We’re This Many! The Ladies… Turn One.

One year ago, a group of female Deadspinners got together and built a website that would forever alter the sportswriting landscape. Some delusions of grandeur, but whatevs.

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Artwork, as always, by the one, the only, the incomparable Lady J-Money, who credits our success to the quality of our ingredients.

When we last saw our heroines, we were raising glasses to six months of this contraption. Since then….where to start? We got out of the house a little, and brought a few friends along for the ride. We stirred up a couple hornets’ nests and got our knees dirty. We launched a blatant homerism lovefest and let lust rule our fantasy drafts. We went undercover with the Mets and the Mitchell Report and got inside with the Tigers. We turned back time and had ourselves a total eclipse of the heart. We pledged our hearts to the World Series, and just about killed ourselves trying to get there, and just about GOT ourselves killed once we were…but that all worked out just fine, didn’t it? We got down and dirty with the history of Rock and championed the little guys. We came heroically close to covering every single bowl game. We said fond farewells to a fine crop of college boys, and found new targets for next year.

And the snacks. Oh, TSW’s snacky goodness. The legendary Buffalo Chicken Dip. The homemade corn dogs. The 9-Layer Ranchero Dip, K2 of snack foods. Pork with more pork. The genesis of our quiche obsession. The other Ladies got into the act, to the tune of Pudding Shots, Beer Bread, Cheese Straws, and a variety of meats and cheeses.

We celebrated (properly) the apex of football season (and then some), and marked the turning of the sports season. We got our gamble on. We gave thanks, wished on our stockings, spread holiday cheer and strove to be better fans. We found humor in the worst of times and stood up for boobs everywhere. We rassled and clawed and even screwed each other.

After the jump, some poetic and prosaic reflections on our year together.

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Super Bowl XLII: The Ladies React

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Holly: NOW IS THE SEASON OF MANNING.

TSW: Short of the Steelers winning SB XLII, this is best outcome. (And I am proud that three out of the four Ladies who made picks, picked the Giants.)

Clare: I cannot believe what I have just seen.

TSW: So glad it wasn’t a blow out. I cannot believe how many people said this game was going to be lame.

Andrea: WOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Best Super Bowl since Rams/Titans! Holy crap! WOOOOOOOO!!!! [falls over, asleep]

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Jump Ball: Memphis Is Pretty Good

If you haven’t been paying attention to college basketball so far this season then shame on you. It’s been pretty good. Or maybe I feel like that because my team is #3 in the country. Either way, this is the perfect time to start paying attention. You’re already tired of hearing the Super Bowl hype machine (aka Tom Brady’s booted/non booted foot), pitchers and catchers haven’t reported yet, and only a handful of you truly care about hockey. Besides, it’s never too early to start studying which teams will be upset in the first round (please not Duke again, please not Duke again, dear God please not Duke again). So here’s a recap to the weekend that was in college hoops.

First up Memphis. Yeah, I don’t think they have to worry about that first round upset thing.

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Forgive Me Brady, For I Have Sinned

See, I knew you and your Bunch (heh, get it? Get it? Cause his last name is Brady and there was a show called The Brady Bunch and since the quarterback is the face of the team most of the time people say it’s the [quarterback's last name]‘s team and there is more than one other player on that team and they could be called a bunch. Ha Ha Ha. I am soooo funny. /every single sportscaster/sportswriter in the last five years) were playing on Sunday. I really did know that. But, well, I didn’t watch. See, I had a lot of things to do on Sunday. Ok, that’s a lie and I would never lie to you. I was listening to podcasts*. Lots of podcasts. Over 20 of them. And six of them were over an hour long. But it’s not like I watched the NFC title game either. Or at least the entire game. Ok, I caught the second half. But it’s not like you had an earth shattering game or anything. In fact, you kinda sucked on Sunday. Wow, that was harsh. I’m sorry. How can I make it up to you?

More AFC Title Game goodness after the jump. Continue reading

For 2008 I Resolve…

Ah, the first of the new year. It’s that great day to kiss your sweetie (or that really hot guy standing to your left) at midnight, watching the bowl games (or outdoor hockey), and to make a fresh start in your life.

