Chris Gordon/Russian Machine Never Breaks

So this happened on Monday. I absolutely love when my sports worlds collide, but I especially love it when my hockey world meets my Baltimore world. Being that my hockey team resides in a different city than my own, I love seeing the Caps doing things in Baltimore.

Since Brooks Laich got a Twitter account (go follow him NOW!), we’ve gotten to know some new things about our reigning hottest NHL player. For example, he’s pefected the selfie:

Bosses of the world let your employees go early, it's Friday and way to nice outside! #weekend http://t.co/UYSDuJEsLS—
Brooks Laich (@brookslaich) April 26, 2013

Another fact: Brooks’ dad loved Orioles third baseman Brooks Robinson, so he named his first born son after him. HOW FREAKIN’ COOL??

Special honor for me to meet the man I was named after, @Orioles HOF 3rd baseman Brooks Robinson, absolute class act http://t.co/3j1HIcz8Xm—
Brooks Laich (@brookslaich) April 10, 2013

This brought about Brooks’ adventures at Camden Yards this past Monday.

For more awesome (aka hot) photos from this momentous occasion, check out Russian Machine Never Break‘s exclusive coverage!

Kevin Durant

Like we didn’t already love him enough, Durant has pledged $1,000,000 towards relief efforts in Moore through his family foundation. The Oklahoma City Thunder, the NBA and the players’ union have also pledged their monetary assistance. Durant has established close ties to the area and is planning to be there Wednesday to offer his support to the victims.

David Robertson

This isn’t the first time the Yankees’ closer of the future has pitched in to help victims of natural disasters. His foundation High Socks For Hope was established when a tornado devastated his hometown of Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Here’s what he pledged last night on Twitter:

In light of yesterday’s tragedy, I am going to once again donate $100 per strikeout to High Socks for Hope.

— David Robertson (@DRob30) May 21, 2013

He’s had 23 this season including 12 in May, so you know he’s good for it.

West Virginia University Baseball

The WVU ball team, in OKC for a tourney, didn’t hesitate to help when they witnessed the footage from their hotel rooms.

Well done, lads!

Who else do we love? The amazing emergency responders and the American Red Cross. You can help them here.

We have been watching a LOT of NBA Playoffs at my house. It started because we were checking on the Knicks and the Thunder (uh, and the Nets- we have a lot of basketball allegiances) and yet “hey is a game on tonight?” has become a common refrain.  There’s just so many things I find delightful this year. Here are five of them.

1. Snazzy Uniforms

In the first round, we had the aesthetically pleasing (if somewhat confusing, color-wise), retro look of the Nuggets and Warriors series. And while it amuses me that all of a sudden everyone wants to put that golden yellow accent on their uniform (yeah, I see you Thunder and Grizzlies), I’m really digging San Antonio’s alternate home unis. Because it’s finally a sharp use of the gray uniform trend by a team who  actually has silver in their colors.

2. Stephen Curry

Waaaaay back in his college days, it seemed like Curry was one of those players destined to excel in college and disappear in the pros. (Seriously, look how little he was!) I am absolutely thrilled that this was not the case.

3. Grizzlies Fans

I’m kind of cheating here, because the fans I’m referring to are my cousins, Memphis residents who have been posting hilarious Grizz related updates on Facebook as well as pictures of their adorable toddlers decked out in team gear and waving gold towels. So just imagine the towels in this picture are being held by kids ages 3, 2, and 7 months.

4. Da Bulls

Sure they were ultimately unable to pull out more than the one win against the juggernaut called the Miami Heat, but until their elimination, Chicago attacked the playoffs with the grit and determination they showed all season turned up to eleven. Seriously, that was a Yankees-esque payroll on their bench in dress clothes, and they not only took out the Nets, but made their series against the Heat fantastically entertaining.

5. Return of the Fade

I picked out Norris Cole as a rookie, and noted he no longer had the fade from his college days. Well…

Meanwhile, Iman Shumpert’s own impressive fade has been shading these days towards 50s era pompadour:

The Knicks need to figure out how to beat the Pacers so we can all enjoy the glory that is these two hairstyles on the court simultaneously.

Happy Friday!

Won’t you please come over and check it out?

Brewers Brewed for Her Event: Sexist, Offensive and Just Really Bad Marketing

I had planned to post my diatribe here, but was lucky enough to be able to post out to BrewCrewBall, the SBN Brewers blog I contribute to. While I know I’ve got my target audience of upset female sports fans here, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to try to enlighten a new group of folks. Nor could I pass up the chance that someone in the Brewers Org would see it.

