COLLEGE FOOTBALL IS HERE! Welcome to a new weekly feature here at Ladies: thoughts on our homer teams from the previous weekend. We’ve got 8 Ladies and 8 colleges, though that is because G-shum wants two and TSW just putters around the Ladies Batcave muttering about Yinzers and some Lawrence Fishburn-lookalike. Lots of great college football this past weekend, so let’s check in with all the Ladies after their teams’ first fall outings….. Continue reading
That’s right. The Ladies… are the Deadspin guest editors this weekend.
You’re welcome to join us. Just look with your eyes, not with your hands.
Friends, we can hardly believe it ourselves:
Ladies… celebrates its six month anniversary today.
(Artwork, as ever, courtesy of our incomparable Lady J-Money)
And what a ride. We’ve traveled into enemy territory, back to our alma maters, cross country to spring training, back home for Opening Day, seen legendary parks up close and raced to the bottom of too many pint glasses.
If you’re feeling indulgent (and who wouldn’t, after that cupcake?), join us after the jump for a highlight reel:
On any given day, we send each other between 50 and 200 emails. (70% sports, 15% website chatter, 7% pillow fighting and baby oil discussion, 4% on how our lives are going, 4% on how much we hate other blogs that shall remain nameless.)
So in the spirit of the CHEEZE DOODLE BACON PANTS post, here is the thread that took place this week in response to Chris Mottram’s post on Mr. Irrelevant about dating women who like the NFL. The conversation runs from dating guys who didn’t like sports, bar fights, holding your tongue as not to show up your sweetie in front of his crew, and eventually to my new favorite word, “douchesnozzle”.
Leading up to this point, we had been talking about Metschick’s new boyfriend… Continue reading
As the trade deadline nears, the Ladies… are forced to contemplate that tough question that crops up this time each year: what will happen to all the hotties?
So we’re stepping into the shoes of Theo Epstein for the day (naturally, since he’s the hottest GM in the major leagues), and assigning a market value to the hottest ballplayers rumored to be up on the block– based solely on just how smokin’ they are. A cadre of the Ladies… (five to be exact, enough to fill a front office for an All-Hot Team) put the candidates through a rigorous evaluation process, and submitted their valuations- in dollar signs- of the hottest possibilities. After some difficult and lengthy calculations, we’re sharing our scouting report ranking their hottie value.
It’s a hot, hot market out there, and we’re not afraid to spend a pretty penny on a pretty boy. But just how much are each of these ballplayers worth?
You’re standing in the on-deck circle, taking a few practice cuts and watching your teammate at the plate out of the corner of your eye.
Inhale. Grip tightens. Exhale.
36,000 of your closest friends are on hand to watch. Couple million more at home. And you haven’t made the highlight reel all week.
And there it is – that perfect song is blaring out over the loudspeakers.
Now you’re ready to do battle.
Let’s imagine for a moment that all of the Ladies… are major league baseball players. Yes, I know this would present a difficult quandary regarding whether we would ogle our own asses, forearms and eyeblack on this site (maybe we could spin off a “Gentlemen…” blog?). But the more important question is: What song would each of the Ladies… use as her at-bat music?
This is not a simple question- picking just one track to use as your theme music every single time you step up to the plate is tough. Do you go Classic Rock? Hip-Hop? Metal? I’m sure there are some pretty rockin’ hillbilly beats from Tennessee that Holly could use. (Holly’s note: Oh, you want hillbilly beats? I got your hillbilly beats RIGHT DAMN HERE.)
After some solo deliberation (using whatever criteria she chose), each Lady… submitted to me the piece of music that should play over the P.A. speakers when she stepped out of the on-deck circle and into the batter’s box. The other Ladies… haven’t even seen these yet. Take a gander at the lineup after the jump – and try and tell me this wouldn’t be an intimidating bunch to square off against at the plate.
“I’d be honored if I were Ladies… endorsed. That’s the gold seal of approval these days.”
Deadspin commenter, musician and all-around funny guy TattooedMess(iah) is our choice for Becksiest Man Alive. TattooedMess is a 19 year-old hunk of burning love hailing from the great state of Florida. His ultimate goal is to be a recording artist and to own his own record label. He has a great blog going on and he also writes his own music. Here at Ladies, we appreciate a good sense of humor, ambition, and nicely defined V muscles, so we’d like to endorse him in the Deadspin Becksiest Man Alive Contest. Continue reading
What’s more fun than a meaningless Home Run Derby that drags on for 3 hours, broadcast by a Baker-Berman tagteam (and assisted by Kenny Mayne… in a kayak), chockfull of 1,000 player’s kids plus lameass interviews of both Bonds AND ARod? That same Home Run Derby… when liveblogged by the Ladies…!
Ryan Howard doesn’t have time for ballcaps- he’s got HRs to hit!
