Good morning. I think my Los Angeles time zone just kicked your ass. And hey, you can stop making fun of my headline now, because I do actually speak French.
You can also stop making fun of it because you’re going to be too in awe of what inspired it to form coherent sentences. Strap your jaw closed so you don’t drool on your keyboard, and read on past this almost totally unrelated photo of Brett Cecil.
Because I think he's unbelievably pretty and I get a lot of angry comments about not having enough hot photos. Also, I mostly like his mechanics, even though they're awfully quirky.
Good morning. Please bear with me as I present you with my ESPN-implosion-inducing All-Star team.
1B (a.k.a Base the First, because I’m feeling medieval tonight): Justin Morneau (MIN). I dislike Mark Teixeira. I dislike Kevin Youkilis. I don’t care about Miguel Cabrera. Justin Morneau is both 1) Canadian, and 2) Totally hot.
(Editor’s note: This was supposed to go up on the weekend. This is not your Monday morning post. Reschedule — or don’t — accordingly.)
And no, that title’s not an innuendo, because they beat my Bruins, dammit, and I don’t want to hear a word about how epically hard they pounded the ball in the first few innings. Observe:
Score by Innings R H E
Cal State Fullerton. 021 020 000 1 - 6 9 0
UCLA................ 000 000 500 0 - 5 10 0
So there you have it. Their first 5 runs were scored by the longball (which, by the way, some chicks certainly do NOT dig), and their last one scored on a sac fly. Here’s how that last run went down.
Nothing too unusual for Doc, who breezed through 9 innings on 103 pitches, giving up 5 hits and 1 run without walking a batter. He faced 30 hitters — 3 more than the minimum — and 72 of his pitches were in the strike zone, in sharp contrast to the MLB-average 60-ish percent of pitches thrown for strikes. In case you’re wondering, he throws an average of 67% strikes, an advantage of being a contact pitcher who stays down in the strike zone rather than a power pitcher who simply tries to blow the hitters away.
You, over there, reading this post. Are you looking for your stoicism? Well that’s too bad, because Roy Halladay took it and it’s unlikely you’ll get it back.
I love Tony Romo. Last year in the Ladies… Fantasy Football league we drafted our starting quarterbacks on the basis of hotness and I drafted Romo. I find him charming and adorable and sexy. The night of the season opener, he stopped on his way home to help change the tire of a couple by the side of the road. And now yesterday he paid for a Dallas homeless man to get into a movie and then invited him to sit with Romo and his friend. LOVE. HIM. If only he would get rid of that no-talent dumbass who follows him around in her pink jersey and stilettos.