Hump Day Hottie: Euro 2008

I’m pretty sure everyone out there knows of Euro 2008. And even if you’re not a soccer fan you’ve watch a little of the action so far. So in honor of the European Championship this month I decided that our HDH this week will involve the uber hotties running around in Austria and Switzerland. Here’s the thing-with 16 teams and probably more hotties that I could ever handle playing not everyone is on this list. But does that really matter?

Programming note: liveblog of Portugal and Czech Republic happening over at This Is Extra Time Noon EST, 9 AM PST. Come join us, it’ll be fun. How could commenting on how much Cristiano Ronaldo is a douche great player not be? (Sorry Mistress Christina! Love ya!)

Let’s start with my favorite player (so far) in this thing-Nuno Gomes from Portugal. Favorite in that he’s gorgeous and his family is adorable and that makes him 10X hotter than his normally hot self.

From the Weirdness File…

My superstar friend Diana sent me this video.  She’s a tall, beautiful lawyer in NYC and loves Germans.  I could possibly hook you up.  However, for now just feast your eyes on photos of German soccer players…set to the weirdest song I’ve ever heard.

Soccer Commercials Are Sexy

For reals.

The Dame’s Football Tour o’ Sex: The EPL – Pt. II

And, just like that, you’ve have made it through another treacherous weekend of football. High fives all ‘round, darlings!

Chelsea snatched three points at the Bridge while we all secretly willed God to strike Michael Ballack down in a dramatic scene involving lightning, Rocky theme music and Didier shouting, tears streaming down his face: ‘Don’t let go Mikey! I swear I’ll let you take the free kick next time!’

Or maybe that was just me.

The Toronto Reds crushed – crushed, I tell you! – Kansas with their (newfound) footballing prowess. Well done boys but I fear that your real trouble might start once you hit the road again. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Most of my weekend was actually spent partaking in the viewing of the NFL Draft o’ Sex (get this: no actual sports to distract you from the hotties! Brilliant, who invented this? Give ‘em a medal, I say!), live-blogging it over at SportsbyBrooks with my fellow Ladies. I’ve emerged a new woman. Yes, one dangerously obsessed with Chris Long and slightly creeped out by PETA’s new spokesman, Matt Ryan. Another post, perhaps…

[Dame’s note: I may also, at any moment, spontaneously morph into either one of the two: an enormous bag of Cheetos (the crunchy kind) or Mike Mayock (gem of the NFL network, dispatcher of brilliant lines that even the finest of orators, Nelson Mandela and the Dalai of Llamas included, would be hard-pressed to come up with - eg. ‘Getting hurt didn’t hurt him.’)]

Anyhow, enough with the chit-chat – shirtless footballers await.

And please, girls, do keep your drooling off the keyboard. You left quite a mess last time and even though I’ve only been here about a week, I’m tired of putting up with your shit. Diva-slam!

NCAA Soccer: Wake Forest > Everyone

If you listen closely (or you’re so drunk you can no longer feel your palms), it does sound kind of like Freddy Mercury’s singing “Deeeeeacs are the champions, my friends!”. Or at least it did to me for a couple of hours yesterday after watching Wake Forest’s insanely hot men’s soccer team win their first national title with a 2-1 victory over Ohio State.

Junior Marcus Tracy and sophomore Zach Schilawski each scored for the Deacs in the second half, with Schilawski netting both the game winner and a 40 point Scrabble score.

Jump with me, readers, for more about the game, more Wake Forest trivia sure to impress…um…other Wake Forest graduates, and for some delicious pics of men who aren’t allowed to use their hands.

That Other Football Is Playing On Sunday Too

So it’s Sunday afternoon, you’ve just watch the first games of the brand new NFL season and your waiting for the Chargers-Bears game to come on. What is a girl to do with that time on their hands? How about watch the other brand of football?

Yes, that’s right. The US Men will be on the pitch tomorrow at Soldier Field in Chicago, trying to represent this great nation to the best of their abilities. Against the number one team in the world Brazil. Yes, Brazil.