Each of the Ladies… claimed one of the 8 Derby participants for her very own– and then we all gathered together to revel in the inanity, discuss the intricacies of the hot butts on display, and make fun of ARod. Play along with us after the jump…
Thank Football Jesus (there’s a separate one for football), IT’S HERE.
As Draft Day dawns in America (be sure to check the actual picks against our wildly inaccurate but funnier ones over at Awful Announcing’s mock draft), the Ladies… would like to take this moment to kick back and fantasize about whom we’d like to see roaming our sidelines next season. (Of our teams. We meant the sidelines of our teams. Like, on the field where they play football. Naughty.) Join us, won’t you?
|Indianapolis Colts – Holly
Dallas Cowboys – Texas Gal
Pittsburgh Steelers – TheStarterWife
New York Jets – Metschick
Philadelphia Eagles – Clare
Carolina Panthers – SA
Chicago Bears – Lady Andrea
St. Louis Rams – J-Money
When we here at Ladies… decide we would do a feature on all 32 Major League teams, I jokingly said that for the Atlanta Braves one I could just post 10 pictures of Jeff Francoeur’s ass and call it a day. Little did I know that I could literally do that. There are many a picture of Mr. Francoeur’s ass, all that I enjoyed immensely. And it’s not like Atlanta is coming up big in the hotties category anyway. Would you, loyal reader of Ladies…, complain if 10 pics of Francoeur’s ass came after the jump? Continue reading
Just another Wednesday? I don’t think so- not when the Ladies… tag team to bring you an onslaught of hotties. In celebration of… not much of anything, just because we can- we bring you the finest buffet of hotties known to womankind. Mankind, too, for that matter. Wanna know who each of the Ladies… consider to be the hottest man alive? Now you know. TGIW, y’all.
Holly: What’s a day at Ladies… without hate sex?
With all the hotties on the PGA Tour, there was no way we were going to let the Masters slip by unnoticed. But we’re not going to bring you dry leaderboard recitations, or boring capsule summaries- which would put you to sleep faster than listening to Jim Nantz talk in hushed tones on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Instead we’re doing the Masters… hottie skins style.
Each of the Ladies… picked one hottie golfer to back in the tournament. We’re pitting our hotties against each other on the course, but instead of just giving the highest finishing hottie the win, we thought- let’s make it more interesting. Why go the simple route? So we’ll be scoring our PGA hotties in a modified skins-style format. Each hole equals one skin- and the hottie who shoots the best score on a hole (over the course of the whole tournament) will win that hole, and that skin. So it’s to each hottie’s advantage to make the cut, because that means he’ll get more shots at a better score on each hole. In the event of a tie, we will use any arbitrary means at our disposal to break the tie. Them’s the breaks.
Some Ladies… selected based on looks alone, some based on a little sentiment, some based on skills, some based on spitting accuracy. But combined, we’ve put together the hottest Leaderboard around.
As we noted earlier in our “Would you do Chris Berman” post, over at The Big Picture they’re having a nice little bracket seeding the female broadcasters against each other in a “Would you…” tourney. Their “Would you…” usually ends with comments that would make
Red Buttons Andrew Dice Clay Bob Saget blush. Now while we Ladies are far from shrinking violets, we were better off not knowing what “DSL” meant.
So for the rest of “Would you…” tournament, we’re going to give you the reasons why we like these women. Today SA is telling you all about Pam Oliver and Lady Andrea is letting you know about the finer points of Stacey Dales. Continue reading
Look, if you read Ladies… you’re watching the tournament. And I don’t need to say how fucking good North Carolina and Georgetown look. I didn’t buy into the Georgetown hype, but I am now. And Vandy? Where the hell was this all year? Seriously, where was it? Yeah, you beat Florida, but that was when they were bored with SEC play. Thank you for making me look smart and taking you to get to the Sweet 16. Thank you. Oh yeah, and giving us a good game.
But with winning comes losing and we won’t be seeing Washington State, Boston College (go to hell BC), and Michigan State anymore this year. Aww, that’s too bad because Drew Neitzel’s cute headshot will be put away for the next eight months. See people, yet another reason to hate Carolina.
Oh Drew. I can make things better for you. I can make the pain go away.
UNC 81 Michigan State 61
Georgetown 62 Boston College 55
Vanderbilt 78 Washington State 74 (2OT)
Six out of the eight games in the regional was played Thursday and all the higher seeds won. Except 9-seed Marquette who lost to 8-seed Michigan State. And let’s be honest, there is no way in hell that’s an upset. Too bad we won’t be seeing Jerel McNeal anymore this season. Stupid opposable thumbs and their injuries. Anyhoo, here are how the six games broke down yesterday:
- Carolina was given a scare by Eastern Kentucky in the second half when the Colonels pulled within four points, but the Tar Heels pulled away after that eventually winning by 21.
