Very busy this week.  New rankings.  One word comments.

1^st place: Florida Marlins at 23-14. Shit!

2^nd place: Arizona Diamondbacks at 23-15. Yep.

3^rd place: Boston Red Sox at 24-16. Grrr.

4^th place: Chicago Cubs at 22-15. Boooooo.

5^th place: Oakland Athletics and St. Louis Cardinals at 23-16. Decent. Slipping.

Only Huston Street can get away with cheese like this and look damn good doing it.

7^th place: Tampa Bay Rays at 21-16. Shit!

8^th place: Los Angeles Angels at 22-17. Sliding.

9^th place: Houston Astros at 21-17. Charging.

10^th place: New York Mets at 19-16. Middling.

11^th place: Philadelphia Phillies at 21-18. Meh.

Yeah, you’ve seen the photo before. So what? It’s Chase Utley!

12^th place: Minnesota Twins at 19-17. Wow.

13^th place: Los Angeles Dodgers and Atlanta Braves at 19-18. Shrug.  Yawn.

15^th place: Baltimore Orioles, New York Yankees, Chicago White Sox and Cleveland Indians at 19-19 or 18-18. Shit! Haha. Skid. Creeping.

Diving catches=hot

19^th place: Milwaukee Brewers at 18-19. Pesky.

20^th place: Pittsburgh Pirates at 17-19. Huh.

21^st place: Texas Rangers at 18-21. Huh.

22^nd place: Toronto Blue Jays at 17-21. Dropping.

23^rd place: Kansas City Royals at 16-21. Sad.

24^th place: Detroit Tigers and San Francisco Giants at 16-22. Better. Lincecum.

Your requisite Granderson picture.

26^th place: Washington Nationals, Colorado Rockies and Cincinnati Reds at 15-23. Improving? Geez. Wah-wah.

29^th place: Seattle Mariners at 15-24. Not-last.

30^th place: San Diego Padres at 14-24. Yikes.

A 78-year-old legally blind man bowled a perfect game on Thursday, May 8, 2008 in Alta, Iowa. Now at first glance it doesn’t seem like a typical “Ladies…” post, but for this WWII veteran who reportedly weighs only 115 pounds, it was a big deal! It was the first 300 scored since the alley’s current owner took over the lanes in 1984. It was reported on Mike and Mike and SportsCenter. It’s all over the internet. So why is it here? Just a sweet story to boost your spirits this weekend!

Dale Davis has faced adversity before: in the service of the Navy, after losing half his stomach to a tumor removal, having bypass surgery on his left leg to improve circulation, going through a divorce, losing his sight. And he’s come close to a perfect game, rolling a 299 many years ago. All this history came together on Thursday and resulted in the perfect outcome. ”It was quite a thrill,” Davis told the Storm Lake Times in Storm Lake, Iowa. “When I got to the tenth frame, I said ‘Lord, let me throw three more good balls.’ When I did, people on other teams were yelling and cheering. A few guys were hugging me and almost broke my skinny bones.”

According to James Benton, president of the American Blind Bowling Association, in the association’s 60-year history he only knows of four such times that individuals who are legally blind have bowled a perfect game, and never for someone with complete loss of vision.

Davis’ first job was as a pin-setter making 45 cents a night, and he has a 188-average. His nickname is “The Hammer” for his forceful shots (he uses a 16-lb. ball), and with what little vision he has left he can spot the dots where he should start but not much else. He relies on his hearing and others to tell him how he’s done. But with the sound of 12 strikes last week, he didn’t need much help to know. He bought a round for all those who stayed to watch the end of his game, but doesn’t drink himself as it’s bad for his health.

Chris Paul knows the singular of “thumbs up”.

So much I’ve missed to talk about in the last couple of weeks of the NBA playoffs. There was the Hawks…and then there wasn’t the Hawks. There were all the teams that lost, there was Steve breaking my heart again, there was an award for Kobe (and not an award for Al). There were sweeps, a seven game series, and the emasculation of LeBron, if only for a game. There was validation; there was utter wrongness. And, of course, there was Chris Paul.

Chris Paul is, at twenty-two, what Steve took thirty years to reach. He is elite. He is amazing. He had the best statistical season (according to PER) of anyone in NBA history except Michael Jordan: he is the GOATEFMJ. He deserves in-depth contemplation and analysis, which is why I’m not going to analyze a thing…except for cute/funny pictures of him, of course.

