MLB Hotties on the Move

No, no! He's not going anywhere!

Somewhere, in a vast wilderness where cell phones signals go to die and there is no SportsCenter, Crane is feeling a psychic wave of untold joy and relief. That’s because the trade deadline has passed and Roy Halladay stayed in Toronto. Hey, Riccardi, thanks for playing with the heads of Jays’ fans these last few weeks! There’s a special place in hell for GMs like you – right beside John Ferguson Jr.

It’s been a busy few days. Let’s put all the nonsense of PEDs and Papi behind us and concentrate on the actual game of baseball baseball transactions. If your fave player left on a jet plane today for another team and you don’t know when he’ll be back again (hint: check the team schedule), I’m sorry to hear that. On the other hand, if your team has been injected with newfound playoff hope, congratulations! Hope that works out for you guys! Unless you like the Red Sox, and then…you know how I feel.

Hit and Run: With a Perfect Buehrle

So it was a busy week as baseball got back into the groove of things after the All Star break. There was a whole lot going on. Brand new division leaders, a naked Tony Bernazard, and to top it all off, a PERFECT GAME! More on all of this week’s happenings after the jump.

The Complete Statistical List Of Pitchers More Deserving Of An All-Star Selection Than Tim Wakefield

I am going to take so much flak for this, and you know what? If I cared, then I wouldn’t be writing this post. Good morning. I think I’m going to go take it out on the street while the rain still falls.

Listed with RAR and FIP are all AL pitchers who 1) didn’t make the All-Star team, 2) have BABIPs over .250, and 3) have a greater RAR than Tim Wakefield.

After the jump…

Fashion Police: AJ Burnett

So y’all know how much I love AJ Burnett. And you also probably noticed this yesterday. But even though his pitching was pretty damn good, I have a question for you: Did you see the shirt he was wearing in the postgame press conference?

Well, in case you didn’t — or in case you need a reminder — he wore this:

It’s just… I don’t even know. First of all, I can’t figure out whether it’s pink or orange. Second of all, it’s not even buttoned properly (not that I necessarily have a problem with that, but y’know). Third of all, it has rhinestones on it. And fourth of all, he’s wearing gaudy chain necklaces.

The whole thing just sort of screams “I lost a bet with Nick Swisher”, doesn’t it?

Hump Day Hottie/Don’t Judge Me: AJ Burnett

Good morning.

*hides from all Mets fans, some Jays fans, plenty of Yankees fans*

(Incidentally, you don’t need a white horse to steer you back onto course.)

For each one of you that sees the “Read the rest of this entry” link here and doesn’t click on it, a child is taught that Saves are useful statistics and that Derek Jeter is worthy of this year’s All-Star Game start. (So that’s a maybe. But do you really want to risk it?)

The Last Time Your Team Won it All: Baseball Teams

I got the idea for this post when I was talking to my friend about the last time the Yankees won the World Series. It’s almost going to be nine years, but nine years isn’t that long. If I ever complained about a nine-year World Series drought to a Cubs fan, I would more than likely get a smack in the face…and it would be completely warranted.

However, when I think back to where I was the 2000, it seems like ages ago. The last time the Yankees won it all I was a freshman in High School. It feels like I graduated from H.S. ages ago; forget about actually being a freshman. The bottom line is we all follow our team with one goal: to see them win it all at the end. Don’t get me wrong, you can still enjoy the season, but you are never fully satisfied unless your team is the last one standing. Unless you root for the Phillies, Red Sox or Cardinals, the last time your team won it all can seem like a lifetime ago.

So let’s take a little trip down memory lane and see what life was like the last time your team were World Champions. Sorry to all Washington, Milwaukee, Houston, San Diego, Colorado, Tampa Bay, Texas, and Seattle fans. You need to have won at least one to qualify.

Ladies… Book Club: A-Rod

When the idea of a Ladies… Book Club was mentioned, I realized that I better beef up on my sports-centric reading material.  A few days later, I was at my local wholesale club and stumbled upon a gem: A-Rod: The Many Lives of Alex Rodriguez by Selena Roberts.  It was half-price and full of juicy, A-Rod gossip.  It was fate.

We were pretty much inundated with excerpts from this much-discussed tell-all, so I felt familiar with it immediately.  We all thought we knew what the book was about: steroids.  Well, my friends, we weren’t entirely right.

Hit and Run: In Which Barry Zito’s BABIP Regresses, Right Before Our Eyes!

A.k.a. the “Complete MLB Rundown (To The Exclusion Of Everything Else)” edition. Why? Because I can. Yesterday’s scores presented BBC-style for extra hilarity and confusion.

