Massive NBA Preview Part II: Southeast and Southwest

We now interrupt your previously scheduled 100 Hotties entertainment to bring you some even more previously scheduled entertainment. This is the second part of the Massive NBA Preview in Pictures: two divisions per week, ten teams every Friday until the season starts at the end of this month. What teams will be good, what teams will do badly, and what hotties you should keep an eye out for: this preview answers all your questions. The divisions are chosen mostly by which teams I have enough pictures for by Friday. This week: the Southeast division, featuring the Heat, the Magic, the and the Wizards, and the Southwest division, featuring the Hornets, Rockets and Spurs.

How will the Hawks do this season? More importantly, how much hotter can Al Horford possibly get?

Big XII Conference Panty Raid

One two three FOUR FIVE six seven eight nine ten ELEVEN TWELVE (dooooo dooo doooo doooo…)

You hear that Big TEleven – we’re the Big XII, and we have XII teams!

The Big XII (the roman numerals mean we’re fancy!) pinball is rolling around that giant machine… and which seed number will it finally land in? To my consternation, the Longhorns always seem to come up short in the conference tourney (no matter how well they end up doing in the Big Dance), so I’m gonna go with Kansas. Lord knows I will be choking on my own vomit if Texas A&M wins, so let’s just hope RockChalkJayhawk can pull this off. In the meantime, here are some Big XII hotties to chew on.

Now I get to take advantage of this opportunity, and make fun of all the teams in the conference…

PAC-10 Panty Raid – Abbreviated “Thong” Version

There are about a thousand more media outlets, (Are we a media outlet? If so, can we get invited to one of those “reporter” websites where we can get copy to use?), that can tell you everything you need to know about the PAC-10.  I would argue that the vast majority of you already know everything you need to know about the PAC-10 tourney.

(Cliff Notes – UCLA, Arizona, Oregon, Washington State, and USC are pretty much locks. Standford is most likely a lock, depending on how they do in the conference tourney. Washington needs to go crazy in the tourney to make it to the big dance.)

Since we are the ONE media outlet highlighting just the hotties,  let’s get to it.

James Keefe – UCLA
(Not much going on there, but he has a great smile.)

Mid-American Conference Panty Raid

Who knew that middle America was hiding all kinds of hot? This preview was infinitely more fun to prepare than expected because I discovered that the Mid-American Conference, more than any other conference I looked at, has a ton of hotties. And I don’t say that lightly- because the Atlantic Sun and Big XII Conferences are no slouches… but the MAC might just take the hottie crown. At least they’ll have that honor to keep them warm, because it’s unlikely that more than one MAC team will make it to the Big Dance (although not impossible). More news and notes after the jump (with help from special correspondent/informant Suss)- but first, let’s get to the main attraction…

Conference USA Panty Raid

I almost can’t be bothered. C-USA is plagued by boring guys (no real stunning hotties in the bunch) and an even more boring story- as it looks like it’s once again going to be Memphis, and only Memphis, all the way. I mean- look at the Hottie Team: no stunners, Dave and Robert are cute enough… but Matt? How in the world is this the hottest center in the conference? And you don’t know what a chore it was just to find the guys that did make the Team. Sigh. Hopefully I’ll be able to liven things up for you after the jump.

Big East Panty Raid

Tomorrow afternoon, a plethora of hotties from up and down the Eastern Seaboard will fill Madison Square Garden for the 25th annual Big East tournament. Only the top 12 teams get bids to the Big East tourney (sorry, USF, Seton Hall, Cincy and Rutgers) and the top four get automatic bids to the quarterfinals.

My Pitt Panthers have a three seed, a fact that makes me want to throw myself on the floor and writhe around in agony. The only thing stopping me from doing so is the fact that Notre Dame has a four seed. Ha!

Meet the Big East All-Hottie first team after the jump.

