Hump Day Hottie: Jarrod Saltalamacchia

What did the fans of the Texas Rangers do to get so lucky? Not only did they land my darling Kason Gabbard, they also picked up the hottest guy on the market, Jarrod Saltalamacchia. And they’ve already assimilated him!

Let’s travel back to The Day, you know- two days ago. Back when all was right with the world, and Salty was in the red and blue of the Braves, instead of the red and blue of the Rangers. This will be the only time you ever hear me say something good about the Braves- but their roster is chock full of hotties, and it’s sad to see Jarrod relegated to Dallas. At least he’ll have Kason to keep him kompany– they can share their letter-related woes as well: since Kason was stuck with a typo maybe Jarrod can lend him a spare letter.

See a full lineup of Salty-in-Braves goodness after the jump…

Hump Day Hottie: Huston Street

Huston Street is smoking hot. Let’s get that out of the way right off the bat. Outrageously hot (and don’t forget the award-winning ass). He’s also a lights-out closer for the Oakland A’s, and the proud owner of the 2005 AL Rookie of the Year trophy. He’s charming and hilarious (see: exhibit A or his in-the-booth commentary during the July 5th A’s game). He is a budding wine connoisseur. He plays the guitar. He wrote an interesting blog for ESPN (I know! Interesting content on ESPN? Check out his thoughts on MLB clubhouses). He’s madly in love with his fiance and proposed with 1,500 roses (that is not a typo). His intro music is “Hate Me Now” by Nas. He pitches with his tongue stuck out DWright-like in concentration.

Oh, yeah- and he won my beloved University of Texas the 2002 National Championship in baseball — following in his dad’s footsteps, who won us the 1969 National Championship in football (and was a hottie to boot- Huston looks almost identical to his dad back in the day). Huston’s twin younger brothers (Jordon and Juston) play baseball for Texas as well- and, yes, they’re hot, too. The whole Street clan (including older half-brother Ryan, an architect, and baby brother Hanson, a college student) are huge Longhorn fans, and get as geeked about Texas college football games as any other fan. So… Huston is pretty much perfect.

And on the occasion of his return from the DL, it’s high time he gets the full Hump Day Hottie treatment. Welcome back, Huston.

A whole heckuva lot of Street goodness- including pics of the whole hottie Street clan- after the jump.

Hump Day Hottie: Noah Lowry

The Giants can use some lovin’ right now- they’re dead last in the NL West, they’ve got a record that’s worse than the Pirates and the Royals and they have to deal with the constant Bonds fiasco. But the Giants are the all-time winningest team in baseball- so it’s only a matter of time before the ship is righted, and things go back to being lovely in the Bay Area. And while they wait, fans can at least enjoy the scenery– and pitcher Noah Lowry can definitely help distract with his hottness.

The lefty hurler (who bats right- he goes both ways, y’all) from SoCal has five weapons in his arsenal: fastball, curveball, slider, his signature wicked changeup… and his total and complete hotness. The boyish grin! The beautiful eyes! The dark locks! That cutie-pie birthmark under his right eye! That ass! He’s the reason baseball unis were made- as cute as he is in civvies, he is just flat-out HOT in uniform. That head was made to wear a baseball cap. Barry Zito better watch out- Noah just about has the Giants Hottie Crown sewn up.

Tons more Noah goodness after the jump…

Hump Day Hottie: Josh Beckett

En route to the American League’s 10th straight victory over the NL in last night’s All-Star Game, Red Sox ace pitcher — and smokin’ hottie– Josh Beckett picked up the win. If you like the quiet, humble, shy, retiring types, who relax by reading poetry and watching Masterpiece Theatre and drinking a nice merlot, Josh Beckett is not for you. On the other hand, if you (like me) like your men tall (6’5″) and strong and brash and fiery, with a heap of cockiness and a whole hell of a lot of redneck, then Texas boy Josh is a man you’ll love.

credit: Kerry Brett Hurley

Tons more Beckett-y goodness after the jump…

Hump Day Hottie: USA! USA! USA!

It is your duty, as a patriotic American, to celebrate the glorious Fourth by checking out hottie American athletes in all their USA-licious best. Fortunately for you, TheStarterWife and I have done all the leg work- and you only have to sit back, scroll and enjoy. Land of plenty, indeed. HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!

