Sports Illustrated has a nice piece today about how my boyfriend Scott Rolen is settling down in Toronto. Apparently he is becoming fast friends with his new teammates.
After taking a much-needed vacation, the Ladies are back. We are tanned, rested and ready to rock. Here’s what’s been going on with Sporting Hotties around the country…
The Boston Celtics continue to dominate the NBA. They’ve played 58 games and have only lost 12 of them, despite having a mascot that looks like the love-child of the ND leprechaun and your drunk uncle Seamus.
To go with that ridiculous record, the Celtics also have some ridiculous hotties:
Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, and Paul Pierce.
Hot Guy Yahtzee!
At my other sandbox, we are doing a What If simulated season. Every writer there covers a specific team, so they can draft anybody from the past 25 years of their team. I do not have a specific team, so I get to do a “theme” team and I chose Hotties (natch). In order to get some inspiration for which Diamond Dolls I wanted to draft, I started looking through last year’s Bringing the Heat features. I got to the Toronto Blue Jays, which just happened to be one of the teams that I covered, and what did I find?
That’s right. The fact that my boyfriend now lives in Canada and has swapped redbirds for bluebirds is…all my fault.
One year ago, a group of female Deadspinners got together and built a website that would forever alter the sportswriting landscape. Some delusions of grandeur, but whatevs.
Artwork, as always, by the one, the only, the incomparable Lady J-Money, who credits our success to the quality of our ingredients.
When we last saw our heroines, we were raising glasses to six months of this contraption. Since then….where to start? We got out of the house a little, and brought a few friends along for the ride. We stirred up a couple hornets’ nests and got our knees dirty. We launched a blatant homerism lovefest and let lust rule our fantasy drafts. We went undercover with the Mets and the Mitchell Report and got inside with the Tigers. We turned back time and had ourselves a total eclipse of the heart. We pledged our hearts to the World Series, and just about killed ourselves trying to get there, and just about GOT ourselves killed once we were…but that all worked out just fine, didn’t it? We got down and dirty with the history of Rock and championed the little guys. We came heroically close to covering every single bowl game. We said fond farewells to a fine crop of college boys, and found new targets for next year.
And the snacks. Oh, TSW’s snacky goodness. The legendary Buffalo Chicken Dip. The homemade corn dogs. The 9-Layer Ranchero Dip, K2 of snack foods. Pork with more pork. The genesis of our quiche obsession. The other Ladies got into the act, to the tune of Pudding Shots, Beer Bread, Cheese Straws, and a variety of meats and cheeses.
We celebrated (properly) the apex of football season (and then some), and marked the turning of the sports season. We got our gamble on. We gave thanks, wished on our stockings, spread holiday cheer and strove to be better fans. We found humor in the worst of times and stood up for boobs everywhere. We rassled and clawed and even screwed each other.
After the jump, some poetic and prosaic reflections on our year together.
|People ask me what I do in winter when there’s no baseball. I’ll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.|
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and that’s certainly true for baseball fans who have to endure the long and lonely offseason that stretches through the cold, unending months of winter. But those dark days are officially behind us now: it’s P&C day, y’all.
It’s positively poetic that pitchers and catchers report on Valentine’s Day, because quite a few of the Ladies have ongoing torrid affairs with baseball. And let’s be honest- we’d much rather be treated to the boys of summer than yet another lame box of candy. So we’ve put together a few love letters to baseball – little Valentine’s treats for our favorite teams and players, and the game itself… all after the jump.
A Thursday Hit n Run? I KNOW! Gettin’ all craaaazy up in here! Anyway, last night was Dick Vitale’s triumphant return to college basketball after being diagnosed with vocal nodules back in December. I’ll admit my secret shame: I kind of love Dick Vitale. Can he get annoying sometimes? Sure. But most of the time I find his absolute balls-out love of college basketball to be endearing. In the story about his return, it said the UNC students welcomed him with chants and applause until he was overcome with emotion and crying. Awwww! Also right before halftime, he said “Hansbrough’s gonna TOUCH IT!” Classic Dickie V.
Feelin’ better, bay-bee!
Holly: NOW IS THE SEASON OF MANNING.
TSW: Short of the Steelers winning SB XLII, this is best outcome. (And I am proud that three out of the four Ladies who made picks, picked the Giants.)
Clare: I cannot believe what I have just seen.
TSW: So glad it wasn’t a blow out. I cannot believe how many people said this game was going to be lame.
Andrea: WOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Best Super Bowl since Rams/Titans! Holy crap! WOOOOOOOO!!!! [falls over, asleep]
Game time! Kegerator primed? Fridge stocked? Ambulance on speed dial? Excellent. Join us after the jump for our weekend plans, favorite gambles, predictions, and pictures of grown men looking goofier than Eli Manning (no, seriously).