- Marquette never got in to the game.
- Boston College let Texas Tech hang around way too much in this game, but in the end they finally took over.
- Georgetown, Washington State, and Vanderbilt showed Belmont, Oral Roberts, and George Washington exactly how the big boys roll.
So everybody should just take a big wiff.
(I am so sorry for the Bring It On reference.)
This is hard for me to say. I’m an ACC girl. I will, until my last breath, always proclaim that the ACC is the best college basketball conference hands down. But goddamn is Georgetown good. Very good. Scary good. And Pitt? Well, at least they made the finals. That’s special for them. Continue reading
Finally, a game that was interesting from beginning to end. A game that was competitive from both teams and had all the drama we expect from March. Thank you New Mexico State. Thank you Utah State. Your stately battle was a good one and thanks to a minor upset by the hands of Utah St., your conference will be getting two teams into the tournament this year. Wiggidy WAC indeed. Continue reading
Siena, you almost made me look smart. You got the the championship game and gave it a good fight. So much so that you had me believing in you. And then you break my heart. Darn you Siena. Darn you. Niagara won the MAAC Championship, 83-79 Monday night to capture the automatic bid to the NCAA’s. This will be their second trip to the “Big Dance” in three years. Continue reading
Ah, the SoCon Tournament. Once again another conference tournament went pretty much chalk. And the number one seed, Davidson won. Big shocker. C of C got to the championship game with the home-town crowd and Davidson got there because they’re a good team. I went to this game Saturday, well the first half of the game anyway, and I must say that although it was a two-point game at halftime, I was pretty bored. And this is nothing against the Southern Conference. It just wasn’t that exciting of a game to me. I would have pictures for you. But me and my camera didn’t get along, particularly the part where it decided to jump out of my hand while walking to the entrance, breaking into a bunch of little pieces. Fuck you Sony Cyber-shot that I got for Christmas. Continue reading
I know it’s lame, I do. But every time I see the Western Athletic Conference I always call it the “wiggidy wiggidy WAC.” I use to think that I was the only person who still had “wiggidy wack” in their vocabulary, but I see that I’m not alone.
It’s not about sports, but damn if that’s not a funny clip. I really should start watching Project Runway. Continue reading
Fuck you VMI. You almost had us going there, beating third-seed Liberty by 1, and then beating the second seed High Point by 10. And giving Winthrop a game down to the last nine seconds. And having us all believe you could be one of those tournament teams that came out of nowhere. But in the end your pathetic defense did you in. Winthrop beat VMI 84-81, going to the big dance for the seventh time in nine years and for the third straight year. The Eagles were lead by Torrell Martin, who scored 17 points. VMI was lead by Travis Holmes, who scored 29 points; that led all players on the floor. He made 6 out of 9 threes in the game. The Big South tournament team-Craig Bradshaw (MVP) (Winthrop), Michael Jenkins (Winthrop), Travis Holmes (VMI), Reggie Williams (VMI), K.J. Garland (UNC Asheville), and Eugene Harris (High Point). Continue reading
The MAAC is a good league, with six out of their 10 teams having a winning record and a seventh having a .500 record in conference. The three remaining teams though have records with at least twice as many losses as wins. The overall winning record has a different story, as only the top four teams have winning records. What does that prove? That the MAAC is pretty much like any mid-major conference-one dominant team, a bunch of worthy competitors, and some pretty bad teams. Continue reading
The SoCon is one trippy league. Every year a new team makes it to the top to win the automatic bid and go to the NCAAs. Davidson is trying to nix that trend by winning the league for the second straight year. But they will have some competition as the top of the conference looks to be a crap shoot with the better teams beating each other. The rest of the league? Not so much as the other 7 teams all have a losing conference and overall record. That’s right, seven teams in a conference of 11 have losing records. Who needs the ACC when you can have the SoCon? Continue reading
How to sum up the Ohio Valley Conference? One good team, several okay teams (at least in conference), and a bunch of, well, suckey teams. Out of 11 teams, only 4 has an overall winning record. One team is exactly .500 overall. The rest? Well, they’re not so good. Austin Peay (16-4) is first in the conference, followed by Eastern Kentucky (13-7), Tennessee Tech (13-7), Murray State (13-7), and Samford (12-8). The other six teams have losing records both in conference and overall. Yeah, can we say mediocre? Continue reading
Here is the first thing you need to know about the Big South: Winthrop is good. Very good. So good that they are undefeated in conference play, won the conference outright with games to play, and will get to host the tournament on their home floor.
You read that right: They will get to host the post-season tournament on their floor because the Big South rewards the best play during the season by letting the top four teams host the first round on their home courts. The semifinals are held on the regular season champion’s floor and the final is at the home of the highest remaining seed. So it is at a team’s advantage to win the regular season, since they will pretty much get home court advantage as long as the winning continues. Continue reading