I’d Buy That For A Dollar: Trade Deadline Hotties

As the trade deadline nears, the Ladies… are forced to contemplate that tough question that crops up this time each year: what will happen to all the hotties?

So we’re stepping into the shoes of Theo Epstein for the day (naturally, since he’s the hottest GM in the major leagues), and assigning a market value to the hottest ballplayers rumored to be up on the block– based solely on just how smokin’ they are. A cadre of the Ladies… (five to be exact, enough to fill a front office for an All-Hot Team) put the candidates through a rigorous evaluation process, and submitted their valuations- in dollar signs- of the hottest possibilities. After some difficult and lengthy calculations, we’re sharing our scouting report ranking their hottie value.

It’s a hot, hot market out there, and we’re not afraid to spend a pretty penny on a pretty boy. But just how much are each of these ballplayers worth?

Christmas In July

It’s July 25th! What better way to celebrate the (non-existent) holiday of Christmas in July, than with a bunch of hot pictures of smokin’ hot winter sport athletes. All those guys who specialize in heating up the ice and snow are here to cool us all down… or is it heat us all up?

Were you naughty or nice? Check and see what Santa left under your tree…

Hump Day Hottie: Huston Street

Huston Street is smoking hot. Let’s get that out of the way right off the bat. Outrageously hot (and don’t forget the award-winning ass). He’s also a lights-out closer for the Oakland A’s, and the proud owner of the 2005 AL Rookie of the Year trophy. He’s charming and hilarious (see: exhibit A or his in-the-booth commentary during the July 5th A’s game). He is a budding wine connoisseur. He plays the guitar. He wrote an interesting blog for ESPN (I know! Interesting content on ESPN? Check out his thoughts on MLB clubhouses). He’s madly in love with his fiance and proposed with 1,500 roses (that is not a typo). His intro music is “Hate Me Now” by Nas. He pitches with his tongue stuck out DWright-like in concentration.

Oh, yeah- and he won my beloved University of Texas the 2002 National Championship in baseball — following in his dad’s footsteps, who won us the 1969 National Championship in football (and was a hottie to boot- Huston looks almost identical to his dad back in the day). Huston’s twin younger brothers (Jordon and Juston) play baseball for Texas as well- and, yes, they’re hot, too. The whole Street clan (including older half-brother Ryan, an architect, and baby brother Hanson, a college student) are huge Longhorn fans, and get as geeked about Texas college football games as any other fan. So… Huston is pretty much perfect.

And on the occasion of his return from the DL, it’s high time he gets the full Hump Day Hottie treatment. Welcome back, Huston.

A whole heckuva lot of Street goodness- including pics of the whole hottie Street clan- after the jump.

Hit & Run: Welcome Back and See Ya Later

WELCOME BACK: Jon Lester. The Red Sox cutie pitcher is making his first major league start tonight in Cleveland since being diagnosed with cancer last year. The last time he pitched was almost a year ago (August of ’06), in the midst of a rookie season that saw him go 5-0 in his first 5 decisions. He was diagnosed with a form of lymphoma last August at just 22 years old, underwent chemo, and was cleared as cancer-free in December. He’s battled back, rehabbed in the minors, and is ready and rarin’ to go. (and see ya later to Andrea’s “hottie” Julian Tavarez, who heads back to the bullpen).

SEE YA LATER: Sergio Garcia. Even though ultra-hottie Sergio sat atop the Leaderboard of the British Open all three days leading into Sunday’s final round, Irish hottie Padraig Harrington came from behind and pushed Sergio into a four-hole playoff… from which Padraig emerged victorious. In the battle of the sexy accents, Ireland wins this round.

I have to say that I find it cute that Sergio pleads to the golf gods in English, not Spanish- as you could hear him say “please, please, please, my god, please” at one point. Guess the golf gods weren’t swayed – though I don’t think I could have resisted.

The plaque for the alternates is in the Ladies… room

Rocking The Plate

You’re standing in the on-deck circle, taking a few practice cuts and watching your teammate at the plate out of the corner of your eye.

Strike three.
Inhale. Grip tightens. Exhale.

You’re up.

36,000 of your closest friends are on hand to watch. Couple million more at home. And you haven’t made the highlight reel all week.

And there it is – that perfect song is blaring out over the loudspeakers.

Now you’re ready to do battle.

