San Diego County Credit Union (at least it’s not .com) Poinsettia Bowl

Navy’s tricky triple option work was no match for the solid play of Utah tonight. The Midshipmen fell to Utah 35-32 in the inaugural bowl of 2007-08. The first half wasn’t much to look at (I honestly chose to watch this game solely because of the potential for Holtz on-air dementia fun), but aside from this being the beginning of the end of life-giving games to sustain us through the winter (and spring…and summer….*gulp*), it’s not a good time to turn your back to the screen. I spent most the fourth quarter packing for Christmas break and missed four touchdowns.

A good six minutes of the halftime show was devoted to an “eye on the street” feature that they kept cutting back to, asking random middies to pronounce the name of their new head coach, Ken Niumatalolo. Results were predictably disacouraging, but seriously, gentlemen: Say Navy QB Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada’s name correctly twice in a row before you commence to too much snickering.

Wire photos of gridiron boys in mildly compromising clinches, after the jump. Welcome to the postseason, ducklings.

Programming Note: Bowlin’!

It is with pride and trepidation that we announce our bowl season coverage:

Every one.  

Yes.  We’re covering them all.  What could go wrong?

From the Poinsettia this afternoon to the mythical title game in January, we’ll be bringing you a preview or wrap-up of every single Division I-A postseason match.   Stay tuned!

“Oh, god, I made eye contact.”

BILL MARTIN: Congratulations on the conference championship, Les.

LES MILES: Bill, Michigan and I broke up thirteen years ago.

BILL MARTIN: It doesn’t mean we can’t go out.

LES MILES: Well, it does, actually. That’s what “I’m not a candidate for that job and I will not be a candidate for the job” is.

Hump Day Hottie: Mr. Heisman

Picking the hottest Heisman finalist from the field of official photos this year was an easy task- the hottie favorite Colt Brennan disqualifies himself by sporting a wicked bad haircut (and looking like that doofy receptionist guy from Private Practice), Chase Daniel manages to look like an unemployed hobo and/or psycho shop teacher, and Tim Tebow could be a member of the Geek Squad from your local Best Buy. Darren McFadden reigns supreme and wins the official photo battle in a walk.

But Tim Tebow emerged victorious from the Downtown Athletic Club on Saturday, claiming the actual Heisman hardware – which, oddly enough, was not awarded based on how hot he looked in his official press photo. So I’m calling uncle, Mr. Tebow. You won the Heisman fair and square (and were the first underclassman to ever win the award), and so I’m finally giving you your very own HDH post. Even though you play for the hated Florida Gators, I must grudgingly acknowledge that you’ve got gorgeous baby blues and a body that just won’t quit. And when you add in the Heisman hardware (whether I thought you deserved it or not), that’s one mighty appealing package. I might even be able to overlook the Florida colors- as long as you promise not to do that stupid Gator chomp thing with your arms.

Just please, please quit taking hair styling tips from Urban Meyer, OK? Less gel and spikes, more natural tousle.

Lots more Heisman-y goodness after the jump…

Hottie Hit n Run: Heisman Edition

The 4 Heisman candidates were announced last night, so I thought we’d take a gander at the nominees. These four fine strapping young lads will travel to New York City on Saturday for the ceremony, though most people seem to think it is a foregone conclusion that the winner will be a certain Gator (booooo). I am grudgingly inclined to agree, now that Dennis Dixon is not a contender. (He coulda been a contender!) Anyway, I now present the Heisman Finalists for 2007. They can be our Heis Men. Rise Men. Size Men. Lies [down next to us] Men. (I know, it’s a stretch.)

Colt Brennan

This one’s for you, Metsy.
Also, has LaRussa been teaching him tricks?

Colt has taken the Rainbow Warriors to the only perfect season in Bowl Subdivision football. Hawaii is on their way to their first-ever BCS bowl, as they meet up with Georgia in the Sugar Bowl on New Year’s Day. This season Colt passed for 4,174 yards and 38 touchdowns. He also set the all-time touchdown passes record of 131.

