Santa Baby, Hurry Down The Chimney Tonight

Just over a week left before Christmas and you’re still not sure what to get the sporty woman in your life?

Tired of at least four “diamonds for the journey” during every commercial break? Does your brain shut off the second you walk into the local mall? Does your wife grit her teeth every time she remembers the year you bought her a boom box for Christmas, which was returned on December 26th at 9 am?

We here at Ladies know how hard it can be to pick out the perfect gift, so we’ve made ours lists and checked them twice, and figured out which presents are naughty or nice for the female fans in your life.

AND IF THERE IS REALLY IS A SANTA CLAUS THAN HE CAN MAKE SOME OF OUR WISHES COME TRUE!

The Men of the Mitchell Report

Ladies…is proud to introduce the one and only 2008 Men of the Mitchell Report Calendar: All ‘roids, all year ’round. This morning, we invite you to join us for exclusive previews along with excerpts from our liveblog of yesterday’s circus.

Roll call! What are we drinking, Ladies?

[10:27] Andrea: yeah, I gotta get my wine. I have some X Y Zin, heh heh
[10:28] TheStarterWife: I have some coffee
[10:28] TheStarterWife: but am eying the booze in the bar
[10:28] Texas Gal: I’m drinking Abita Christmas Ale
[10:28] TheStarterWife: or the beer in my fridge
[10:28] Holly: I have…water and Emergen-C. Sigh.
[10:28] Texas Gal: Louisiana swamp water beer = yum

Without further ado…I give you…Mr. January. U-S-A!!

Hit & Run: I think the Falcons were a teensy bit distracted, no?

The New Orleans Saints walloped the Atlanta Falcons, 34-14, in the Monday night game. I, of course, didn’t watch the game because (wait for it) I went to Walmart to look for a toy. Also, I was a bit bored. Sometimes, when I’m bored, I head to Walmart to see what sticks. I really prefer Target but eh, Walmart’s okay in a pinch. Yesterday, I picked up some tapioca pudding, some PlayDoh, a few pairs of trouser socks, a package of gel pens, a pair of Tinkerbell slippers (for Baby Mets) and a loaf of bread. I love being able to pick up all kinds of crap in one place. But I did not find the toy I was looking for. That damn Little Tikes Sing Along CD player is sold out everywhere.

Anyways, Drew Brees passed for 300+ yards and 3 TDs in an impressive performance. I forget which of the Ladies… has Drew, but those are some pretty numbers right there.

Hit & Run

Tom Brady and his Patriots pulled a miracle out of their asses and beat the Baltimore Ravens, 27-24, last night, thanks to the Ravens’ many penalties. I didn’t see the game (of course – but I have a good excuse! My laptop nearly died, and it was only my brother-in-law’s expert care that brought it back from the brink. I spent all last night at his place getting that fixed.), but you know that other Ladies… did!

You better join me after the jump, or Tom will impregnate you!

Pink Locker Room

What a PERFECT ending to the craziest college football season I can remember. The best comment I saw right when the game ended was “You just got WANNSTACHED!” Heh. I think I’ll let Clare do the talking on this one:

Clare: [jumps around living room like an autistic child] WoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo! Light the golden lamps of victory! What? Pitt went 5-7 on the season? And 3-4 in the Big East? Oh. Uh….

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO WE WON WE BEAT WEST FUCKIN’ VIRGINIA WOOOOOOO!!!!!

Ed.’s note:  There is no Dana, only Zuul.

Hit & Run

Well, the Steelers-Dolphins game finally ended. The Steelers beat the hapless, winless Dolphins on a last-second field goal. That seemed like a long, boring affair. I’ll admit it, I didn’t watch most of it (now how many times in the past 2+ months have I said that?). TSW (and any other Steelers fans) can regale us with tales of the game in the comments.

Coach Tomlin wants YOU to continue reading after the jump!

Hit & Run

The Broncos beat the Titans handily, winning 34-20.  And that squirrel ran onto the field.   Yes, Vince Young had an amazing game, with 305 yards and 2 TDs, plus 74 yards rushing and another TD.  But that squirrel is flying!

Pink Locker Room

First thing’s first:  my apologies to Mizzou and Oklahoma State fans out there.  Last week I forgot that just because the Big Ten is done doesn’t mean other conferences are and (obviously, now) the Big 12 Championship Game still hasn’t been determined.  Ooops!  Congrats to Kansas on remaining undefeated and a big “yikes!” to Oregon and Oklahoma.  Now let’s see how the Ladies’ teams fared….

