All-Star Posts, All-Star Posts, Come And Get Yer All-Star Posts

Good morning. How can you just walk on by without one tear in your eye?

(Incidentally, that song reminds me of this, which I swear only makes me cry because I’m listening to that damn song. Insert “unhealthy obsession” comment here.)

(Yes, I know that you’re getting this post after the afternoon post. It’s still morning in California.)

The current All-MLB RAR leader.

The current All-MLB RAR leader.

The rest of the All-Star awesomesauce is after the jump, but first: SPOILER ALERT! NO RED SOX OR YANKEES! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!.

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The Last Time Your Team Won it All: Baseball Teams

world-series-trophy

I got the idea for this post when I was talking to my friend about the last time the Yankees won the World Series. It’s almost going to be nine years, but nine years isn’t that long. If I ever complained about a nine-year World Series drought to a Cubs fan, I would more than likely get a smack in the face…and it would be completely warranted.

However, when I think back to where I was the 2000, it seems like ages ago. The last time the Yankees won it all I was a freshman in High School. It feels like I graduated from H.S. ages ago; forget about actually being a freshman. The bottom line is we all follow our team with one goal: to see them win it all at the end. Don’t get me wrong, you can still enjoy the season, but you are never fully satisfied unless your team is the last one standing. Unless you root for the Phillies, Red Sox or Cardinals, the last time your team won it all can seem like a lifetime ago.

So let’s take a little trip down memory lane and see what life was like the last time your team were World Champions. Sorry to all Washington, Milwaukee, Houston, San Diego, Colorado, Tampa Bay, Texas, and Seattle fans. You need to have won at least one to qualify.

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I love New York. I hate the Yankees.

fisk01

It’s rivalry week here at Chez Sox. I’ve had the Sox v. Yanks games on, and have been alternately shouting and laughing at my TV. Everything that could possibly be picked up and thrown has been taken away from me, and the husband has been banished to his computer to listen to his big rivalry games, the Phils and the Mets. Suck it, New York, more or less.

I was going to write this big, magnanimous post about rivalries and how they’re good for the sport and good for the fanbase because a rivalry gives even the most casual fan something to talk about. I was going to be the bigger person and say that my mom is right (and not completely insane) when she says that she kind of likes the Yankees, because Sox/Yanks games are just bigger than the other 144 games for those of us who list our home address firmly in Red Sox Nation.

I was going to do all of that bigger person-type stuff, but the idea of saying anything nice about the Yankees fills me with utter, utter revulsion. I don’t have it in me. I can’t do it.

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Someone call the waaaaambulance.

tonlyarussapeak

We here at Ladies…love Twitter. There’s something kind of twisted and voyeuristic and slightly stalkerish about it that we just adore. (There’s also something to be said about the ability to roll our eyes at Ashton Kutcher in real time. Oh, admit it. You follow him, too. There are two million of us.)

Of course,there’s a downside to being a celebrity on Twitter. For one thing, everything you say can be turned around and announced in the mainstream media. (Newt Gingrich’s Tweet calling Judge Sonia Sotomayor a racist went from ill-advised tweet to conservative nutjob talking point almost immediately. Gossip sites ran with the announcement that John Mayer had *gasp* announced his breakup with Jennifer Aniston on Twitter.) There’s no privacy.

But then, there are the impostors. Ohhhhhh, there are impostors. For some ungodly reason, people amuse themselves by making up fake Twitter accounts and pretending to be celebrities. We don’t quite understand it, but some people will do anything for attention. (Just look at Spencer Pratt. Don’t worry, we hate ourselves for making that joke, and for knowing who he is in the first place.) Usually, a celebrity will catch wind of one of these accounts, sign up with their own account and declare that the impostors are fake. No harm done, takes about five minutes, everyone moves on, right?

Tony LaRussa? Not so much.

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Hit and Run: In Which Barry Zito’s BABIP Regresses, Right Before Our Eyes!

A.k.a. the “Complete MLB Rundown (To The Exclusion Of Everything Else)” edition. Why? Because I can. Yesterday’s scores presented BBC-style for extra hilarity and confusion.

