March Madness with the KSK Mafia: The calm before the takedown.

id4.gif Once upon a time, we made a friendly little wager with the lads of KSK. We stumbled, sobbed incoherently, giggled hysterically, and bit our nails in a most unattractive manner for three weeks. In a juju Hail Mary, we even aligned our fortunes with Buckeye Nation.

And Basketball Jesus (there’s a separate one for basketball), in his infinite wisdom, bestowed victory on the worthier party.

And there was much rejoicing.

[I'm going to try my best to get through the rest of this post without referencing Bill Pullman's speech to the pilots in the American cinema classic Independence Day, but it is absolutely killing me. --Ed.]

Tomorrow is zero hour, where “zero” implies “vajayjay”. As agreed, the Ladies… will have the run of Kissing Suzy Kolber for one glorious day. A day of bunnies. A day of Bedazzlers. A day of kittens and puppies and rainbow sunsets and unicorns fucking in grassy fields. The KSK Mafia are doing their best to put on brave faces. Fear not, boyos. Our mission statement promises we don’t kiss nice, but we won’t leave any marks on your back that aren’t purely recreational.

Thank you Saint Jesse Owens! March Madness against the KSK Mafia

Sometimes, all you need is the box score…

1 Vesper Lynd – Holly 139  
2 Roger Moore – MMP   121
3 Jaws – UM   118
4 Honey Ryder – Texas Gal 117  
5 M – TheStarterWife 99  
6 Christmas Ape    96
6 Octopussybasket – Flubby   96
8 Kissy Suzuki – Metschick 94  
9 Jinx Johnson  – SA 90  
10 Solitaire – Andie 86  
11 Lousy 20th Amendment – CC   75
12 Sally Ann Rottencrotch – BDD   66
13 Plenty O’Toole – J-Money 57  
       
  Subtotal 682 572
  Minus lowest Ladies Score -57  
  Total 625 572

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Winning Over the Dicks – MM with the KSK Mafia – Final Countdown

Sixty-three games will be played in total in this NCAA Tournament. Sixty-three games.

And who wins and loses our bet with the KissingSuzyKolber Mafia comes down to these last three games. Sixty-three. Now three. Why even have the other sixty?

Hey Holly, no pressure here. You and Unsilent Majority are in the lead and the rest of your picks could be difference between Maxi-Pad slippers on KSK, or them peeing with the lid down over here Ladies.

First the standings, and then the breakdown of the Final Four picks.

1 Vesper Lynd – Holly 107  
2 Jaws – UM   102
3 Honey Ryder – Texas Gal 101  
4 Roger Moore – MMP   89
5 M – TheStarterWife 83  
6 Octopussybasket – Flubby   80
6 Christmas Ape    80
8 Kissy Suzuki – Metschick 78  
9 Lousy 20th Amendment – CC   75
10 Jinx Johnson  – SA 74  
11 Solitaire – Andie 70  
12 Sally Ann Rottencrotch – BDD   66
13 Plenty O’Toole – J-Money 57  
       
  Subtotal 570 492
  Minus lowest Ladies Score -57  
  Total 513 492

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Winning Over the Dicks – MM with the KSK Mafia – I forgot what 8 was for

When will I learn that the vodka tonics at Big Wangs, (served in pint glasses), always seem like they don’t have any booze in them but really do?  When will I realize that drinking while watching the Sweet Sixteen games, the Cavs-Knicks game, and the Sabers-Leafs game while talking shop with my guy pals is going to lead to sensory overload?  When will I stop trying to involve strangers in my Bryce Taylor cheers?

When will I feel comfortable with our lead? 

Honey Ryder – Texas Gal 77  
Vesper Lynd – Holly 75  
M – TheStarterWife 75  
Roger Moore – MMP   73
Jaws – UM   70
Lousy 20th Amendment – CC   67
Kissy Suzuki – Metschick 62  
Sally Ann Rottencrotch – BDD   58
Jinx Johnson  – SA 58  
Plenty O’Toole – J-Money 57  
Christmas Ape    56
Octopussybasket – Flubby   56
Solitaire *  – Andie 54  
     
     
Subtotal 458 380
Minus lowest Ladies Score -54  
Total 404 380

Read here for all the dirt on the inital bet and results of the first two rounds.

Winning Over the Dicks – MM with the KSK Mafia – Round Two

You can read about the inital bet here and check out the results of the first round, (including the mishap), here.

Ladies, I don’t know about you, but I am worried. Sure we are leading the KSK guys, but this is when brackets always go to poop. A few of us, including myself, have lost at least one of our Final Four Teams. I’ve watched enough basketball this weekend to question every single choice I have ever made. (Including my then high school crush on then Pitt superstar Sean Miller to now Xavier coach Sean Miller.) I just do not feel confident.

Ladies… What have we gotten ourselves into?

1 M – TheStarterWife 51  
2 Honey Ryder – Texas Girl 49  
2 Roger Moore MMP – MMP   49
4 Vesper Lynd – Holly 47  
4 Lousy 20th Amendment – CC   47
6 Jaws – UM    46
7 Sally Ann Rottencrotch – BBD   42
7 Kissy Suzuki – Metschick 42  
7 Jinx Johnson – SA 42  
10 Plenty O’Toole – J-Money 41  
11 Christmas Ape    40
12 Solitaire  – Andie 38  
13 Octopussybasket – flubby   32
       
  Subtotal 310 256
  Minus lowest Ladies Score -38  
  Total 272 256

Winning Over the Dicks – MM with the KSK Mafia – Round One – ‘Mistakes Were Made’

First round results of the Ladies… v. KissingSuzyKolber pool 

1 Vesper Lynd – Holly 27  
1 M – TheStarterWife 27  
1 Roger Moore MMP – MMP   27
4 Honey Ryder – Texas Girl 25  
4 Lousy 20th Amendment – CC   25
6 Jinx Johnson – SA 24  
6 Christmas Ape    24
6 Sally Ann Rottencrotch – BBD   24
9 Plenty O’Toole – J-Money 23  
10 Kissy Suzuki – Metschick 22  
10 Jaws – UM    22
12 Solitaire  – Andie 20  
12 Octopussybasket – flubby   20
14 Miss Moneypenny – Clare 0  
       
  Subtotal 168 142
  Minus lowest 2 Ladies Scores -20  
  Total 148 142

Holly and TheStarterWife need to set the record straight!

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Winning Over the Dicks – March Madness with the KSK Mafia

cavemanMarch Madness manifests itself in many strange and wonderful ways.

A sudden pride in a school that not only did you not attend, but you didn’t even consider it as a “safety”. Days on end of not leaving the sofa. Going from hating Dickie V, to thinking of calling him grandpa, back to cursing his bald head, finally ending at acceptance that you’re both at the same party and since neither one of you are leaving it would be best to just ignore him as much as you can.

The best two parts of the tourney? Rampant gambling in the form of office pools and the endless hours of smack talk.

Which means the Ladies day has come.

We have challenged the the Men of KissingSuzyKolber to participate in a battle of the sexes NCAA tourney pool. Winner gets to take over the loser’s site for the day.

Imagine, a whole day on KSK talking about The Joy Luck Club, our WNBA picks, the hot men of Australian Rules Football, “What the 19th Amendment means to me”, and kicker penises. An entire day without a single homophobic reference. The day we’ve been saving our “How to make slippers out of MaxiPads” post for. A day on KSK where Peyton Manning and Ben Roethlisberger are shown some respect. A beautiful, sweet day that will be.

Our picks don’t matter until tomorrow,  so we have all day to do some trash talking about the KSK Mafia. Let’s see what’s buzzing in the Ladies office…

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