Chris Paul…

Chris Paul is adorable.

Chris Paul: c’est le saveur.

Chris Paul is gleeful.

Chris Paul is Obama of the Bayou.

Chris Paul can even make wearing sunglasses at night, inside, look cool.

Chris Paul has eyes in the back of his head.

Chris Paul frightens Jordan Farmar.

When Chris Paul touches fire, he doesn’t get burned. The fire gets Chris Pauled.

Chris Paul LEAPS UPON YOUR CHEST, HAKIM WARRICK!

Chris Paul walks between the raindrops.

Chris Paul says to Tony Parker: “You know we’re going to kick your ass, right?”
Tony Parker says to Chris Paul: “Mais oui, c’est vrai.”

Chris Paul can divide by zero.

And Chris Paul? FEARS NOTHING.

It’s that time of year again.

When I avoid sports news for weeks because it’s just too painful, lose a whole section (309) and row (L) of comrades until the fall, get my fix from a crummy little arena where my brother and cousins like to play, and– gasp– have to start paying attention to baseball.

For me, and the rest of these teams and their fans, hockey season is over.

So join me in lamenting and saying goodbye to four fine teams. Because there was nothing worse than seeing Henrik Lundqvist cry.

Come back, Jaromir!

San Jose Sharks

“The whole series was a coin flip.” — Jeremy Roenick

For the third year in a row, the Sharks went in as frontrunners but got knocked out in the semifinals. The went down 3-0 and then fought back to 3-2, even bringing game six into four overtimes, but alas; they were not meant to be the fourth team in the history of organized sports to come back from 3-0. It’s always fun as a fan to see even a little rally, yet methinks the general thing that will be said is, “They failed to improve!” but I’ve never found it fair to judge one playoff run against another. As long as a team makes it into the playoffs and competes, they got somewhere that season. I’ll never understand the logic behind, “They lost in game 7 of the semis last year, and game six of the semis this year! Obviously they are a worse team!” It’s a complete non sequitor. Players are older, teams are different, and it’s actually a good thing if a team can stay in the playoff hunt for so many consecutive years, even if they don’t win.

That said, whether or not San Jose met it’s fans’ expectations is another story. I’m not a San Jose fan, but staying in the series as long as they did probably salvage the team a little, even though going down 3-0 always sucks.

By all accounts, the Sharks have one major problem this off-season: Brian Campbell. I’d love to have a guy like Campbell, and he’s definitely someone San Jose should look to sign. The aging Jeremy Roenick is also a notable free agent. Other than that, they seem to be in pretty damn good shape.

You know you want him.

Colorado Avalanche

“There’s no team in any era that can lose that quality and that quantity of players and still at this stage, when you’re down to the best eight teams in the league, be able to compete at the level that you need to be able to beat them.” — GM Francois Giguere

The Avalanche got an awful spurt of injury-luck all season… and it, unfortunately, carried over. According to Yahoo!, Avanlanche players combined for an insane 325 missed games, with a big chunk of those coming from important players such as Joe Sakic, Ryan Smyth, and Marek Svatos. In the playoffs, Brett Clark, recently-signed Peter Forsberg, Scott Hannan, Smyth, Paul Statsnky, Svatos, and Woljek Wolski all missed between one and ten games. That’s absolutely crazy. Honestly, the Avs had no chance of beating the Red Wing anyway (they got absolutely murdered in the season series), but Lady Luck didn’t even give them a chance to be competitive. Had they come in healthy, it could have been a really fun series. Instead it was kind of like last year’s Rangers-Thrashers series… you kind of felt bad.

And for the record, no one should be surprised that Jose Theodore didn’t play well. People will say he “imploded” or the like, but all that happened was he came back down to Earth at the worst time. His numbers the past few years haven’t been too hot. That he played well as long as he did is crazy.

Thirteen Avs are free agents this summer, and there will undoubtedly be a Joe Sakic Waltz as he decides, probably, to play again. Defensemen John-Michael Liles had 36 points this season and is definitely somebody to keep an eye on, along with the now-frail Forsberg. The Avs will have to decide whether or not to re-sign Theodore as well.

This would be a fun picture to play “write a caption” with.