  • Red Sox 3 – 5 Blue Jays. Sevven sollid innings from Tallet (see what I did there?) provide a lead for Scott Downs to preserve, bringing them back into 2nd place in the mighty AL East. Go Jays!
  • Marlins 7 – 3 Mets. Tim Redding sucks. Josh Johnson doesn’t. Go Fish!
  • Braves 2 – 3 Diamondbacks. There are a lot of 3s today. Eric Byrnes finally does something good; namely, driving in the winning run in the 11th. No, wearing awesome socks doesn’t automatically mean that you’ve done something good.
  • Dodgers 0 – 7 Cubs. Eric Stults fails as Dodgers get shut out for the first time all year. You know, I like the guy, but hey dude, put up or shut up. As in, put up zeros on the scoreboard, or shut the hell up when the reporters interview you and ask why you sucked. Go ahead, say, “I sucked”. David Ortiz did, you can too! Ugh. STULTS. My boy Brent Leach faces 1 batter, records 2 groundouts, because he’s cool like that. Go Dodgers.
  • Twins 2 – 5 Rays. David Price blah blah blah 11 strikeouts blah blah blah 1st Major League win blah blah blah Free Rick Porcello!
  • Reds 5 – 9 Brewers. Some dudes hit some home runs.
  • Tigers 6 – 3 Orioles. Is Luke Scott on steroids? Naw, he’s just in an un-slump.
  • Astros 4 – 7 Pirates. Hey guys, the Pirates just won another game. Meanwhile, the Astros lost another one and are hopelessly out of contention. Kind of like the Nationals.
  • Yankees 10 – 5 Indians. Your first double-digit scoring game of the night was notable only for the fact that CC Sabathia gave up runs. I really hate that guy. Oh, and Nick Swisher (perhaps better known simply as AJ Burnett’s new boyfriend) hit a home run. I’m sure they celebrated in an entirely appropriate fashion that didn’t involve ice cream or maple syrup or leather and chains. No, I didn’t just imply that.
  • Nationals 6 – 9 Phillies. Cole Hamels gets shelled but gets the win anyway. Disgusting. Lidge doesn’t implode, but his ERA is still above 8. Good luck with that, buddy.
  • White Sox 5 – 3 Royals. Gil Meche gets no love from the bullpen. Which sucks.
  • Athletics 1 – 14 Rangers. The average Leverage Index for this game was so low that it actually may have caused a Fangraphs implosion. Seriously, check it out:

  • Padres 7 – 8 Rockies. This game is actually so boring that there’s no proof it happened, so I can’t tell you what happened, although I’m sure if you really want to know you can look it up somewhere.
  • Mariners 4 – 3 Angels. If you’re a Mariners fan, then Jose Lopez is your saviour. On the other hand, if you’re a Mariners fan, then you probably have bigger problems, including the fact that your #5 starter is actually a vampire. That’s my clever way of saying that I sort of have a crush on Jason Vargas.
  • Cardinals 6 – 2 Giants. Zito was doing fine until he gave up 3 consecutive doubles in the 7th. Actually, on a team that didn’t epitomize suckitude, he would’ve had an easy shot at winning this game, except that 1) Albert Pujols is on steroids and 2) The Giants suck, ergo, their bullpen sucks, ergo, their starters don’t win unless they pitch complete game shutouts. Except for that one time, but I’m pretty sure that was an accident. Oh, and Albert Pujols did do something good; namely, he struck out looking on a curveball from Zito that came thisclose to making me scream in delight. (I did actually sort of whimper, but the sexual power of a pitch like that is a discussion for another time. Just watch any Roy Halladay start, or a good AJ Burnett start. You’ll understand.)

Good morning. I know in darkness I will find you giving up inside like me.

All Star Shenanigans.

Padres Phillies Baseball

Internet, we need to talk about something very serious. I’m going to paint you a picture of two ballplayers.

Player One is batting .339 with 17 home runs, 44 RBI, an OBP of .402 and a slugging percentage of .707. He’s one of the best clutch hitters in baseball and has effortlessly replaced a fan favorite in a notoriously difficult town.

Player Two has been suspended since May 7 for using a banned substance.

Which player do YOU think is ranked higher in the National League All-Star Game outfielder voting totals? Continue reading

This Week in Roster Moves: NL East Hottie Debuts

MLB debut, Ladies debut -- big week for Fernando.

MLB debut, Ladies debut -- big week for Fernando.

