Today ain’t any normal Monday, and this ain’t gonna be your normal Hit & Run- because we have some serious celebratin’ to do. Perhaps you haven’t heard- but the Boston Red Sox, Chicago Cubs and Philadelphia Phillies all clinched their division titles over the weekend… and as you might expect, GordonShumway, Clare and I are a tad bit excited about that.
OK, we’re freakin’ ecstatic. We’re bouncing off the walls, rally towel waving, champagne swigging, hugging random strangers, put an empty Bud Light case on our head and dance around in our underwear ECSTATIC. And we’re triple tag-teaming this H&R to share a little bit of our excitement with you.
And, of course, I’ve gathered together plenty of pictures of celebratory ballplayers covered in champagne after the jump…
What a weekend for College Football. There were 8 (EIGHT!) Top 25 losses, with only one of those not being an upset (Oregon-Cal). There were two other games that came right down to the wire (Wisc-MSU, USC-Washington). There was also a rather embarrassing display by the Big Ten (Ill over PSU, Indiana over Iowa, NW almost beating Mich); the Big Ten well and truly sucks balls this year. A couple of Ladies’ teams had their bye weeks, another Lady was out of town, still other Ladies have baseball to concentrate on right now. And I just sit over in the corner of Ladies Headquarters…in my Iowa jersey, cuddling my Scott Rolen doll, crying and eating Chunky Monkey. (Edited to add: Metschick is here with me.) On to our thoughts….. Continue reading →
Lovable Losers. Curse of the Billy Goat. 99 years and counting. Cubs fans have had to endure it all.
But this year is a little different. Not only did the Cubbies field a talented team this season that produced on the diamond (exactly how well they produced won’t be known until Sunday)… they also managed to put together a roster full of cuties (and that’s even without uber-hottie Todd Walker).
You’re not going to find any pretty boys on this team, guys who overindulge on hair products (cough*PatBurrell*cough) or spend hours in front of the mirror (cough*ARod*cough). But you are going to find a handsome group of guys who are so hardworking and scrappy and cute you just want to take them home and bake them a nice batch of oatmeal cookies.
Everyone loves the Cubs- even Andie!- so just give in and sing along with me:
They got the power, they got the speed
To be the best in the National League
Well this is the year and Cubs are real
So come on down to Wrigley Field
Go, Cubs, go!
Go, Cubs, go!
Hey, Chicago, what do you say?
The Cubs are gonna win today!
Check out all the lovely Cubby goodness after the jump…
There’s a chill in the air, the days are getting shorter, the nights are getting longer- and that can mean only one thing: it’s almost time for the MLB playoffs. Unfortunately for most fans, the postseason just ain’t in the Cards (hee!) for you this year.
The thrill of victory is matched only in sheer emotion by the agony of defeat. And with less than a week to go in the regular baseball season, there are an awful lot of fans tasting the bitterness of defeat. The majority of AL and NL teams have already been officially eliminated from the possibility of the playoffs… and that’s never a fun place to be. Until now.
Just for those of you out there who have already seen your hopes for the postseason cruelly dashed, I’ve put together a whole smorgasbord of hotties from all the eliminated teams. It’s like a parade of consolation hottness.
This may not make up for how bad your team sucked this season, but hopefully it’ll make the thought of a baseball-less October a lot less painful.
Apologies to all the Ladies this morning for my delay in posting this this week’s Fantasy Football results. I went to do the post last night, but WordPress was down for repairs and I ended up falling asleep to “My House Flip” before eventually making it to bed.
What a sleep it was though. I never ever – EVER – dream about making out with hot celebrities in my sleep. Ever. (Ok, maybe once, but I think it has been quite some time since it last happened.)
Last night? I dreamt that George Clooney was running a abs-fitness boot camp and that I was taking the class, only to have George work me harder than the other students. After the training session, we ended up kissing for a bit, and he looks at me and says, “Don’t you remember me?” This teasing goes back and forth a little bit, and then he acts all hurt that I don’t remember hooking-up with him at the premiere party after-party for The Rundown. (Note – George Clooney was not in The Rundown, nor did I go to that premiere.) Anyway, he walks me back to my car and we make plans for later that day, leaving me to call my friend Jeremy and figuring out how to explain to TSB how I made out Clooney in summer of 2003 because that was about the time we stopped seeing other people and made our whole deal exclusive. (By this point in the dream, Clooney was looking more like Billy Zane, but I could have cared less. Both hot.)