Montreal Canadiens

“Our team was full of pleasant surprises this year.” — Head Coach Guy Carbonneau

The Montreal-Philly series was interesting going in, especially from an outside perspective. For the first time in a long time, I watched the other teams in the East play pretty religiously (that is, I watched religiously. I don’t know whether they played religiously or not. Also, keep in mind that in the past, there hadn’t been much motivation on my part for watching the playoffs… my team had gone a decade without making it. Why be a masochist? ). The assumption was that the #1 seed would trounce the #6, but having watched Montreal play in the first round, it actually looked like a really fun matchup of two teams I hate. And it was. Even though the series was 4-1, the games were generally good and close, and a lot of young guys got to show off. Aside from my home series, this was the one I payed most attention to. Totally a good move.

The Habs have four unrestricted free agents. Mark Streit is the big name in Canada, a D-man who had a lovely 62 points. Hopefully they don’t re-sign him so we can take him. The Habs’ other goalie, Jaroslav Halak, is a restricted free agent. Carey Price seems to have really won the starting job, so I imagine Halak will be looking elsewhere.

OMGWTFBBQ!!1one

New York Rangers

“It’s hard to swallow, it’s as simple as that. We wanted to keep playing and we thought we were starting to play our best hockey, at least in the playoffs.” –Head Coach Tom Renney

Over the past three years, a lot of crazy things have happened at MSG. But never before have I heard anyone chant Jagr’s name like they were at home game 2. Jagr in this series came out like he never has for us before. Finally, he had personality. He jawed with the refs, got into fights, and lept up in the penalty box when people scored. Seriously… who is this man? And can we keep him?

I’m still pretty depressed, and it’s been a week or so now. The Pittsburgh series was disappointing, but the fact of the matter was that what eliminated the Rangers was the OT goal Philly scored to oust the Caps. Pittsburgh is the best team in the East (who should trounce Philly), and unfortunately we faced them in the second round. Like I said above, I don’t buy the, “They got eliminated in the semis two years in a row, so they need to completely retool the franchise,” crap. If we were going to get knocked out, I’m glad it was to Pitt. It was a bit of bad matchup luck and some crappy play in the first two games, coupled with injuries. Obviously this series was less of a dynamic exit than last year’s with Buffalo, and more disappointing, as we were never really in it. But the fan in me is convinced that one round later, the Pens may still have won, but it would have been more of a series.

The good thing is that the Rangers have some great young guys, led by Drury and Gomez, and the wonderful farm system that gave us Dawes, Callahan, Girardi, Staal, Dubinsky, Komisarek, and eventually Sanguinetti and Cherepanov. For the first time in a long time, my guys look pretty damn good going into next season.

What I’d like to see them do is re-sign Jagr (no more than one or two years, though), but dump Straka, Malik, Hollweg, and possibly Rosival. Shanahan should retire, and they can chase down a big-name defenseman like Campbell. Prucha needs to be able to play, and I think Tyutin deserves one more year to prove himself. I hope Avery’s massive ego doesn’t drive him away, but he’s just not worth the money he’s asking, even though the Rangers are a better team with him.

“Dude… that can’t taste good.”

So, all of us collectively despair, waiting with baited breath for October and watching the playoffs end begrudgingly. I’ll probably avoid sports news for a few more days, and then slowly assimilate into baseball. Alas.

*Lou is the guy I sit next to at hockey games. And he is awesome. And I will not see him until October.

Carlos Gomez started out with a home-run in the first inning against the Chicago White Sox last night, and went on to hit a triple, double and single, thus completing the cycle in reverse order. He’s only the 8th player to do so for the franchise … the last one being Kirby Puckett back in August of 1986. The Minnesota Twins crushed the Pale Hose 13-1 (kudos to Livan Hernandez for his near shut-out) by the end of the night. This rare feat comes just one day after Chicago’s pitcher Gavin Floyd nearly had a no-hitter. Some more interesting facts about Gomez after the jump.

Gomez arrived in the Twins’ organization through the Johan Santana trade and was considered one of the Mets best prospects, as well as the best thing Minnesota got out of that deal. He waited nearly 1 hour and 45 minutes to perform last night, due to a rain delay. His reaction to the final hit, as reported by the St. Paul Pioneer Press, was: “When I go to hit, I think I hit bunt and I say, ‘No, no, no, no. You can do it. You can hit a base hit off this guy.’ I say go swinging, go hacking, and when I hit the ground ball, I close my eyes and I run and when I see the pitcher drop the ball, I say, ‘You got it! You got it!’ “

It took Gomez just 87 career major league games and 246 at-bats to hit for the cycle. (Puckett needed 391 games and 1,691 at-bats.)

