The Awesomosity of Roy Halladay, Part Deux

Good morning. I think my Los Angeles time zone just kicked your ass. And hey, you can stop making fun of my headline now, because I do actually speak French.

You can also stop making fun of it because you’re going to be too in awe of what inspired it to form coherent sentences. Strap your jaw closed so you don’t drool on your keyboard, and read on past this almost totally unrelated photo of Brett Cecil.

Because I think he's unbelievably pretty and I get a lot of angry comments about not having enough hot photos. Also, I mostly like his mechanics, even though they're awfully quirky.

9 IP, 7 H, 1 BB, 14 SO, .378 WPA, 88-133 pitches-strikes. Observe.

*whimpers, flails about helplessly*

That is all.

Crane’s All-Star Picks: American League

Good morning. Please bear with me as I present you with my ESPN-implosion-inducing All-Star team.

1B (a.k.a Base the First, because I’m feeling medieval tonight): Justin Morneau (MIN). I dislike Mark Teixeira. I dislike Kevin Youkilis. I don’t care about Miguel Cabrera. Justin Morneau is both 1) Canadian, and 2) Totally hot.

Hit the jump for more.

Hump Day Hotties: Barry Zito and Tim Lincecum

Good morning. Please bear with me as I attempt to explain why I’m the worst Dodgers fan ever.

Prettiness abounds. Hit the jump for more awesomeness.

I Was There: Cal State Fullerton Hits Lots Of Home Runs

(Editor’s note: This was supposed to go up on the weekend. This is not your Monday morning post. Reschedule — or don’t — accordingly.)

And no, that title’s not an innuendo, because they beat my Bruins, dammit, and I don’t want to hear a word about how epically hard they pounded the ball in the first few innings. Observe:

Score by Innings                      R  H  E
---------------------------------------------
Cal State Fullerton. 021 020 000 1 -  6  9  0
UCLA................ 000 000 500 0 -  5 10  0
---------------------------------------------

So there you have it. Their first 5 runs were scored by the longball (which, by the way, some chicks certainly do NOT dig), and their last one scored on a sac fly. Here’s how that last run went down.

In Which We Celebrate the Awesomosity of Roy Halladay

Good morning.

I was going to write a post about Barry Zito.

Then, this happened.

Nothing too unusual for Doc, who breezed through 9 innings on 103 pitches, giving up 5 hits and 1 run without walking a batter. He faced 30 hitters — 3 more than the minimum — and 72 of his pitches were in the strike zone, in sharp contrast to the MLB-average 60-ish percent of pitches thrown for strikes. In case you’re wondering, he throws an average of 67% strikes, an advantage of being a contact pitcher who stays down in the strike zone rather than a power pitcher who simply tries to blow the hitters away.

You, over there, reading this post. Are you looking for your stoicism? Well that’s too bad, because Roy Halladay took it and it’s unlikely you’ll get it back.

Hump Day Hottie: Sidney Ponson

The Royals gave me a very happy St. Patrick’s Day by signing Sir Sidney Ponson (yes, Sir! He was knighted in his native Aruba). They were impressed with his showing for the Netherlands in the World Baseball Classic, and might now be putting him in the KC Opening Day rotation.Yes, please.

Grrr, baby!

LOTS more after the jump.

Baseball is MAGICAL: Walkoffs, 2000, and win streaks.

First off, the Ladies… wish a heartfelt congratulations to Royals second baseman Mark Grudzielanek on collecting hits #1999 and 2000 tonight. Grudz looked much younger than his 38 years as he cruised into first base, unable to hide a boyish grin as the crowd, fountains, and fireworks erupted.  Though he was soon erased in a double play, the hat-tip and ovation made for a really sweet moment for a very likeable ballplayer.

Congratulations, Grudz!!

More sweet baseball moments after the jump!

The baseball day game: Pros & cons

At some point early last season, I made up my mind that I absolutely hate day baseball games. I’m not entirely sure what happened during a day game that made me so spiteful towards that time slot, but there it is. But lately, I have been trying to like afternoon baseball a little bit more, and about 99% of my past English teachers would have me draft up a pro/con list to help determine the stronger argument.

This was the first Google Image result for “day game.” Not a promising start, but we’ll forge ahead.

A journey in pictures: Kansas City!

After a sweep of the Colorado Rockies, my Kansas City Royals are no longer in last place in the AL Central. (That honor belongs to Cleveland. Here are the standings.) My parents wanted to go to this series, and invited me along. How could I say no? So my camera and I went along to the City of Kansas (and Missouri).

Seriously, Tuesday was a PERFECT baseball day in KC. I even got to meet some of our readers!