Almost a full two months into the 2009 season, injuries to key players are forcing GMs across the league to scour their AAA clubs for players capable of filling the sudden gaps in their rosters.  It’s a chance for these young players to show what they can do on the major league level, gain some valuable experience, and, most importantly, catch the eye of the “talent” scouts here at Ladies …

Today I’d like to introduce you to two such players, who made their debuts for their rival NL East clubs last Saturday and Tuesday, respectively.

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Take Us Out to the Ball Game: The Ladies…do Nationals Park.

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You may have noticed that your Ladies…have a bit of a baseball problem. It’s a sickness. We’re sad, strange people incapable of planning a road trip without checking the baseball schedule in our destination city. This summer alone, the Ladies…will be visiting ballparks all over this great nation (and possibly Canada!) and you get to reap the rewards. Planning a visit to new Yankee Stadium? We’ve got you covered. Wondering what you should eat at Miller Park? We’re on it. Need to know where not to sit at Fenway? We’re there.

This week, we take on baseball in our nation’s capitol. That’s right. A Phillies/Nationals game at brand-spanking new Nationals Park. Or, frankly, Citizen’s Bank Park South.

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The All-Star Break Called… Part Deux

So I’ll admit it, I am a total snob when it comes thinking that the AL is superior to the NL.  I don’t know if its the designated hitter deal, the difference in stadium size (I like my homers in the AL), or the tighter strike zone… whatever it is, I’ve always considered the NL to be the red headed step child of Major League Baseball.  But I set those feelings aside to bring you the All-Star Team of the National League,  Ladies… style.

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Bad Baseball Beards: The True Threat to our National Pastime

Oh, Jayson.  No.

Oh, Jayson. No.

Dear Major League Baseball Players,

We need to talk.

I know we all like to make fun of the old school owners who forbid facial hair, and most of you can probably recite the relevant parts of The Simpsons softball episode by heart.  The baseball season is long, and  required uniforms can make it hard to find an outlet for personal expressions of style other than your hair.  (Or so I’m told by friends who went to Catholic school.)

Still, this beard thing is out of control this season. Minda tried to warn you last year that things were getting a little too scruffy in the chin region, but did you listen?

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Rivalry – Why Vie So Hard?

Lowell vs. Cano

Team rivalry. Seemingly nothing wrong with it, and actually it’s abnormal to not have some friendly competition and strive a bit harder to win against a certain team more than others. Maybe it’s two cities that battle in more ways than sports, maybe it comes about from a trade that develops a grudge, or maybe it’s something rooted in history that carries itself over 100 years of one the most well known and deepest hates – the Yankees and the Red Sox. But why are some rivalries the way they are today, why carry on the tradition of hate throughout generations, and why hate so hard?

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Get your own stuff!

terrible-towel

I was all set to write my first post as a love letter to Josh Beckett’s fastball. (Look, if it was possible to make out with a pitch, I would do so with that one, happily, and without regard for leaving lipstick prints on the leather.) But then my cousin sent me a text message from her seats at Citi Field last week. “Maggie,’ she wrote. ‘They’re doing it again.’

The ‘it’ in question? Playing ‘Sweet Caroline’ in the eighth inning.

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It’s Opening Day!

The Ladies have spies everywhere.

The Ladies have spies everywhere.

Today is a rainy Monday in New York, but I do not care because somewhere in this country, a major league baseball game is only hours away.  Yup, it’s Opening Day — as long as you are not the Phillies and Braves (played last night), or the Royals and White Sox (snowed out — sorry, Minda!). It’s still a national holiday in my head; it’s too bad my employer doesn’t recognize those.

Anyway, to celebrate, here’s a brief photo recap of the Official First Game of the 2009 season.  Welcome back, boys!

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A wee little announcement

The Ladies… are now on Twitter! Follow us here, and let us know what kind of 140-character brilliance you would like us to produce. The name of a daily hottie? Our new favorite recipes? Embarrassing childhood photos? Ryan Lochte? Let us know!

You can also keep track of our latest Tweets right here on the Ladies… home page. Just scroll down and look at the right side, right under the search bar to see them!

That’s all for now – some new stuff is on the horizon. Until next time, enjoy some gratuitous Chutley.

Do I *need* a reason to put his picture here?

Do I *need* a reason to put his picture here?