Looks like that batting practice has paid off!

And he can catch too!

Gomez is hitting .282. He’s 6′4″ and 195 lbs., and only 22 years old. As catcher Mike Redmond said of Gomez, “He set the tone for us, hitting that home run right off the bat after such a long delay. He was out and ready to go. That’s nice to see out of a young player. And what a night for him. That was unbelievable.” Here’s hoping he’ll keep producing for the team for many years to come!

(We do still miss you, Johan Santana!)

Your eyes aren’t deceiving you. It’s double the dose of HDH. Why? Well, why not? And as I have nothing else to add here except words for the sake of having words, let’s get to the all Pennsylvania final.

You know we’re starting with Crosby, right? Yes, I’m that predictable.

Pittsburgh Penguins

Ryan Malone

Jordan Staal

Kris Letang

Brooks Orpik

Marc-Andre Fleury

Philadelphia Flyers

Danny Briere

Joffrey Lupul

Mike Richards

Patrick Thoresen

R.J. Umberger

Scottie Upshall

Martin Biron

Okay, the hot picture of Biron is in Cinnamon Girl’s post from yesterday, so this one has his gorgeous eyes on display.

I’ll admit it - I don’t watch much hockey. I have tried - I really have - but my sports love has never extended to the ice. However, after checking out the men of the Dallas Stars and the Detroit Red Wings, who will start their playoff series on Thursday, I may have to start watching.

Well, hello, Mr. Willa Ford.

First, the Dallas Stars:

Chris Connor, right wing

Loui Eriksson, left wing

And of course, Mike Modano, a center whose birthday, coincidentally, is the day after mine.

And now for the Detroit Red Wings:

Henrik Zetterberg, Left wing

Andreas Lilja, Defense

Chicago’s very own Chris Chelios, Defense (We miss you, Chellie!)

And speaking of hotties from the Windy City, may I present Brett Lebda, defense?

Chicago White Sox cutie Gavin Floyd came thisclose to a no-hitter tonight. His no-hit bid was stopped by a Joe Mauer (speaking of cuties) double at one out in the ninth inning.

I am no fan of the South Siders. In fact, I live on the North Side of Chicago, and have been a Cubs fan since birth. However, I couldn’t help but cheer on Floyd. This was his second brush with the no-hitter; he took one into the eighth inning on April 12. Methinks that Floyd will get a no-no before long. Congratulations to Gavin Floyd! Maybe Ozzie’s motivation techniques do work, after all.

Well, I’ve saved up my pennies and I’m ready to take a stab at making predictions on the next two series. Let’s take a look at the four teams left in the race for the Stanley Cup. What follows is a preview of the Conference Finals, including a chance to check out some of the best (or best looking) players on each team.

Pittsburgh Penguins

How they got here: Swept the Ottawa Senators in the first round and beat the New York Rangers in five games.

Most goals in playoffs:     Evgeni Malkin (6)

Most assists in playoffs:   Sidney Crosby (12)

Most points in playoffs:    Malkin (14) / Crosby (14)

The Pens are 8-1 in the postseason. Pittsburgh will have home ice advantage as they face the Philadelphia Flyers in the Eastern Conference Finals. Considering they have had plenty of rest, Penguins fans are hoping they will not be too rusty as they try to  improve on their 3-8 regular-season record against the Flyers.

Philadelphia Flyers

How they got here: Beat the Washington Capitals in seven games and then eliminated the Montreal Canadiens in five.

Most goals in playoffs:     R.J. Umberger (9)

Most assists in playoffs:   Vaclav Prospal (9)

Most points in playoffs:    Danny Briere (14)

Last year, they were the worst team in the NHL - now they are in the Eastern Conference Finals. Could the Flyers make it all the way to the Stanley Cup Finals, as the Anaheim Ducks did during their 2002-2003 season under similar circumstances? Check out how the 2002-03 Anaheim Ducks and the 2007-08 Philadelphia Flyers both improved on their previous seasons:

Anaheim Ducks

• Season                         2001-02                       2002-03
• Points                           69                                95
• Record                          29-42-8-3                   40-27-9-6
• Place (div/conf)            5th/13^th                       2nd/7th

 Philadelphia Flyers

• Season                         2006-07                       2007-08
• Points                           56                                95
• Record                          22-48-12                    42-29-11
• Place (div/conf)            5th/15^th                       4th/6th

Even their goalie, Martin Biron, posted an assist against Washington in Game 7 on April 22^nd - his first career point in a playoff game. Everyone’s in it to score!