Holly:  Tennessee 25, Vanderbilt 24.  Sing along if you know the words:  You’re killing me, Vols.  I was roundly taunted for fearing this game; and spent most of it feeling ill that my dread was completely justified. Saturday was Senior Day.  Erik Ainge‘s last run through the T into Neyland.  I’ve loved and cheered him since he was a freshman, and he deserved better than what he got this year…but a win is a win, particularly in a conference that could end up with eleven bowl-eligible teams, and he’s soldiered on through a mad carousel of receivers and a host of injuries (enjoy the closeup of his mangled throwing hand!).  You left nothing on the field, Erik, and I couldn’t be prouder.

Two more games for certain…and Ainge deserves three.  He gave his all for Tennessee.  Let’s get him to Atlanta, boys.  Oh, and as for yesterday?  To borrow from my good buddy TCG borrowing from me:  Happy trails, assholes.  You’re still Vandy.

Hit & Run

The Seattle Seahawks beat the hapless San Francisco 49ers, 24-0, bringing the Niners losing streak to 7 games.   Okay, I didn’t watch this game, because I was playing MLB Power Pros on my Wii.  This game is awesome, if only because the video game version of Hideki Okajima of the Boston Red Sox does the exact same little “look-away” thing that the real Okajima does when he pitches.  Also, because video-game D-Wright’s eyes are so very blue.

Hit & Run: Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma’am.

Big Ben did his thang last night, leading his Steelers to a 38-7 victory over the Ravens. The Steelers tied their franchise single-game record with 5 TD passes, and the defense lowered the boom, forcing four turnovers, all before halftime.

Ben was hit by Terrell Suggs in the third quarter, but returned early in the fourth quarter. He finished the game with 209 yards, and 5 TD throws, bringing his season total to date to 20, a career record for him in half a season. He also threw a TD pass in his 13th consecutive date, breaking Terry Bradshaw’s team record of 12.

I just have one question. How is the guy up there also the guy here?

Pink Locker Room

Another week of college football sees undefeated Boston College fall to Florida State, which I laughed pretty hard about. AZ State fell to Oregon, leaving Ohio State, Kansas and Hawaii as the only unbeaten teams left. Personally, I’d like to see the National Title game as some combination from Oregon, Oklahoma and LSU, but if Kansas and Ohio State stay undefeated…we could end up with the most horrible National Title game EV-ER. Manboobs McCupcakes versus Cheaty McSweatervest. A real barn-burner whenever those two teams get together. But let’s find out how the Ladies’ teams did…

Pink Locker Room

Another week, another apocalypse.  Welcome to college football 2007.

 Let’s get right to it, shall we?  Take it away, Metsy:

How stupid am I, expecting RU to beat WVU?  Did I not remember that WVU had taken the last 12 matchups?  And that they’ve outscored us 1000-5. It certainly feels that way.  The final score was 31 – 3.  It was the first game where Rutgers was really handed its ass.  We were simply beaten by the class of the Big East, West Fuckin’ Virginia.

Stand By Your Man – Week 7

Is there anyone more crushing to Fantasy Football owners than Tom Brady? (That is, unless you drafted Tom Brady?) His 188.10 total points for the season smoke second place Tony Romo (150.46) in the league.

Let’s just take a moment to acknowledge what geniuses we are by not drafting Brady Quinn in our all-hottie league. Not only is he still riding the pine, but the Browns starter Derek Anderson is in third with his 120.84 points. And, QUITE FRANKLY, he’s hotter than Brady in my book. More rugged. More manly. Poised even.

Hit & Run: The Night Nothing Happened

It’s kind of hard to follow sports if you have a kid – and if said kid gets sick, forget it. You’re not watching anything.

The bad news is that Baby Mets has an ear infection, and I was unable to catch a minute of the Colts/Jags. The good news is that it should be cleared up by tomorrow, Game 1 of the World Series.

I do know that the Colts won, to keep their perfect season going. They beat the Jaguars 29-7.

Pink Locker Room

Howdy everyone. I’m filling in for Lady A this week. Something about breaking team rules or whatnot. All I know is that as the backup, I’m just being asked to not lose the game. Or whatever the blogging equivalent is.

After a kickass week of none of our teams losing, fate was not with us this past Saturday. Maybe some of our teams didn’t get the memo of what can happen when you don’t lose. Oh well. There’s always next week, right?

Lady Andrea: I tried to ride my “streak” by not watching Iowa or wearing any Iowa gear today. Clearly, that did not work because Purdue took us out behind the woodshed to the tune of 31-6. I got a text message from a friend of mine who goes to Purdue that said, “Your QB is laughably bad.” Here he is, possibly about to fall down. Sigh. At least the World Series starts soon.

Hit & Run: Pandemonium in Piscataway, Part 2!

RU won! RU won!

I don’t think I can form more coherent sentences than that right now. This was a thrilling victory for my Knights, and a game that I wish I had DVR’ed. The tricks, the fake field goal attempts, Ray Rice – it was perfect. And – David Wright was there!