The Oakland Athletics have long held the crown of the hottest team in baseball- the team that’s as much fun to watch stretch during BP as actually play baseball during a game. This year, with the downturn in the team’s on-field fortunes and the unfortunate string of guys sent to the DL, the A’s have also turned into a pipeline of hotness that keeps all the other teams in baseball fully stocked on hotties. Thank goodness for the gold and green.
But even without dearly departed hotties Todd Walker, Barry Zito, Ryan Langerhans and Bobby Kielty, the Athletics are still smokin’ hot. Take a gander at what Oakland has to offer after the jump…
We’re back with another week of great college football. There were some fun upsets and we can all laugh at how Notre Dame has started 0-4 for the first time in the history of everything. Hee hee.
Metschick: Rutgers had a bye this week, as it prepares itself for Saturday’s game against the Maryland Terps. So, with no Scarlet Knights game to watch, I turned my eye to another Big East game: Syracuse @ Louisville. Imagine my surprise at seeing Syracuse, an 0-3 team, beating the Cardinals – and even though the final score was 38-35, it wasn’t that close for most of the afternoon. At one point, the Orange led 38-21. Never mind that Brian Brohm had 555 yards, his defense let him down. (Ed.’s note: Iowa dropped 35 points on ‘Cuse and held them scoreless. I’m just sayin’)
Week 2 of the Stand By Your Man fantasy football league had two Ladies, (Andrea and Clare), already looking to their back-up boyfriends and featured hottie QBs that were going against each other in the Sunday Night Football game.
Metschick (De)Jesus’ Homies
SA Woodson over Manning
Eli Manning 13.44
“Just a friend”
Matt Leinart 14.56
Overall team score
Winning QB and Game winner – SA
Metschick - I hate you, Philip Rivers. Yeah, you played better this week, but you only got me 11 points, and the QB your team faced netted my opponent 22. Whatever, just get out of my sight.
The tables have turned for the Ladies, some for the better and some….not so much. Metschick seems to be cruising along swimmingly and we all completely hate her and the Scarlet Knight she rode in on. (Just kidding, Metsy! Haha, don’t hurt me!) Follow me after the jump for contemplations, crying and cleavage….
First off, the Ladies would like to extend thoughts and prayers to one of our baseball finds this year, Jarrod Saltalamacchia of the Texas Rangers. He has told the Rangers he will not be available to play winter ball because his wife Ashley is already having complications with the pregnancy of their second child. We hope everything turns out just fine for the Saltalamacchias. [That Must Be a Heckuva Last Name to Consider When Naming Your Children]
Love maybe blind to flaws and shortcomings, but after the Week 1 of the Ladies Fantasy Quarterback League, more of than a few of the Ladies might be wondering if they should lie to their main squeezes and say that they have to go to their grandmother’s house next Sunday while quietly sending their back-up hotties a few text-messages to see if they might be around for a booty call. You know. Just in case.
In repeat of Super Bowl XLI, Colts’ hottie Peyton Manning had his way with the Bears’ Sexy Rexy who couldn’t find his way end zone against San Diego. Overall though, Team Speckhosen sports Terrell Owens, Plaxico Burress, Joseph Addai,Travis Henry, Antonio Gates, and Mike Vrabel. Which is to say, that girl Clare is stacked! Holly would have been better served if she played the homer card and started the Colts defense and their 20 points that were wasted on the bench, instead of the Dallas D which cost her a valuable point for being -1 at the end of the day.
How bad are the Raiders? Jon “Fuck Lion” Kitna was able to go for 289 yards, 3 TDs, give up 2 INTs, and still walk – Stray Cat Strut? – away with the win. Continue reading →
The quarterback. The team leader. The play maker. The American symbol of all that is intelligent, strong, and virile. And as such, the quarterback is the ultimate fantasy position for the Ladies.
We thought we’d mix up the usual fantasy football draft this year and select just the hottest quarterbacks in the league. QB’s we can cheer for all season, not based on what they do for our team stats, but what they do to stir our passions both on and off the field.