Ah, the things we do for fan-love

I love how much we get to let sports matter in our lives. Sure, in the grand scheme of things, today’s matchups don’t matter, nor do tomorrow’s, and nor would it really matter if MLB started using instant replay in games. But we get to make those things matter; we get to love our teams wildly, our moods rising and falling with their performances. We get to skip work for day games, keep our young kids up way late for extra innings (even in minor league games), heckle like our lives depend on it…and endure horrific customer non-service for jerseys.

Oh Banny, I’d jump through hoops of fire for you and your spectacular brain!

MLB facial hair: The ugly, the uglier, and the HOLY SCRUFF BATMAN!

Whether or not you are statistically inclined, this equation should make a lot of sense:

Facial hair = hot

At first glance, it seems so true. Yes, facial hair is hot, sometimes devastatingly so. But then…sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes grown men can’t figure out how to look in the mirror and see that the things they’ve grown on their chins are making them exponentially less attractive. These grown men, of course, are Major League Baseball players, whose facial hair offenses range from mildly offensive to vomit-inducing. Let’s take a journey down the path of how not to shave your face.

Oh, John Garland…can’t you see that fungus-esque bit you missed when you last shaved?

More offensive psuedobeards after the jump.

Hottie Prospectus 2008

This is my awkward introductory sentence wherein I inform you that this is my first post here, and I’m very nervous. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on to the Hotties!

It’s easy to forget sometimes that the hotties in the Majors aren’t the only ones. I know, sometimes life gets kind of hectic, and so you don’t have the time to keep up with the minor leaguers in your team’s farm system.

You’re missing out.

When these hotties make it to The Show, some will discover their prettiness for the first time. But you will know better; you will have followed the hotness all the way from the creaky buses of the minors to the chartered flights and luxurious life of the majors. It will be hard to match last year’s class of tasty prospects, but let’s give it a shot.

PITCHERS

Taking the hill for our all-hottie team, we’ve got Ruddy Lugo, a Mets prospect who scores points for his talent, his looks, and being the younger brother of Julio Lugo. (The Lugo brothers were once teammates with the Rays – cute, right?) Baseball Prospectus describes his curveball as “nifty,” and reports that his fastball hits 95 at times. The Internets do not have enough pictures of Ruddy; I’d like to launch a campaign to change that. I’ll call it Take More Pictures of Ruddy Lugo, Then Post Them Online, or TMPoRLTPTO for short. But here’s one of the few.

My Canadian Boyfriend Makes New Friends

Sports Illustrated has a nice piece today about how my boyfriend Scott Rolen is settling down in Toronto. Apparently he is becoming fast friends with his new teammates.

Hump Day Hottie: Curtis Granderson

At the end of last season I decided that I was going to become a baseball fan and jump on some team’s bandwagon for the 2008 season. Well, I’m sorry Tigers fan but I decided to jump on yours. And one of the reasons was Curtis Granderson. Y’all probably know all the superlatives I could give Curtis right now (hot, genuine good guy, hot, good ball player, hot) so there’s no reason to go back over them. However there is some required reading you must do while clicking on this post. Go back and re-read the Tigers Bringing the Heat feature we did last summer and the interview Granderson did with former Lady TSW. And then click on his blog. It’s almost enough to make me start commenting on ESPN.com.

Oh, and he’s picking Duke to go to the Final Four! I don’t know how, but that increased his hotness by 10.

Hit & Run: Pandemonium in Piscataway, Part 2!

RU won! RU won!

I don’t think I can form more coherent sentences than that right now. This was a thrilling victory for my Knights, and a game that I wish I had DVR’ed. The tricks, the fake field goal attempts, Ray Rice – it was perfect. And – David Wright was there!

For Whom The Babe Roots: ALCS

Step right up and strap on your fighting shoes. The other half of the Ladies will now argue for the men of the diamond who’ve captured their collective American League-loving hearts. The incomparable SA pleads for the Indians, with J-Money and Texas Gal wrapping things up with the case for the Red Sox. [Note: Trusty editor Holly, a near lifelong loather of all things base-ball, has been recently converted to the Red Sox; however, not knowing what a walk-off homer is and frankly being a little skittish in this big new pond she's splashing around in, she has recused herself from the discussion.]

Batter up! Take it away, SA.

I feel a little bad for the Cleveland Indians. Despite having tied for the best record in the American League, people (*Ahem ESPN*) still treats them as the second cousin once removed. Many picked the Yankees over them in the ALDS and I would venture a guess in those same people picking the Red Sox over them in the ALCS. Which means they need all the people on their bandwagon they can get. Here are 10 reasons why you should root for the Indians.

