This hottie selection was hard to put together. Not because the Southeast Division (of the Eastern Conference, for those of you keeping score at home) is lacking in hotties- because that is most certainly not the case. Two of the hottest men in the NBA play in this division, and would make any all-NBA hottie list. The problem is that I had to drag myself away kicking and screaming from my current obsession with baseball to make it happen- and that’s no easy task. So when I tell you that I was more than rewarded for my efforts with a treasure trove of hotties in the SE, you gotta know these guys are HOTT. With two T’s, y’all.
Sweet lord, could there be a finer sandwich to get in the middle of?
Check out the full hottie lineup after the jump.
Just another Wednesday? I don’t think so- not when the Ladies… tag team to bring you an onslaught of hotties. In celebration of… not much of anything, just because we can- we bring you the finest buffet of hotties known to womankind. Mankind, too, for that matter. Wanna know who each of the Ladies… consider to be the hottest man alive? Now you know. TGIW, y’all.
Holly: What’s a day at Ladies… without hate sex?
* Is Grady Sizemore your next AL MVP? Early rumblings peg him as a favorite, just one week into the season. Early favorites for the NL MVP include David Wright’s teeth, Ryan Howard’s biceps and Marcus Giles’s ass. [Sizing up Cleveland's Sizemore as MVP-worthy]
* The Astros will retire Jeff Bagwell‘s No. 5 in August. Everyone cross fingers that his past choices in facial hair will also be permanently retired. [Astros plan to retire Bagwell's No. 5]
* Kevin Durant completes his sweep of all 7 national Player of the Year awards, picking up the Wooden Award over the weekend. But his most treasured award is the BFF necklace from Bill Simmons. [Durant wins John R. Wooden Award]
* What’s this? Pat Burrell is hot at the plate AND making defensive plays in the OF? If I would have known it only took a little “bend in the knees” to change his game, I’d have been happy to provide him a little knee-bending long ago. [Burrell goes deep as Phils pick up first win]
* Xavier Nady forgets that he plays for the Pirates and knocks a fly ball hit by Adam Dunn over the wall for a home run. Bucs manager says he is able to joke with Xavier about it- more like “Hah, hah wouldn’t it be funny if you did that again and then we benched you? Hilarious!” [Tracy able to laugh off Nady's catch]
We started with eight hotties teeing off at the Masters on Tuesday, and after 2 rounds, only three of our hotties (Luke Donald, Adam Scott and Tiger Woods) remain following the cut. Fortunately for the rest of us, we’re scoring our hotties on a skins-style basis, so every hottie still has a chance to win our Masters. Chris DiMarco leads with 3 skins; Ernie Els, Sergio Garcia and Tiger Woods each currently hold 1 skin, and the remaining skins are all ties. But that can all change, because Luke, Adam and Tiger still have 2 rounds to snatch some (or all) of those skins away.
Scruff brothers Adam (working it out, Bangles-style) and Sergio
Now let’s get to the shallow stuff: what our hotties have looked like at Augusta. That’s really what’s important. And our hotties have come through in a big way…
Keep your “Pro vs. Con”. Colbert can have his “Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger”. We’re gonna reward points and penalties to people based on their genius decisions and boneheaded moves.
||INCOMPLETE PASS: Kentucky Wildcats
UK tries to go long with Billy Donovan, but he’s staying put in Gainesville. An audible to Rick Barnes was also rejected. But it looks like the Sexy Rexy of college bball will just say fuck it, and throw downfield to Billy Clyde Gillispie. Bye, bye Aggies.
||CLIPPING: Pittsburgh Pirates
For cutting my Astros’ season off at the knees, only 3 games in. Maybe the ‘Stros need to take a page from the Buccos’ playbook, and pick up some draft strategy tips
[Where Have You Gone, Andy Van Slyke?]
||TIMEOUT: Phillies Intro Music
It’s always fascinating to see what major leaguers pick as their batting intro music (“Dirty Laundry” for Pat Burrell is genius) and it gives you some insight into their pesonality, but the songs imagined by the We Should Be GM’s crew are brilliant.
[700 Level] & [We Should Be GMs]
||PERSONAL FOUL: Don Imus
For calling the primarily African-American women’s basketball team from Rutgers “nappy-headed hos”. Bonus racist remark: referring to the Tennessee-Rutgers game as the “the jigaboos versus the wannabes”. Classy much?
[Media Matters] via [Loser With Socks]
||TOUCHDOWN: Cole Hamels
He may have had a rocky time of it pitching this week, but the guys at Our Book Of Scrap seed him first in their Beer Pong Tournament projections. Chad Johnson gets the 8 seed, and contemplates changing his name to just plain “Ocho”.