Pink Locker Room

What a PERFECT ending to the craziest college football season I can remember. The best comment I saw right when the game ended was “You just got WANNSTACHED!” Heh. I think I’ll let Clare do the talking on this one:

Clare: [jumps around living room like an autistic child] WoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo! Light the golden lamps of victory! What? Pitt went 5-7 on the season? And 3-4 in the Big East? Oh. Uh….

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO WE WON WE BEAT WEST FUCKIN’ VIRGINIA WOOOOOOO!!!!!

Ed.’s note:  There is no Dana, only Zuul.

Saturday Morning Hate Sex: The Hit Parade

And this’ll about do it for the 2007 season. (Was it good for you?) One day of conference championships and rivalry games, then that’s all, she wrote.

(Programming note: Five Ladies’ teams have wrapped their seasons. If you care to follow along with us, we’ll be glued to Tennessee vs. LSU on CBS at 4:00 Eastern, and Pitt vs. West Fuckin’ Virginia at 7:45 on ESPN.)

I know better than to try and wrap my head around the past three months. (I mean, my boys are about to play for the SEC Championship. The hell?) But there’ll be long months of analysis and head-scratching in the offseason, and we’ve still got games to play. So kick back, pour a drink, and enjoy a little afternoon delight with the finest of the season’s hate sex recipients…gentlemen we’d love to hit, in one fashion or another.

Hottie Hit n Run

In Coaching Carousel News, the LSU Tigers have granted Les Miles permission to talk to Michigan about the head coaching job. LSU athletic director Skip Bertman granted the request on condition that Michigan representatives wait until after Saturday’s Southeastern Conference championship game in Atlanta before starting negotiations. Michigan AD Bill Martin was quoted as saying, “We’ll have the finest facilities in the country. We also have patience to work with a coach as he transitions in.” Heh. [Look, SA, Look! The Wolverines are going after Les Miles! No more of this Ferentz talk. You don't want him anyway.]

Pink Locker Room

A couple of our Ladies got quite a scare this past weekend and the BCS is starting to…well…sort of shake out. Mizzou and West Virginia are looking poised to meet for the title, but they each have a game left and pesky little Ohio State is just waiting to swoop in like some crazed pageant runner-up should one of them stumble. There is also Georgia, ranked inexplicably at 4th despite having lost the SEC East to Tennessee. Huh. I have to say, in another month I may have to break out my buckskin Mountaineer costume because hell if I’m going to root for Mizzou (sorry, Tigers fans). Let’s check in with some Ladies’ action…

G-shumway: In the Battle of the Schools That Quite Possibly Have the Same Mascot, Wake Forest’s Demon Deacons defeated the Vanderbilt Commodores 31-17. Wake finishes the season 8-4, tying a school record for second most wins in a season (last year’s team set the mark with 11 victories, including the Dr. Pepper ACC Championship Brought to You In Part by Dr. & Mrs. Pepper) and almost guaranteeing an appearance in a bowl game, maybe even one that is televised. Wake RB Josh Adams ran for 111 yards and two touchdowns in the victory and my future first husband Riley Skinner (See me, Riley. See me.) threw two more TDs.

Saturday Morning Hate Sex

Not a bad week for us here at Ladies, all told. To review:

Rutgers rolling over Army in primetime. Iowa holding on for bowl eligibility. Tennessee putting serious hurt on Arkansas at home. Texas rolling through a shootout with Texas Tech.

Those two losses, though? Ouchtown, population: us, and we never saw it coming.

No one could’ve predicted Clemson would field a viable football team this year…least of all Wake Forest, playing like I-AA imitations of their former ACC Champion selves. Sorry, Cousin J-Money–at least you had the big WFV win for solace.

Same for SA and Michigan…unlike Clemson they’ve been sleepwalking all season, but who knew Wisconsin would pick Week 11 to start playing football? (But who’ll remember this if they beat Ohio State?)