Week 6 – Shaking up the Stand By Your Man Posts. Again.

TSW - Hey Holly and SA – Did you see this headline yet?
*wonders what the sound of two exploding heads is like*

Holly – HISSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

In all seriousness: No surprise this year, really, with all the new receivers the Pats acquired and the resurgence of the Colts’ running game. They’re basically running our 2005 offense, the premise of which is: Of the eleven guys on the field, be able to throw to about eight of them. Should be a lot of fun to watch.

And yes, it’s nice for Tom to finally reach Peyton’s level. A lofty aspiration for a Wolverine–I’m happy for him! ;)

SA – OH. NO. YOU. DIDN’T.

Hit & Run: All Aboard the Purple Train

What a crazy night of baseball!

The Rockies have punched their ticket to their first World Series. They beat the D-backs, 6-4, for the NLCS sweep. Join me on a picture journey through last night’s two ball games…

Pink Locker Room

Coming off a fairly disappointing week where most of the Ladies’ teams lost, the Football Gods have smiled upon us. We had an excellent week. Woo and hoo!

Metschick: Don’t have much to say on this game other than it was a game RU had to win. Esp. since I’ve had the RU/USF game circled in red for the last four weeks. It’s good to see that RU didn’t overlook the Orange (like Louisville did) and took care of business. Now, their next opponent is the new #2 team in the country, USF. I’m kinda hoping for Pandemonium in Piscataway, Part 2 – but it’s going to be tough. Pictured: Schiano. YAY!

For Whom The Babe Roots: NLCS

A phenomenon known as “base-ball” has been making headlines around these parts since the inception of the site. The alleged “National League Championship Series” is upon us…time to pick a side or go home. In the red corner: TheStarterWife and Clare, freestylin’ for the Diamondbacks. In the purple corner: Lady Andrea, Metschick, and surprise special guest star tap the Rockies, if you know what I mean. (Don’t feel bad. There is no force in the universe that could have stopped me from making that joke.)

Leading off, the lovely TSW, with her plea for the boys of Arizona:

Why does Stephen Drew smile, other than the fact he is the talented Drew brother? Fucking hit .500 against the Cubbies with two homes and four RBIs, that’s why.

Stand By Your Man – Fantasy QB Results: Week 5

Week 5. Really. It is already Week 5. One-third of the regular season is done and gone.

Tom Brady remains the only undefeated QB (surprisingly in head to head QB match-ups Peyton Manning is 2-3 in this league), and Clare’s Speckhosen finally come back to earth with a loss this weekend leaving her tied with SA and myself at 4-1.

This weekend also saw GordonShumway’s Jake Delhomme go out for the season, so she might want to consider sending her third stringer Jay Cutler a few casual, “How’ve you been” emails while Drew Brees proves to be the flakiest date of the season.

Hit & Run: Bye-bye, Torre?

Sad panda

Is this the end for Joe Torre? Told that his job was on the line by The Boss, George Steinbrenner, Torre’s team won on Sunday. But yesterday, the house of cards came tumbling down, and the Cleveland Indians beat the Yankees 6-4. Chien-Ming Wang pitched one inning plus, and the Indians were in command from the first inning on. Grady Sizemore led off the game with a homerun, and the Indians never surrendered the lead. Paul Byrd pitched well for the Indians, going 5 innings and giving up only 2 runs. The Indians bullpen also gave up another 2 runs, but the offense had put up 6 runs, and that was good enough against a Yankee offense that, aside from Game 3, never really got it going against the Indians’ pitching. Sorry to Rob I., James, Sportsgirl365, Becky, Nelson, and all the rest of Yankee fans who were nice to me last week. To the rest of you – suck it! Your tears are delicious.

More pics of the game and celebration after the jump.

Pink Locker Room

I feel like this week it should be the Orange Locker Room, since Holly’s Volunteers so thoroughly kicked Georgia’s ass. Thank god for small favors, like USC’s upset and Notre Dame finally getting a win, which caused most of the campus to play in a giant fountain and the reflecting pool by TD Jesus. That was actually pretty fun. I can take a wee bit of solace in those things because I sure as hell am not finding any in Iowa. Let’s see how the other Ladies are feeling…..

Metschick: Well, I guess Rutgers has shown that they are what we thought they were – a mediocre team that had been feasting on cupcakes. Now they’ve lost two in a row, including their Big East opener, although losing to the Bearcats isn’t a horrible thing. They’re a very good team, but I still wish Rutgers had won.