[Our Book Of Scrap]
Perhaps the most unconventional hottie that’s been featured on Hottie Vision, Mark Cuban isn’t normally the guy that comes to mind when you think “hottie”. But Mark is that kind of sexy that comes from a combination of intelligence, wit, power and more than a touch of geeky enthusiasm. His undying love for sports is part of what makes him so attractive- and I won’t lie, the possibility that he could buy the Cubs makes me happier than, well, a kid on an Easter Sunday morning egg hunt.
Mark appeared this week on “Mad Money” on CNBC, in a special program broadcasting from Indiana University (his alma mater). He talks about everything from the Mavs to his advice to new entrepreneurs to Youtube to the possibility of buying the Cubs. After the jump, check out the videos of his two segments on the show- an interview and a Q&A with the audience.
With all the hotties on the PGA Tour, there was no way we were going to let the Masters slip by unnoticed. But we’re not going to bring you dry leaderboard recitations, or boring capsule summaries- which would put you to sleep faster than listening to Jim Nantz talk in hushed tones on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Instead we’re doing the Masters… hottie skins style.
Each of the Ladies… picked one hottie golfer to back in the tournament. We’re pitting our hotties against each other on the course, but instead of just giving the highest finishing hottie the win, we thought- let’s make it more interesting. Why go the simple route? So we’ll be scoring our PGA hotties in a modified skins-style format. Each hole equals one skin- and the hottie who shoots the best score on a hole (over the course of the whole tournament) will win that hole, and that skin. So it’s to each hottie’s advantage to make the cut, because that means he’ll get more shots at a better score on each hole. In the event of a tie, we will use any arbitrary means at our disposal to break the tie. Them’s the breaks.
Some Ladies… selected based on looks alone, some based on a little sentiment, some based on skills, some based on spitting accuracy. But combined, we’ve put together the hottest Leaderboard around.
In this case, the Red Sox players in question actually ARE the fine wines- all in the name of charity. Manny may be crazy, Schilling may be difficult (if you’re not reading his blog, you should be- I actually kind of like him now)- but for some reason I think a glass of “Manny Being Merlot” or “Schardonnay” would be strangely satisfying. And I’m sure there’s a wicked aftertaste.
Now where are the hottie wines? I’d pay top dollar for a bottle of Jacoby Ellsbury, Javier Lopez or Kyle Jackson. And you can’t tell me a Dice-K Gyrowürztraminer wouldn’t be a big hit.
All I know about hockey I learned while working for the Austin Ice Bats in college- which is to say, not very much at all (because I’m not really sure the “hockey” that I saw in Austin actually qualifies as hockey… when I worked there, the arena they played in was just the county rodeo arena, with ice laid down over the dirt). This is both good and bad- bad because you’re not gonna get any actual insight into the hockey skills of my hotties; good because I’m picking solely on looks, with no emotional reasons to pick non-hotties.
Hockey men are not afraid to use a pink gun.
And I was more than pleasantly surprised with the bounty of hotties I found, in just the Central Division alone. So much so, that in addition to one featured hottie on each of the five teams, I also just had to highlight two honorable mentions… there were just that many good looking guys. Maybe I need to learn more about hockey- with the tough attitudes, the fighting and the hotties, it seems like a sport I could really appreciate.
Two weeks ago, I put out the call for help in figuring out who a spectacularly sexy unknown Red Sox hottie was. I mean, good NIGHT – does it get any hotter than this?
A knight in shining armor (namely, Elric) stepped up and guessed this could be Jacoby Ellsbury, Red Sox prospect extraordinaire. Jacoby did indeed turn out to be one smokin’ hottie- and we (OK, I) ran with it, and adopted him as a Ladies… mascot. However, it has come to my attention (through an anonymous commenter) that though Jacoby is indeed hot, he is not this particular unknown hottie.
So that means the Red Sox have not one, but TWO red hot prospects workin’ their way up the ranks. Suddenly, I feel a pull towards Fenway, I wonder why? And who exactly IS this unknown hottie?
Opening Day has arrived, and that means several things: everyone’s stocking up on beer for the festivities, looking ahead to how their favorite team will perform (c’mon Cubs, Phillies & Red Sox- I know it’s your year… for at least one of you!) and putting together their fantasy baseball rosters. Here at Ladies… that means it’s time for the Hottie Prospect Draft. Metschick and I scoured through Baseball America’s Top 100 Prospects (and beyond) to draft our lineup of the hottest top prospects for this season (and by “hottest”, we mean in every way possible). Our Hottie Prospect roster will highlight all the very best up and… comers.