Let’s imagine for a moment that all of the Ladies… are major league baseball players. Yes, I know this would present a difficult quandary regarding whether we would ogle our own asses, forearms and eyeblack on this site (maybe we could spin off a “Gentlemen…” blog?). But the more important question is: What song would each of the Ladies… use as her at-bat music?

This is not a simple question- picking just one track to use as your theme music every single time you step up to the plate is tough. Do you go Classic Rock? Hip-Hop? Metal? I’m sure there are some pretty rockin’ hillbilly beats from Tennessee that Holly could use. (Holly’s note: Oh, you want hillbilly beats? I got your hillbilly beats RIGHT DAMN HERE.)

After some solo deliberation (using whatever criteria she chose), each Lady… submitted to me the piece of music that should play over the P.A. speakers when she stepped out of the on-deck circle and into the batter’s box. The other Ladies… haven’t even seen these yet. Take a gander at the lineup after the jump – and try and tell me this wouldn’t be an intimidating bunch to square off against at the plate.

Hump Day Hottie: Noah Lowry

The Giants can use some lovin’ right now- they’re dead last in the NL West, they’ve got a record that’s worse than the Pirates and the Royals and they have to deal with the constant Bonds fiasco. But the Giants are the all-time winningest team in baseball- so it’s only a matter of time before the ship is righted, and things go back to being lovely in the Bay Area. And while they wait, fans can at least enjoy the scenery– and pitcher Noah Lowry can definitely help distract with his hottness.

The lefty hurler (who bats right- he goes both ways, y’all) from SoCal has five weapons in his arsenal: fastball, curveball, slider, his signature wicked changeup… and his total and complete hotness. The boyish grin! The beautiful eyes! The dark locks! That cutie-pie birthmark under his right eye! That ass! He’s the reason baseball unis were made- as cute as he is in civvies, he is just flat-out HOT in uniform. That head was made to wear a baseball cap. Barry Zito better watch out- Noah just about has the Giants Hottie Crown sewn up.

Tons more Noah goodness after the jump…

Hit & Run: The Call Up

Everyone has heard about Mark Cuban and the Cubs. Everyone has heard about the David Beckham spectacle. Everyone has heard about Gary Sheffield’s thoughts on Joe Torre. Everyone has heard about the Phillies’ 10,000th loss (boo!). So my news items for today are going to consist solely of hotties that recently got the call up to The Show. That’s news you can really use.

D.J. Houlton – Dodgers, P
called up from AAA-Las Vegas on July 15th

Check out the other newly-minted Big Leaguers (at least, they’re in the big leagues for now), after the jump – and let me know if there are any called-up hotties I missed!

Bang-Bang Play

Got links you want included as a Bang-Bang Play? Got an athlete you think would make an excellent Mail Bag Hottie? Email us!

Philly Pants Party folks can blame the Cardinals for not getting to see loss #10,000. And the hot bats of Bacon Pants… and Pat Burrell?!? [Zo Zone]

Everything you ever wanted to know about Rickey Henderson. [100% Injury Rate]

Did Nick Swisher, like Samson, lose his powers when he cut his hair? [Home Run Derby]

ESPN forgets the White Sox exist. [Foul Balls]

OU football is busted by the NCAA, has to forfeit the entire ’05 season. Relive the hilarity. [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

What the hell has happened to nicknames in baseball? [UmpBump]

Take a gander at what’s playing on Brady Quinn’s iPod. [Ghosts of Wayne Fontes]

The All-Superstition Squad has been named- and Big Papi’s plate antics don’t even make the list. [Bugs & Cranks]

A look at all the fashion choices on display at the ESPYs. [Leave The Man Alone]

Closing on a sweet note, with a story about a lifelong sports dream come true. [The Jaunt]

And our Mail Bag Hottie this week is…

Hottie Vision – Jonathan Papelbon

Once in awhile, the sports media gets it right. Often, by accident, they stumble upon an idea that’s pure gold- so awesome, you wonder why someone didn’t think of it sooner. The golden idea in this case? Putting a mic on or in the hands of hottie Jonathan Papelbon. The Red Sox lights-out closer may have one hell of a killer Papelglare on the mound, but on his own time he’s bona fide comedy gold. He’s a total cut-up, who doesn’t censor a single thought that comes into his head, and delivers all that charm and silliness with a Southern drawl. Seriously- they really need to give him his own show.