While I think it’s pretty, well, stupid for US Soccer to schedule a match the same day as the NFL kick-off, if I was in Chicago I would go. Seriously, there are some major hotties on the Brazilian team, which I discussed earlier in a Copa Cup post. And the US does us proud in the hottie department as well. Take Benny Feilhaber-Midfielder, for example.

More US Soccer hotness after the jump.

Thursday’s Hottie Hit n Run: Injured Hottie Edition

Cardinals Hottie Scott Rolen may be done for the season. I’m trying not to fling myself off a bridge, but it’s very disheartening. We’ve come so far in the past 10 weeks. *Sniffle* He’s had cortisone shots in his shoulder, but it just doesn’t seem to be enough. Call-up Hottie Brendan Ryan will most likely take over at 3rd base for the remainder of the season. Ryan was quoted as saying, “I don’t have a choice. We’ve got guys who are banged up. I’m not banged up enough.” Awwwwwww. Furthermore, if anybody sees fit to bring me the heads of Alex Cintron or Hee-Seop Choi on a platter……that would be looked upon favorably. [Andrea's Most Favoritest Player Out for September Stretch]

Proof positive of LaRussa’s Warlock Skills.

Can I have a lazy Sunday with Kasper Schmeichel?

This is my new Premier League crush, Kasper Schmeichel, goalkeeper for Manchester City. I know over here at Ladies we’re pretty new to the PL coverage, but even I have heard of his famous father Peter Schmeichel who is considered one of the best keepers ever to play the game.

Friday Hit & Run:Whatcha Whatcha Whatcha Want

There are eleven McDonald’s within a ten mile radius of my apartment, all of which have identical hours. They all open at 5 a.m. and close at 2 a.m. which means that every day, I have twenty-one hours and almost a dozen options for getting a Big Mac (and perhaps some Apple Dippers). This also means that the only time I ever want a Big Mac is approximately 3:28 a.m. For my entire life, I’ve noticed that I only ever really want the things that I can’t have, which explains why I’ve always developed irrational crushes on married celebrities (Good morning, Hugh Laurie!), why I blow out the candles on each birthday cake while silently wishing I would grow a tail (for myriad reasons, all to be explained upon request), and why every time I lose a 10-K (which is every time I run a 10-K), I long to be a born-again Kenyan.

Today’s Hit and Run is filled with athletes who all want stuff that they aren’t going to get either, and you readers probably all want transitions that aren’t quite as lazy as that one.

Take, for example, the round one leader of the PGA Tournament, Graeme Storm, he of the most spell-checked name in the field (although phonetically, it’s pretty sweet and by “pretty sweet”, I mean “sounds like he may have starred in Orgy Party 6“). He’d just like to get through the rest of the weekend without soiling his pants, being mistaken for a Harry Potter character, or have every mention of his name followed by the word “Who?” I’d like to see Greaeaeameae to at least make the cut…he could probably use his winnings to buy an extra consonant or two.

Men In Suits!

Chelsea and Armani…two great tastes that taste great together:

The team will be equipped with a single-breasted, two-button navy blue crease resistant lightweight wool gabardine suit, with flat-front, straight-legged trousers and a fitted jacket with pronounced ‘Roman’ shoulder line.

These will be worn with pale blue cotton shirts from the Armani Napoli range.

Players will also get a new club tie, a navy blue polo shirt which can be worn as an alternative to shirt and tie, a dark brown mock croc belt and brown suede half boots.

What does this mean to the sporting world? Not a whole lot. To us, however, this development is of crucial importance for one reason: An excuse to post a shot of a bunch of hot athletes in suits.

(HT to our darling kleph for the story, and additional article with a bunch of Spanish words and a naked dude holding a soccer ball.)

Friday Hit and Run: All Beckham Edition

Well tomorrow’s the big day. If you’re like me, you’ve already made a t-shirt, bought plenty of pudding, and cannot wait for 8 p.m. to get here so you can finally watch what you’ve waited months for: the American premiere of Ghost Cat on Animal Planet.

I kid! I kid! Unless you fell down a well, have been kidnapped and bound by Kathy Bates or are my mother, you know that on Saturday David Beckham will won’t will make his MLS debut. But he won’t be starting and his playing time may be minimal, so you can enjoy the synchronicity that comes from knowing that you and Becks are watching the same game at the same time! Stars are just like us! Except he’d probably be less likely to skip his Rooms-to-Go payment this month.

