even more logos! You can wear it while you watch Memphis win… which is pretty much a foregone conclusion.

Tourney action kicks off today, and you can catch the second round and semis action beginning tomorrow on CSTV. Championship game will be on CBS on Saturday, March 10th at 10:35 a.m.

This entry was posted in conference previews, NCAA basketball, Panty Raid, Texas Gal by Texas Gal. Bookmark the permalink.

About Texas Gal

Pitched four years for the Philadelphia Athletics, and then played shortstop for seven years for the Montreal Expos. Taught Rickey Henderson to steal a base. Taught Nolan Ryan to throw a punch. Taught Mickey Mantle to drink a beer. Threw one seven-hitter and seven no-hitters. Wonderboy was my creation, and first Jobu shrine was in my locker. Often called "the next Dustin Pedroia". Always wear high socks and eyeblack. Prefer to slide headfirst.

6 thoughts on “Conference USA Panty Raid

  1. I would imagine if someone was to get very drunk on “Conference USA” and had to heave everything up later, they would would produce that hat.

    It’s even a mesh-over-cotton type. Even better.

  2. You know how when your significant other dumps you and runs off with some floozy, and then they contract AIDS? That’s exactly what happened when Marshall left for the C-USA.

  3. Now that Cougar has a common known and accepted double meaning, I can think of a new “hand sign” for the University of Houston.

    See, it’s sort of like the shocker, but instead of a….you know what, I’m going to keep this to myself.

  4. “Southern Miss students are one of the few lucky student bodies to have a holiday from class for Mardi Gras- and any school that celebrates binge drinking is a school I can respect.”

    Yet no mention of Tulane. Our most famous alum is Jerry Springer. That counts for nothing?

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