Exhibit 1: Friendly’s Scoop with Julian Tavarez

The genius folks at FSN decided this season to give Papyboo his own weekly segment, where they basically just shoot the shit with him about baseball. But a few weeks ago, things got even better when they decided to hand over the mic to Papyboo, and let him interview a teammate instead. The first victim? Starting pitcher Julian Tavarez. But Papyboo doesn’t choose to use his time talking about pitching mechanics, or the rotation or any of that stuff. No, he decides instead to find out who Tavarez thinks is the sexiest guy in the Red Sox bullpen, and who is the sexiest hitter on the Sox roster. Sounds like Papyboo would fit in GREAT around here.

Video of this (and more!) after the jump…

Bringing the Heat: Chicago White Sox

The folks of Chicago have it pretty good. We have the Cubs, and all the awesomeness of gameday at Wrigley Field. We have Sexy Rexy Grossman and his downfield throwing mechanics. We have the Bulls and the Blackhawks (for better or for worse). And since 2005, everyone happily claims the White Sox again.

But don’t dismiss the boys of the South Side as second-class citizens… because there are a TON of hotties to be found inside the Not-So-Friendly Confines of the Cell.

Jon and the rest of the Sox want YOU! to check them out

Peruse your way through all the South Side hotties after the jump…

Hump Day Hottie: Josh Beckett

En route to the American League’s 10th straight victory over the NL in last night’s All-Star Game, Red Sox ace pitcher — and smokin’ hottie– Josh Beckett picked up the win. If you like the quiet, humble, shy, retiring types, who relax by reading poetry and watching Masterpiece Theatre and drinking a nice merlot, Josh Beckett is not for you. On the other hand, if you (like me) like your men tall (6’5″) and strong and brash and fiery, with a heap of cockiness and a whole hell of a lot of redneck, then Texas boy Josh is a man you’ll love.

credit: Kerry Brett Hurley

Tons more Beckett-y goodness after the jump…

Baseballs. Bats. Berman. Liveblogging the Home Run Derby

What’s more fun than a meaningless Home Run Derby that drags on for 3 hours, broadcast by a Baker-Berman tagteam (and assisted by Kenny Mayne… in a kayak), chockfull of 1,000 player’s kids plus lameass interviews of both Bonds AND ARod? That same Home Run Derby… when liveblogged by the Ladies…!

Ryan Howard doesn’t have time for ballcaps- he’s got HRs to hit!

Each of the Ladies… claimed one of the 8 Derby participants for her very own– and then we all gathered together to revel in the inanity, discuss the intricacies of the hot butts on display, and make fun of ARod. Play along with us after the jump…

The Field Is Set. And It’s Full of Hotties.

The wait is finally over. After Miggy Cabrera got hurt and had to pull out (ahem) of the Home Run Derby, and Bonds and Griffey declined to participate, the Derby roster was up in the air. Now we know. The final slot for the Home Run Derby was just filled, and everyone can now look forward to the presence of smokin’ hottie Matt Holliday, in addition to recent additions Albert Pujols and Alex Rios (who were added over the weekend). Thanks to MLB for picking the most scrumptious forearm-y picture of Matt for the headline photo:

Plus, the starting pitchers for Tuesday’s game have also just been announced- and it will be hotties Dan Haren (AL) from the A’s and Jake Peavy (NL) from the Padres taking the mound. Yet another reason to tune in.

We’ll be liveblogging the Derby tonight – so look for a post detailing all the hottie highlights tomorrow. And for the definitive guide to all the All-Star Hotties, check out Lady A’s post.

Hit & Run: No Phillies This Time?

Can this be? A Texas Gal H&R without an item on Pat Burrell, Aaron Rowand or Chase Utley?!? Not even a tidbit on Cole Hamels or Ryan Howard or Jimmy Rollins? Nope- not this week… and I’m even including news about the Cards AND the Braves. How’s that for inclusiveness?

* Miggy is out, Albert Pujols is now in for the Home Run Derby in San Francisco tomorrow night. The reason he agreed to participate? Because his son asked him to. [Say it with me... awwww!]

* Jarrod Saltalamacchia, the hottest guy with 14 letters in his last name, made it back to the Braves lineup (as a first baseman!) on Saturday after taking a foul tip to the cranium in Friday night’s game against the Padres. Salty cracked jokes about his injury, [I'm betting his agent wasn't so jovial].