Their heat has blocked out the rays of the sun.
Look for the full lineup of hotties after the jump… (and, yes- Jacoby made the roster…)
Opening Day means it’s all baseball, all the time around here- at least for 24 hours. Let’s check in on a few of our (OK, my) favorite baseball hotties…
* Our favorite pretty prancing princess partyboy Pat Burrell got a lot of attention over the weekend for his attempt at keeping up foreign relations, Maverick & Goose style. Maybe he cashed in that “Get Out of Trouble Free” card he earned from popping a 2-run homer against newly sainted Red Sock Dice-K. [Watch Pat the Bat go yard on Dice-K] (courtesy Balls Sticks & Stuff) But flipping off the team’s manager is not likely to get him a spot on the Sox roster via trade anytime soon- even if it means Boston would get to unload Schilling in the process. [Keep dreaming about that Burrell-Schilling trade, kids]
Pat enjoys swinging his bat, even in the (triple A) locker room
* No pressure, lovely Texan hottie Scott Podsednik- it’s just that the success of the entire White Sox season depends solely on you, apparently. [Ozzie says you don't get on base, but you can always get on base with me] Let’s try and get back to the Scotty Po-Po of 2005, as opposed to the Scotty No-No of 2006 — you’ve even got that blue seat marking your homer in the outfield of the Cell to remind you. [If you hadn't homered off my Astros, and ruined Brad Lidge in the process, I'd celebrate that memory a lot more]
Kirk Herbstreit was not always the ESPN analyst/raging Ohio State homer he is today. Back in his glory days (1989-1993), Kirk Herbstreit was the QB for the Buckeyes (he was actually the first player to commit to then newly-hired head coach John Cooper)- and that was the genesis for the non-partial “impartial” commentator you see now. But Kirk of yesteryear has something in common with Kirk of today – they are both really freakin’ hot. Piercing blue eyes hot. All-American good looks hot. Tall, broad shoulders hot. Take your breath away hot.
After the jump, see a video of Kirk back when he used to wear the tight grey football pants of tOSU, running the ball against Minnesota in 1991. Awww, he’s got the tOSU attitude down pat! (and go Buckeyes! beat the hell outta Georgetown tomorrow!)
Jeremy’s what you call a triple threat. 1) He’s a freestyle skiier and Olympian, and competed for the US in Salt Lake City in 2002. 2) He’s a football player, previously playing WR and punt returner for the University of Colorado (until the NCAA declared him ineligible due to his skiing endorsements- kicking off a landmark case with ramifications for all future dual-sport athletes), and now with the Philadelphia Eagles (provided he can stay off the DL this year). 3) He’s crazy hot. Like, ungodly hot. I mean, do you see those hip flexors (a.k.a. f-muscles)? Whoa.
click on any of the pictures to see full-size versions, in all their glory
I realize that many folks- especially those in what I will call the “Yankee” (read: “cold”) region of the country- may not know much about college baseball. But in the South (as well as California and Arizona), college baseball is a big deal. You get all the tradition, atmosphere and rivalries that go along with college athletics, without the egos and entitlement of the majors. It’s like minor league baseball with a little less desperation and a little more innocence (and without the annoying ballpark promotions and mascots). If you’ve never been to the College World Series in Omaha, you’re missing out on one of life’s greatest experiences.
So Andie and I will be giving you the hard sell, to try and entice you over to the beauty that is college baseball with periodic roundups and hottie features. Do not fear the aluminum bat- you can love the PING! as well as the CRACK!
First up, bringing you up to speed:
* Chase Utley is a dirty, dirty boy. [Packer gives his annual thoughts on the Phillies] Also, how awesome is it that sunflower seeds are counted as part of the team’s “equipment”?
* Beware: David Aardsma keeps handcuffs in the bedroom- and he’s not afraid to use ‘em. [Be careful snooping on Sox pitcher -- you might get cuffed]
* Brady Quinn is bored with your photoshoots, Nike- but gets excited when talking about a Hummer. [Notre Dame's Quinn finds photo shoot a bit odd]
I’m not very popular with the females- maybe it’s my ugly face?