Oh sure, we will have the rest of the team to think about too, but we are only really concerned with our football boyfriends. Our boys will play head-to-head in a two-division league, 14 week season with a three week playoff. Each Lady will select her main squeeze and the man she keeps on the side.
Serpentine draft order: Texas Gal, TheStarterWife, Andrea, Clare, Metschick, Holly, GordonShumway, and SA.
What’s this? A Hump Day Hottie that’s NOT a baseball player? I know- even I’m shocked! I was feeling a bit guilty about overloading the Wednesday posts with baseball lookers. OK, I wasn’t feeling the slightest bit guilty at all- but I did want to celebrate the start of the NFL season tomorrow with a little somethin’-somethin’ for the football fans around here.
And what a somethin’-somethin’, indeed. Hello, David Carr.
You may have been unceremoniously dumped by the Texans, but the Carolina Panthers have clearly proven they appreciate hotness (Jake Delhomme, anyone?) so you’ll be better off with them — and what the hell do the Texans know about football anyway? (answer: not a damn thing) I think we’ll all be just as happy to see him in Panther blue (aqua? turquoise? teal?) this fall…
COLLEGE FOOTBALL IS HERE! Welcome to a new weekly feature here at Ladies: thoughts on our homer teams from the previous weekend. We’ve got 8 Ladies and 8 colleges, though that is because G-shum wants two and TSW just putters around the Ladies Batcave muttering about Yinzers and some Lawrence Fishburn-lookalike. Lots of great college football this past weekend, so let’s check in with all the Ladies after their teams’ first fall outings….. Continue reading →
It’s finally time. This one’s been a long way in the offing- and, in my opinion, criminally overdue. Why hasn’t Aaron “Bacon Pants” Rowand been featured as a Hump Day Hottie before now? We’ve had him jumping out of a cupcake, but we haven’t given him the full HDH treatment. I can only say that I was saving him for a special occasion- and the last HDH before football season kicks off seems like the perfect time (not to mention that TODAY IS HIS 30th BIRTHDAY). I have only myself to blame for keeping his hottness away from y’all for so long. I hope this makes up for it.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings so early in the day, but Ladies… it looks like David Wrightis going to be a confirmed bachelor for the near future. That’s right- return the wedding dress, cancel the caterer and see if you can get a refund on that church deposit– because the #1 thing in DWright’s life is white, spherical and has big ol’ red stitches across its face… and I’m not talking about Mr. Met.
And while Davey’s Mets were getting pounded by Boomer Wells and the Dodgers (sorry, Metsy), fellow New Yorkers of the pinstriped variety ran into problems of their own with the Tigers– and Curtis Granderson‘s inside the park homerun helped lead Detroit to the W. Wonder if those wheels Curtis has can take them all the way to the playoffs?
Our previous foray into athletes in suits seemed to suggest that… we love seeing athletes in suits. I mean, we love seeing non-athlete men in suits, too — but there’s something extra exciting about seeing athletes out of their everyday gear and into some spiffy duds.
After the jump, feast your eyes on a whole bunch of be-suited athletes. And give us your thoughts on the most difficult of questions: do they look better in uniform or in a suit?
So I go away for a few days, and the next I thing I know, the other Ladies… have conquered the world. Fantastic work, y’all!
I’m airport blogging it again this week, this time from scenic LaGuardia Airport in New York (thanks to a cancellation of my flight back to Chicago from Boston yesterday) — so let’s all get caught up on the latest hottie news together, shall we?
The scenery in Pawtucket is lovely this time of year.
* While the big boy Sox didn’t fare so well against the Angels on Sunday (maybe they were hungover from Saturday’s night’s 10-run tear?), the AAA-PawSox were looking mighty fine against the Syracuse Chiefs on Sunday in Pawtucket. Ladies’ mascot Jacoby Ellsbury, freshly back from his appearance in Boston on Friday, scored the game-winning run.
Today’s H&R is gonna be quick and dirty, coming at ya all GordonShumway style from the Philadelphia airport. I have precisely 20 minutes to put together some hottie tidbits- so my selections today are coming straight off the top of my head. After six days of baseball games, my attention span is running short anyway- so play along while I randomly skip around the sporting world.