(Updated for Joey Chestnut goodness!)

Huston Street

Tons more lovely red-white-and-blue goodies after the jump…

Hump Day Hottie: Scott Podsednik

On the occasion of his return from the DL over the weekend, let’s take a closer look at hottie White Sox leftfielder Scott Podsednik.

Scott is beautiful. Let’s just get that out of the way up front. He’s from the tiny little town of West, Texas (which, oddly enough, is in Central Texas), so he has a charming soft Texas drawl. He’s also fast- he turned down several scholly offers to run track (including the University of Texas), and instead headed straight to the minors. He worked his butt off for nine years in the farm systems, and finally broke through to The Show in 2003 with that trademark speed… earning him the fans’ vote as Rookie of the Year. He’s been injury prone his whole career, but always bounced back… and thank goodness for that. He’s a humble, small-town country boy who’s made good- and if he wasn’t so damned cute, I couldn’t have forgiven him for that walkoff-HR against Lidge in the ’05 World Series.

Welcome back from the DL, Scotty- thanks for restoring the heat to LF at the Cell.

Tons more lovely Scott goodies after the jump (including video)…

Hump Day Hottie: Forearms

Along with a great ass, eyeblack and broad shoulders & chest, the sexiest thing on a ballplayer are his forearms. Especially at the plate, all tensed and ready to go to work. A man’s forearms are masculine and protecting at the same time- muscular enough to swing a heavy bat, strong enough to knock someone out (or to hold you close, if you like the schmoopy stuff).

And judging by the number of hits we get from people searching for athletes’ forearms, there’s a lot of other ladies out there who agree.

Scott’s a 5-tool player: ass, eyeblack, shoulders, chest and forearms.

I’ve got twenty (!) hot ballplayers’ forearms for you after the jump. You’re welcome.

Hump Day Hottie: David Wright

Sometimes a baseball player comes along who is so very perfect, it’s nigh impossible to believe he actually exists.

Photo Credit: Player Magazine

A guy who grows up a Mets fan as a kid in Virginia, and ends up living the dream by his early 20′s. A guy whose stunning good looks are better suited to a cinema screen, rather than the corner man on the diamond. A guy who starts his own foundation at age 23 to raise money for multiple sclerosis, and wins a bubble-blowing contest for charity. A guy who is smart enough to take a share in the company signing him to an endorsement deal, instead of a flat fee (earning him a cool $20 million when the company is sold). A guy who is unfailingly polite, known far and wide for going out of his way for fans, who hustles his butt off and has the respect of his entire team. A guy whose idea of a perfect date is, no lie, to walk on the beach and listen to the waves. Oh yeah, and a guy who is an All-Star (starter, at that) in just his second year in the big leagues.

All that *and* a great ass, killer scruff and charming smile? David Wright, you really are almost too good to be true.

TONS more DWright goodies after the jump.

Hump Day Hottie: Grady Sizemore

Sometimes, you just need to give the people what they want. Considering the vast number of hits we get from searches for “Grady Sizemore”- there are a ton of people out there in need of some Grady, stat. I am here for y’all- with a whole mess of photos of the (almost) 25 year-old Seattle native- who sports eye black on a regular basis and wears his pants high-cuffed (as it should be).

Grady still drives his baby blue 1966 Lincoln Continental convertible to his day job as the All-Star centerfielder for the Cleveland Indians. He’s also a very shy guy (who spurns endorsements because he doesn’t like the spotlight), loves watching movies and documentaries- and could have played college ball as the QB at UDub (and the NFL?). But he choose four years in the minors over four years in college- and it looks like that decision was the right one. Cleveland sure thinks so.

Tons more Grady loveliness, after the jump…

Edited to add 4 additional photos from wwi_flying_ace_17!

Edited again: BowdenBowdenBowden tipped us that you can win an afternoon playing wiffleball with Grady. That is not a euphemism.