* Screaming girls is just a hazard of the job for Nick Markakis. [Markakis silences critics, elicits yells from ladies]
* Ryan Howard does not have time for your silly questions, reporters. He’s got to celebrate (self-proclaimed) Ryan Howard Day. [Frustrated with slump, Howard snaps at writer]
* Farewell to the Victors – Lloyd Carr dismisses three lawbreakers from the Michigan football team, as expected. All the Buckstache wearers in Ohio gleefully burn their couches. [U-M's Carr dismissses 3 players from team]
Day 2 : Tampa, Florida – ACC Basketball Championship
@ St. Pete Times Forum
Yeah, I know- with a “Spring Training” title, you’d expect to see pictures of baseball hotties in their sexy baseball unis. Instead, there’s a picture of a basketball arena, which signals that the only pictures you’re going to see will be of gangly dudes in big, loose shorts. Just thank the stars that I’m reporting in on the ACC championship- otherwise, if it was the SEC, you could be faced with pictures of gangly dudes in big, loose shorts with weird alligator-print jerseys.
So, here’s the thing Bud Selig: screw you. No, seriously- screw you. Forget the 1994 debacle, forget the All-Star Game tie, forget the steroid & drug problems, forget the DirectTV finger you flipped to fans everywhere… this time, you’ve gone too far. Instead of spending time focusing on the HUGE problems facing Major League Baseball right now (the ‘roids and Extra Innings being two of them), you’ve chosen instead to nitpick Craig Biggio (aka my First Baseball Boyfriend) for wearing a pin on his hat. During spring training. That he’s worn for almost 20 years with no problem. That represents CHILDREN WITH CANCER.
Bud Selig hates cancer kids. And puppies. And Jesus.
For real? This causes you so much distress, Bud, that you got a lackey in your office to fax the Astros clubhouse to tell Craig to stop wearing the offending pin (again, the same pin he’s worn for 20 years)- and even better, just to add a little bit extra twist to the knife, you have them include a picture of him wearing the pin on Wednesday (as though perhaps Craig and the Astros are too stupid to know what pin you’re talking about). Why? What could possibly be the big freakin’ deal?
It’s good to know the commish cares.
Things I love about Huston Street: (1) he’s hot, (2) he’s a Longhorn, (3) he was more excited to play college ball than to play pro ball, (4) he lives in Austin, (5) he admits that until last year, he was still living with his parents, (6) he’s a consummate good sport and always gives credit to his teammates, (7) he gets a little geeked about meeting his sports heroes, (8) he has Roger Clemens’ number on his cell phone, (9) he can rock a plain grey hoodie like no one else, and (10) he’s really, really hot.
So there’s 10 reasons to watch this interview with Huston from a local Austin talk show, from about this time last year. Also, did I mention he’s HOT?
While everyone else is busy figuring out what the Matt Schaub to Texans trade means for the Texans, for Schaub, for Michael Vick, for David Carr, for Brady Quinn and for humanity, I’m concerned about something much more important: what does this do to the balance of hotness in Texas?
Come on, now- this is not really a fair trade.
I’m putting out a call to all the Ladies…, all the Red Sox fans, all the afficianados of hotness around the world: for the love of all that is hot, who is this guy?
I know he’s a rookie. I know he plays for the Red Sox. I know he has a coach standing on his back. I know he’s really, really smokin’ hot. But for the life of me, I cannot figure out who he is. But I have faith that someone, somewhere will do what I cannot- and give this Unknown Hottie a name.
UPDATE: Thanks to the marvelous Elric, I can now confirm the Unknown Hottie is… Jacoby Ellsbury, the Sox #1 draft pick from 2005, captain of the 2006 National Champion Oregon State Beavers and certified hottie. He’s a 23 year-old outfielder, often referred to as the next Johnny Damon (he even dressed up as Damon for Halloween one year), who spent a short time in high-A Wilmington last year before being quickly called up to the AA-Portland Sea Dogs (and had an NRI to camp this year). He’s expected to challenge Coco Crisp for a starting spot as soon as ’08, and Baseball America rates him the best hitter for average, fastest base runner, best athlete, and best defensive outfielder in the Sox system. Also, if all that wasn’t hot enough, he’s a Navajo Indian who spent part of his childhood with his 3 brothers on a reservation… and his teammates sometimes call him ‘Chief’.
UPDATED AGAIN: Thanks to the marvelous GordonShumway, I give you (by special request of the Ladies…):
Jacoby, you are officially a Ladies… mascot. Congratulations!
This post is the product of an actual hangover which is so bad, it’s lasted 3 days since the MAC Championship game actually happened. I blame the state of Florida and its lovely beaches and bars, the ACC and its conference championship basketball game (from which I promise to make a full report, pictures and all), and all the baseball players down here for spring training that have distracted me from the computer. Stupid, sexy spring training.
The Miami boys are camera shy…
What a game, though! Possibly the most thrilling finish in a year of thrilling conference finishes, Miami (OH) came from the #4 seed to defeat #1 seeded Toledo in the semis, and then #2 seeded Akron in the championship game on a last second 3-point buzzer beater. I’m so glad I got the chance to use the phrase, “buzzer beater” – so thanks to you, Miami, for that. And if that wasn’t exciting enough, there was the added kerfluffle when Miami had a case of premature celebration, and (after much heated discussion at the officials’ table) .6 seconds were put back on the clock. But Akron couldn’t capitalize on the .6 and Miami got to experience a full-on case of celebration and an automatic bid to the Big Dance.
Congratulations, Redhawks of Miami (OH) – and please don’t hold that whole prejudging your school against me- I have learned the error of my ways.
It might make me a bad person, but I loved it when Mikey B socked AJ Pierzynski in the face. Of course, I’m a Cubs fan, so that may have something to do with it. It was hot- as it usually is when good lookin’ boys tussle (well, good lookin’ boy, anyway- AJ is decidedly not cute). Bonus: hottie Scott Podsednik jumps in to tackle Michael- and I’d volunteer to be in the middle of a Mikey-Scotty PoPo sandwich anytime. So here’s a little bit of nostalgia to help bring you back to that magical day- when the Cubs finally got a good hit.
(And for the record, right before he lays one on him, Mike tells AJ, “I didn’t have the ball, bitch.” Awesome.)
One two three FOUR FIVE six seven eight nine ten ELEVEN TWELVE (dooooo dooo doooo doooo…)
You hear that Big TEleven – we’re the Big XII, and we have XII teams!
The Big XII (the roman numerals mean we’re fancy!) pinball is rolling around that giant machine… and which seed number will it finally land in? To my consternation, the Longhorns always seem to come up short in the conference tourney (no matter how well they end up doing in the Big Dance), so I’m gonna go with Kansas. Lord knows I will be choking on my own vomit if Texas A&M wins, so let’s just hope RockChalkJayhawk can pull this off. In the meantime, here are some Big XII hotties to chew on.
Now I get to take advantage of this opportunity, and make fun of all the teams in the conference…
… in which the post author confesses that she has a crush on an unusual athlete, and attempts to justify the unjustifiable.
ROGER CLEMENS EDITION
Rocket at Yanks game yesterday. Yes, he’s talking to Joe Torre.
So here’s the thing: I have a huge crush on Roger Clemens. Like, I would have his babies Giselle/Bridget-style, and I don’t even really like kids. Although I would not classify him as “hot”, he is incredibly sexy – and I would pick him over almost all the baseball players actually in my own age bracket. I think I can point to four reasons why.
Who knew that middle America was hiding all kinds of hot? This preview was infinitely more fun to prepare than expected because I discovered that the Mid-American Conference, more than any other conference I looked at, has a ton of hotties. And I don’t say that lightly- because the Atlantic Sun and Big XII Conferences are no slouches… but the MAC might just take the hottie crown. At least they’ll have that honor to keep them warm, because it’s unlikely that more than one MAC team will make it to the Big Dance (although not impossible). More news and notes after the jump (with help from special correspondent/informant Suss)- but first, let’s get to the main attraction…
I almost can’t be bothered. C-USA is plagued by boring guys (no real stunning hotties in the bunch) and an even more boring story- as it looks like it’s once again going to be Memphis, and only Memphis, all the way. I mean- look at the Hottie Team: no stunners, Dave and Robert are cute enough… but Matt? How in the world is this the hottest center in the conference? And you don’t know what a chore it was just to find the guys that did make the Team. Sigh. Hopefully I’ll be able to liven things up for you after the jump.
After the boring ass-beating of the A-Sun Conference championship, I was feeling empty. My March Madness experience was lacking, I wondered if I’d ever find excitement again. I was feeling sad and blue- but Virginia Commonwealth made me feel shiny and new… VCU and George Mason (George Mason?!?! what is this- 2006?) stepped up in a big way, delivering a thrilling championship game and making bubble teams across the land faint away dead from the stress. I love you, CAA. Will you marry me?
I got drunk and married CAA in Vegas! Errr, Richmond, VA!
See the complete wedding album, and all the dirt, after the jump… Continue reading
No. Just… no.
Listen up Syracuse, Florida, Ohio State and Arizona- do not do this. Do not fall prey to the same disease Oregon caught in football (with their tire tread prints) and adopt these stupid looking “System of Dress” unis from Nike. Sure, every girl likes to see a man working out in a tight Under Armour-style shirt… but we do not want our basketball players wearing them on the court. Plus, the shorts look ridiculous. And is that a gator skin print I see on the Florida sleeve? Oh, hell no. If the rumors are true, you’ll show up to games wearing these atrocities starting tomorrow- please let these rumors turn out to be false. Don’t do this to us.