Let’s send our two lovely Ladies on their way to bigger and better things this week with some eminently beddable boys from the opposite sideline:

Hit & Run: WHAT THE HELL ON EARTH.

Is Mercury in retrograde? Have the stars knocked back a few too many cosmos (I am so sorry) at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe? I swear, I leave the internets alone for FIVE HOURS, and look at what happens:

Quack Attack, off the tracks: Oregon 24, Arizona 34. Dennis Dixon is out of commission and Oregon is out of the national title game. I wouldn’t call myself a Pac-10 homer by a long shot, but I’ve been watching a lot of Duck football this year, Dixon in particular, and whatever your allegiances, you can’t argue they’re a hell of a lot of fun to watch. That said: Losing the linchpin of your entire offense is one thing, but as far as I know Dennis didn’t maim any of his own teammates on the way off the field. A defensive collapse of this magnitude against Arizona is pretty much unforgivable, though not unexpected in the larger picture of CFB 2K7: Year of The Hell?.

Oh, Dennis. Your Crazy Eyes only make you more alluring.

Pink Locker Room

These last few weekends of football should prove to be pretty interesting.  I cannot wait to see what shakes out of the LSU-Oregon-Oklahoma-Kansas-West Virginia group.  I am particularly excited, barring something weird happening at either Iowa State or Texas Tech, to see the Big 12 Championship game between Kansas and Oklahoma.  Let’s check in with our favorites Ladies’ teams….

Holly:  Tennessee 34, Arkansas 13.  This is only the second complete game the Vols have played this season (aided and abetted by an inexplicably abysmal game on both sides of the ball for the Razorbacks), but it couldn’t have come at a better time. Arkansas superstar and would-be Heisman frontrunner Darren McFadden was held to 117 yards.  Sounds like a lot until you remember he hung 321 on South Carolina last week. Our defense is back (for only the second time this season) to their smashmouth selves, and if we win out (far from certain with Kentucky and a spoiler-happy Vanderbilt team on the horizon), we’ll be punching tickets to the SEC Championship game.

Saturday Morning Hate Sex

The season is waning!  This year has simply flown by in a haze of ludicrous upsets and marquee comebacks.  And it finally feels like fall, even in southern California.  Perfect day to curl up with a good book, a glass of wine, and reflect on the changes of the past year chain one of your most attractive nemeses to the bed and commence to forgetting your worries.  Bit of a nail-biting weekend for us last week…of the seven Ladies’ teams playing, we had two three-point margins of victory (Texas and Pitt), a four-point win (Michigan), and a one-point loss (Wake). We were 5-2 on the week, and that’s something to celebrate, particularly in 2007, the Year of the What The Hell. It’s Saturday morning, though….time to go from nail bites to neck bites.

Welcome to the weekend, dear readers.  Let’s get it on….after the jump:

Awesome Hit of the Week

I probably shouldn’t be so excited about a loss of a school I actually attend, but I couldn’t help but be just tickled for the Navy Midshipmen on Saturday. They hung in there to defeat the Irish for the first time in 43 years. BUT the best thing about it? Was this play by Chris Kuhar-Pitters Ram Vela with 45 seconds left to go in the game:

I wish I had better footage, but there ya go. So sweet.

Ed. note:  Yahoo incorrectly identified the Navy player as Kuhar-Pitters.  Thank you to Alert Reader Signal to Noise for the correction. 

Saturday Morning Hate Sex

Last week saw the rarest of Saturdays for college football in 2007: A day where half the top ten wasn’t unceremoniously disassembled by less-than-deserving squads. The weekend was not without nail-biting, however, as two Ladies’ teams played games into overtime (Tennessee and Iowa), two won by merely a field goal against teams they should’ve put away handily (Tennessee and Texas), and two suffered devastating losses (Pitt because they were So!Close!; Rutgers because it was never close, At All).