Sadly, we cannot claim responsibility for this artistic masterpiece.
I was very pleased by our reader response, we had 10 great entries. However, the 1st place, grand poobah, head cheese winner is…Chris from The Yemen Deli! He got all 81 points possible! We are also going to award 2nd place prizes to the two submissions that got 79 out of 81 points, The Chief from Hugging Harold Reynolds and JC from…his house! (I do not know if JC has a blog, but if he emails me I’ll gladly link to it). Congratulations to you all and thank you to everyone who took the time to submit an answer. If the 3 winners could email me to discuss their prize (ooooh, it’s a good ‘un!) that’d be great. Also, Clay and Jen get a shout-out for getting very high scores of 76 and 74, respectively. Continue reading
For a chance to win a prizes (or just to show off), we’ve set up some rasslin’ trivia. Yesterday, your intellects were tickled by Clare’s trivia. Today, we’re hopping in our Delorean and going back to old-school wrestling. I grew up watching these guys (Royal Rumbles were my FAVORITE. They were SO exciting.) Since these wrestlers were popular 15-20 years ago, we’re simply going to test your memories in a Name That Wrestler contest.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org with your answers. Do not put your answers in the comments. (Because then other people can see them). You have until Thursday at 2 pm EST. Some of these are gimmes, but some are damn obscure. We gotta separate the boys from the men. Or the girls from the women. Or the jezebels from the ladies. You get the idea.
We’ll start off with an easy one…but do you know who the lady is?
Here’s a fun little video I came across. High school wrestler Brent Foxhoven out of Archbishop Bergan High School in Nebraska gets caught by one leg in a match and does what any normal person would totally do in that position: a back flip. Now, I don’t know how much I buy the idea that he got his opponent right where he wanted him or that he’s been practicing this move. But it’s pretty sweet nonetheless.
Celtics Hottie Ray Allen had a career-high 35 points in the Celtics win over the Portland Trailblazers. They really needed to find a morale booster after back-to-back losses. I mean, they went from having 4 losses to 6 losses in the span of two games. That’s rough. But they kept their wits about them and beat the Trailblazers, those plucky Celtics. Allen went on a tear after halftime; 26 of his 35 points came in the second half when he went 9-of-13 from the floor. Also, he is not to be confused (as I sometimes do) with Allen Ray of the eye-poking out incident.
For the first time since 1996 the University of Iowa won the National Duals. At this meet, there were D-I, D-II, D-III, NAIA, NJCAA, and NCWA schools for a total of 80 teams. On Saturday, they had 18 mats going all day. Since I wangled myself a press pass, I got to be right down in the action. It was sensory overload. I have never in my life been around so many completely jacked guys. I’ve also never felt more Brobdingnagian. Wrestlers tend to run on the…short side. Wading through the crowds, I was like Godzilla attacking Toyko. Tiny muscular men were bouncing off me every which way. I’m pretty sure there are still a couple 125-lb wrestlers stuck to my shoe.
In the Sporting News replay of the 1986 season, guess who is dominating the game? The Ladies’ Toronto Blue Jays. Our own Texas Gal is managing those boys like
Tony LaRussa, except she doesn’t pass out drunk in her truck and she also knows her alphabet. Okay, fine. Like Terry Francona. Way to go Texy!
Ah, the first of the new year. It’s that great day to kiss your sweetie (or that really hot guy standing to your left) at midnight, watching the bowl games (or outdoor hockey), and to make a fresh start in your life.
Or something like that.
Yes, last week was that time to make a whole bunch of resolutions to yourself. I know, you’ve already resolved to lose weight and to stop drinking as much and finally start saving your money for a rainy day. Let’s be honest, you’re not going to do any of that. You would have already. How about making some logical resolutions this year? I will not hate the Yankees with a white hot fire. I will appreciate Alabama for its continued devotion to a dead coach. I won’t defecate in a cooler. All the things you know you can do.
If you’re at a loss as to what you should resolve this year, read the Ladies… 2008 resolutions for some ideas. I’m sure you’ll be able to adopt some of our ideas. And if not, good luck with that whole less drinking thing. Continue reading
So ya know all that talk about how undefeated Hawaii hadn’t played anybody but maybe they’d beat Georgia and have a strong case against getting left out of the national championship game? Yeah…(/Lumberg).