I have been overwhelmed by the support (and lack of negativity) and kind words I’ve received from many corners of the internet since publishing this piece over there yesterday afternoon. I’d love to here from you ladyfolk that put up with this sort of thing on a regular basis, though.

Fred White. Picture from the Kansas City Star.

I grew up with two parents and three older brothers, so it’s not like I was lacking for childhood presences. But Fred White, along with Denny Mathews, were a profound staple of my childhood summers. Their broadcasts came to the Haas household every night of every summer on AM radio, sandwiched between thunderstorm warnings, irrigation guideline updates, and so many commercials about seeds.

The Royals were awful, always. It didn’t matter; we were always fans and always had the game on, as background to whatever was going on. If some of us were playing catch in the yard: the radio was on. If we were working on a home improvement project: the radio was on. I never thought about it at the time, but there are radios all over my parents’ house. Wherever any of us went in the house, the radio was there, and the radio had Fred.

When I was 16, I was working at a local radio station. By that time, White had long since left the radio booth, which was a whole ‘nother story.* The station managers were trying to figure out if they could become a part of the Royals Radio Network without disrupting the already-robust slate of sports they covered. It was a long shot from the start, but Fred White came out to our little building in our little town anyway. My bosses, knowing that I was a Royals nut, allowed me to sit in on the meeting. It was a pretty standard affair as far as business meetings go, but I soaked in every word coming from White because it was the same golden voice that had guided me through so many terrible Royals seasons.

The following Christmas, he sent me a card. I framed it, and still have it.

*The team was in a funk in the late 90s, and in a desperate fit of “we have to do something,” they fired White. White handled the situation with a truckload of grace and dignity. 10-year-old Minda did not.

Kansas City Star writer Rustin Dodd summed up perfectly what tons of other Royals fans have said on Twitter and elsewhere: “If you grew up in KC, Denny and Fred were pretty much summer.”

I was hoping to get through my entire Ladies… career without having to use the “Cancer Sucks” tag, but here we are, and it sure does. Rest in peace, Fred.

This is how I deal with bad sports: Adam Levine.

Like Lady Bee, I’m still reeling from watching my beloved hockey team, the Washington Capitals, crash and burn on Monday night. It’s so bad, that I can’t even watch hockey. I know, it’s really bad. Since I’m used to this annual heartbreak, I can’t understand why, this year, I’m so depressed about it.

It’s not like the Caps don’t do this to me every single year. This year I was so indifferent about hockey. I was mad about the lockout, but as a season ticket holder, I was excited to get back to Verizon Center and spend time with my hockey family. That was what I looked forward to: happy hours, victory beers, inside hockey jokes, good times with friends and making fun of our players – not so much the hockey.

And, as expected, the hockey was mediocre. That is until March. The Caps caught fire. Ovi was a scoring machine. Goals were plentiful. The goaltending was unbeatable. Everything was clicking at the right time.

As teams started clinching playoff spots, the Caps were right up there in the hunt, clinching the division with three games left to play. It felt like maybe this was our year. Maybe we got hot at just the right time; so hot that we’d be a force to reckon with in the playoffs.

The first round started and, again, we were on fire, going up 2-0. Then the wheels fell off. We lost two games in MSG, which is not too bad. There were still two home games left for us to win. We squeaked out an OT win in Game 5, got shutout in Game 6 1-0 and the series was heading back to DC. Perfect. We’ll clinch on home ice. The second round will start pretty soon after, so I better figure out what my pla….STOP. The Caps are the Caps, remember?

Then Game 7 happened, and I don’t want to relive it again, so there is no recap. I just know it was bad. There was some hope at some points, just not enough. Now I sit here, hating hockey all over again. I can’t even watch other teams play. I just want to be done with it. Give the Cup to the Blackhawks already and let’s move on.

I’m trying to use baseball as my crutch until I feel like a decent sports fan again, but even that is hard. It didn’t help that Jim Johnson blew a save last night and lost the Orioles the game.

But I’m trying to move on. It’ll come eventually. When it does, you’ll get your Playoff Beard Awards (as promised) and more Hump Day Hotties, but until then I’ll be sulking in the corner watching The Voice if you need me.

So, if you’re like me and need a coping mechanism, here’s a musical bromance to distract you from your team’s suckitude.

So how did you feel about last night’s Game 7′s? The above photo would describe how I felt. Have at ‘er in the comments. And pass the Kleenex.