* Everyone in Chicago can finally calm down: lumberjack hottie Mark Buehrle resigned with the White Sox, to the tune of $56MM over 4 years. The always-quotable Jim Thome summed it up best with, ["What a happy day."]

* Jeff Bailey also had a great weekend- the career minor leaguer (11 years in the minors, without a single big league at-bat!) not only got called up to The Show on Friday for the Red Sox, he also popped a homerun in just his 9th at-bat in the majors. [His Red Sox teammates had to barter with the fan who caught the ball], I would have held out for a lot more than a couple of signed balls.

Come on now, surely you didn’t think that I could REALLY do one of these without any Phillies news? Got to give love to the entire Phillies roster for jumping into the fray with the Colorado grounds crew doing battle with the tarp on Sunday, risking life and limb in the process. And BOO to the entire Rockies roster for their absence of assistance– except LaTroy Hawkins, who knew he’d be good for something?

Bang-Bang Play

bang-bang play (noun): in baseball, 1. An attempted tag or force play at a base when the ball and runner arrive simultaneously. 2. Any defensive play accomplished with precision and speed.

We’re putting a twist on the old bang-bang around here. Our bang-bang plays post every weekend will be fast links to great articles and features found at some of the best sports blogs around the interwebs- a speedy way to bring the best of the best to you. PLUS every Bang-Bang Play post will also feature, behind the jump, a Mail Bag Hottie- pictures of a hottie athlete nominated by our readers. Double the bang, double the fun.

Got links you want included as a Bang-Bang Play? Got an athlete you think would make an excellent Mail Bag Hottie? Email us!

I would definitely buy a ticket to see Pittsburgh Pirates: The Movie II. I’d even pay full price. [Mondesi's House]

Barry Bonds fans are cheaters? Inconceivable! [The 700 Level]

Taking a look at Michigan Football. [Sunday Morning Quarterback]

We love a man with stamina, too, Sooze. Especially one who looks like that. [Babes Love Baseball]

Get ready for the All-Star Game, Dugout style. [The Dugout]

Reasons why the All-Star Game sucks. [Yankees Chick]

After this week’s outing, Julian Tavarez was last seen strumming a banjo in the backwoods of Georgia. [Surviving Grady]

The NFL wants you to think they give a crap about retired players with health problems. They don’t. [I Dislike Your Favorite Team]

Three reasons to care about the Reds. [Sports Frog]

Will Vince Young face the dreaded sophomore slump? [Burnt Orange Nation]

And our first inaugural Mail Bag Hottie is…

Bringing the Heat: Houston Astros

Some teams are blessed with an overabundance of hotties (I’m looking at you, Oakland). Some teams are cursed with a complete absence of lookers (I’m talking to you, Anaheim).

And then there are the Astros.

The Houston Astros don’t have a ton of fug, they don’t have a ton of heat. They’ve just got a roster full of nice-looking chaps, guys who look like the type you’d take home to meet mom (and who’d remember to bring along some flowers for her). Plus one really, REALLY smoking hot dude.

So rather than post a bunch of bland pictures, I’m gonna post random pictures of all the cuties, doing random things, to keep it interesting. And then I’m gonna give you a whole mess of pictures of the hottie. Deal?

Take a gander at the Gulf Coast boys after the jump…

Hump Day Hottie: USA! USA! USA!

It is your duty, as a patriotic American, to celebrate the glorious Fourth by checking out hottie American athletes in all their USA-licious best. Fortunately for you, TheStarterWife and I have done all the leg work- and you only have to sit back, scroll and enjoy. Land of plenty, indeed. HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!

(Updated for Joey Chestnut goodness!)

Huston Street

Tons more lovely red-white-and-blue goodies after the jump…

Hit & Run: Comin’ At Ya From HTown

Y’all are getting a 3-shot H&R today, because I’m on my way out the door to play 18 holes in the oppressive Houston heat, and I need to conserve energy for the ballgame tonight (so I can cheer for newly minted All-Star Aaron Rowand – squee!). Here it is, quick and dirty…

* Cubs tag-team of LSU boys Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot are on fire. My favorite Cubbie, Ryan (whose assets were already strong enough to land him a spot on the Best Butts Countdown), went 3-for-4 on Sunday, continuing his great season for Chicago, and Mike is now so popular with Cubs fans the PR folks debated whether to repaint the Michael Barrett bobbleheads (given away at yesterday’s game) to make them look like Mike of the Fontenot variety. Any time there are two Cajuns roaming the Friendly Confines, I’m a happy girl.