Hump Day Hottie: Erik Ainge

For the first time, a college kid is getting the call up to our big leagues… Erik Ainge, this is your time to shine. This senior QB for the mighty Volunteers of Tennessee has overcome lots of adversity- namely, that he was born and raised in Oregon, and not anywhere in the South. This didn’t hamper his development into a fine example of what a Southern QB should be- just check out how well he fills out those white game pants. As a freshman, he broke Peyton Manning’s freshman TD record at UTenn. But in this offseason, he underwent surgery on his knee- and Vol fans have some concerns what that means for the 2007 season. I know of at least one Vol around these parts who’d be more than happy to help him rehab…

Oh, and yeah, he’s related to Danny Ainge- he is Erik’s uncle. More Erik loveliness after the jump…

Hump Day Hottie: Cole Hamels

As before, this Hump Day Hottie is featuring a favorite hottie of one of the other Ladies… about whom I was woefully ignorant until recently. I have only myself to blame for missing out on the beautiful bendy-ness of Cole Hamels. Excuse me, I mean “Colbert Michael Hamels” – come on, Colbert is an awesome first name. He’s a Cali boy out of San Diego with a wicked pitching arm (his change-up has a better whiff rate than the legendary Johan Santana) and a tall lanky body that’s all muscle and gumby goodness. He’s also the owner of some gorgeously intense baby blues, lovely dark hair (which, I’m sorry dear Cole, looks better short and tight- but I’ll take him with the long shag he’s got now, too) and a disarming smile. With this arsenal of hotness at his disposal, it’s high time Cole gets some love. I know Clare will be happy to step in.

Lots more Cole goodies, including cute video, after the jump…

Hump Day Hottie: Eye Black

Here’s the thing: every man is hotter in eye black. Especially men of the athlete variety- all instantly made hotter with smears of eye black. Why this is the case, I can only assume because eye black denotes athleticism, physical exertion, sweat, a little bit of rough and tumble and a whole lot of hottness to the female eye. Eye black is undeniably sexy – and when worn by a hot athlete? Damned irresistible.

A whole hell of a lot of hot athletes in eye black after the jump…

Hump Day Hottie: Cristiano Ronaldo

Yes, he may be a pretty boy. Yes, he may be a pompous jerk. Yes, he may own more hair products than I do. Yes, he may fancy himself a fashion plate. Yes, he may play for the hated Manchester United. Yes, he may have been named in honor of Ronald Reagan (true story).  All of these things don’t really matter though, because… look at him:

Suddenly, all that other annoying stuff about him becomes irrelevant, no? And there’s lots more where that came from…

Hump Day Hottie: J.J. Hardy

I was innocently watching the Cubs go into extra-innings (again) on Monday night, minding my own business. And then there was this:

Hello, J.J. Hardy. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to meet you sooner, I had no idea the Brewers were keeping your level of talent hidden on their roster. I don’t even mind the scraggly hair, darlin’- because your baby blues are gorgeous. Lose the weird facial hair, and you would be pure perfection (as it is, you’re already a 9.999999 on the hott scale). Anyone up for a field trip to Miller Park?

More lovely JJ goodies after the jump…

Hump Day Hottie: Scott Rolen

I admit, I was a latecomer to the Scott Rolen Party of Hotness. Several of my friends who are Phillies fans swore by his hottie virtues, but I didn’t believe. A certain Cardinal-loving Lady… also spoke of his hottness, and still I wasn’t fully convinced. But after doing a little research (and by that, I mean “looking at lots of pictures of him”) I am here to say: boy is fine. He has the cutest little Indiana-boy grin you ever did see, not to mention a great butt and some nice-lookin’ guns. Also, he is flexible- see the middle picture below for proof. He was Mr. Baseball in high school, but was also 3rd place in the Mr. Basketball title as well (and in bball crazy Indiana, that’s saying something)- so he’s multi-talented. I’m fully converted to the way of the HotScott.

click on any of the thumbnails to see bigger versions


Baby Scott, back in ’95, with roommate Dan Held

If that wasn’t enough Scotty Ro-Ro goodness for you, follow the jump for a bunch more…

Hump Day Hottie: Wall-to-Wall

Just another Wednesday? I don’t think so- not when the Ladies… tag team to bring you an onslaught of hotties. In celebration of… not much of anything, just because we can- we bring you the finest buffet of hotties known to womankind. Mankind, too, for that matter. Wanna know who each of the Ladies… consider to be the hottest man alive? Now you know. TGIW, y’all.