Big West Conference Panty Raid: Screwy Bracket, Screwy Names

The Big West Conference tournament is totally weird. The conference has 8 schools, which is the perfect number for a tournament, right? 8-4-2-Champion! But the Big West has decided to be all “different” and “edgy” and “West Coast.” On day one, they have the #8 seed play the #5 seed and the #7 seed play the #6 seed. On day two, the #3 seed plays the lowest remaining seed and the #4 seed plays the highest remaining seed. On day three, the #1 seed plays the lowest remaining seed and the #2 seed plays the highest remaining seed. Then on Sunday the two remaining teams enter Thunderdome armed only with squirt guns and kumquats. It’s so bizarre. Here’s a link to the bracket, if you’d like to check it out for yourself. For more panty-raidy goodness, follow me…

Western Athletic Conference Panty Raid

I know it’s lame, I do. But every time I see the Western Athletic Conference I always call it the “wiggidy wiggidy WAC.” I use to think that I was the only person who still had “wiggidy wack” in their vocabulary, but I see that I’m not alone.

It’s not about sports, but damn if that’s not a funny clip. I really should start watching Project Runway.

Colonial Athletic Association Panty Raid

Two things: one, the Colonial is an “Athletic Association”, not a “Conference”, and two, the Colonial Athletic Association can definitely use more smokin’ hotties– they are sorely lacking in that department. Fortunately for us, the CAA at least has enough hotties to fill out a pretty nice looking All-Association All-Conference lineup. More fortunately for the CAA, what they lack in looks they more than make up for with skills… the CAA has turned out to be a very competitive league, loaded with great teams- as many as four of which could be headed to the Big Dance. But first, the Hotties!

America East Conference Panty Raid

The America East Conference is extremely top-heavy this year, in that only Vermont and Albany have records above .500. Boston University is at 8-8 and every other team is sub-.500, which means the conference tournament should shape up to be a battle of the Kitties vs. the Scooby Doos. I’m going to pick the Vermont Catamounts over the Albany Great Danes and go on record as saying the rest of the tournament will probably be ugly.

Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference Panty Raid

The MAAC is a good league, with six out of their 10 teams having a winning record and a seventh having a .500 record in conference. The three remaining teams though have records with at least twice as many losses as wins. The overall winning record has a different story, as only the top four teams have winning records. What does that prove? That the MAAC is pretty much like any mid-major conference-one dominant team, a bunch of worthy competitors, and some pretty bad teams.

Atlantic Sun Conference Panty Raid

Atlantic Sun Conference, how do I love thee (or, more specifically, all your hotties)? Let me count the ways… here are five to start us off with below- the Hottie Team winners. This is why I love the South: more hotties per capita than anywhere else. Continued conference talk after the jump, but suffice it to say that East Tennessee State is overly blessed with talent and good looks- they are the only team to nab two Hottie Team slots, and they are also the frontrunners to win the conference and head to the Big Dance. Yeehaw!

Northeast Conference Panty Raid

The Northeast Conference tourney this year will likely be all about the Blue Devils- not the ones from North Carolina, the ones from Central Connecticut St. More on the teams and the tourney after the jump, but let’s get the most important part of the Panty Raid out of the way up front… the Hotties! The NEC was average on the talent scale (and by “talent”, I mean “stunningly good looks”), but first place honors go to Sacred Heart‘s Tavio Hobson, who more than makes up for the overall hottie deficiency.

Southern Conference Panty Raid

The SoCon is one trippy league. Every year a new team makes it to the top to win the automatic bid and go to the NCAAs. Davidson is trying to nix that trend by winning the league for the second straight year. But they will have some competition as the top of the conference looks to be a crap shoot with the better teams beating each other. The rest of the league? Not so much as the other 7 teams all have a losing conference and overall record. That’s right, seven teams in a conference of 11 have losing records. Who needs the ACC when you can have the SoCon?

Missouri-Valley Conference Panty Raid

In the last few years, the Missouri Valley Conference has been one of the frontrunners in bringing the “mid-majors” to national attention. They’ve had some teams make very deep runs in the NCAA Tournament, probably starting with Bruce Weber taking the Southern Illinois Salukis to the Sweet Sixteen in 2002 and culminating with last year’s HUGE first-round upset of #13-seed Bradley over #4 Kansas.

