The Giants can use some lovin’ right now- they’re dead last in the NL West, they’ve got a record that’s worse than the Pirates and the Royals and they have to deal with the constant Bonds fiasco. But the Giants are the all-time winningest team in baseball- so it’s only a matter of time before the ship is righted, and things go back to being lovely in the Bay Area. And while they wait, fans can at least enjoy the scenery– and pitcher Noah Lowry can definitely help distract with his hottness.
The lefty hurler (who bats right- he goes both ways, y’all) from SoCal has five weapons in his arsenal: fastball, curveball, slider, his signature wicked changeup… and his total and complete hotness. The boyish grin! The beautiful eyes! The dark locks! That cutie-pie birthmark under his right eye! That ass! He’s the reason baseball unis were made- as cute as he is in civvies, he is just flat-out HOT in uniform. That head was made to wear a baseball cap. Barry Zito better watch out- Noah just about has the Giants Hottie Crown sewn up.
Once in awhile, the sports media gets it right. Often, by accident, they stumble upon an idea that’s pure gold- so awesome, you wonder why someone didn’t think of it sooner. The golden idea in this case? Putting a mic on or in the hands of hottie Jonathan Papelbon. The Red Sox lights-out closer may have one hell of a killer Papelglare on the mound, but on his own time he’s bona fide comedy gold. He’s a total cut-up, who doesn’t censor a single thought that comes into his head, and delivers all that charm and silliness with a Southern drawl. Seriously- they really need to give him his own show.
Exhibit 1: Friendly’s Scoop with Julian Tavarez
The genius folks at FSN decided this season to give Papyboo his own weekly segment, where they basically just shoot the shit with him about baseball. But a few weeks ago, things got even better when they decided to hand over the mic to Papyboo, and let him interview a teammate instead. The first victim? Starting pitcher Julian Tavarez. But Papyboo doesn’t choose to use his time talking about pitching mechanics, or the rotation or any of that stuff. No, he decides instead to find out who Tavarez thinks is the sexiest guy in the Red Sox bullpen, and who is the sexiest hitter on the Sox roster. Sounds like Papyboo would fit in GREAT around here.
The folks of Chicago have it pretty good. We have the Cubs, and all the awesomeness of gameday at Wrigley Field. We have Sexy Rexy Grossman and his downfield throwing mechanics. We have the Bulls and the Blackhawks (for better or for worse). And since 2005, everyone happily claims the White Sox again.
But don’t dismiss the boys of the South Side as second-class citizens… because there are a TON of hotties to be found inside the Not-So-Friendly Confines of the Cell.
Jon and the rest of the Sox want YOU! to check them out
Peruse your way through all the South Side hotties after the jump…
En route to the American League’s 10th straight victory over the NL in last night’s All-Star Game, Red Sox ace pitcher — and smokin’ hottie– Josh Beckett picked up the win. If you like the quiet, humble, shy, retiring types, who relax by reading poetry and watching Masterpiece Theatre and drinking a nice merlot, Josh Beckett is not for you. On the other hand, if you (like me) like your men tall (6’5″) and strong and brash and fiery, with a heap of cockiness and a whole hell of a lot of redneck, then Texas boy Josh is a man you’ll love.
What’s more fun than a meaningless Home Run Derby that drags on for 3 hours, broadcast by a Baker-Berman tagteam (and assisted by Kenny Mayne… in a kayak), chockfull of 1,000 player’s kids plus lameass interviews of both Bonds AND ARod? That same Home Run Derby… when liveblogged by the Ladies…!
Ryan Howard doesn’t have time for ballcaps- he’s got HRs to hit!
Each of the Ladies… claimed one of the 8 Derby participants for her very own– and then we all gathered together to revel in the inanity, discuss the intricacies of the hot butts on display, and make fun of ARod. Play along with us after the jump…
Need a little bit more excitement and entertainment for your All-Star game party?
Well we here at Ladies believe that even the most casual of fan should be able to have some fun watching the Midsummer Classic, so we’ve whipped up some All-Star Bingo Cards! No need to try to keep track of pitching changes when you can look for Big Papi to point to the sky, Alyssa Milano in the stands, and players adjusting their junk instead. We’ve got your American League, National League, and Interleague Bingo all here! Continue reading →
The wait is finally over. After Miggy Cabrera got hurt and had to pull out (ahem) of the Home Run Derby, and Bonds and Griffey declined to participate, the Derby roster was up in the air. Now we know. The final slot for the Home Run Derby was just filled, and everyone can now look forward to the presence of smokin’ hottie Matt Holliday, in addition to recent additions Albert Pujols and Alex Rios (who were added over the weekend). Thanks to MLB for picking the most scrumptious forearm-y picture of Matt for the headline photo:
Plus, the starting pitchers for Tuesday’s game have also just been announced- and it will be hotties Dan Haren (AL) from the A’s and Jake Peavy (NL) from the Padres taking the mound. Yet another reason to tune in.