Or something like that.

Yes, last week was that time to make a whole bunch of resolutions to yourself. I know, you’ve already resolved to lose weight and to stop drinking as much and finally start saving your money for a rainy day. Let’s be honest, you’re not going to do any of that. You would have already. How about making some logical resolutions this year? I will not hate the Yankees with a white hot fire. I will appreciate Alabama for its continued devotion to a dead coach. I won’t defecate in a cooler. All the things you know you can do.

If you’re at a loss as to what you should resolve this year, read the Ladies… 2008 resolutions for some ideas. I’m sure you’ll be able to adopt some of our ideas. And if not, good luck with that whole less drinking thing. Continue reading

Who Knew Oranges Were So Sweet?

Kansas was the underdog. The underdog finally won a game. The Jayhawks beat Virginia Tech 24-21 in what turned out to be the best BCS bowl game so far. Who would have thought that? Todd Reasing had an okay game with 227 yards and a TD. And ZZ Top performed at halftime. As someone that was born when ZZ Top stopped being relevant (I’m assuming), good for them for still booking shows. Even if it is in a stadium that wasn’t full in the beginning of January. But this is about Kansas. As you guys know I love celebration pictures so that’s what you’re gonna get.

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One Citrusy Good Win

I know I should do a recap for the Citrus-excuse me, Capital One-Bowl but right now I could care less about stats and crap. Chad Henne had a great game. Adrian Arrington had a great game. Percy Harvin had a great game for the Gators. Hell, even Tim Tebow had a good game when he wasn’t on his back. I’m not going to brag. I’m not going to talk about Heismans or SEC Speed. I’m not going to talk about what could have, should have been this season. I’m not going to talk about the new coach, effective today. Right now, I’m going to take a few moments to completely enjoy the fact that my team won a game that no one, not even Michigan fans, thought they could win. I’m going to take a moment to be happy for the only coach I’ve ever known throughout my fandom so far. I’m going to take a moment to be happy that the seniors get to go out with a win.

More celebration pics… Continue reading

3-in-1 Bowl Games Spectacular! It’s Like Getting Three Games In One!

Are you a college football fan? Do you hate going from blog to blog, website to website trying to find recaps on all the games you just couldn’t see from beginning to end on New Year’s eve? Did you go out and party and get drunk and don’t remember the games you thought you saw? Well then today’s your lucky day, because for one day only we’re offering you a 3-in-1 bowl special! You’ll get three recaps in one post! No clicking around, no finding highlight, no having to go to the rival site to find some pictures, it’s all here! And when you click on the jump we’ll give you a free bottle of Johnnie Walker Black! Because Lord knows if you’re reading about Georgia Tech, Florida State, and Clemson football you need it. But that’s not all! We’ll also give you some food from one of the sponsors. It’ll go well with the bottle of liquor, plus it’s the best chicken sandwich around.

It’s the Blue Turf, music, and peaches! So don’t wait, order your 3-in-1 Bowl special now!

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Santa Baby, Hurry Down The Chimney Tonight

Just over a week left before Christmas and you’re still not sure what to get the sporty woman in your life?

Tired of at least four “diamonds for the journey” during every commercial break? Does your brain shut off the second you walk into the local mall? Does your wife grit her teeth every time she remembers the year you bought her a boom box for Christmas, which was returned on December 26th at 9 am?

We here at Ladies know how hard it can be to pick out the perfect gift, so we’ve made ours lists and checked them twice, and figured out which presents are naughty or nice for the female fans in your life.

AND IF THERE IS REALLY IS A SANTA CLAUS THAN HE CAN MAKE SOME OF OUR WISHES COME TRUE! Continue reading

The Men of the Mitchell Report

Ladies…is proud to introduce the one and only 2008 Men of the Mitchell Report Calendar: All ‘roids, all year ’round. This morning, we invite you to join us for exclusive previews along with excerpts from our liveblog of yesterday’s circus.