* First off, have to give some love to dirty sexy hottie Aaron “Bacon Pants” Rowand for putting on a show against the Braves over the weekend- including a spectacular home run and an even more spectacularly crazy catch in the outfield that saved our bacon (ahem) and helped clear the way (along with a giant 3-run homer by cutie Ryan Howard) for the Phillies’ 5-3 victory over Atlanta. All despite some horrific baserunning by Pat “Slowcamotive” Burrell.
2nd place in the NL East means we’re coming for you, Mets!
* And then there’s golf hottie Sergio “Make It Rain… With Spit” Garcia, who found yet another new and exciting way to lose a major when he signed an incorrect scorecard on Saturday, DQing him from the PGA Championship. Never trust a guy named “Boo”, Sergio- it’s doubtful he’s functionally literate, much less able to keep up with scoring a tourney properly.
Fortunately, hottie Tiger “Make It Rain… With Birdies” Woods stepped right in to claim the victory.
So you’re on deck. You’ve swung the bat a few times with the donut, you’ve tightened (and re-tightened) your batting gloves, you’ve tarred your bat and helmet up nice and good, and your kick-ass music is playing out across the ballpark as you step in to the batter’s box. You’re ready to do battle with that good-for-nothin’ pitcher… and then you see this:
Oh my sweet lord.
How the hell is a batter supposed to concentrate with that stare drilling down from the mound? Never mind the intimidation factor, a pitcher’s glare is flat out HOT. It is part predatory, part arrogance, part master craftsman; all testosterone, all serious – and it is undeniably sexy. And the piercing stare from a closer? Well, you might as well turn out the lights and go home, because it is GAME OVER. The intensity, the attitude, the single-minded focus… that glare says, “I am a man. I am here to do business. And I am about to rock your world.” Please, sir- may I have some more?
Try to resist the lineup of pitchers’ stares after the jump…
On any given day, we send each other between 50 and 200 emails. (70% sports, 15% website chatter, 7% pillow fighting and baby oil discussion, 4% on how our lives are going, 4% on how much we hate other blogs that shall remain nameless.)
So in the spirit of the CHEEZE DOODLE BACON PANTS post, here is the thread that took place this week in response to Chris Mottram’s post on Mr. Irrelevant about dating women who like the NFL. The conversation runs from dating guys who didn’t like sports, bar fights, holding your tongue as not to show up your sweetie in front of his crew, and eventually to my new favorite word, “douchesnozzle”.
Leading up to this point, we had been talking about Metschick’s new boyfriend… Continue reading →
What did the fans of the Texas Rangers do to get so lucky? Not only did they land my darling Kason Gabbard, they also picked up the hottest guy on the market, Jarrod Saltalamacchia. And they’ve already assimilated him!
Let’s travel back to The Day, you know- two days ago. Back when all was right with the world, and Salty was in the red and blue of the Braves, instead of the red and blue of the Rangers. This will be the only time you ever hear me say something good about the Braves- but their roster is chock full of hotties, and it’s sad to see Jarrod relegated to Dallas. At least he’ll have Kason to keep him kompany– they can share their letter-related woes as well: since Kason was stuck with a typo maybe Jarrod can lend him a spare letter.
See a full lineup of Salty-in-Braves goodness after the jump…
Newly off the DL, uber-hottie Huston Street ran into some trouble against the Mariners on Sunday and picked up the loss. I’m pretty sure I know a girl or two who’d be happy to comfort him. (and love that retro uni)
Not only did Astros pitcher cutie Jason Jennings get the L on Sunday, he gave up 11 runs… in one inning. I have nothing clever to say about that, just… YOWCH.
click the thumbnails for full-size photos
And special love to HOF’er Hotties Cal Ripken, Jr. and Tony Gwynn, who were inducted into Cooperstown yesterday. Congrats to both men- each played the game right (and each played for just one team their entire career, to boot).
As the trade deadline nears, the Ladies… are forced to contemplate that tough question that crops up this time each year: what will happen to all the hotties?
So we’re stepping into the shoes of Theo Epstein for the day (naturally, since he’s the hottest GM in the major leagues), and assigning a market value to the hottest ballplayers rumored to be up on the block– based solely on just how smokin’ they are. A cadre of the Ladies… (five to be exact, enough to fill a front office for an All-Hot Team) put the candidates through a rigorous evaluation process, and submitted their valuations- in dollar signs- of the hottest possibilities. After some difficult and lengthy calculations, we’re sharing our scouting report ranking their hottie value.