We’ll be liveblogging the Derby tonight – so look for a post detailing all the hottie highlights tomorrow. And for the definitive guide to all the All-Star Hotties, check out Lady A’s post.
Can this be? A Texas Gal H&R without an item on Pat Burrell, Aaron Rowand or Chase Utley?!? Not even a tidbit on Cole Hamels or Ryan Howard or Jimmy Rollins? Nope- not this week… and I’m even including news about the Cards AND the Braves. How’s that for inclusiveness?
* Miggy is out, Albert Pujols is now in for the Home Run Derby in San Francisco tomorrow night. The reason he agreed to participate? Because his son asked him to. [Say it with me... awwww!]
* Jarrod Saltalamacchia, the hottest guy with 14 letters in his last name, made it back to the Braves lineup (as a first baseman!) on Saturday after taking a foul tip to the cranium in Friday night’s game against the Padres. Salty cracked jokes about his injury, [I'm betting his agent wasn't so jovial].
* Everyone in Chicago can finally calm down: lumberjack hottie Mark Buehrle resigned with the White Sox, to the tune of $56MM over 4 years. The always-quotable Jim Thome summed it up best with, ["What a happy day."]
* Jeff Bailey also had a great weekend- the career minor leaguer (11 years in the minors, without a single big league at-bat!) not only got called up to The Show on Friday for the Red Sox, he also popped a homerun in just his 9th at-bat in the majors. [His Red Sox teammates had to barter with the fan who caught the ball], I would have held out for a lot more than a couple of signed balls.
Come on now, surely you didn’t think that I could REALLY do one of these without any Phillies news? Got to give love to the entire Phillies roster for jumping into the fray with the Colorado grounds crew doing battle with the tarp on Sunday, risking life and limb in the process. And BOO to the entire Rockies roster for their absence of assistance– except LaTroy Hawkins, who knew he’d be good for something?
bang-bang play (noun): in baseball, 1. An attempted tag or force play at a base when the ball and runner arrive simultaneously. 2. Any defensive play accomplished with precision and speed.
We’re putting a twist on the old bang-bang around here. Our bang-bang plays post every weekend will be fast links to great articles and features found at some of the best sports blogs around the interwebs- a speedy way to bring the best of the best to you. PLUS every Bang-Bang Play post will also feature, behind the jump, a Mail Bag Hottie- pictures of a hottie athlete nominated by our readers. Double the bang, double the fun.
Got links you want included as a Bang-Bang Play? Got an athlete you think would make an excellent Mail Bag Hottie? Email us!
I would definitely buy a ticket to see Pittsburgh Pirates: The Movie II. I’d even pay full price. [Mondesi's House]
Some teams are blessed with an overabundance of hotties (I’m looking at you, Oakland). Some teams are cursed with a complete absence of lookers (I’m talking to you, Anaheim).
And then there are the Astros.
The Houston Astros don’t have a ton of fug, they don’t have a ton of heat. They’ve just got a roster full of nice-looking chaps, guys who look like the type you’d take home to meet mom (and who’d remember to bring along some flowers for her). Plus one really, REALLY smoking hot dude.
So rather than post a bunch of bland pictures, I’m gonna post random pictures of all the cuties, doing random things, to keep it interesting. And then I’m gonna give you a whole mess of pictures of the hottie. Deal?
Take a gander at the Gulf Coast boys after the jump…
It is your duty, as a patriotic American, to celebrate the glorious Fourth by checking out hottie American athletes in all their USA-licious best. Fortunately for you, TheStarterWife and I have done all the leg work- and you only have to sit back, scroll and enjoy. Land of plenty, indeed. HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!
(Updated for Joey Chestnut goodness!)