• Red Sox 3 – 5 Blue Jays. Sevven sollid innings from Tallet (see what I did there?) provide a lead for Scott Downs to preserve, bringing them back into 2nd place in the mighty AL East. Go Jays!
• Marlins 7 – 3 Mets. Tim Redding sucks. Josh Johnson doesn’t. Go Fish!
• Braves 2 – 3 Diamondbacks. There are a lot of 3s today. Eric Byrnes finally does something good; namely, driving in the winning run in the 11th. No, wearing awesome socks doesn’t automatically mean that you’ve done something good.
• Dodgers 0 – 7 Cubs. Eric Stults fails as Dodgers get shut out for the first time all year. You know, I like the guy, but hey dude, put up or shut up. As in, put up zeros on the scoreboard, or shut the hell up when the reporters interview you and ask why you sucked. Go ahead, say, “I sucked”. David Ortiz did, you can too! Ugh. STULTS. My boy Brent Leach faces 1 batter, records 2 groundouts, because he’s cool like that. Go Dodgers.
• Twins 2 – 5 Rays. David Price blah blah blah 11 strikeouts blah blah blah 1st Major League win blah blah blah Free Rick Porcello!
• Reds 5 – 9 Brewers. Some dudes hit some home runs.
• Tigers 6 – 3 Orioles. Is Luke Scott on steroids? Naw, he’s just in an un-slump.
• Astros 4 – 7 Pirates. Hey guys, the Pirates just won another game. Meanwhile, the Astros lost another one and are hopelessly out of contention. Kind of like the Nationals.
• Yankees 10 – 5 Indians. Your first double-digit scoring game of the night was notable only for the fact that CC Sabathia gave up runs. I really hate that guy. Oh, and Nick Swisher (perhaps better known simply as AJ Burnett’s new boyfriend) hit a home run. I’m sure they celebrated in an entirely appropriate fashion that didn’t involve ice cream or maple syrup or leather and chains. No, I didn’t just imply that.
• Nationals 6 – 9 Phillies. Cole Hamels gets shelled but gets the win anyway. Disgusting. Lidge doesn’t implode, but his ERA is still above 8. Good luck with that, buddy.
• White Sox 5 – 3 Royals. Gil Meche gets no love from the bullpen. Which sucks.
• Athletics 1 – 14 Rangers. The average Leverage Index for this game was so low that it actually may have caused a Fangraphs implosion. Seriously, check it out:

• Padres 7 – 8 Rockies. This game is actually so boring that there’s no proof it happened, so I can’t tell you what happened, although I’m sure if you really want to know you can look it up somewhere.
• Mariners 4 – 3 Angels. If you’re a Mariners fan, then Jose Lopez is your saviour. On the other hand, if you’re a Mariners fan, then you probably have bigger problems, including the fact that your #5 starter is actually a vampire. That’s my clever way of saying that I sort of have a crush on Jason Vargas.
• Cardinals 6 – 2 Giants. Zito was doing fine until he gave up 3 consecutive doubles in the 7th. Actually, on a team that didn’t epitomize suckitude, he would’ve had an easy shot at winning this game, except that 1) Albert Pujols is on steroids and 2) The Giants suck, ergo, their bullpen sucks, ergo, their starters don’t win unless they pitch complete game shutouts. Except for that one time, but I’m pretty sure that was an accident. Oh, and Albert Pujols did do something good; namely, he struck out looking on a curveball from Zito that came thisclose to making me scream in delight. (I did actually sort of whimper, but the sexual power of a pitch like that is a discussion for another time. Just watch any Roy Halladay start, or a good AJ Burnett start. You’ll understand.)

Good morning. I know in darkness I will find you giving up inside like me.

Write Your Own Caption: Yankees Edition

Good morning. No hotness at the moment, just hilarity.

If the Yankees lose and the Red Sox lose and the Blue Jays win, then I’ll be happy. I would like to see the Yankees lose on a walkoff single given up by whoever the hell their closer is today (seriously, guys, your bullpen’s broken), I would like to see the Red Sox give up 102389798798639 runs, and I would like to see the Blue Jays win by a reasonable score of about 5-1 (no, I don’t mind if Jesse Carlson gives up a solo shot or something).

Observe this photo, in which Phil Coke and Hideki Matsui do something that needs to be captioned:

Have at it.