Jake Gardiner made it fun to be a Leafs fan for a few minutes Monday night.

So remember last fall when I was pissed off with the NHL? And my utter apathy when it returned earlier this year? I truly managed to go an entire (shortened) season without watching a complete game. I ignored favourite hockey blogs. I occasionally snubbed Sportscentre. I shrugged when I heard the Leafs may possibly be in playoff contention. I watched people who swore up and down on social media that they’d never forgive the NHL forgive the NHL and tune in with days of the league’s return. I was teased by my friends. “You’ll be back,” they said.

And I guess they’re right. Out of morbid curiosity, I tuned into the playoffs last week after learning Toronto drew the Boston straw. I didn’t think they’d last long anyway. At this moment, they are down two games to one in the series, and have been decent. Kessel actually scored against his old team Saturday night. Phaneuf was not so much the human pylon he’s been for the team. With Tim Thomas gone (well, we had to break up for ideological reasons) I was free to despise the Bruins again. It felt…familiar and good, even if I have been completely disengaged from this team for more than a year.

Hockey Night in Canada didn’t help. This montage? Brought the weepies:

GARY ROBERTS YOU GUYS! He probably looks that intense when he goes grocery shopping.

So the NHL has now gone from completely dead to me to tied for 3rd in sports league appreciation with the NBA. I have no false pretenses about the Toronto Maple Leafs: I know all too well how this movie ends. But I will enjoy the ride while it lasts, and thank Brian Burke for ensuring I don’t have to listen to Ron Wilson post-game, even though Burkie is long since gone. And Gary Bettman won’t be commissioner forever, right?

Right?

On an unrelated note, the Ladies… send love and kisses and golf claps and congratulations to one of our founders and emeritus member Holly, who has a brand new gig. Bill Simmons, tell us more about it:

Pumped that @hollyanderson (college FB) and @andrewsharp (Triangle blog) are joining @grantland33 – we needed both of them. Welcome aboard!

— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) May 7, 2013

We are beaming with pride. She’ll be covering college football over at Grantland. You can read some of Holly’s early, amazeballs work here.

So apparently Facebook now considers the three eponymous dots at the end of our group page name “excessive punctuation” (because that’s clearly the aberrant behavior they should be worrying about) and has instructed us to change it. While I still fail to see how something that technically qualifies as a single punctuation mark is “excessive,” goodness knows we would rather daydream about attaching ourselves to Matt Kemp than die on the hill of internet righteousness. That’s where you, lovely readers, come in.

TLDR: Facebook’s making us change our group page name; we want you to help us decide what we change it to.

Your candidates:

Ladies Dot Dot Dot :literal, simple, and no punctuation whatsoever

Ladies: The Sports Blog Facebook’s oh-so-helpful suggestion was to just become “Ladies” which, though it would probably lead to a momentary spike in Likes from dudebros, is fairly generic in the long term. Hence, the subtitle.

Ladies There Used To Be An Ellipsis Here But Facebook Has Issues With Punctuation: Too long?

The Pat Burrell’s Ass Memorial Page : I suspect this could get us in trouble for other reasons, but I still kind of like it.

What do you think?

Steckel wants to know who you got in the Stanley Cup Playoffs?

It’s that time of year…finally! We weren’t sure if we would even have the NHL Playoffs this year, but here we are. While other sites try to compile their own lists of the hotties of the NHL, we know our hockey here, so you can trust us.

As an added bonus, we’re even providing a preview of sorts for those who have checked out on the NHL so far. So strap on your skates and don’t ice the puck…

Eastern Conference

#1 Pittsburgh Penguins vs. #8 New York Islanders

The Pens have been virtually unstoppable this year and are the sure favorite to come out of the East. Even while star Sidney Crosby has been on the sidelines nursing a broken jaw (ouch!), the team is still playing like he’s not even missing. I say they take this series from the Islanders (who are finally back in the playoffs) in 5 games.

Hottie to Watch:

Pittsburgh – James Neal

Islanders – Marty Reasoner

#2 Montreal Canadiens vs. #7 Ottawa Senators

Montreal was playing lights out at the beginning of the season, but went on a total slide towards the end. It helped that the Boston Bruins also went on a slide, so Montreal ended up winning the Northeast. The Senators have been playing great hockey despite losing star goaltender Craig Anderson to injury for six weeks. But he’s back and the Sens are playing great hockey. I think this match-up has upset written all over it. Sens in 6.