It’s a hot, hot market out there, and we’re not afraid to spend a pretty penny on a pretty boy. But just how much are each of these ballplayers worth?
Huston Street is smoking hot. Let’s get that out of the way right off the bat. Outrageously hot (and don’t forget the award-winning ass). He’s also a lights-out closer for the Oakland A’s, and the proud owner of the 2005 AL Rookie of the Year trophy. He’s charming and hilarious (see: exhibit A or his in-the-booth commentary during the July 5th A’s game). He is a budding wine connoisseur. He plays the guitar. He wrote an interesting blog for ESPN (I know! Interesting content on ESPN? Check out his thoughts on MLB clubhouses). He’s madly in love with his fiance and proposed with 1,500 roses (that is not a typo). His intro music is “Hate Me Now” by Nas. He pitches with his tongue stuck out DWright-like in concentration.
Oh, yeah- and he won my beloved University of Texas the 2002 National Championship in baseball — following in his dad’s footsteps, who won us the 1969 National Championship in football (and was a hottie to boot- Huston looks almost identical to his dad back in the day). Huston’s twin younger brothers (Jordon and Juston) play baseball for Texas as well- and, yes, they’re hot, too. The whole Street clan (including older half-brother Ryan, an architect, and baby brother Hanson, a college student) are huge Longhorn fans, and get as geeked about Texas college football games as any other fan. So… Huston is pretty much perfect.
And on the occasion of his return from the DL, it’s high time he gets the full Hump Day Hottie treatment. Welcome back, Huston.
A whole heckuva lot of Street goodness- including pics of the whole hottie Street clan- after the jump.
WELCOME BACK: Jon Lester. The Red Sox cutie pitcher is making his first major league start tonight in Cleveland since being diagnosed with cancer last year. The last time he pitched was almost a year ago (August of ’06), in the midst of a rookie season that saw him go 5-0 in his first 5 decisions. He was diagnosed with a form of lymphoma last August at just 22 years old, underwent chemo, and was cleared as cancer-free in December. He’s battled back, rehabbed in the minors, and is ready and rarin’ to go. (and see ya later to Andrea’s “hottie” Julian Tavarez, who heads back to the bullpen).
SEE YA LATER: Sergio Garcia. Even though ultra-hottie Sergio sat atop the Leaderboard of the British Open all three days leading into Sunday’s final round, Irish hottie Padraig Harrington came from behind and pushed Sergio into a four-hole playoff… from which Padraig emerged victorious. In the battle of the sexy accents, Ireland wins this round.
I have to say that I find it cute that Sergio pleads to the golf gods in English, not Spanish- as you could hear him say “please, please, please, my god, please” at one point. Guess the golf gods weren’t swayed – though I don’t think I could have resisted.
The plaque for the alternates is in the Ladies… room
You’re standing in the on-deck circle, taking a few practice cuts and watching your teammate at the plate out of the corner of your eye.
Inhale. Grip tightens. Exhale.
36,000 of your closest friends are on hand to watch. Couple million more at home. And you haven’t made the highlight reel all week.
And there it is – that perfect song is blaring out over the loudspeakers.
Now you’re ready to do battle.
Let’s imagine for a moment that all of the Ladies… are major league baseball players. Yes, I know this would present a difficult quandary regarding whether we would ogle our own asses, forearms and eyeblack on this site (maybe we could spin off a “Gentlemen…” blog?). But the more important question is: What song would each of the Ladies… use as her at-bat music?
This is not a simple question- picking just one track to use as your theme music every single time you step up to the plate is tough. Do you go Classic Rock? Hip-Hop? Metal? I’m sure there are some pretty rockin’ hillbilly beats from Tennessee that Holly could use. (Holly’s note: Oh, you want hillbilly beats? I got your hillbilly beats RIGHT DAMN HERE.)
After some solo deliberation (using whatever criteria she chose), each Lady… submitted to me the piece of music that should play over the P.A. speakers when she stepped out of the on-deck circle and into the batter’s box. The other Ladies… haven’t even seen these yet. Take a gander at the lineup after the jump – and try and tell me this wouldn’t be an intimidating bunch to square off against at the plate.