ZOLTAR SAYS: Pittsburgh Penguins in six, because like his Father, Hockey Jesus rests on the seventh game.

Detroit Red Wings

How they got here: Beat the Nashville Predators in six and swept the Colorado Avalanche.

Most goals in playoffs:    Johan Franzen (11)

Most assists in playoffs:  Pavel Datsyuk (8) / Niklas Kronwall (8)

Most points in playoffs:   Johan Franzen (14)

Award nominations abound for the Detroit Red Wings. Datsyuk was nominated for the Lady Byng and Selke Trophies, Henrik Zetterberg was also nominated for the Selke, Nicklas Lidstrom is up for the James Norris Memorial Trophy, and Mike Babcock was nominated for the Adams Award. Detroit already has won the President’s Trophy with a league-best 115 points.

Dallas Stars

How they got here: Beat the Anaheim Ducks and the San Jose Sharks in six games both series.

Most goals in playoffs:     Brenden Morrow (7)

Most assists in playoffs:   Mike Ribeiro (11)

Most points in playoffs:    Mike Ribeiro (14)

It took the Stars a fourth overtime in Game 6 of the series before they edged out the Sharks, so a rest is well-earned before they have to take the ice again. Brenden Morrow, appropriately, scored the game winner. Marty Turco made 61 saves. The Stars haven’t gone this deep in the playoffs since 2000.

ZOLTAR SAYS: Detroit Red Wings in five, on their way to the ultimate award - Lord Stanley’s Cup.

So I’ve been watching a lot of NBA basketball lately. The Playoffs are actually exciting this year and well there really aren’t any other regularly televised sports that I want to watch. So as I was watching the first game of the Orlando-Detroit second round series and I found myself thinking bad, bad thoughts. Thoughts that I knew I shouldn’t be thinking. Thoughts for which I knew my friends would ridicule me. Thoughts that may very well damn my eternal soul. But there they were, floating around in my brain nonetheless. What should I do about them? Should I divulge these awful thoughts, these vile feelings? Should I let the world in on my dirty little secret? Will I be able to forgive myself for openly admitting to such blasphemous tendencies? I’ll let you be the judge…

I THINK J.J. REDICK IS HOT.

Like really hot. Like “as I searched for photos for this post I was even more convinced of his hotness” hot.

Image “borrowed” from jjredick.net

There. I said it. Judge away. Now can you see why I am so conflicted? He’s J.J. stinking Redick. He is a minion of the anti-Christ. HE PLAYED FOR DUKE. Not only did he play for them, he holds like all of their scoring records. His jersey hangs in those most cursed rafters. There is an excellent chance that he thinks Rat-boy Mike Kszeoawejfsasdki is a good person. He is probably a total douche bag. He cries. He writes poetry. He flashes the “shocker” sign after hitting threes. To top it off, he’s not even a good pro player! He’s done little more than ride the pine pony for last 2 seasons (although he did get some decent minutes in the last few games of the regular season). He has such awe-inspiring stats as 4.1 ppg, .5 apg, .7 rpg. And yet, I want to make babies with him. Overly gelled hair be damned!

What are you trying to tell the crowd here, J.J.?

Dep Ultimate Hold Gel. He clearly went a little nuts with it.

I am a bad Tar Heel. I probably shouldn’t be allowed to wear Carolina Blue. My one and only defense is that I didn’t go to UNC when he played for Duke. I never saw him play. In fact, I never watched a game where he played at Duke. Not even on TV. I lived in a “sucky basketball school” bubble, and hence rarely even watched college basketball prior to moving to the great state of North Carolina. But I know that I’m wrong. I know there is no hope for us. What would we talk about? He would start sentences with, “So while I was at Duke…” and I would probably do something super mature like stick my fingers in my ears and go “Lalalalalalala”. But we could have dirty secret sex. No one has to know I love him. Well, except the entire internet…

This just screams, ” I know you love me, and that you hate it. I’m okay with that. See you in the hotel room in 10 mintutes…”

So what’s the verdict kids, damned for all eternity? Or can you forgive this lapse in judgment and loyalty? I mean look at him! He’s adorable. I can hardly be blamed.

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