Tons more lovely red-white-and-blue goodies after the jump…
Y’all are getting a 3-shot H&R today, because I’m on my way out the door to play 18 holes in the oppressive Houston heat, and I need to conserve energy for the ballgame tonight (so I can cheer for newly minted All-Star Aaron Rowand – squee!). Here it is, quick and dirty…
* Cubs tag-team of LSU boys Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot are on fire. My favorite Cubbie, Ryan (whose assets were already strong enough to land him a spot on the Best Butts Countdown), went 3-for-4 on Sunday, continuing his great season for Chicago, and Mike is now so popular with Cubs fans the PR folks debated whether to repaint the Michael Barrett bobbleheads (given away at yesterday’s game) to make them look like Mike of the Fontenot variety. Any time there are two Cajuns roaming the Friendly Confines, I’m a happy girl.
* Jacoby Ellsbury, Ladies’ mascot (ok, that may have been just me on that one) and uber-hottie, got the call up to The Show on Saturday, and is already making an impact (getting his first hit that night). While most everyone fawnsover him, the rain on the parade has already started from J.D. Drew’s corner.
* I might as well go ahead and confess my dark, dirty and shameful secret: I think Scott Proctor is hot. And that temper of his that caused him to start a campfire with his equipment (after yet another sucky day on the mound)? Only makes him hotter (no pun intended). He says it was all a joke; I say- darlin’, if the Yankee pinstripes didn’t put me off you forever, a little dugout bonfire ain’t gonna change things. Burn, baby, burn.
Congrats on making the All-Star team Bacon Pants, Beckett and Papyboo! (Yes, this is just an excuse to post hot pictures of my baseball boyfriends)
My love for Biggio started way back in the days when he was a catcher (remember that?). Back in the rainbow-hued Astros times. Back when the games used to be played in the cavernous Astrodome. Back when Mike Scott and Jim Deshaies were on the mound, Ken Caminiti and Glenn Davis and Billy Doran were on the diamond, and Kevin Bass, Billy Hatcher and Eric Anthony roamed the outfield. Back when he got called up to The Show as a fresh-faced kid playing for the Tucson Toros. He is an institution in Houston- he’s played his entire career here (not many ballplayers like that anymore)- revered as a hero, and a guy who tirelessly gives back to the community. For almost my entire life as a baseball fan, he’s been a fixture of baseball in Houston… and you’ll be hard-pressed to find a single person, major leaguer or otherwise, with a bad word to say about him.
Craig and his son Conor (son Cavan in the foreground)
As the voting deadline for the MLB All-Star Game draws close (midnight tonight – so get to voting!), it is time for the Ladies… to make one final plea for votes for all the baseball hotties. Because if we had our way, we’d get an All-Star Hotties game, with two rosters full of nothing but the choicest beef in the major leagues. As it is, where these things are decided based on silly things like “talent” and “popularity”, we’ll just have to do what we can for womankind, and try and get as many hotties out there on the diamond for All-Star week as we possibly can.
I’ve done the dirty work, and put together a complete Hottie Ballot for you after the jump (where the picks are made PURELY based on who is the hottest), with two choices at each position– as it should be. Clare also gave you insightful commentary on who the contenders are. All you gotta do is GO HERE and vote, and help make the dream come true.
On the occasion of his return from the DL over the weekend, let’s take a closer look at hottie White Sox leftfielder Scott Podsednik.
Scott is beautiful. Let’s just get that out of the way up front. He’s from the tiny little town of West, Texas (which, oddly enough, is in Central Texas), so he has a charming soft Texas drawl. He’s also fast- he turned down several scholly offers to run track (including the University of Texas), and instead headed straight to the minors. He worked his butt off for nine years in the farm systems, and finally broke through to The Show in 2003 with that trademark speed… earning him the fans’ vote as Rookie of the Year. He’s been injury prone his whole career, but always bounced back… and thank goodness for that. He’s a humble, small-town country boy who’s made good- and if he wasn’t so damned cute, I couldn’t have forgiven him for that walkoff-HR against Lidge in the ’05 World Series.
Welcome back from the DL, Scotty- thanks for restoring the heat to LF at the Cell.
Tons more lovely Scott goodies after the jump (including video)…
* My dream pairing of Josh “Tall Texan” Beckett and Jonathan “Cajun Closer” Papelbon tag-teamed to handily dispense of the Padres yesterday, earning Josh a MLB-leading 11th win and Papyboo his 18th save. [Jake Peavy didn't stand a chance.] And let’s hope Dice-K made it out of Petco (and his Maddux encounter) alive.
* Pat “Slowcamotive” Burrell, meanwhile, dreams of someday… you know… HITTING THE BALL. He is hitting just .146 since April 26th- and the natives are (once again) growing very restless. [When MLB.com a/k/a "Baseball's Sunshine-Pumping Mouthpiece" writes up an article about your suckitude, you know you're in trouble.]