* Jacoby Ellsbury, Ladies’ mascot (ok, that may have been just me on that one) and uber-hottie, got the call up to The Show on Saturday, and is already making an impact (getting his first hit that night). While most everyone fawns over him, the rain on the parade has already started from J.D. Drew’s corner.

* I might as well go ahead and confess my dark, dirty and shameful secret: I think Scott Proctor is hot. And that temper of his that caused him to start a campfire with his equipment (after yet another sucky day on the mound)? Only makes him hotter (no pun intended). He says it was all a joke; I say- darlin’, if the Yankee pinstripes didn’t put me off you forever, a little dugout bonfire ain’t gonna change things. Burn, baby, burn.

Congrats on making the All-Star team Bacon Pants, Beckett and Papyboo!
(Yes, this is just an excuse to post hot pictures of my baseball boyfriends)

BGO Hits 3,000

Congratulations to Craig Biggio, my first baseball boyfriend and the hardest plunking guy in baseball, on his 3,000th career hit tonight.

My love for Biggio started way back in the days when he was a catcher (remember that?). Back in the rainbow-hued Astros times. Back when the games used to be played in the cavernous Astrodome. Back when Mike Scott and Jim Deshaies were on the mound, Ken Caminiti and Glenn Davis and Billy Doran were on the diamond, and Kevin Bass, Billy Hatcher and Eric Anthony roamed the outfield. Back when he got called up to The Show as a fresh-faced kid playing for the Tucson Toros. He is an institution in Houston- he’s played his entire career here (not many ballplayers like that anymore)- revered as a hero, and a guy who tirelessly gives back to the community. For almost my entire life as a baseball fan, he’s been a fixture of baseball in Houston… and you’ll be hard-pressed to find a single person, major leaguer or otherwise, with a bad word to say about him.

Craig and his son Conor (son Cavan in the foreground)

And if you’ll indulge me in a little sentiment…

Stuffing The Box: Last Call for MLB Hotties

As the voting deadline for the MLB All-Star Game draws close (midnight tonight – so get to voting!), it is time for the Ladies… to make one final plea for votes for all the baseball hotties. Because if we had our way, we’d get an All-Star Hotties game, with two rosters full of nothing but the choicest beef in the major leagues. As it is, where these things are decided based on silly things like “talent” and “popularity”, we’ll just have to do what we can for womankind, and try and get as many hotties out there on the diamond for All-Star week as we possibly can.

I’ve done the dirty work, and put together a complete Hottie Ballot for you after the jump (where the picks are made PURELY based on who is the hottest), with two choices at each position– as it should be. Clare also gave you insightful commentary on who the contenders are. All you gotta do is GO HERE and vote, and help make the dream come true.

Mickey Mantle Award: Baseball’s Best Asse(t)s, pt. the final

It’s time to crown his ass.
The time to reveal the best butt in all of baseball has arrived.

I’ve got the top 5 asses in baseball for you after the jump (and a rundown of the other 20 we’ve already honored) — just be sure to wear your shades… the reflection of their awesomeness is blinding.

Hump Day Hottie: Scott Podsednik

On the occasion of his return from the DL over the weekend, let’s take a closer look at hottie White Sox leftfielder Scott Podsednik.

Scott is beautiful. Let’s just get that out of the way up front. He’s from the tiny little town of West, Texas (which, oddly enough, is in Central Texas), so he has a charming soft Texas drawl. He’s also fast- he turned down several scholly offers to run track (including the University of Texas), and instead headed straight to the minors. He worked his butt off for nine years in the farm systems, and finally broke through to The Show in 2003 with that trademark speed… earning him the fans’ vote as Rookie of the Year. He’s been injury prone his whole career, but always bounced back… and thank goodness for that. He’s a humble, small-town country boy who’s made good- and if he wasn’t so damned cute, I couldn’t have forgiven him for that walkoff-HR against Lidge in the ’05 World Series.

Welcome back from the DL, Scotty- thanks for restoring the heat to LF at the Cell.

Tons more lovely Scott goodies after the jump (including video)…

Hit & Run: I Could Really Go For Some Mutton Chops

* My dream pairing of Josh “Tall Texan” Beckett and Jonathan “Cajun Closer” Papelbon tag-teamed to handily dispense of the Padres yesterday, earning Josh a MLB-leading 11th win and Papyboo his 18th save. [Jake Peavy didn't stand a chance.] And let’s hope Dice-K made it out of Petco (and his Maddux encounter) alive.