Take Us Out to the Ball Game: The Ladies…do New Yankee Stadium

New Yankee Stadium has been open for almost two months now, but I finally got to see it for myself this week. I was at the game Tuesday and Wednesday. I wasn’t happy when I first found out that they would closing down old Yankee Stadium and building a new one. But by this time I had pretty much come to terms with it. There was a new stadium whether I liked it or not. However, it was still really strange at first getting off the 4 train going to see the Yankees and it was at a different venue. I saw the Yankees play at the same place for the last 18 years. It was sad seeing the ballpark I ever saw my first game at looking like an empty, abandoned construction site. But enough about old Yankee Stadium. How about the new Stadium that cost a boat load of money to build

The All-Star Break Called…

There’s a magical thing that happens every year after the All-Star break… the Yankees start winning!  In an attempt to summon those W’s into our current state of affairs, I thought we’d explore a little all-star action… Ladies style of course!

Earl Weaver would not be happy with our depth at certain positions, but I can’t help that hotties gravitate towards center field and the pitchers’ mound!  There has to be some scientific explanation for this phenomenon.

Weekend Roundup: Cutie Clutch Plays Edition

This weekend surely proved to be a very exciting one in sports, what with all of the finals going on and some serious slugging. One major note to make is that BRETT FAVRE IS REMAINING RETIRED even though the Vikings are still interested, and of course, Manny has apologized to owner of the Dodgers Frank McCourt (next step: apologize to team mates). Here is a quick roundup of this weekend’s big plays, accompanied with the gorgey gents that made things possible…

You Gotta Be Kidding Me!

I was watching TV last night, my laptop in front of me, trying to decide what to write about for my post today. Something funny, something interesting, something different…then the top of the ninth happened in the Yankee game. Forgive me, I promise not to make a habit of it, but I need to complain about the men in pinstripes for a little bit.

Another entry in the ‘Dick Move’ Hall of Fame.

So. That happened.

I’ll be up front about this. I’ve been a vocal Favre hater for more than a decade now. I rolled my eyes when Madden waxed rhapsodic about Favre’s status as a gunslinger. I groaned inwardly every time someone told me that he was a ‘man’s man.’ I hated the entire city of Green Bay for unleashing him on the world.

I hated him because he (and the Green Bay Packers) stomped all my beloved New England Patriots in Super Bowl XXXI, leaving college freshman Maggie slumped on her bed wearing an expression that looked…kind of like the expression in that picture, actually. I’m bitter, I have a long memory and I learned how to hold an old-fashioned Irish grudge at my Grandma’s knee.

I tell you this only so I can explain to you, Green Bay fans, that I understand how you’re feeling right now, or how you’re going to feel if he goes through with this and suits up for the Vikings. That white hot, fiery hatred? That urge to punch that picture at the top of this post repeatedly because you can’t get the real thing in your hot little hands? The indignant, righteous and strangely helpless fury? I’m with you. I’ve been there. Hell, I’m upset on your behalf.

See, I’ve long suspected that Favre was going to end up with a plaque in the ‘Dick Move’ Hall of Fame. (The man took a dive for Michael Strahan, for God’s sake. He did the ‘I’m going to maaaaaaaybe retire, maybe not, let’s talk about me some more’ dance so many times I think Peter King performs the steps in his sleep. The writing was on the wall, people.)

The question, though, is just who he’ll be joining in the semi-hallowed, but mostly tarnished ‘Dick Move’ Hall of Fame. Come for the self-indulgence, stay for the money-grubbing.

Rivalry – Why Vie So Hard?

Team rivalry. Seemingly nothing wrong with it, and actually it’s abnormal to not have some friendly competition and strive a bit harder to win against a certain team more than others. Maybe it’s two cities that battle in more ways than sports, maybe it comes about from a trade that develops a grudge, or maybe it’s something rooted in history that carries itself over 100 years of one the most well known and deepest hates – the Yankees and the Red Sox. But why are some rivalries the way they are today, why carry on the tradition of hate throughout generations, and why hate so hard?

Hit and Run: Now With More Pinstripes

Oh, come on now. This is my first ever Ladies… post! Cut me some slack and let me write about my Yankees! I promise next week, one of us will be showing some Pedroia love. It just won’t be me.

The First Month of Baseball

We are only into the second month of this young baseball season. We still have four more months of regular baseball and then another month of lovely October baseball. There is still plenty of time for those last place teams to crawl out of the basement. But still so much has already happened in just a short month. Some things aren’t too surprising: Albert Pujols is still awesome. Some things are a tad bit unexpected: Forget Sabathia, Burnett, or Teixeira. Nick Swisher is turning into the Yankees best offseason acquisition. You better believe it!

Keep reading to find out what else we learned in the first month of baseball…

Today we’re gonna party like it’s 1999!

It was supposed to be a new year for us, new stadium, new pitching, new ridiculous salaries that only we could pay, but after this past weekends heart-wrenching sweep by the Sox, I think it’s time for a little throw-back action. Ten years ago- maybe it was chemistry, maybe it was fate, but it was full of hotties and full of wins! I bring you the hotties of yester-year and the team I still wish was drenched in pin-stripes! Your 1999 New York Yankees!