* Michael “Sucker Punch” Barrett is settling in just fine in sunny San Diego, thank you very much. And if anyone else in Chicago is missing him, the Cubs are still giving away Mikey B jerseys tomorrow and Mikey B bobbleheads on July 1st. [Mikey is 2 Good + 2 Be = 4 Gotten]
* Start with Sox, end with Sox. The Dirt Dogs are calling up Kason “I’m New Around Here, But I’m Really Hot” Gabbard to start on Tuesday (and not Jon Lester, as previously discussed). He’ll be filling in for DL’ed Curt Schilling. [It's a definite huge step up, hottie-wise.]
Congratulations also go out to Georgia boy Dustin McGowan for his near-no-no (broken up in the 9th inning), 1-hit shutout complete game against the Rockies. He’s actually way cuter than those stupid mutton chops would lead you to believe.
Major league baseball is a constant soap opera- full of heroes and villains, twists and turns, A-Rod and his various women. It was only natural, then, that a group of ballplayers would make an appearance on a honest-to-god soap opera– in this case, several Brewers (J.J. Hardy, Chris Capuano, Bill Hall and Jeff Suppan) appeared on an episode of The Young & the Restless yesterday. There was a four-seam demonstration by Chris, sheepish smiles from Bill and Jeff, and a particularly cheesy line from J.J. (you can see the full video HERE, though it’s not near as entertaining as imagined by The Dugout).
The Brewers’ soap opera debut got me (and a few others) thinking: What if another team was the featured subject of a soap opera? And more than just a cameo. What if a baseball team WAS a soap opera? What exactly would “As The Yankees Turn” or “One Giants Life to Live” consist of? With some help from Clare, Metschick and Peter, here’s an idea what it would be like…
CUBS: The patriarch of the family would be committed to an insane asylum, there would be at least one family brawl per week, Rich Hill would tip his lines, and a fan of the show would lean in from stage right and screw things up.
GIANTS: Every episode focuses on the petulant, but brilliant, son who grew up and yet never left home. All the other cast members and their storylines are ignored- except, on occasion, for an off-hand mention of the dreamboat stud (who came from another show) who has hit the skids.
We are gathered here today to pay respects to a fallentraded Cubbie. A guy who knew how to catch a ball (most of the time), and call a game (most of the time) and throw a punch (most of the time). It didn’t matter if the guy that needed punching was in White Sox black or Cub blue, his fists did not discriminate. A guy who went from being the face of the Cubs organization in cheesy McDonald’s commercials, to being sidelined in the dugout, all in the space of one month. We’re also here to honor his hot bod- all 6’3″, 210 pounds of it, including his great ass. Let’s not forget that lovely Georgia drawl, or those beautiful blue eyes. We certainly won’t forget that Irish temperament.
Michael Patrick Barrett, or “Mikey B” to those of us who crushed on him in the Friendly Confines, we will miss you dearly here in Chicago. At least we know, in our sorrow, that you will soon be reunited on the other side with your maker Greg Maddux (just please don’t let this trade turn out like the career-killing Todd Walker trade to the Pads).
In honor of Mikey B’s passing to the Pads, I’ve set up a picture memorial for him after the jump. Please feel free to leave your own respects in the comment book.
Along with a great ass, eyeblack and broad shoulders & chest, the sexiest thing on a ballplayer are his forearms. Especially at the plate, all tensed and ready to go to work. A man’s forearms are masculine and protecting at the same time- muscular enough to swing a heavy bat, strong enough to knock someone out (or to hold you close, if you like the schmoopy stuff).
And judging by the number of hits we get from people searching for athletes’ forearms, there’s a lot of other ladies out there who agree.
Scott’s a 5-tool player: ass, eyeblack, shoulders, chest and forearms.
I’ve got twenty (!) hot ballplayers’ forearms for you after the jump. You’re welcome. Continue reading →
* Jonathan Papelbon notched his 16th save on Saturday, helping the Sox to a 1-0 win over the Giants (en route to a 3-game sweep). Is it wrong that I cross my fingers and hope the Sox are only up by 3 or less every 8th inning? [The Times says the Sox are winning for all the wrong reasons]- I say, keep those wins coming.
* On the other side of Fenway Park, guitar-strumming hottie Barry Zito was wondering what the heck has gone wrong for him so far. He’s 6-7 with a 4.41 ERA this year, just after signing the largest contract ever given to a pitcher (not named Clemens). [$126MM smackeroos can change a lot of things, I guess.]