We spent so much of the summer in giddy anticipation of the season, only to be knocked on our collective asses week in and week out by the madcappery of upset after upset after upset…and now, with the closing of the year on the horizon, you know you’d do it all over again. And by “do it”, I mean “bed gentlemen of the opposing team to banish the sting of defeat”. Let’s hit it.

Pink Locker Room

Another week, another apocalypse.  Welcome to college football 2007.

 Let’s get right to it, shall we?  Take it away, Metsy:

How stupid am I, expecting RU to beat WVU?  Did I not remember that WVU had taken the last 12 matchups?  And that they’ve outscored us 1000-5. It certainly feels that way.  The final score was 31 – 3.  It was the first game where Rutgers was really handed its ass.  We were simply beaten by the class of the Big East, West Fuckin’ Virginia.

Saturday Morning Hate Sex

Oh. Oh, last week sucked. (Hush your filthy mind; that’s after the jump.) Fifty percent of the Ladies saw their beloved college teams fall. Of course, we were in good company…everyone who’s anyone was on the losing end of the scoreboard. The top 25 is full of pretenders and upstarts. Chaos reigns, and I’m not just talking about my twisted sheets. I’ve been battling the nervous giggles of survivor’s guilt since Saturday night–my Vols had their usual bye date bumped up two weeks this year and I’m ridiculously grateful.

But it’s a new day. A new week. And if the college football gods are off their bender, a return to some semblance of order and right. Let’s take this morning to wipe the slate clean, and get down and dirty with our vanquishers. Join us, won’t you?

Saturday Morning Hate Sex

Can it be we’re a month into the season already? That’s a lot of ticks on the scoreboard. A lot of swigs from smuggled flasks. A lot of stolen kisses in the quad, and a lot of notches on our bedposts from our Saturday morning purge romps.

Most of the Ladies’ teams had good outings, but Andrea’s Iowa Hawkeyes fell in a tooth-and-nail slugfest to Wisconsin…and two weeks later, it’s time to move past Florida and the throttling they handed down to my Tennessee Vols. Get comfy, boys, I’ll want to be on top for this.

Pink Locker Room

The tables have turned for the Ladies, some for the better and some….not so much. Metschick seems to be cruising along swimmingly and we all completely hate her and the Scarlet Knight she rode in on. (Just kidding, Metsy! Haha, don’t hurt me!) Follow me after the jump for contemplations, crying and cleavage….

More Saturday Morning Hate Sex

Last week SA’s Wolverines and J-Money’s Demon Deacons were vanquished by Oregon and Nebraska.

But it’s a new week. A new slate of games. Time to conclude the healing process by vanquishing a few Ducks and Huskers of their own.

(Hey, Nike, all those Oregon uniforms you’re churning out? Any of them include tearaway pants? Because, um, it might help them break a few more tackles. Yup. That’s why. What?)

More hailing to the victors, after this.

Friday’s Hottie Hit n Run: Ladies Edition

First off, the Ladies would like to extend thoughts and prayers to one of our baseball finds this year, Jarrod Saltalamacchia of the Texas Rangers. He has told the Rangers he will not be available to play winter ball because his wife Ashley is already having complications with the pregnancy of their second child. We hope everything turns out just fine for the Saltalamacchias. [That Must Be a Heckuva Last Name to Consider When Naming Your Children]

Hot Hot Hits

Any girl who says barfights are anything but a) hilarious or b) hilariously awesome is a) a liar, or b) not someone I want to be friends with. We’re not waving our hands and yelling “STOOOOOOPPIT BOYS” to affect the action; it’s kind of a war cry and mating call. We’re declaring that THAT IS OUR MAN OUT THERE BY GOD LOOK AT HIM GO. This is all by way of saying: Nothing gets me hot and bothered like a football rival getting his ass leveled.

I give you Rico McCoy, via preeminent Tennessee blog Rocky Top Talk. Is it hot in here, or is it just Jeremy Young’s jersey melted to his back?

It’s like a palate cleanser, but it’ll get you dirty.