Paul O’Neill
Was it the gold chains, was it the appearance in one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes, was it his 19 homers, 110 RBIs or .285 batting average? We’ll never know!

Hot Stove Hotties: Because we don’t hear nearly enough about Mark Teixeira

Each week this Hot Stove season, we’ll look at some done deals and juicy rumors involving our favorite MLB hotties, and the occasional not-really-a-hottie, but still worth talking about.

Ugh. Can free agent first baseman Mark Teixeira just go away already? Seriously, this garbage has gone on ALL offseason. It’s ridiculous; the guy should just sign somewhere and get it over with. He has a great deal of talent, but I’m sick of typing all those E’s and I’s all the time, you know?

"Yay, I'm holding up the whole market!"

Jerk. Here are the latest Tex rumors, and there’s more Hot Stove stuff after the thing.

Hot Stove Hotties

"Kbai!"

Each week this Hot Stove season, we’ll look at some done deals and juicy rumors involving our favorite MLB hotties, and the occasional not-really-a-hottie, but still worth talking about.

This was Winter Meetings week, and both New York teams made big moves. On Wednesday morning, the Yankees signed C.C. Sabathia to a seven-year deal that will bring him 37.5 million Baconators (or $161 million). Later, they signed free agent starter A.J. Burnett for five years/$82.5 million.

The Mets made a few moves to bolster their bullpen (Merry Christmas, Metsy!), including signing Francisco “K-Rod” Rodriguez for  $37 million over three years, with an option for a 4th year.

LOTS more moves (complete with diagrams!)…after the jump!

Hot Stove Hotties

Each week this Hot Stove season, we’ll look at some done deals and juicy rumors involving our favorite MLB hotties. If you want a comprehensive rundown of rumors, go to MLBTR. If you want the pretty, stay right here!

The Royals took the spotlight this week by trading for speedy center fielder Coco Crisp. Kansas City gave up Ramon “RamRam” Ramirez, a reliever who throws a “power change” (seriously) and had a great 2008 season. He also has a perfectly spherical face, which makes me smile every time. Here are Coco and RamRam in their new uniforms.

Coco Crisp, the newest Royal; Ramon Ramirez, the newest Red Sock.

Things CC could buy with $140MM

Last week the New York Yankees offered free agent CC Sabathia a contract worth $140 million over six years. Sometimes when I hear about baseball contracts, it’s just a flurry of numbers: Millions and years, incentives and more millions. But this offer…yow. That’s a ton of money, Holmes.

If Sabathia accepts these boatloads of cash, what could he do with it all?

This Bugatti...and so much more. SO much.

Celebrate starting with Joba Chamberlain

All right, yo. In the spirit of Cinnamon Girl’s new zeal for fitness, let’s follow the example of a successful professional athlete and move, move, move! Today, we’ll look to New York Yankee Joba Chamberlain, a Nebraska native who had a sparkling run in relief last year (except that stupid bug game) and is making his first MLB start tonight.

Hey look, a former Husker! [/homerism] Get on up and dance with Joba after the jump.

Thursday’s Hottie Hit n Run

Bronx Hottie Alex Rodriguez became the first Yankee to homer twice in one inning since Cliff Johnson did it in June 1977. Nicely done, A-Rod. The club had been planning on taking Rodriguez out of the lineup last night because of a hurting ankle, but he insisted on playing and it obviously paid off as they beat the Mariners 10-2, giving them a 3-game lead in the Wild Card race. Also, my law school fantasy team thanks you for the two homeruns. [Two Homers in an Inning? That'll Do, Pig.]

Levitating bat!
Toss him in the river, see if he floats!

BUSTED!

 I was just about to go to sleep when I heard over WFAN that the NY Post had caught A-Rod red handed with a “mystery blonde”.  Of course, I had to check that out – and yup, there it is, splashed all over the NY Post. 

No way am I naive enough to be suprised that A-Rod is possibly cheating on his wife.  As a matter of fact, I’m not even outraged.  I don’t know exactly what it is, but I guess since these things happen so often in marriages involving celebrities and athletes, that it’s almost par for the course. 

It still must suck for the wife.  However, knowing A-Rod, he probably took the blonde to his room, and struck out.  No, that joke doesn’t work that well this early in the season, does it?

Go to the NY Post for all the salacious details: he stayed at the Four Seasons while the majority of the team stayed at the Park Hyatt! they had dinner together and then went to a strip club! they got into an elevator together! 

Traitor.

I take it all back.

OK, I still love you. But I hate you, too.