All I know about sports, and my undying love for them, comes from my Dad.
As the daughter of a coach, I pretty much had to learn sports or perish- and I definitely chose to learn (and love) them. Some of my earliest memories are of me and my mother sitting in the stands on Friday nights and watching my dad coach in football games and waving my black and gold pompom for Lubbock High.
Daddy also made sure I grew up indoctrinated in the Church of the Texas Longhorns. The lullaby he sang to me as a baby wasn’t the standard “Rock A Bye Baby” tune, it was “The Eyes of Texas”. I’m pretty sure I learned to do the Hook ‘Em Horns handsign before I learned to walk. Continue reading →
Beyond this entrance gate, much hotness can be found…
I’ve got your viewer’s guide to all the hotties playing the links this weekend at the U.S. Open at Oakmont outside lovely and scenic (really!) Pittsburgh, PA. And thank you USGA and Oakmont for letting spectators take cameras onto the course, at least for the practice rounds, because I’ve also got pictures.
Can those cute dimples carry Zach to an Open victory?
Take a gander at all the guys to watch for after the jump…
A hot ass smudged with dirt from a great slide? Yes, please!
And now we’re moving on to the single digits- the next five finest baseball asses around in our countdown on the way to the greatest butt of them all… the baseball bootie to end all booties. Follow me after the jump for #10-6…
A guy who grows up a Mets fan as a kid in Virginia, and ends up living the dream by his early 20’s. A guy whose stunning good looks are better suited to a cinema screen, rather than the corner man on the diamond. A guy who starts his own foundation at age 23 to raise money for multiple sclerosis, and wins a bubble-blowing contest for charity. A guy who is smart enough to take a share in the company signing him to an endorsement deal, instead of a flat fee (earning him a cool $20 million when the company is sold). A guy who is unfailingly polite, known far and wide for going out of his way for fans, who hustles his butt off and has the respect of his entire team. A guy whose idea of a perfect date is, no lie, to walk on the beach and listen to the waves. Oh yeah, and a guy who is an All-Star (starter, at that) in just his second year in the big leagues.
All that *and* a great ass, killer scruff and charming smile? David Wright, you really are almost too good to be true.
As you’ve probably guessed by now, Ladies… Texas Gal and Clare are quite the Phillies Phans. Unfortunately, they’re separated by 750 miles and a change of time zones. How do they remedy this problem? For what we hope will be the first in a series of Two Homers Discuss… pieces, they fire up their IM programs of choice, chat away and save the results FOR YR LOLZ AND ENJOYMENTZ.
Texas Gal: I’M TIRED OF THESE MOTHER HUBBARD METS IN THIS MOTHER HUBBARD DIVISION
Clare: HI TEX IT’S CL
Texas Gal: WHY DON’T THEY GROW THE FUDGE UP
Texas Gal: PARDON MY FRENCH
Texas Gal: THIS IS WH
Texas Gal: THIS IS WH
Texas Gal: THIS IS WHY I’M HOT
* I take full responsibility. By openly laughing at the circus sideshow that is Alex Rodriguez, I basically guaranteed karma would come back at me- in the form of a recorded L for my #1 hottie Jonathan Papelbon (thanks to an A-Rod bomb). Outside fastball, Papyboo? Throw the splitter next time, baby. [And Boston begins a mini-freakout]
* The dugout brawl between hottie Michael Barrett and Carlos Zambrano has been overanalyzed already, so I will simply say: (a) both of them are hotheads (Mikey B: AJ punch, fight with Oswalt; Zammy: spiking Todd Walker’s hat, calling out Matt Murton from the mound), (b) of course I side with Michael. [Scoreboard always wins any argument.]
* Hawaiian cutie Shane Victorino gave all the Philly fans at CBP two gifts yesterday: the snazzy Shane-in-a-hula-skirt bobblehead, and a walk-off home run to beat the Giants. [He makana nâu, Phanatics.]
Compiling a list of the 25 hottest asses in baseball is harder than it would seem- because, as I quickly learned, every single ballclub has lots of great looking butts… and at least one or two spectacular ones. Some guys help their cause by wearing appropriately close-fitting pants (#1 on the list is a master at this technique) and wearing those pants in the flattering high-cuffed fashion (#3 does this gloriously). But in the end, it’s the ass that matters- no matter what team he’s on or what kind of pants he’s wearing (though I’d urge them all to follow the example of #1 and #3 if they want a little help in the rankings next year).