Last year, the MVC had a conference-record 4 teams make it to the Dance with Southern Illinois, Northern Iowa, Wichita State and Bradley. Both Wichita State and Bradley shocked the nation by making it to the Sweet Sixteen, particularly Bradley with upsets over Kansas and Pittsburgh. This year, it is looking like the MVC will get their automatic bid plus two at-large selections and those three will most likely by Southern Illinois, Creighton and Missouri State. However, should Bradley or UNI sneak in there and win the conference tournament, it could be another year of 4 MVC teams dancing.

Horizon League Panty Raid

Tonight is the night you’ve all obviously been waiting for. No, not a new episode of Miami Ink although that’s what I’ll be watching, because nothing turns me on like well-muscled men with the potential for hepatitis. But those of you with Sirius satellite radio or a broadband connection (or both, if you like to party) can spend the evening catching the hot first-round action in the Horizon League tournament.

The Horizon League, I just learned ten minutes ago, is the home of the number #15 Butler Bulldogs, as well as eight other colleges with incongruous logos and mascot names. The League itself has been crowned with an icon that I know I’ve seen in the yellow pages advertising either a computer training center or a drug treatment facility.

The one thing to consider when filling out your Horizon League bracket (stop snickering…that’s not a joke) is that much like Sigourney Weaver in Copycat, these teams freak the hell out when they leave home. Since the current tournament format was instituted in 2003, the home team has gone 10-2 in the first round. Not only that, but overall this season the road record for the conference is a wretched 41-84. Agoraphobia is a bitch. And so am I for referencing a movie that starred Harry Connick Jr.

Sun Belt Conference Panty Raid

In the Sun Belt Conference this year, 6 of the 13 teams have records above .500, no team has fewer than 5 conference losses and no team has fewer than 7 conference wins. What’s that spell? B-A-L-A-N-C-E. The top team in the conference, South Alabama is the favorite to win the Sun Belt tournament and grab a #15 seed in the Big Dance, only to be ousted by Florida or Kansas in the first round. However, four 15-2 upsets have happened in the history of the tourney, so you never know…

I also don’t think South Alabama is a shoo-in to win the conference tournament. As I said, the conference is incredibly balanced, which means really any team could run the table. South Alabama is on a 3-game losing streak and Arkansas State (top team in the West Division) is on a 4-game winning streak, so watch them for the upset. The tournament starts tomorrow, Wednesday February 28^th at various campus sites, with the top 3 teams in the conference (South Alabama, LA-Lafayette, and Western Kentucky) getting a bye in the first round. Weirdly, the second round games aren’t until Sunday March 4^th, semis on Monday March 5^th and finals on Tuesday March 6^th. I’ll be back on Wednesday March 7^th for a Sun Belt Wrap-up.

The Ohio Valley Conference Panty Raid

How to sum up the Ohio Valley Conference? One good team, several okay teams (at least in conference), and a bunch of, well, suckey teams. Out of 11 teams, only 4 has an overall winning record. One team is exactly .500 overall. The rest? Well, they’re not so good. Austin Peay (16-4) is first in the conference, followed by Eastern Kentucky (13-7), Tennessee Tech (13-7), Murray State (13-7), and Samford (12-8). The other six teams have losing records both in conference and overall. Yeah, can we say mediocre?

The Big South Panty Raid

Here is the first thing you need to know about the Big South: Winthrop is good. Very good. So good that they are undefeated in conference play, won the conference outright with games to play, and will get to host the tournament on their home floor.

You read that right: They will get to host the post-season tournament on their floor because the Big South rewards the best play during the season by letting the top four teams host the first round on their home courts. The semifinals are held on the regular season champion’s floor and the final is at the home of the highest remaining seed. So it is at a team’s advantage to win the regular season, since they will pretty much get home court advantage as long as the winning continues.