Roll call! What are we drinking, Ladies?

[10:27] Andrea: yeah, I gotta get my wine. I have some X Y Zin, heh heh
[10:28] TheStarterWife: I have some coffee
[10:28] TheStarterWife: but am eying the booze in the bar
[10:28] Texas Gal: I’m drinking Abita Christmas Ale
[10:28] TheStarterWife: or the beer in my fridge
[10:28] Holly: I have…water and Emergen-C. Sigh.
[10:28] Texas Gal: Louisiana swamp water beer = yum

Without further ado…I give you…Mr. January. U-S-A!!

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Pink Locker Room

First thing’s first:  my apologies to Mizzou and Oklahoma State fans out there.  Last week I forgot that just because the Big Ten is done doesn’t mean other conferences are and (obviously, now) the Big 12 Championship Game still hasn’t been determined.  Ooops!  Congrats to Kansas on remaining undefeated and a big “yikes!” to Oregon and Oklahoma.  Now let’s see how the Ladies’ teams fared….

HollyTennessee 25, Vanderbilt 24.  Sing along if you know the words:  You’re killing me, Vols.  I was roundly taunted for fearing this game; and spent most of it feeling ill that my dread was completely justified. Saturday was Senior Day.  Erik Ainge‘s last run through the T into Neyland.  I’ve loved and cheered him since he was a freshman, and he deserved better than what he got this year…but a win is a win, particularly in a conference that could end up with eleven bowl-eligible teams, and he’s soldiered on through a mad carousel of receivers and a host of injuries (enjoy the closeup of his mangled throwing hand!).  You left nothing on the field, Erik, and I couldn’t be prouder.

Two more games for certain…and Ainge deserves three.  He gave his all for Tennessee.  Let’s get him to Atlanta, boys.  Oh, and as for yesterday?  To borrow from my good buddy TCG borrowing from me:  Happy trails, assholes.  You’re still Vandy.

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Pink Locker Room

These last few weekends of football should prove to be pretty interesting.  I cannot wait to see what shakes out of the LSU-Oregon-Oklahoma-Kansas-West Virginia group.  I am particularly excited, barring something weird happening at either Iowa State or Texas Tech, to see the Big 12 Championship game between Kansas and Oklahoma.  Let’s check in with our favorites Ladies’ teams….

HollyTennessee 34, Arkansas 13.  This is only the second complete game the Vols have played this season (aided and abetted by an inexplicably abysmal game on both sides of the ball for the Razorbacks), but it couldn’t have come at a better time. Arkansas superstar and would-be Heisman frontrunner Darren McFadden was held to 117 yards.  Sounds like a lot until you remember he hung 321 on South Carolina last week. Our defense is back (for only the second time this season) to their smashmouth selves, and if we win out (far from certain with Kentucky and a spoiler-happy Vanderbilt team on the horizon), we’ll be punching tickets to the SEC Championship game. Continue reading

Pink Locker Room

Another week of college football sees undefeated Boston College fall to Florida State, which I laughed pretty hard about. AZ State fell to Oregon, leaving Ohio State, Kansas and Hawaii as the only unbeaten teams left. Personally, I’d like to see the National Title game as some combination from Oregon, Oklahoma and LSU, but if Kansas and Ohio State stay undefeated…we could end up with the most horrible National Title game EV-ER. Manboobs McCupcakes versus Cheaty McSweatervest. A real barn-burner whenever those two teams get together. But let’s find out how the Ladies’ teams did… Continue reading

Stand By Your Man – Week 7

Is there anyone more crushing to Fantasy Football owners than Tom Brady? (That is, unless you drafted Tom Brady?) His 188.10 total points for the season smoke second place Tony Romo (150.46) in the league.

Let’s just take a moment to acknowledge what geniuses we are by not drafting Brady Quinn in our all-hottie league. Not only is he still riding the pine, but the Browns starter Derek Anderson is in third with his 120.84 points. And, QUITE FRANKLY, he’s hotter than Brady in my book. More rugged. More manly. Poised even. Continue reading

Pink Locker Room

Howdy everyone. I’m filling in for Lady A this week. Something about breaking team rules or whatnot. All I know is that as the backup, I’m just being asked to not lose the game. Or whatever the blogging equivalent is.