Holly: What’s a day at Ladies… without hate sex?

Hump Day Hottie: Unknown Hottie… For Reals

Two weeks ago, I put out the call for help in figuring out who a spectacularly sexy unknown Red Sox hottie was. I mean, good NIGHT – does it get any hotter than this?

A knight in shining armor (namely, Elric) stepped up and guessed this could be Jacoby Ellsbury, Red Sox prospect extraordinaire. Jacoby did indeed turn out to be one smokin’ hottie- and we (OK, I) ran with it, and adopted him as a Ladies… mascot. However, it has come to my attention (through an anonymous commenter) that though Jacoby is indeed hot, he is not this particular unknown hottie.

So that means the Red Sox have not one, but TWO red hot prospects workin’ their way up the ranks. Suddenly, I feel a pull towards Fenway, I wonder why? And who exactly IS this unknown hottie?

Hump Day Hottie: Jeremy Bloom

Jeremy’s what you call a triple threat. 1) He’s a freestyle skiier and Olympian, and competed for the US in Salt Lake City in 2002. 2) He’s a football player, previously playing WR and punt returner for the University of Colorado (until the NCAA declared him ineligible due to his skiing endorsements- kicking off a landmark case with ramifications for all future dual-sport athletes), and now with the Philadelphia Eagles (provided he can stay off the DL this year). 3) He’s crazy hot. Like, ungodly hot. I mean, do you see those hip flexors (a.k.a. f-muscles)? Whoa.

click on any of the pictures to see full-size versions, in all their glory

Hump Day Hottie: Unknown Hottie

I’m putting out a call to all the Ladies…, all the Red Sox fans, all the afficianados of hotness around the world: for the love of all that is hot, who is this guy?

I know he’s a rookie. I know he plays for the Red Sox. I know he has a coach standing on his back. I know he’s really, really smokin’ hot. But for the life of me, I cannot figure out who he is. But I have faith that someone, somewhere will do what I cannot- and give this Unknown Hottie a name.

UPDATE: Thanks to the marvelous Elric, I can now confirm the Unknown Hottie is… Jacoby Ellsbury, the Sox #1 draft pick from 2005, captain of the 2006 National Champion Oregon State Beavers and certified hottie. He’s a 23 year-old outfielder, often referred to as the next Johnny Damon (he even dressed up as Damon for Halloween one year), who spent a short time in high-A Wilmington last year before being quickly called up to the AA-Portland Sea Dogs (and had an NRI to camp this year). He’s expected to challenge Coco Crisp for a starting spot as soon as ’08, and Baseball America rates him the best hitter for average, fastest base runner, best athlete, and best defensive outfielder in the Sox system. Also, if all that wasn’t hot enough, he’s a Navajo Indian who spent part of his childhood with his 3 brothers on a reservation… and his teammates sometimes call him ‘Chief’.

UPDATED AGAIN: Thanks to the marvelous GordonShumway, I give you (by special request of the Ladies…):

Jacoby, you are officially a Ladies… mascot. Congratulations!

Hump Day Hottie: Ryk Neethling

In the midst of the freezing winter, swimming in a cool pool in the heat of summer sounds like it would be just about the best thing ever. Well, second best thing- the best thing is a hot Olympic swimmer to go with that cool pool…. like Ryk Neethling. South African, gold-medal winning Olympian, he spoke Afrikaans for most of his life until he moved to the US to attend college at Arizona on a swimming scholarship. His name is pronounced “Rake”, and doesn’t that pretty much sum things up?

         

Hump Day Hottie: Michael Owen

We here at Ladies… all know how difficult Wednesday can be to get through. It falls right in the middle of the work week- too far away from the traditional going-out night of Thursday, and not even in sight of Friday and the weekend. Plus, the debauchery and frivolity of the previous weekend is a distant memory, so you don’t even have that to hold on to.

But we will be here for you in your time of need- let us help you through the Hump Day with a random hottie from the world of sport. Feast your eyes on these goodies each Wednesday morning, and before you know it… you’ll be on the downhill slope of the week.

This week: Michael Owen, English footballer extraordinaire and stunningly good-looking hottie. Currently plays striker for Newcastle United, previously with Liverpool and Real Madrid. Smoking hot.