This game was U-G-L-Y. Somewhere around Georgia’s 52nd touchdown, my mom and I turned it off and watched 3 episodes of the West Wing (including The Supremes, which is in my top 10 of the entire series even if it is in Season 5. Glenn Close rules all and I find William Fichtner strangely attractive). I was really hoping for some kind of Boise State Miracle, but instead tt felt vaguely like watching a big bully beat up a runty hippie kid for his lunch money. Continue reading
Your designated Big 10 representative for the evening (Lady Andrea) and the only Big XII representative around these parts (me) were both tasked with a difficult job: watch the Alamo Bowl. Doesn’t sound hard- except that every single other person in the country was watching the Patriots take on the Giants. But Lady A’s allegiance to the Big 10 and my hatred of the Aggies is so strong that we persevered.
Since I’m 99% sure no one else watched the Alamo Bowl- here’s our play-by-play of the important action. You will notice we did not make one single “Remember the Alamo!” pun.
Michigan State and Boston College both tried their damnedest to lose this game. 7 turnovers in all, 5 by Michigan State. And yet, at the end, the Spartans had a real shot to win it. They kind of pissed it down their legs, though, with “tricky” plays like the QB running backwards for 12 yards on a 4th and inches instead of handing the ball to the damn fullback and punching it through. Big Ten Bowl record: 1-1. Sigh.
In part 2 of what is sure to become a regular series here at Ladies where I ogle barely-legal football players (seriously, these fellas are born in ’87 and ’88), I’d like to share with you the festivities from the Champs Sports Bowl Kickoff Luncheon. Following the Quiche Course, Spartan freshman linebacker Jon Misch played the piano. I don’t recognize the piece; I’m assuming it was written by some gentleman who wore a powdered wig at one time or another.
Wow…is it hot in here?
So, I’m suddenly very familiar with Dan LeFevour. Hello you. I’m sorry your second-half surge fell short and you lost to Purdue on a last-second field goal. But you still threw for almost 300 yards and had 4 touchdowns. And you’re hot. Here’s my tribute to Mr. LeFevour. Because I’ve got a fever and the only prescription is…more LeFevour.
I feel like the delivery boy in Big Daddy, except instead of screaming, “He get all da easy ones!” I’m screaming, “They get all da exciting ones!” Seriously. So far we’ve had a great Utah/Navy that came right down to the wire and last night BYU tips a game-winning field goal to hold on against UCLA. Very exciting stuff. The New Mexico Bowl? Not so much.
Why do they put the logo over the skyline of Albuquerque?
That is so ugly!
Denver Broncos Kicker Jason Elam…has written a spy thriller novel. It was released last week and is titled: “Monday Night Jihad.” See, like Monday Night Football only…Jihad. I’m kind of hoping that when you open it, a stirring theme composed by John Williams starts playing. Maybe the audio book will be read by Tony Kornheiser.
Just over a week left before Christmas and you’re still not sure what to get the sporty woman in your life?
Tired of at least four “diamonds for the journey” during every commercial break? Does your brain shut off the second you walk into the local mall? Does your wife grit her teeth every time she remembers the year you bought her a boom box for Christmas, which was returned on December 26th at 9 am?
We here at Ladies know how hard it can be to pick out the perfect gift, so we’ve made ours lists and checked them twice, and figured out which presents are naughty or nice for the female fans in your life.
AND IF THERE IS REALLY IS A SANTA CLAUS THAN HE CAN MAKE SOME OF OUR WISHES COME TRUE! Continue reading
The longest-tenured Cardinal is not a Cardinal anymore. Jim Edmonds has been dealt to San Diego for an infield prospect named David Freese. When I read the story at the Cardinals website, I actually teared up a little. I love that old guy. Yeah, I know he’s 37. And yeah, I know his jump on the ball isn’t what it once was. And yeah, we have an outfield corp of Chris Duncan, Rick Ankiel, Ryan Ludwick, Skip Schumaker, and Rule 5 Draft selection Brian Barton, plus minor league center fielder Colby Rasmus (one of the most sought-after players at the winter meetings, reportedly). But I’m still sad! Edmonds was part of the heart! The heart of the Cardinals for a long time has been Pujols, Edmonds and Rolen. Those 3, along with Larry Walker, were our 2004 Murderer’s Row!
Ladies…is proud to introduce the one and only 2008 Men of the Mitchell Report Calendar: All ‘roids, all year ’round. This morning, we invite you to join us for exclusive previews along with excerpts from our liveblog of yesterday’s circus.
Roll call! What are we drinking, Ladies?
[10:27] Andrea: yeah, I gotta get my wine. I have some X Y Zin, heh heh
[10:28] TheStarterWife: I have some coffee
[10:28] TheStarterWife: but am eying the booze in the bar
[10:28] Texas Gal: I’m drinking Abita Christmas Ale
[10:28] TheStarterWife: or the beer in my fridge
[10:28] Holly: I have…water and Emergen-C. Sigh.