Wednesday Hit and Run – The one where we don’t quit our job

Happy return to baseball, Clare’s Baseball Boyfriend Cole. Hope you don’t mind staying up until way past everyone’s bedtime for the 14-inning 7-4 victory over the Red Birds after pitching 3 innings. 5 hours, 4 minutes, and 19 pitchers. Good lord is September baseball stressful. Just ask the Cubs, Brewers, Yankees, and Tigers. Obviously Pirate fans don’t remember what that feels like.

The Pacific Northwest Hotties of the Seattle Mariners

I’m sorry to be That Girl, but it’s true: There is a dearth of hotties on the Seattle Mariners’ roster, which is too bad because Seattle is such a beautiful city. Observe:

That mountain is like, 70 miles away, too. (Photo by Daniel Arndt. Thanks, dude!)

You’d think the scenery at Safeco Field would be better (I mean, they have art from Seattle-area artists all over the place — so cool!) but aside from Ichiro, who’s cute in his wacky cryptic way, rounding up a bunch of Mariner studs from Seattle was, well, difficult.

More…intensity!

EDITED!  To include Grampy Jamie Moyer goodness!

Hit and Run: LOUD NOISES!

JIM THOME IS NAUGHT BUT A HOPELESS ROMANTIC

THOOOOOOOOME! Pictured here smooching his wife Andrea (note: not our Andrea), Ol’ Hambone Thome hit No. 500 yesterday, and did it in grand fashion: a two-run walkoff jack, and on Jim Thome bobblehead day. The fellow who caught the milestone ball gave it right back to Jim, and Thome announced after the game that he and his father would deliver it to Cooperstown together.

Excuse me, but it’s gotten dusty in my office all of a sudden. [Sniffle.]

Bringing the Heat: Colorado Rockies

Texas Gal may have turned me on to Papyboo and his thousand-yard stares (I’m only human, y’all), but in my heart there’s only one baseball boyfriend: Rockies first baseman and good ol’ Tennessee boy Todd Helton, who just became the first player to hit 35 doubles in ten consecutive seasons.

More Rockies for you to tap (sorry) after the jump.

Real Men of Genius: Clay pitches a no-hitter!

Congratulations, Clay Buchholz! Today, you pitched the game of your life. 9 innings, no hits, against the Baltimore Orioles. In your second major-league start. (Match that, Ian Kennedy!) Quite impressive, young man.

And not only do you pitch the hell out of that ball game, you gave a completely charming interview to What’s-her-face (Texy told me her name is Tina, but I prefer what’s-her-face). This line made me tear up (in happiness at your achievement): “It’s amazing. That’s all I can say. I’m in a blur right now.” You recognized that you had to call your parents, and I swooned at that. Well, at that, and the adorable Texan accent. You are now the 17th pitcher in Red Sox history to throw a no-no, and the first rookie pitcher to do so.

Congrats, and I hope you party tonight till you forget your name. I recommend Patron.

A few more pics after the jump…

Hump Day Hottie: Aaron Rowand

It’s finally time. This one’s been a long way in the offing- and, in my opinion, criminally overdue. Why hasn’t Aaron “Bacon Pants” Rowand been featured as a Hump Day Hottie before now? We’ve had him jumping out of a cupcake, but we haven’t given him the full HDH treatment. I can only say that I was saving him for a special occasion- and the last HDH before football season kicks off seems like the perfect time (not to mention that TODAY IS HIS 30th BIRTHDAY). I have only myself to blame for keeping his hottness away from y’all for so long. I hope this makes up for it.

Lots more bacon-y goodness after the jump…

Comebacks Are Hot

Rick Ankiel. The bane of the Cardinals’ post-season existence in 2000. He was the Wild Pitch Machine, throwing 9 wild pitches in 2 post-season games. He flitted in and out of the majors in the next couple years until he finally had to give up the pitching ghost. However, he was always a good hitter and this year the Cardinals invited him to spring training as an outfielder. Tonight was his major league debut as an outfielder and in the bottom of the 7th inning, after a pop up and two strikeouts, Rick Ankiel hit a 3-run homer to right field. It was glorious. It was beautiful. He got a huge standing ovation and I cried in my living room. I haven’t wished for someone to hug so badly since October 27th, 2006. Congratulations, Rick! Welcome back.

Swingin’ Ankiel

Congrats, Tommy!

Last night, Tom Glavine became only the 23rd pitcher to win 300 career games, and the first to do it as a Met. He pitched very well in 6 1/3 innings, and even helped his own cause by singling in the first run of the game.

It was hard at first for me to accept Mr. Glavine as one of the boys, as one of us. It’s not that I ever hated him as a Brave, because I really didn’t (as opposed to one John Rocker and one Chipper Jones). For me, it was just the hatred of the uniform. Once I realized that no, Glavine wasn’t with the Mets to sabotage them on behalf of the Braves (which, trust me, was no small feat, considering the way he pitched against the Braves the first two seasons he was with the Mets), I embraced him as whole-heartedly as I do the other Mets. (This video is also a big reason of why I could never really hate Tom Glavine.)