Hot Stove Hotties: Because we don’t hear nearly enough about Mark Teixeira

Each week this Hot Stove season, we’ll look at some done deals and juicy rumors involving our favorite MLB hotties, and the occasional not-really-a-hottie, but still worth talking about.

Ugh. Can free agent first baseman Mark Teixeira just go away already? Seriously, this garbage has gone on ALL offseason. It’s ridiculous; the guy should just sign somewhere and get it over with. He has a great deal of talent, but I’m sick of typing all those E’s and I’s all the time, you know?

Yay, Im holding up the whole market!

"Yay, I'm holding up the whole market!"

Jerk. Here are the latest Tex rumors, and there’s more Hot Stove stuff after the thing. Continue reading

Phillies win, so we can Hot Stove now

As Tim Dierkes pointed out, the World Series ending means offseason moves are now beginning. Starting next week, I’ll feature a few trades/rumors that involve MLB hotties. (Well, here’s one for you, nice and early.)

But for now…Phillies covered in champagne!

Carlos Ruiz awwww

Carlos Ruiz awwww

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Hump Day Hottie: Cole Hamels, Part 2

With the NLCS starting tomorrow I thought it was appropriate to feature a hottie on one of the last four teams in. Who better than Phillies ace Cole Hamels. I know, he’s been a HDH before. But that doesn’t mean he can’t be one again. And the way he’s been pitching (and looking hot along the way) he kinda deserves this. So we salute you Cole, for being our only two time hump day hottie. At least so far.

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The Ladies … Pick the Postseason (Baseball Edition)

AP/Mark Avery)

Will anyone take the Angels out? (Source: AP/Mark Avery)

October is my favorite sports month of the year, mainly for two reasons.  We’ll talk about the second one next week.  This week, I switched days with SA so I could start October off right: talking about postseason baseball.

This is the first time in many seasons I have not had a clear favorite in either league.  I kind of think people are forgetting about the Angels, though, just because they clinched their division ages ago.  So my picks for the postseason are:
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Heckle this man

An odd item out of Clearwater in today’s Chester County Daily Local News:

As he walked off the field after six innings, [Cole] Hamels was greeted with a standing ovation from fans in the left field bleachers. A little over an hour earlier, the 24-year-old pitcher was being serenaded with a different kind of fan reaction.

“I had some great heckling in my bullpen, loved it,” said Hamels, who said both Rays and Phillies fans were yapping his way.

What are you trying to tell us, Colbert? That you like it when we say things like, “HEY HAMELS, NICE 12.60 ERA. AND YOU WANT ADAM EATON MONEY FOR THAT SHIT?!” and “DUDE, DID YOU GET YOUR HAIR HIGHLIGHTED IN THE OFF SEASON? WHAT THE HELL?!” and “I’VE SEEN YOUR WIFE’S COOTER!” OK, then. I’ll be sure to remember those gems for when I’m in Clearwater this weekend.

Hit & Run: Celebration Times Three

Today ain’t any normal Monday, and this ain’t gonna be your normal Hit & Run- because we have some serious celebratin’ to do. Perhaps you haven’t heard- but the Boston Red Sox, Chicago Cubs and Philadelphia Phillies all clinched their division titles over the weekend… and as you might expect, GordonShumway, Clare and I are a tad bit excited about that.

OK, we’re freakin’ ecstatic. We’re bouncing off the walls, rally towel waving, champagne swigging, hugging random strangers, put an empty Bud Light case on our head and dance around in our underwear ECSTATIC. And we’re triple tag-teaming this H&R to share a little bit of our excitement with you.

And, of course, I’ve gathered together plenty of pictures of celebratory ballplayers covered in champagne after the jump…

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Hit and Run: LOUD NOISES!


JIM THOME IS NAUGHT BUT A HOPELESS ROMANTIC

THOOOOOOOOME! Pictured here smooching his wife Andrea (note: not our Andrea), Ol’ Hambone Thome hit No. 500 yesterday, and did it in grand fashion: a two-run walkoff jack, and on Jim Thome bobblehead day. The fellow who caught the milestone ball gave it right back to Jim, and Thome announced after the game that he and his father would deliver it to Cooperstown together.

Excuse me, but it’s gotten dusty in my office all of a sudden. [Sniffle.]