Last week Holly’s Vawls, SA’s Wolverines, and J-Money’s Demon Deacons were dealt body blows by Cal, Appalachian State, and Boston College. But that’s yesterday’s news. Let us move on, brothers and sisters. Let us celebrate week two of the season, beginning in just a few hours. Let us heal. And what heals like a little morning hate sex? Nothing, that’s what.

Join us after the jump for a little “Hail to the Victors”, if you know what I mean.

I Was There (And It Hurt): Tennessee-Cal

I was thrilled to my orange-painted toes to learn my beloved Vawls were playing Cal for their season opener. Since they had come all the way to the west coast (like they were coming just to see me!), I thought the least I could do was make the trip up to Berkeley to meet them.

Hot Hot Hits

Any girl who says barfights are anything but a) hilarious or b) hilariously awesome is a) a liar, or b) not someone I want to be friends with. We’re not waving our hands and yelling “STOOOOOOPPIT BOYS” to affect the action; it’s kind of a war cry and mating call. We’re declaring that THAT IS OUR MAN OUT THERE BY GOD LOOK AT HIM GO. This is all by way of saying: Nothing gets me hot and bothered like a football rival getting his ass leveled. Expect a lot of material about jacked-up guys in tight pants getting (sorry) jacked up once the season really gets underway. To whet your appetite, here’s the greatest hits of seasons past, via the incomparable (and handsome!) Sunday Morning Quarterback:

Blood Makes The Grass Grow

I have a kind of tunnel vision when it comes to sports, and I wear it proudly. I have mountains to fling myself down in the spring and tennis to occupy me in the summer, but there’s nothing gets my blood going like the divine brutality that is football season. (What? Our god is a vengeful one. Look it up.)

During the offseason I spent an inordinate amount of time composing lists of ways to make baseball more compelling (“Article I: Infielders can tackle baserunners. Article II: But that’s fine and dandy, since the baserunners can take their bats with them.”), but not even Bacon Pants could ease the pain of the waiting game for me. Maybe if he’d taken a swing at the catcher’s dome.

So welcome back, fall. Welcome back, sunburn and frostbite and concussion hits. Welcome back, tailgating and GameDay and Coach O. Welcome back, blood season. Welcome back, football.

And, because this is Ladies…, after all, in honor of tonight’s SEC kickoff, look after the jump for some current and former LSU hotties in those tight yellow pants we so adore. Oh, and there’s a tiger. Rrrrrowwwr.

Hit and Run: A change was made uptown/And the big man joined the band

Today’s Hit and Run is all about the big dudes, so stock your fridge and don’t be surprised when you find canoe-sized shoes at the foot of your bed.

Ry Ho and Shane share a tender moment.

Let’s start with Ryan Howard’s walk-off two-run opposite field blast to lift the Fightins over the Mets 4-2. (Yes, I know Metsy started with a Phillies item yesterday, but it’s my Hit and Run, I’ll do what I want!) I was there for last night’s game and to say the mood in the CBP was euphoric would be an understatement of the highest degree. I high-fived people I’d never met and I heckled a group of kid Mets fans. It was fabulous.

Before the game, I hung over the bullpen railing and watched Tom Glavine warm up. (I refuse to hear you say I’m a turncoat. How many times in your life do you get to watch a 300-game winner warm up from 15 yards away?) Dude is INTENSE. From where I was sitting, it looked like he p4wned the Phillies over seven strong innings, but according to the NYT’s article about the game, he was gassed: “Glavine scattered eight singles in seven scoreless innings but had thrown 102 stressful pitches, he said, and could not go out to start the eighth.”

Bang-Bang Play

Got links you want included as a Bang-Bang Play? Got an athlete you think would make an excellent Mail Bag Hottie? Email us!