And this is why I didn’t want to invest further in college football. I’m already a Mets fan – I don’t think I can handle the additional heartache of another team. I honestly wasn’t expecting an undefeated season. But after the criticism of the soft early schedule, RU is really looking subpar when facing real competition. Oh, and I wish we had a bionic quarterback like Ben Mauk instead of Mike Teel. Does he understand that he’s supposed to throw to the guys in scarlet? Because none of the Knights deserve it, and because I couldn’t find a good picture of Haruki Nakamura, here’s Ben Mauk:

Ladies University 1st Annual Screw Your Roommate Dance

October at Ladies U. Summer tans have all but faded away. The air is finally cold enough to pull favorite sweaters out of storage. Too late in the semester to drop Legends of the PGA without getting an “incomplete”.

And it time for the annual Screw Your Roommate Dance. As is tradition, each Lady selected her roommate’s date for dance. Pick someone too perfect and you miss the fun of watching the gal who keeps using your special lavender mint lotion ($36 a bottle! Buy your own bitch!) squirm. Choose someone too heinous and you’re apt to find your macroeconomics textbook being used as a bong in revenge.

Stand By Your Man – Fantasy QB Results: Week 4

Short and sweet as we go into Week 4 of the Ladies “Stand by Your Man” hottie QB fantasy league. I’m exhausted from seeing my main squeeze play in person – more on this later in the week – and let’s face it; October is when all hell breaks loose in sports. Some of the craziest baseball in ages, (Rockies, Cubs, Phillies, and Diamondbacks? Who the hell had that in the pool?), hockey has dropped its first puck, and now that we are 1/4 through the regular season, the NFL story lines are in place. Favre’s record setting season. Peyton Manning and Tom Brady continue to walk on water. Romo is for real. Grossman rides the pine. And Philip Rivers is secretly txting Marty every time Norv turns his back.

Hit & Run

It seemed like the game wasn’t going to end, but the Rockies got it done in the bottom of the 13th inning. It was a madcap game right from the start, with the Rockies scoring early off super-pitcher Jake Peavey. But the Padres were quickly back in it after an Adrian Gonzalez-grand slam. Tied 6-6, Scott Hairston hit a 2-run HR in the top of the 13th, but since Trevor Hoffman has never in his life closed out a big game, the Rockies were able to rally and score three runs in the bottom of the 13th, to win it 9-8. A few more pics, after the jump.

Pink Effing Locker Room

What a weekend for College Football. There were 8 (EIGHT!) Top 25 losses, with only one of those not being an upset (Oregon-Cal). There were two other games that came right down to the wire (Wisc-MSU, USC-Washington). There was also a rather embarrassing display by the Big Ten (Ill over PSU, Indiana over Iowa, NW almost beating Mich); the Big Ten well and truly sucks balls this year. A couple of Ladies’ teams had their bye weeks, another Lady was out of town, still other Ladies have baseball to concentrate on right now. And I just sit over in the corner of Ladies Headquarters…in my Iowa jersey, cuddling my Scott Rolen doll, crying and eating Chunky Monkey. (Edited to add: Metschick is here with me.) On to our thoughts…..

Goodbye, Mets, Goodbye

This post isn’t going to feature any cute guys, or furry anipals or anything else. It’s just a Mets fan trying to understand what happened. Actually no – I know exactly what happened. The Mets choked. It’s as simple as that. The bullpen just flat out imploded in the last 3 weeks. The offense tried to save them in some games, but it wasn’t enough. You can also blame Tom Glavine, if you’re so inclined. But you know what? This shouldn’t have even come down to the last game. It should’ve been wrapped up, and the team simply couldn’t get it done.

Stand By Your Man – Fantasy QB Results: Week 3

Apologies to all the Ladies this morning for my delay in posting this this week’s Fantasy Football results. I went to do the post last night, but WordPress was down for repairs and I ended up falling asleep to “My House Flip” before eventually making it to bed.

What a sleep it was though. I never ever – EVER – dream about making out with hot celebrities in my sleep. Ever. (Ok, maybe once, but I think it has been quite some time since it last happened.)

Last night? I dreamt that George Clooney was running a abs-fitness boot camp and that I was taking the class, only to have George work me harder than the other students. After the training session, we ended up kissing for a bit, and he looks at me and says, “Don’t you remember me?” This teasing goes back and forth a little bit, and then he acts all hurt that I don’t remember hooking-up with him at the premiere party after-party for The Rundown. (Note – George Clooney was not in The Rundown, nor did I go to that premiere.) Anyway, he walks me back to my car and we make plans for later that day, leaving me to call my friend Jeremy and figuring out how to explain to TSB how I made out Clooney in summer of 2003 because that was about the time we stopped seeing other people and made our whole deal exclusive. (By this point in the dream, Clooney was looking more like Billy Zane, but I could have cared less. Both hot.)

So back to the Fantasy Football post.

Hit & Run

The Titans beat the Saints, 34-10, in a game I did not watch because I was busy avoiding the television. The Saints are now 0-3, and c’mon – even the Giants have a win! Anyways, it’s not so bad, at least you have LSU.

And this guy: