Lawyers, Guns, and Money – Hit and Run

I don’t get a chances to talk about the NBA. At least not on a daily basis. First off, I am surrounded by insufferable Laker fans. Are all Laker fans insufferable? Doubtful, but tolerable ones never seem to cross my path. Secondly, my good friend – as I have mentioned a couple of times in the past – is a die-hard Cavs fan. And while we have no few problems managing our Steelers-Browns relationship, our Pistons-Cavs rivalry is never spoken of lest we have a repeat of the 2005 March of the Penguins blow-up or the 2004 Kyoto Protocol /Vivid Girls smackdown.

So please excuse me while I take this moment to yell, “Nine in a row! Nine in a row! The Piston’s come back in the fourth quarter to win nine in a row!”

Don’t Rasheed and Tyronn look cute hugging? Like two puppies on a valentine.

Steelers Stick With Grass (And you thought the ProBowl was the end of football)

The Steelers today confirmed a Post-Gazette report three days ago that they will stick with “natural grass” at Heinz Field next season.

“The majority of our players have told us that they prefer natural grass to any artificial surface,” said club president Art Rooney II in a statement today, “and grass is also the preference of our coaches and athletic staff. We also discussed this with the University of Pittsburgh officials to make sure everyone is comfortable moving forward.” – Post Gazette 2/11/08

Awesome. I hope it rains for all of the following home games: Giants, Cowboys, Colts, Chargers, Browns, Bengals, and Ravens. (We can give the Texans a pass.) Bring on the punts that stick in the mud!

Pro Bowl LiveBlog

Holly and I are going to attempt to live-blog the Pro Bowl from a local watering hole this afternoon. You have the next five hours to plan accordingly; prepare snacks, finish the laundry, secure bail money.

I assume we’re totally going to gossip about Brady and Favre since they’re not going to be there.

And away we go:

Joe Theismann Has Snack Recommendations (Maybe for your ProBowl Party?)

This is from last week, but as far as I am concerned throwing a good ProBowl party is just as important as hosting a Super Bowl bash. (i.e. Eating the leftover bean dip and finally kicking the second keg so you can get your deposit back.)

Starting around 2:52 of this video you can see the light in Joe Theismann’s eyes die just a little (some may argue that he perks up at this segment) when it comes to snack recommendations for a Super Bowl party. I am sure that Town House’s Flipsides will taste just as great while watching Chad Johnson finally snap and kill a reporter during halftime.

Shhh…

Yeah, totally slacking today. Went to the drinks gathering after Will Leitch’s book (which I missed due to being in a small car accident) signing last night.

Had a good time catching up with the Lion in Oil crew, Larry from Larry Brown Sports, and the gentleman from You’ve Been Blinded, who should always been remembered for his genius photo from the hot blogger bracket.

Thanks to Nacho for putting the event together.  If I can figure out how to get pictures out of the TheStarterBoyfriend’s phone, I’ll post the pictures of Will playing Guitar Hero.

Friday Football Foodie – Super Bowl Spread

We made it. Four weeks of pre-season. (Five if you count the Hall of Fame game.) 17 weeks of the regular season. Four weeks of play offs.

Now, it has become fashionable to consider the Super Bowl almost down-right irrelevant. Too much hype. Too much of a spectacle. Too much Ryan Seacrest. For sports tourists.

Bullshit is what I say.

If this game did not matter, it would not hurt that my team is not in it. If this game did not matter then why have I been sucked in to watching pretty much every rerun on the NFL Network the last two weeks of previous playoffs and Super Bowls. If this game did not matter, then why did we all bother to watch the last 26 weeks of play?

Being a football fan and not caring about the last game of the season would be like watching Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and The Return of the Jedi and stopping the film when Han and Leia are captured on Endor, the Rebel fleet is trapped, and Luke has yet to confront Darth Vader.

It is leaving Woodstock before Jimi Hendrix plays.

Why do I bring this up? 1) I believe the spectacle of pro-football week after week is what makes it special. 2) You don’t have to be over-exposed to the hype if you don’t want to be. It is not that hard to avoid sports coverage if you choose to do so. 3) I really have no good way of wrapping up the Football Foodie for the season, and when I am tired am prone to hyperbole.

So how about a Friday Football Foodie retrospective for the best of the best. Sure fire hits if your a fan, a fanatic, or just a tourist.

Finally, The Puppy Bowl is going to be in HD

It’s true. This year’s Puppy Bowl IV will be broadcast in glorious high-definition. And to help you prepare for your Puppy Bowl party planning, the nice people at Animal Planet have some tips on decorations, activites, and snacks (both human and canine) to ensure you have the yip-yappiest house on the block come game time.

I hear your snickering out there. You think dogs and football don’t mix.

You are wrong. Completely wrong. The world is full of dogs who’s owners love football and love their pets so much, they cannot help but combine the two. Let’s take a look.

How Not to Throw A Superbowl Party

(Ed. note – I passed out last night after a post-op Vicodin, leaving open my laptop with the framework of this post up. TheStarterboyfriend, not realizing when I am asleep he’s allowed to clock out from his nursing duties, jumped in with the funny commentary. Thanks TSB! You’re like a magical, 6’3, spinning-gold-from-straw elf!)

‘Tis the time of year for everyone around you to suddenly start caring about football. Where even the casual observer (“Hey! Wasn’t there a Manning in a Superbowl just a couple years ago? What a coincidence!”) becomes a veritable Bob Costas-like conflagration of football idioms and statistics. And somehow, some way you wind up partying with these people, listening to them espouse moronic sports anecdotes, figuring you can suck it up for a few hours because, hey, that 60″ LCD HD TV is totally worth it.

But this year, more so than in the Bowls of yesteryear, we here at Ladies… are telling you now– BEWARE!

8 WEEKS?!?!? 8 WEEKS?!?!!!! Sid’s out 8 weeks!!!!!

I may be high off of Tylenol 3, morphine, and subsisting on apple juice for the past five days, but the news that Sidney’s high-ankle sprain from Friday’s game is going to force Crosby to miss the next six to eight weeks has managed to pierce through the haze of drugs and glucose and has caused me to just ache.

This is the first time our little superstar has been hurt, and my urge to twirl him in bubble wrap and Band-Aids is overwhelming.  Maybe retro-fit the boards with something softer, like cotton candy from the nice old man on the main concourse or penguin plushies from Penstation.   Perhaps stop by Casa Lemieux with some soup, cookies, Yahtzee, and the box set of Futurama to help keep his mind off the pain.

It’s already helping me.  Immensely.

The Race is On: Which Blog Will Review Will Leitch’s “God Save The Fan” First?

Did you know Will Leitch, Mr. Head Sportsblogger, King of Blogfrica, Mattoon’s Native Son, and general bon vivant has a book coming out next week?

It’s called God Save the Fan: How Preening Sportscasters, Athletes Who Speak in the Third Person, and the Occasional Convicted Quarterback Have Taken the Fun Out of Sports (And How We Can Get It Back). Quite a mouthful.

Did you know he also has a fancy book tour heading to a bookstore near you right after the Super Bowl?

Next week? Next month? But that seems so far away! This is blogging in a 24/7 ESPN sports culture and I demand reactions now! If I don’t have the snap judgments of what other bloggers think, how am I going to know what I am supposed to think? Where will all the other book readers express their opinions on “God Save the Fan” on January 22?

Who will have a review up first?

Let’s lay some odds on where the party is going to be.

AFC and NFC Championships: Last Call for Weather

Since the last seconds ticked off the clock in the Cowboys-Giants game on Sunday, I’ve been downright giddy thinking about the conference championships for one reason and one reason only; they both are going to be played outside in the cold, and hopefully the snow.

The Weather Channel forecasts Foxboro to have an expected high of 24 degrees and a low of 7 degrees on Sunday, with strong west-northwest winds of 22 miles per hour.

Green Bay at kickoff? Somewhere between 1-4 degrees with a 30% chance of snow. (This is warmer then yesterday, when it was forecasted to be -4 degrees for the low.)

According to The Weather Channel’s shaky analysis (the stats for games played indoors vs outdoors for each team seem to be incomplete) the cold does favor one team more than the other three. And it is not Green Bay.

Everything you wanted to know about the playoffs*

* But were afraid to ask. Our first in a series of your most embarrassing football-related questions.

Why is Bill Belichick considered a genius?

His legend was born seventeen years ago in Super Bowl XXV when the Giants upset the Bills, a victory due in large part to the gameplan that then-defensive coordinator Belichick used against Buffalo. (The other part being “wide right”.) This is a document so revered, a copy of his gameplan hangs in the Hall of Fame and the shiny, satin jacket he wore is in the Canton archives.

Hard to believe that underneath that torn-sweatshirt sporting psychopath, there once was a very handsome man. (Who was a psychopath.)

Have a question? Email us at ladiesdotdotdot at gmail.com

Friday Football Foodie – Limping into the playoffs

Saying that I am behind on the Friday Football Foodie is a bit of an understatement, but in a weird way my performance is not that different from how many teams ended the season.

Week 16 – Dec 20, 22, 23 - In a Thursday night game against the Rams, Steelers running back and league leading rusher Willie Parker goes out with a broken fibula. FFF is not posted due to food poisoning from a bad turkey sandwich. (It was going to be about the above Steelers sugar cookies* with buttercream frosting and these great pumpkin spice cookies** that are perfect for the holidays. Sent batches out to all of the Ladies and Tuffy.)

Week 17 – Dec 29, 30 – Every playoff bound team is resting their starters if they can. FFF is not posted due to lack of internet at a spa retreat. (Athletes get deep tissue massages and feel a great sense of relief; I get a deep tissue massage and am sore for two days.) There is something to resting your starters though. Who knows when injury can happen. The FFF’s camera which had been on the fritz for awhile was dropped onto a marble floor at the spa from which it will never recover, thus hurting the FFF’s playoff run.

Wild Card Playoffs – Jan 5, 6 – Pressure, pressure, pressure, come up with a game plan THAT DOES INVOLVE BRUCE ARIANS HOW CAN YOU SAY HE’S COMING BACK NEXT SEASON. FFF is not posted due to poor clock management, stress, and more stress.

Which means the Friday Football Foodie is much like the Colts right now; Haven’t had a game that tested them since Week 14 against the Ravens and are completely beat up.***

The Morning After – STILL DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT

I spent a good hour last night looking for video of Snoopy on YouTube. The clip of him hanging off the side of the dog house all mad and then moping on top of his home, just listlessly rolling around.

That is how I feel. If I could fling myself on my bed for a good mope without looking like a teenager I would.

Sunshine cannot bleach the snow,/ Nor time unmake what poets know

Is there anything more beautiful that snow gently falling on a couple dozen of the hottest men in sports? After watching a few hours of just that in the Pens-Sabres matchup in the NHL’s Winter Classic, I would argue not.

Upper St. Clair alum Ryan Malone bendy sure is bendy…

Nuthin’ But Nuts – The Emerald Bowl: Oregon State 21 Maryland 14

Sometimes you watch college football and think, “Gee willikers! This is so exciting! Balls are just a’flying every which way! Anything can happen!”

Sometimes you watch college football and think, “Jesus fucking christ,  it is the opening kickoff and they cannot catch the ball.  MORE. GIN. NOW.”

Stand By Your Man Fantasy QB Results: Week 15 – Dreamboats are out!

Like every other fantasy league, the two top quarterbacks picked a hell of a time to shit the bed and ruin the the playoff runs for their hotshot owners. (Please let this happen in the real playoffs, please let this happen in the real playoffs, please let this happen in the real play offs.)

Favre squeaking by Manning leaves him as the highest remaining seed in the post-season and faces a tough match up in Week 16 as he plays a demoralized Bear team while Kitna looks to walk over the league’s doormat in KC. Brees will not get by so easily this week as he plays Philly while Rivers continues to drive for the playoffs against Denver.

Santa Baby, Hurry Down The Chimney Tonight

Just over a week left before Christmas and you’re still not sure what to get the sporty woman in your life?

Tired of at least four “diamonds for the journey” during every commercial break? Does your brain shut off the second you walk into the local mall? Does your wife grit her teeth every time she remembers the year you bought her a boom box for Christmas, which was returned on December 26th at 9 am?

We here at Ladies know how hard it can be to pick out the perfect gift, so we’ve made ours lists and checked them twice, and figured out which presents are naughty or nice for the female fans in your life.

AND IF THERE IS REALLY IS A SANTA CLAUS THAN HE CAN MAKE SOME OF OUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Friday Football Foodie – Christmas Lites: Low-fat veggie dips, lite mixers, and seasoned popcorn review

You know how way back in the beginning of the Friday Foodies I said -

“It is the one time of the week you don’t have to worry about calories, fat, and never have to say, “Oh, no. I cannot possibly eat another bite, I’m full. And can I have a water, please? Beer makes bloated.” It is in fact, a perfect day

And I meant it. I really, really, really meant it.

Except for around the Holidays. If your office is anything like my office, you have not had to worry about breakfast, lunch, or your 4pm snack due to the massive amounts of cakes, cookies, and candy that show up in the kitchen each day. Rarely do I crave sweets, but put free mini-muffins by the coffee maker? I’ll stab an assistant who thinks they are going to get the last lemon poppy seed muffin before me with their own letter opener.

Put that together with a few parties each week – anything from your friends tree decorating gathering complete with egg nog to the work parties that by 2am you’re splitting the last bottle of Patron with the blonde in from Annex while gobbling up the last of the Coconut Shrimp – and you’re looking at packing on 5-8 pounds before Nate Washington has dropped his first ball of the game.

New Year’s Eve is only sixteen days away, so eat healthy this Sunday. Give your stomach and your skinny jeans a fighting chance.

This Week: Veggie Dip, Creamy Roasted Red Pepper Dip, Lite Drink Mixers, and Popcorn Seasons

You will need for the Veggie Dip:

Dear Hockey – It’s not you, it’s me.

Dear Hockey,

It’s not you, it’s me.

No really, don’t be upset. I know that look. Yes, that look. The puppy dog eyes look.

Stand By Your Man Fantasy QB Results: Week 14 – The Playoffs Are Set!

It feels like just yesterday that we held our Fantasy Quarterback Draft, but here we are after Week 14 facing the playoffs. Interestingly enough, half of the top eight draft picks spent most of the season on the bench. (More on the ratio of hotness-to-stats-to-wins once the season ends. Hopefully by then I’ll be able to figure out how to properly weigh the strength of draft selections in the formula without using a dartboard.)

But first, the results of Week 14.

Where it went wrong – End of 3rd Qtr / Top of the 4th , Losing 31-13

It could have been 31-20 with almost a full 14 minutes of play left.  Something for the defense to rally around (not that they didn’t get us into the hole in the first place), something to build on, something to keep the team within two touchdowns.

I am not going claim to know the names of every play in the book. Or even a quarter of the book. Or even know where they keep the book in the library.

What I do know is that the shortest distance between two points IS A STRAIGHT FUCKING LINE ESPECIALLY WHEN NAJEH DAVENPORT JUST MADE A BIG 3 AND 1 JUST THREE PLAYS BEFORE, CONVERTED ON 4 FOURTH AND ONE EARLIER IN THE GAME, AND WHEN YOUR QUARTERBACK ALSO WAS GOOD FOR A ONE YARD SNEAK IN THE FIRST QUARTER.

So what happened?  (All X’s and O’s are approximate.  However, I did count to eleven for each side on each play.) 

Friday Football Foodie – Precious Roy Presents Gumbo, White Chocolate Bread Pudding, and Skylabs

Today’s Friday Football Foodie is brought to you by stats guru, writer, runner, and hot blogger Precious Roy from Kermit the Blog.

You know what I love? Cooking. Fucking love it. So much so that I should probably be barefoot and pregnant in a kitchen right now, Well, except for the fact that I’m missing an x-chromosome and I’ve got a penis. And shoes.

Anyway, I’ll stop sounding like this is the Jamboroo. It’s food. So it probably doesn’t need dick jokes.

Okay, this week we’re actually cooking for the Monday Nighter. It’s probably going to be a gawdawful game but we’re going to eat so well that nobody will even notice. Either that or we’ll hit people with so many calories they’ll go into a food coma and have no idea what happened when they stumble into work the next day.

It’s New Orleans and Atlanta. So we’re making a traditional Freaknik meal.

Just kidding. We’re cooking with the ‘Aints in mind even if it is a road game and we’re making a big pot of gumbo, white chocolate bread pudding for dessert, and for drink, we’ll be downing Skylabs. And God help you if you have more than two of them.

This all might look a little daunting. It’s not. It’s just detailed. The only other heads-up you need is to read through to see how much prep time you need (especially with the bread pudding as you might want to jump on that a day ahead)

Gumbo

You’ll need –

Stand By Your Man: Week 13 – BRADY DOWN! All Hail King Romo!

Why is Tony so happy? He’s smiling because even if the Pats won on Monday night, he was able to outscore Brady in their head to head hottie matchup and handed the Dreamboat his first lost of the season. (Just in the nick of time, as we are just a week away from the playoffs.)

Don’t Trade Jacoby to Minnesota

Few players around here are more popular than our mascot Jacoby Ellsbury, so when his name is mentioned as part of a trade for the Twins Johan Santana, his fans get a little upset.

Ladies commenter Bryanna found this cute and catchy song “Don’t Trade Jacoby” on Kyle’s Sketches MySpace page imploring Theo Epstein to hold on to Ellsbury.

Friday Football Foodie – Happy Endings

Sometimes you just have to get out of the house, despite all the comforts of home. Maybe you want to have a crowd around you. Maybe you don’t get the NFL Network or the Sunday Ticket. Maybe you unwisely painted your house over the Thanksgiving break, and between the fumes and the giant pile of stuff that you have to move back into place and OMG STARTERBOYFRIEND YOU SUGGESTED THIS MESS NOW GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE BEFORE I BEAT YOU WITH THE PAINT ROLLER AND NO I DO NOT THINK THAT GREEN FOR THE LIVING ROOM IS TOO MINTY AND NO YOU CANNOT HIRE DAY LABORERS AT HOME DEPOT, I DON’T CARE HOW FUNNY THAT EPISODE OF SOUTH PARK WAS.

Ahem. Yes, we went Happy Endings twice last weekend to escape and watch sports.

Sunday afternoon we better prepared to do a Foodie review, and invited Signal2Noise to join us in food and football, the greatest combination in the world.

So what happens when a former chain location goes frat house? Mostly better than you expect, with a few drawbacks.

Cowboys 37 Packers 27

Sympathies to Texas Gal for the injuries to her boy man Favre, but I think she’ll be okay now that her Cowboys have clinched a playoff with tonight’s win. Tony Romo went 19-30 for 309 yards in a game that saw more long bombs than the South Pacific, racking up four touchdowns and setting a club record 33 TDs on the season.

Now for the pretty pictures.

I swear Favre is flexing his older man ass as not to be outdone by the young gun.

Hit and Run: A funny thing happened on the way to the Coliseum

The Dodgers announced this week that they will be playing an exhibition game against Red Sox next Spring at the Coliseum as part of their “move to Los Angeles” 50 year anniversary celebration. (No word on matching protests in Brooklyn.) The Coliseum was legendary for its shallow left field – 250 feet from home plate – and the giant screen that marked where they outfield ended.

Interestingly enough, the USC Trojans are doing some saber-rattling over leaving the Coliseum in favor of the Rose Bowl in Pasadena after disagreeing with the City over building improvements and lease terms. (Ed. Note – Why some sad sacks think that building can still be improved enough to be a modern NFL facility is beyond me.) This of course leading up the big game this week against UCLA at – you guess it – the Rose Bowl. With a win, USC can clinch a spot in… wait for it… the Rose Bowl.

We need some Booty to show us where to go.

Stand By Your Man – Fantasy QB Results: Week 12

ROMO! I don’t even know what to say to you now that you’ve been linked to Jessica Simpson. Carrie Underwood, great. Britney Spears, nothing happened. Other random starlet, fine. Jessica Simpson is about fifteen types of crazy before you start hanging with her wacko stage father, who apparently you spent Thanksgiving with.

AND you still have belly fat. I WANT TO LIKE YOU BUT GODDAMIT YOU MAKE IT SO DIFFICULT.

“Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself.”

Did any player strike more fear into his own team than Eric Gagne? And while it was fun to watch Red Sox Nation hold its collective breath every time he warmed up in the bullpen, he wasn’t brought to Boston for his innate ability to add a little excitement in once-previous-close-games. Gagne is the gourmet Whole Foods free-range bird you pay dearly for, but ends up tasting like a low-class Butterball.