Pros and cons of the various Big TEleven contenders. Take Baylor- you can have them for free! [MGoBlog]

The Babes feel Chase’s pain (and the pain of Clare and me and all other Phils fans at losing him). [Babes Love Baseball]

A look at local Baltimore legend- and personal guest of Cal at Cooperstown- Ernie Tyler. Love getting to highlight some good news! [Foul Balls]

You’ll shoot your eye out with that, Emil Brown. Or that lady reporter’s eye. [The Dugout]

The O-lineman of Denver better start talking… or else! [Signal to Noise]

Upper deck Yanks fans in their native habitat. [Home Run Derby]

What’s tastier than a college football cupcake? Just ask Arkansas- they’re the experts. [Extrapolator @ Loser With Socks]

The All-Smith team has been named- which of the 142 Smiths to play baseball made it? [UmpBump]

Welcome to the blogosphere, Donovan. [Donovan McNabb's Yardbarker Blog]

Apparently, girls who like the NFL are not date material. And girls who actually know something about football are the worst. [Mr. Irrelevant]

The underlying literary themes of the Big XII. No, really. [Sunday Morning Quarterback]

The 2007 Douchebag Open has begun. Why am I not at all surprised to find Cowherd and Pierzynski on there? How am I supposed to decide? [Turf Toe]

And our Mail Bag Hottie this week is…

Bang-Bang Play

Got links you want included as a Bang-Bang Play? Got an athlete you think would make an excellent Mail Bag Hottie? Email us!

Philly Pants Party folks can blame the Cardinals for not getting to see loss #10,000. And the hot bats of Bacon Pants… and Pat Burrell?!? [Zo Zone]

Everything you ever wanted to know about Rickey Henderson. [100% Injury Rate]

Did Nick Swisher, like Samson, lose his powers when he cut his hair? [Home Run Derby]

ESPN forgets the White Sox exist. [Foul Balls]

OU football is busted by the NCAA, has to forfeit the entire ’05 season. Relive the hilarity. [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

What the hell has happened to nicknames in baseball? [UmpBump]

Take a gander at what’s playing on Brady Quinn’s iPod. [Ghosts of Wayne Fontes]

The All-Superstition Squad has been named- and Big Papi’s plate antics don’t even make the list. [Bugs & Cranks]

A look at all the fashion choices on display at the ESPYs. [Leave The Man Alone]

Closing on a sweet note, with a story about a lifelong sports dream come true. [The Jaunt]

And our Mail Bag Hottie this week is…

Bang-Bang Play

bang-bang play (noun): in baseball, 1. An attempted tag or force play at a base when the ball and runner arrive simultaneously. 2. Any defensive play accomplished with precision and speed.

We’re putting a twist on the old bang-bang around here. Our bang-bang plays post every weekend will be fast links to great articles and features found at some of the best sports blogs around the interwebs- a speedy way to bring the best of the best to you. PLUS every Bang-Bang Play post will also feature, behind the jump, a Mail Bag Hottie- pictures of a hottie athlete nominated by our readers. Double the bang, double the fun.

Got links you want included as a Bang-Bang Play? Got an athlete you think would make an excellent Mail Bag Hottie? Email us!

I would definitely buy a ticket to see Pittsburgh Pirates: The Movie II. I’d even pay full price. [Mondesi's House]

Barry Bonds fans are cheaters? Inconceivable! [The 700 Level]

Taking a look at Michigan Football. [Sunday Morning Quarterback]

We love a man with stamina, too, Sooze. Especially one who looks like that. [Babes Love Baseball]

Get ready for the All-Star Game, Dugout style. [The Dugout]

Reasons why the All-Star Game sucks. [Yankees Chick]

After this week’s outing, Julian Tavarez was last seen strumming a banjo in the backwoods of Georgia. [Surviving Grady]

The NFL wants you to think they give a crap about retired players with health problems. They don’t. [I Dislike Your Favorite Team]

Three reasons to care about the Reds. [Sports Frog]

Will Vince Young face the dreaded sophomore slump? [Burnt Orange Nation]

And our first inaugural Mail Bag Hottie is…