Hottie to Watch:

Habs – Carey Price (I couldn’t resist)

Senators – Kyle Turris

#3 Washington Capitals vs. #7 New York Rangers

Here we are again. Caps vs. Rangers. This marks the fourth time in five years that these two teams have matched up in the playoffs. The Caps are on a tear right now after most of us, including this STH, had counted them out earlier in the season. Ovechkin had the best month of his career in April and the Caps won the Southeast. The Rangers also come into the playoffs hot with Rick Nash lighting it up in April, as well. The Rangers swept the season series with the Caps, but that was earlier in the season before the Caps started clicking under new head coach Adam Oates’ system. Many pundits are picking the Rangers to be the surprise in the East, but they have to get past the Caps first. I say Caps in 7.

Hottie to Watch:

Capitals – Joel Ward (Brooks Laich is broken, so I went with a wild card)

Rangers – Dan Girardi

#4 Boston Bruins vs. #5 Toronto Maple Leafs

What a great match-up? Division opponents who have a real disdain for each other facing off in the playoffs? Awesome. I would have loved to have seen Montreal as the 4-seed facing the Leafs for the pure hatred, but that could happen next round (but it won’t – see earlier prediction). Boston lost it’s footing in the Northeast at the end of the season, so they’re not coming into the playoffs with much momentum. The Leafs are entering the playoffs for the first time since 2004 and Canada is stoked! (OK, maybe not all of Canada, but there are a lot of excited people.) No matter your feelings about the teams, this should make for a great series. I’m picking the Leafs in 7. The team and the fans are excited and Boston doesn’t seem motivated to win.

Hottie to Watch:

Bruins – Daniel Paille

Maple Leafs – Joffrey Lupul

Western Conference

#1 Chicago Blackhawks vs. #8 Minnesota Wild

The Blackhawks are undeniably the best team in the league this season. Winners of the President’s Trophy, the Blackhawks have played with intensity from start to finish. The last team to win the Presidents Trophy and the Cup in the same year was the Detroit Red Wings in 2008, so it’s not always a guarantee. The Wild picked up some big names in free agency, including Zach Parise and Ryan Suter, that have propelled them into the playoffs. They have showed a lot of heart so far, losing in OT to Chicago in game 1. They’re not going to be an easy opponent for Chicago, but I don’t see Chicago losing this series. Blackhawks in 6.

Hottie to Watch:

Chicago – Patrick Sharp (duh!)

Minnesota – Jason Zucker (he’s a baby and this pick feels dirty, but I wanted someone besides Parise)

#2 Anaheim Ducks vs. #7 Detroit Red Wings

The Ducks have had a great year under head coach Bruce Boudreau. I, of course, love Bruce from his days with the Caps, but also love the Ducks for many other reasons (ahem, Bobby Ryan). I’ve been following them for awhile and they’re quietly winning games and taking names. Everyone is so concerned with Chicago, that I think the Ducks are a sleeper team in the West. The Red Wings are having an off year and fought all year for their playoff spot. They just aren’t the same Red Wings that caused fear in their opponents. They lost game 1 3-1, and I just don’t think they have the fight. Ducks in 5.

Hottie to Watch

Ducks – David Steckel (muhahaha – you knew I’d get him in here somehow!)

Red Wings – Brendan Smith

#3 Vancouver Canucks vs. #6 San Jose Sharks

So I feel really unprepared to preview this series. I know that the Canucks struggled a bit with no Ryan Kesler and now Corey Schneider has some undisclosed injury that has forced Vancouver to go with Luongo who apparently sucks. So the state of the Canucks is another mystery. They’re also known for choking in the playoffs, but the biggest playoff chokers are the Sharks. How many times have the Sharks been red hot and lost in the first round? Well, someone has to win, and they’re saying Schneider should be ready to go for the series. If that’s the case, I’m going with Vancouver in 6.

Hottie to Watch:

Canucks – Ryan Kesler (again, duh!)

Sharks – Dan Boyle (he’s pretty ruggedly handsome!)

#4 St. Louis Blues vs. #5 Los Angeles Kings

This appears to be a fantastic match-up. The 4 vs. 5 usually is a pretty good one, but if last night’s game is any indication, then this one will be awesome. Another OT game on the first night of the playoffs saw the Blues take a 1-0 series lead after Alex Steen scored a short-handed goal in OT after a major blunder behind the net by Jonathan Quick. The Kings are the defending champs and won the Cup as an 8-seed, but I don’t see that magic repeating itself. Blues will take this series in 7.

Hottie to Watch:

Blues – David Backes (again, I couldn’t resist)

Kings – Jonathan Bernier