[10:28] Texas Gal: Louisiana swamp water beer = yum
Without further ado…I give you…Mr. January. U-S-A!!
Cy Young Hottie Jake Peavy has just inked the biggest deal in San Diego Padres history. According to the article, here is the payment schedule: Peavy will make $6.5 million in 2008 and $11 million in 2009. The new money kicks in in 2010, when he’ll make $15 million. He’ll earn $16 million in 2011 and $17 million in 2012. The club holds a $22 million option for 2013, or a $4 million buyout. If he remains with the Padres through 2013, he’ll make $87.5 million. [Holy Crap, That is a Lot of Money]
The 4 Heisman candidates were announced last night, so I thought we’d take a gander at the nominees. These four fine strapping young lads will travel to New York City on Saturday for the ceremony, though most people seem to think it is a foregone conclusion that the winner will be a certain Gator (booooo). I am grudgingly inclined to agree, now that Dennis Dixon is not a contender. (He coulda been a contender!) Anyway, I now present the Heisman Finalists for 2007. They can be our
Heis Men. Rise Men. Size Men. Lies [down next to us] Men. (I know, it’s a stretch.)
This one’s for you, Metsy.
Also, has LaRussa been teaching him tricks?
Colt has taken the Rainbow Warriors to the only perfect season in Bowl Subdivision football. Hawaii is on their way to their first-ever BCS bowl, as they meet up with Georgia in the Sugar Bowl on New Year’s Day. This season Colt passed for 4,174 yards and 38 touchdowns. He also set the all-time touchdown passes record of 131. Continue reading
What a PERFECT ending to the craziest college football season I can remember. The best comment I saw right when the game ended was “You just got WANNSTACHED!” Heh. I think I’ll let Clare do the talking on this one:
Clare: [jumps around living room like an autistic child] WoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo! Light the golden lamps of victory! What? Pitt went 5-7 on the season? And 3-4 in the Big East? Oh. Uh….
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO WE WON WE BEAT WEST FUCKIN’ VIRGINIA WOOOOOOO!!!!!
Ed.’s note: There is no Dana, only Zuul.
In Coaching Carousel News, the LSU Tigers have granted Les Miles permission to talk to Michigan about the head coaching job. LSU athletic director Skip Bertman granted the request on condition that Michigan representatives wait until after Saturday’s Southeastern Conference championship game in Atlanta before starting negotiations. Michigan AD Bill Martin was quoted as saying, “We’ll have the finest facilities in the country. We also have patience to work with a coach as he transitions in.” Heh. [Look, SA, Look! The Wolverines are going after Les Miles! No more of this Ferentz talk. You don't want him anyway.]
A couple of our Ladies got quite a scare this past weekend and the BCS is starting to…well…sort of shake out. Mizzou and West Virginia are looking poised to meet for the title, but they each have a game left and pesky little Ohio State is just waiting to swoop in like some crazed pageant runner-up should one of them stumble. There is also Georgia, ranked inexplicably at 4th despite having lost the SEC East to Tennessee. Huh. I have to say, in another month I may have to break out my buckskin Mountaineer costume because hell if I’m going to root for Mizzou (sorry, Tigers fans). Let’s check in with some Ladies’ action…
G-shumway: In the Battle of the Schools That Quite Possibly Have the Same Mascot, Wake Forest’s Demon Deacons defeated the Vanderbilt Commodores 31-17. Wake finishes the season 8-4, tying a school record for second most wins in a season (last year’s team set the mark with 11 victories, including the Dr. Pepper ACC Championship Brought to You In Part by Dr. & Mrs. Pepper) and almost guaranteeing an appearance in a bowl game, maybe even one that is televised. Wake RB Josh Adams ran for 111 yards and two touchdowns in the victory and my future first husband Riley Skinner (See me, Riley. See me.) threw two more TDs.
This past Sunday I attended the best football game I’ve been to in a long time and it had absolutely nothing to do with the University of Notre Dame varsity football. At ND, Interhall Football is taken very seriously. There’s a whole season, playoffs and the championship games are in the stadium. The men even play full contact with full pads. It’s hardcore. Anyway, this season the Cavanaugh Chaos (the dorm in which I am head staff) had just an excellent team. The best part is that they weren’t some kind of monster, mowing down every team in their path. They had regular-season losses, but kept plugging away and getting better and better. They made the playoffs and quickly trounced Pangborn and Farley Halls to make the championship game against Welsh Family Hall.