After a kickass week of none of our teams losing, fate was not with us this past Saturday. Maybe some of our teams didn’t get the memo of what can happen when you don’t lose. Oh well. There’s always next week, right?

Lady Andrea: I tried to ride my “streak” by not watching Iowa or wearing any Iowa gear today. Clearly, that did not work because Purdue took us out behind the woodshed to the tune of 31-6. I got a text message from a friend of mine who goes to Purdue that said, “Your QB is laughably bad.” Here he is, possibly about to fall down. Sigh. At least the World Series starts soon.

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Week 6 – Shaking up the Stand By Your Man Posts. Again.

TSW - Hey Holly and SA – Did you see this headline yet?
*wonders what the sound of two exploding heads is like*

Holly – HISSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

In all seriousness: No surprise this year, really, with all the new receivers the Pats acquired and the resurgence of the Colts’ running game. They’re basically running our 2005 offense, the premise of which is: Of the eleven guys on the field, be able to throw to about eight of them. Should be a lot of fun to watch.

And yes, it’s nice for Tom to finally reach Peyton’s level. A lofty aspiration for a Wolverine–I’m happy for him! ;)

SA – OH. NO. YOU. DIDN’T.

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Pink Locker Room

Coming off a fairly disappointing week where most of the Ladies’ teams lost, the Football Gods have smiled upon us. We had an excellent week. Woo and hoo!

Metschick: Don’t have much to say on this game other than it was a game RU had to win. Esp. since I’ve had the RU/USF game circled in red for the last four weeks. It’s good to see that RU didn’t overlook the Orange (like Louisville did) and took care of business. Now, their next opponent is the new #2 team in the country, USF. I’m kinda hoping for Pandemonium in Piscataway, Part 2 – but it’s going to be tough. Pictured: Schiano. YAY!

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For Whom The Babe Roots: ALCS

baseball.gifStep right up and strap on your fighting shoes. The other half of the Ladies will now argue for the men of the diamond who’ve captured their collective American League-loving hearts. The incomparable SA pleads for the Indians, with J-Money and Texas Gal wrapping things up with the case for the Red Sox. [Note: Trusty editor Holly, a near lifelong loather of all things base-ball, has been recently converted to the Red Sox; however, not knowing what a walk-off homer is and frankly being a little skittish in this big new pond she's splashing around in, she has recused herself from the discussion.]

Batter up! Take it away, SA.

I feel a little bad for the Cleveland Indians. Despite having tied for the best record in the American League, people (*Ahem ESPN*) still treats them as the second cousin once removed. Many picked the Yankees over them in the ALDS and I would venture a guess in those same people picking the Red Sox over them in the ALCS. Which means they need all the people on their bandwagon they can get. Here are 10 reasons why you should root for the Indians.

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Stand By Your Man – Fantasy QB Results: Week 5

Week 5. Really. It is already Week 5. One-third of the regular season is done and gone.

Tom Brady remains the only undefeated QB (surprisingly in head to head QB match-ups Peyton Manning is 2-3 in this league), and Clare’s Speckhosen finally come back to earth with a loss this weekend leaving her tied with SA and myself at 4-1.

This weekend also saw GordonShumway’s Jake Delhomme go out for the season, so she might want to consider sending her third stringer Jay Cutler a few casual, “How’ve you been” emails while Drew Brees proves to be the flakiest date of the season.

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Pink Locker Room

I feel like this week it should be the Orange Locker Room, since Holly’s Volunteers so thoroughly kicked Georgia’s ass. Thank god for small favors, like USC’s upset and Notre Dame finally getting a win, which caused most of the campus to play in a giant fountain and the reflecting pool by TD Jesus. That was actually pretty fun. I can take a wee bit of solace in those things because I sure as hell am not finding any in Iowa. Let’s see how the other Ladies are feeling…..

