Massive NBA Preview Part II: Southeast and Southwest

We now interrupt your previously scheduled 100 Hotties entertainment to bring you some even more previously scheduled entertainment. This is the second part of the Massive NBA Preview in Pictures: two divisions per week, ten teams every Friday until the season starts at the end of this month. What teams will be good, what teams will do badly, and what hotties you should keep an eye out for: this preview answers all your questions. The divisions are chosen mostly by which teams I have enough pictures for by Friday. This week: the Southeast division, featuring the Heat, the Magic, the and the Wizards, and the Southwest division, featuring the Hornets, Rockets and Spurs.

How will the Hawks do this season? More importantly, how much hotter can Al Horford possibly get?

How will the Hawks do this season? More importantly, how much hotter can Al Horford possibly get?

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Big XII Conference Panty Raid

One two three FOUR FIVE six seven eight nine ten ELEVEN TWELVE (dooooo dooo doooo doooo…)


You hear that Big TEleven – we’re the Big XII, and we have XII teams!

The Big XII (the roman numerals mean we’re fancy!) pinball is rolling around that giant machine… and which seed number will it finally land in? To my consternation, the Longhorns always seem to come up short in the conference tourney (no matter how well they end up doing in the Big Dance), so I’m gonna go with Kansas. Lord knows I will be choking on my own vomit if Texas A&M wins, so let’s just hope RockChalkJayhawk can pull this off. In the meantime, here are some Big XII hotties to chew on.

Now I get to take advantage of this opportunity, and make fun of all the teams in the conference…

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PAC-10 Panty Raid – Abbreviated “Thong” Version

There are about a thousand more media outlets, (Are we a media outlet? If so, can we get invited to one of those “reporter” websites where we can get copy to use?), that can tell you everything you need to know about the PAC-10.  I would argue that the vast majority of you already know everything you need to know about the PAC-10 tourney.

(Cliff Notes – UCLA, Arizona, Oregon, Washington State, and USC are pretty much locks. Standford is most likely a lock, depending on how they do in the conference tourney. Washington needs to go crazy in the tourney to make it to the big dance.)

Since we are the ONE media outlet highlighting just the hotties,  let’s get to it.


James Keefe – UCLA
(Not much going on there, but he has a great smile.)

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Mid-American Conference Panty Raid

Who knew that middle America was hiding all kinds of hot? This preview was infinitely more fun to prepare than expected because I discovered that the Mid-American Conference, more than any other conference I looked at, has a ton of hotties. And I don’t say that lightly- because the Atlantic Sun and Big XII Conferences are no slouches… but the MAC might just take the hottie crown. At least they’ll have that honor to keep them warm, because it’s unlikely that more than one MAC team will make it to the Big Dance (although not impossible). More news and notes after the jump (with help from special correspondent/informant Suss)- but first, let’s get to the main attraction…

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Conference USA Panty Raid

I almost can’t be bothered. C-USA is plagued by boring guys (no real stunning hotties in the bunch) and an even more boring story- as it looks like it’s once again going to be Memphis, and only Memphis, all the way. I mean- look at the Hottie Team: no stunners, Dave and Robert are cute enough… but Matt? How in the world is this the hottest center in the conference? And you don’t know what a chore it was just to find the guys that did make the Team. Sigh. Hopefully I’ll be able to liven things up for you after the jump.

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Big East Panty Raid

Tomorrow afternoon, a plethora of hotties from up and down the Eastern Seaboard will fill Madison Square Garden for the 25th annual Big East tournament. Only the top 12 teams get bids to the Big East tourney (sorry, USF, Seton Hall, Cincy and Rutgers) and the top four get automatic bids to the quarterfinals.

My Pitt Panthers have a three seed, a fact that makes me want to throw myself on the floor and writhe around in agony. The only thing stopping me from doing so is the fact that Notre Dame has a four seed. Ha!

Meet the Big East All-Hottie first team after the jump.

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Big West Conference Panty Raid: Screwy Bracket, Screwy Names

The Big West Conference tournament is totally weird. The conference has 8 schools, which is the perfect number for a tournament, right? 8-4-2-Champion! But the Big West has decided to be all “different” and “edgy” and “West Coast.” On day one, they have the #8 seed play the #5 seed and the #7 seed play the #6 seed. On day two, the #3 seed plays the lowest remaining seed and the #4 seed plays the highest remaining seed. On day three, the #1 seed plays the lowest remaining seed and the #2 seed plays the highest remaining seed. Then on Sunday the two remaining teams enter Thunderdome armed only with squirt guns and kumquats. It’s so bizarre. Here’s a link to the bracket, if you’d like to check it out for yourself. For more panty-raidy goodness, follow me… Continue reading