So, I’m full of pride for Tommy today, as I congratulate him on winning his 300th game, a crowning achievement in his Hall of Fame career. If you want all the good stuff on the game, head on over to Mets.com. And for much more eloquent fanalysis (fan analysis – what? I can make up words!), go to Faith and Fear in Flushing.

Howevah, if you want to see some pictures of the sweet lefty through the years, come with me…

Hump Day Hottie: Huston Street

Huston Street is smoking hot. Let’s get that out of the way right off the bat. Outrageously hot (and don’t forget the award-winning ass). He’s also a lights-out closer for the Oakland A’s, and the proud owner of the 2005 AL Rookie of the Year trophy. He’s charming and hilarious (see: exhibit A or his in-the-booth commentary during the July 5th A’s game). He is a budding wine connoisseur. He plays the guitar. He wrote an interesting blog for ESPN (I know! Interesting content on ESPN? Check out his thoughts on MLB clubhouses). He’s madly in love with his fiance and proposed with 1,500 roses (that is not a typo). His intro music is “Hate Me Now” by Nas. He pitches with his tongue stuck out DWright-like in concentration.

Oh, yeah- and he won my beloved University of Texas the 2002 National Championship in baseball — following in his dad’s footsteps, who won us the 1969 National Championship in football (and was a hottie to boot- Huston looks almost identical to his dad back in the day). Huston’s twin younger brothers (Jordon and Juston) play baseball for Texas as well- and, yes, they’re hot, too. The whole Street clan (including older half-brother Ryan, an architect, and baby brother Hanson, a college student) are huge Longhorn fans, and get as geeked about Texas college football games as any other fan. So… Huston is pretty much perfect.

And on the occasion of his return from the DL, it’s high time he gets the full Hump Day Hottie treatment. Welcome back, Huston.

A whole heckuva lot of Street goodness- including pics of the whole hottie Street clan- after the jump.

Better get your tux out of mothballs: The hotties of the Philadelphia Phillies

Together with their manager Charles Fuqua Manuel
The Philadelphia Phillies
cordially invite you to
A Party of Pants
on Saturday, the seventh of July
two thousand and seven
One Citizens Bank Way
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Meet your hosts and R.S.V.P. after the jump.

BGO Hits 3,000

Congratulations to Craig Biggio, my first baseball boyfriend and the hardest plunking guy in baseball, on his 3,000th career hit tonight.

My love for Biggio started way back in the days when he was a catcher (remember that?). Back in the rainbow-hued Astros times. Back when the games used to be played in the cavernous Astrodome. Back when Mike Scott and Jim Deshaies were on the mound, Ken Caminiti and Glenn Davis and Billy Doran were on the diamond, and Kevin Bass, Billy Hatcher and Eric Anthony roamed the outfield. Back when he got called up to The Show as a fresh-faced kid playing for the Tucson Toros. He is an institution in Houston- he’s played his entire career here (not many ballplayers like that anymore)- revered as a hero, and a guy who tirelessly gives back to the community. For almost my entire life as a baseball fan, he’s been a fixture of baseball in Houston… and you’ll be hard-pressed to find a single person, major leaguer or otherwise, with a bad word to say about him.

Craig and his son Conor (son Cavan in the foreground)

And if you’ll indulge me in a little sentiment…

Stuff your ballot box early and often

Since the first returns are in on the 2007 MLB All-Star Game voting, we thought we’d take a look at how well some of our hotties are doing in the balloting, and who could use a bit of the Ladies’ help.

Furrow that B&T brow, D-Wright.

Metschick’s boys are leading the races at shortstop, third base, catcher and in the outfield in the NL voting. Jose Reyes has a commanding lead at shortstop over J.J. Hardy. At third, pretty boy David Wright has more than 100,000 more votes than his closest competition, Larry Wayne Jones Jr. (I refuse to call him Chipper. Chipper was cute when you were 12, but now you’re a grown up, LARRY.) Scotty Ro-Ro needs to pick up the pace if he wants to make it to San Fransisco this July — he’s languishing in fourth.

Traitor.

I take it all back.

OK, I still love you. But I hate you, too.

Homer Hottie: Ryan Howard

Sportswriters spilled gallons of ink during the off season about today’s Homer Hottie, Philadelphia Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard.

By now you know all the highlights: In little league, hit a homer over a Red Lobster in the outfield, won last year’s All-Star Game Home Run Derby, led the entire major league with 58 homers last season, only the second player after Cal Ripken Jr. (no slouch himself in the hotness department, in a silver fox kind of way) to win Rookie of the Year and Most Valuable player in consecutive seasons. So let’s just get right to the hotness, yeah?