Metschick: Well, I guess Rutgers has shown that they are what we thought they were – a mediocre team that had been feasting on cupcakes. Now they’ve lost two in a row, including their Big East opener, although losing to the Bearcats isn’t a horrible thing. They’re a very good team, but I still wish Rutgers had won.

And this is why I didn’t want to invest further in college football. I’m already a Mets fan – I don’t think I can handle the additional heartache of another team. I honestly wasn’t expecting an undefeated season. But after the criticism of the soft early schedule, RU is really looking subpar when facing real competition. Oh, and I wish we had a bionic quarterback like Ben Mauk instead of Mike Teel. Does he understand that he’s supposed to throw to the guys in scarlet? Because none of the Knights deserve it, and because I couldn’t find a good picture of Haruki Nakamura, here’s Ben Mauk:

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Ladies University 1st Annual Screw Your Roommate Dance

October at Ladies U. Summer tans have all but faded away. The air is finally cold enough to pull favorite sweaters out of storage. Too late in the semester to drop Legends of the PGA without getting an “incomplete”.

And it time for the annual Screw Your Roommate Dance. As is tradition, each Lady selected her roommate’s date for dance. Pick someone too perfect and you miss the fun of watching the gal who keeps using your special lavender mint lotion ($36 a bottle! Buy your own bitch!) squirm. Choose someone too heinous and you’re apt to find your macroeconomics textbook being used as a bong in revenge.

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Stand By Your Man – Fantasy QB Results: Week 4

Short and sweet as we go into Week 4 of the Ladies “Stand by Your Man” hottie QB fantasy league. I’m exhausted from seeing my main squeeze play in person – more on this later in the week – and let’s face it; October is when all hell breaks loose in sports. Some of the craziest baseball in ages, (Rockies, Cubs, Phillies, and Diamondbacks? Who the hell had that in the pool?), hockey has dropped its first puck, and now that we are 1/4 through the regular season, the NFL story lines are in place. Favre’s record setting season. Peyton Manning and Tom Brady continue to walk on water. Romo is for real. Grossman rides the pine. And Philip Rivers is secretly txting Marty every time Norv turns his back. Continue reading

Pink Effing Locker Room

What a weekend for College Football. There were 8 (EIGHT!) Top 25 losses, with only one of those not being an upset (Oregon-Cal). There were two other games that came right down to the wire (Wisc-MSU, USC-Washington). There was also a rather embarrassing display by the Big Ten (Ill over PSU, Indiana over Iowa, NW almost beating Mich); the Big Ten well and truly sucks balls this year. A couple of Ladies’ teams had their bye weeks, another Lady was out of town, still other Ladies have baseball to concentrate on right now. And I just sit over in the corner of Ladies Headquarters…in my Iowa jersey, cuddling my Scott Rolen doll, crying and eating Chunky Monkey. (Edited to add: Metschick is here with me.) On to our thoughts….. Continue reading

Stand By Your Man – Fantasy QB Results: Week 3

Apologies to all the Ladies this morning for my delay in posting this this week’s Fantasy Football results. I went to do the post last night, but WordPress was down for repairs and I ended up falling asleep to “My House Flip” before eventually making it to bed.

What a sleep it was though. I never ever – EVER – dream about making out with hot celebrities in my sleep. Ever. (Ok, maybe once, but I think it has been quite some time since it last happened.)

Last night? I dreamt that George Clooney was running a abs-fitness boot camp and that I was taking the class, only to have George work me harder than the other students. After the training session, we ended up kissing for a bit, and he looks at me and says, “Don’t you remember me?” This teasing goes back and forth a little bit, and then he acts all hurt that I don’t remember hooking-up with him at the premiere party after-party for The Rundown. (Note – George Clooney was not in The Rundown, nor did I go to that premiere.) Anyway, he walks me back to my car and we make plans for later that day, leaving me to call my friend Jeremy and figuring out how to explain to TSB how I made out Clooney in summer of 2003 because that was about the time we stopped seeing other people and made our whole deal exclusive. (By this point in the dream, Clooney was looking more like Billy Zane, but I could have cared less. Both hot.)