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Chase Utley Is An American Hero

Chase Utley can do it all. He’s an All-Star and one of the leading candidates for NL MVP. He has his hand broken by a worthless rookie pitcher (grrrr, John Lannan) and fights back to play again. He educates people on the dangers of global warming, including certain teammates cough*Rowand*cough who drive giganto trucks. He is dashing and debonair and ridiculously good-looking.

And he saves puppies.

That’s right, in his spare time off the diamond, Chase and his wife Jen campaign for the PSPCA and raise awareness about abused animals. Not content with that, Chutley has now taken on responsibility for a severely abused puppy found beaten and burned in August, and pays for all of its medical care. There is nothing this man can’t do.

HE SAVES PUPPIES, Y’ALL.

(a few more Chut + pup pictures after the jump)

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Hump Day Hottie: Aaron Rowand

It’s finally time. This one’s been a long way in the offing- and, in my opinion, criminally overdue. Why hasn’t Aaron “Bacon Pants” Rowand been featured as a Hump Day Hottie before now? We’ve had him jumping out of a cupcake, but we haven’t given him the full HDH treatment. I can only say that I was saving him for a special occasion- and the last HDH before football season kicks off seems like the perfect time (not to mention that TODAY IS HIS 30th BIRTHDAY). I have only myself to blame for keeping his hottness away from y’all for so long. I hope this makes up for it.

Lots more bacon-y goodness after the jump…

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Better get your tux out of mothballs: The hotties of the Philadelphia Phillies

Together with their manager Charles Fuqua Manuel
The Philadelphia Phillies
cordially invite you to
A Party of Pants
on Saturday, the seventh of July
two thousand and seven
One Citizens Bank Way
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Meet your hosts and R.S.V.P. after the jump.

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Two Homers Discuss…: Phillies at Mets, 6/7/07

As you’ve probably guessed by now, Ladies… Texas Gal and Clare are quite the Phillies Phans. Unfortunately, they’re separated by 750 miles and a change of time zones. How do they remedy this problem? For what we hope will be the first in a series of Two Homers Discuss… pieces, they fire up their IM programs of choice, chat away and save the results FOR YR LOLZ AND ENJOYMENTZ.

Texas Gal: I’M TIRED OF THESE MOTHER HUBBARD METS IN THIS MOTHER HUBBARD DIVISION
Clare: HI TEX IT’S CL
Clare: CLARE
Texas Gal: WHY DON’T THEY GROW THE FUDGE UP
Texas Gal: PARDON MY FRENCH
Clare: /CHORTLE
Texas Gal: THIS IS WH
Texas Gal: THIS IS WH
Texas Gal: THIS IS WHY I’M HOT

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I Was There: Phillies-Mets-Marlins

Another weekend, another city, another four baseball games (Phillies-Marlins, and the three game Mets-Marlins series)- the tally is now at 24 games on the year so far. But now I’m going to give back, and share a little of the baseball hottie-fueled knowledge I gathered down in Miami.

How to Go to a Marlins Game: A Texas Gal Primer

1. Get Tickets.
The easiest part of the whole process is getting ahold of tickets- because there aren’t really very many “fans” of the Marlins variety. More like “people who live in the Miami area who are bored, and are investigating the rumors that their city has a pro baseball team”. These “fans” are easily startled, and will cower at the slightest taunting from opposing fans- which is unfortunate that they play in the same division as New York and Philadelphia, world-class hecklers both. Also unfortunate when 85% of the stadium are Mets fans.
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Hump Day Hottie: Cole Hamels

As before, this Hump Day Hottie is featuring a favorite hottie of one of the other Ladies… about whom I was woefully ignorant until recently. I have only myself to blame for missing out on the beautiful bendy-ness of Cole Hamels. Excuse me, I mean “Colbert Michael Hamels” – come on, Colbert is an awesome first name. He’s a Cali boy out of San Diego with a wicked pitching arm (his change-up has a better whiff rate than the legendary Johan Santana) and a tall lanky body that’s all muscle and gumby goodness. He’s also the owner of some gorgeously intense baby blues, lovely dark hair (which, I’m sorry dear Cole, looks better short and tight- but I’ll take him with the long shag he’s got now, too) and a disarming smile. With this arsenal of hotness at his disposal, it’s high time Cole gets some love. I know Clare will be happy to step in.

Lots more Cole goodies, including cute video, after the jump…

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