So here’s your wrap of all-things Golden Balls…

Your Copa America Crash Course

So you haven’t been paying attention to the soccer tournament down in Venezuela huh?

Me neither.

But that doesn’t mean you have to go on without finding out the hotties playing. I’ve spent countless hours winding down all the tale running up and down the pitch so we can all truly enjoy “the beautiful game.”

A little info first: not all countries are represented here. Including the stars and stripes. The USMNT will be getting their own post sometime soon. I tried to have at minimum three players per position minus goalkeeper. I wanted to field a team of hotties. Yes, it adds up to more than 11.

To get us started, here is Rafeal Márquez:

I’ve decided to make it my life’s mission to lick peanut butter off his abs.

More Copa goodness, after the jump.

Hump Day Hottie: Cristiano Ronaldo

Yes, he may be a pretty boy. Yes, he may be a pompous jerk. Yes, he may own more hair products than I do. Yes, he may fancy himself a fashion plate. Yes, he may play for the hated Manchester United. Yes, he may have been named in honor of Ronald Reagan (true story).  All of these things don’t really matter though, because… look at him:

Suddenly, all that other annoying stuff about him becomes irrelevant, no? And there’s lots more where that came from…

Hit and Run: Friday Edition

From the “Hot Body, Goofy Head” File: Spaniard Rafael Nadal extended his winning streak on clay courts to 70 games by defeating Italy’s Potito Starace and advancing to the semifinals of the Barcelona Open.

I can’t say I find Rafa (his official nickname, perhaps to avoid confusion with Raffi and to minimize in-game interruptions caused by persistent requests for “Baby Beluga”) that attractive. His haircut’s a bit too Jungle Book for me and there is no reason for a man to wear capri pants unless he survived a shipwreck. That said, I’m a sucker for a guy with nice arms.

And apparently it runs in the family.

Seriously, Mrs. Nadal. I think his hair looks awesome. Mowgli was always overlooked as a sex symbol and yes, I’d love a piece of cake but please, ma’am, please don’t hit me again.

Point / Counterpoint – David Beckham

“Point / Counterpoint – David Beckham” is our first in a series of debates over controversial hotties. TheStarterWife will be taking the point position on Beckham. Since none of the Ladies were willing to defend Becks, we’ve fired up the Fanfic Autobot 3000* to take the pro-Becks counterpoint.

(*Fanfic Autobot 3000 = a brave, brave Holly trolling fanfic sites.) [I swear, these are all lifted verbatim. All [sic]s implied. Can I get a medal?–H]

Point – Beckham isn’t scheduled to start play in America for another five months, but if you open up the current Rolling Stone magazine, there is a special insert ad and sample of his cologne, Instinct. (It smells very similar to Ralph Lauren’s Polo, which is already the official scent of suburban malls everywhere.) How can he be considered a “brand” here in the States when the greatest accomplishment Americans know him for is marrying a Spice Girl?

Counterpoint -Him and me… is it love? Sometimes it feels like it. When he finds me with a perfect cross, knowing exactly where I’ll be as though he’s reading my mind, and I just have to touch the ball it to make it fly effortlessly into the back of the net, and I run across the pitch, arms spread wide, and it feels like I’m flying, and he flings his arms around me, and the crowd goes wild… then it feels like love.

Hump Day Hottie: Michael Owen

We here at Ladies… all know how difficult Wednesday can be to get through. It falls right in the middle of the work week- too far away from the traditional going-out night of Thursday, and not even in sight of Friday and the weekend. Plus, the debauchery and frivolity of the previous weekend is a distant memory, so you don’t even have that to hold on to.

But we will be here for you in your time of need- let us help you through the Hump Day with a random hottie from the world of sport. Feast your eyes on these goodies each Wednesday morning, and before you know it… you’ll be on the downhill slope of the week.

This week: Michael Owen, English footballer extraordinaire and stunningly good-looking hottie. Currently plays striker for Newcastle United, previously with Liverpool and Real Madrid. Smoking hot.