So back to the Fantasy Football post. Continue reading

Nolan Vs. Tomlin-Whose Team Do You Wanna Be On?

This Sunday in Pittsburgh the 49ers and the Steelers meet in an important early season match-up.

Not the teams. I’m talking about the coaches-Mike Nolan and Mike Tomlin.

I envy the woman who’ll be at Heinz Field. But the question is, who’s hotter? This was brought up last Wednesday when I said this is the Hit & Run:

Nolan > Tomlin

Needless to say, TheStarterWife didn’t agree. So we thought we’ll put it out there…

Nolan or Tomlin? Who ya got?

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Pink Locker Room

The tables have turned for the Ladies, some for the better and some….not so much. Metschick seems to be cruising along swimmingly and we all completely hate her and the Scarlet Knight she rode in on. (Just kidding, Metsy! Haha, don’t hurt me!) Follow me after the jump for contemplations, crying and cleavage….

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Stand By Your Man – Fantasy QB Results: Week 1

Love maybe blind to flaws and shortcomings, but after the Week 1 of the Ladies Fantasy Quarterback League, more of than a few of the Ladies might be wondering if they should lie to their main squeezes and say that they have to go to their grandmother’s house next Sunday while quietly sending their back-up hotties a few text-messages to see if they might be around for a booty call. You know. Just in case.

Holly JimBobCooterGaveMe6

vs

Clare Speckhosen

Peyton Manning
23.52

Starting QB

Rex Grossman
4.80

Did Not Play – Not sweaty
David Carr

Backup QB

Jon Kitna
25.26


Donovan McNabb 11.26

“Just a friend”

Matt Schaub 11.90

158.92

Overall team score

163.70

QB Winner – Holly and Peyton Manning
Overall Winner – Clare

In repeat of Super Bowl XLI, Colts’ hottie Peyton Manning had his way with the Bears’ Sexy Rexy who couldn’t find his way end zone against San Diego. Overall though, Team Speckhosen sports Terrell Owens, Plaxico Burress, Joseph Addai,Travis Henry, Antonio Gates, and Mike Vrabel. Which is to say, that girl Clare is stacked! Holly would have been better served if she played the homer card and started the Colts defense and their 20 points that were wasted on the bench, instead of the Dallas D which cost her a valuable point for being -1 at the end of the day.

How bad are the Raiders? Jon “Fuck Lion” Kitna was able to go for 289 yards, 3 TDs, give up 2 INTs, and still walk – Stray Cat Strut? – away with the win.
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Pink Locker Room

Welcome to the Pink Locker Room, where the Ladies have tickle fights, eat lots of bacon and talk college football. In the midst of all the NFLy goodness, we still had a fun day of football on Saturday. Let’s check in with our Ladies’ teams…..


Metschick
: WOO! RU won Friday night! It wasn’t a terribly pretty win, but I’ll take it. The Scarlet Knights scored 41, and the game was never really close, but seeing so many penalties was a little dismaying. I don’t want to imagine what a better team would do with all those mistakes. And dammit – I have to wait a week to see another game? (RU vs. Norfolk, 9/15/07) . Hottie Mike Teel pictured below:


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Ladies Fantasy Quarterback Draft – Stand By Your Man

The quarterback. The team leader. The play maker. The American symbol of all that is intelligent, strong, and virile. And as such, the quarterback is the ultimate fantasy position for the Ladies.

We thought we’d mix up the usual fantasy football draft this year and select just the hottest quarterbacks in the league. QB’s we can cheer for all season, not based on what they do for our team stats, but what they do to stir our passions both on and off the field.

Oh sure, we will have the rest of the team to think about too, but we are only really concerned with our football boyfriends. Our boys will play head-to-head in a two-division league, 14 week season with a three week playoff. Each Lady will select her main squeeze and the man she keeps on the side.

Serpentine draft order: Texas Gal, TheStarterWife, Andrea, Clare, Metschick, Holly, GordonShumway, and SA.

Texas Gal – On the clock –
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