* Pat “Slowcamotive” Burrell, meanwhile, dreams of someday… you know… HITTING THE BALL. He is hitting just .146 since April 26th- and the natives are (once again) growing very restless. [When MLB.com a/k/a "Baseball's Sunshine-Pumping Mouthpiece" writes up an article about your suckitude, you know you're in trouble.]

* Fellow Phillie Aaron “Bacon Pants” Rowand is having a spectacular year- and the talk of him getting a spot on the All-Star roster has begun. Obviously, he’s #1 (with a bullet) on my own personal All-Star roster. In other news, which might or might not be happening behind the scenes- I wouldn’t know because I’m trying to ignore it: [Lalalalala, I can't hear those trade rumors!]

* Michael “Sucker Punch” Barrett is settling in just fine in sunny San Diego, thank you very much. And if anyone else in Chicago is missing him, the Cubs are still giving away Mikey B jerseys tomorrow and Mikey B bobbleheads on July 1st. [Mikey is 2 Good + 2 Be = 4 Gotten]

* Start with Sox, end with Sox. The Dirt Dogs are calling up Kason “I’m New Around Here, But I’m Really Hot” Gabbard to start on Tuesday (and not Jon Lester, as previously discussed). He’ll be filling in for DL’ed Curt Schilling. [It's a definite huge step up, hottie-wise.]

Congratulations also go out to Georgia boy Dustin McGowan for his near-no-no (broken up in the 9th inning), 1-hit shutout complete game against the Rockies. He’s actually way cuter than those stupid mutton chops would lead you to believe.

 

Soaping Up With Baseball Players

Major league baseball is a constant soap opera- full of heroes and villains, twists and turns, A-Rod and his various women. It was only natural, then, that a group of ballplayers would make an appearance on a honest-to-god soap opera– in this case, several Brewers (J.J. Hardy, Chris Capuano, Bill Hall and Jeff Suppan) appeared on an episode of The Young & the Restless yesterday. There was a four-seam demonstration by Chris, sheepish smiles from Bill and Jeff, and a particularly cheesy line from J.J. (you can see the full video HERE, though it’s not near as entertaining as imagined by The Dugout).

The Brewers’ soap opera debut got me (and a few others) thinking: What if another team was the featured subject of a soap opera? And more than just a cameo. What if a baseball team WAS a soap opera? What exactly would “As The Yankees Turn” or “One Giants Life to Live” consist of? With some help from Clare, Metschick and Peter, here’s an idea what it would be like…

CUBS: The patriarch of the family would be committed to an insane asylum, there would be at least one family brawl per week, Rich Hill would tip his lines, and a fan of the show would lean in from stage right and screw things up.

GIANTS: Every episode focuses on the petulant, but brilliant, son who grew up and yet never left home. All the other cast members and their storylines are ignored- except, on occasion, for an off-hand mention of the dreamboat stud (who came from another show) who has hit the skids.

Requiem For A Catcher

We are gathered here today to pay respects to a fallen traded Cubbie. A guy who knew how to catch a ball (most of the time), and call a game (most of the time) and throw a punch (most of the time). It didn’t matter if the guy that needed punching was in White Sox black or Cub blue, his fists did not discriminate. A guy who went from being the face of the Cubs organization in cheesy McDonald’s commercials, to being sidelined in the dugout, all in the space of one month. We’re also here to honor his hot bod- all 6’3″, 210 pounds of it, including his great ass. Let’s not forget that lovely Georgia drawl, or those beautiful blue eyes. We certainly won’t forget that Irish temperament.

Michael Patrick Barrett, or “Mikey B” to those of us who crushed on him in the Friendly Confines, we will miss you dearly here in Chicago. At least we know, in our sorrow, that you will soon be reunited on the other side with your maker Greg Maddux (just please don’t let this trade turn out like the career-killing Todd Walker trade to the Pads).

In honor of Mikey B’s passing to the Pads, I’ve set up a picture memorial for him after the jump. Please feel free to leave your own respects in the comment book.

EDIT: He’s already been assimilated!

 

Hump Day Hottie: Forearms

Along with a great ass, eyeblack and broad shoulders & chest, the sexiest thing on a ballplayer are his forearms. Especially at the plate, all tensed and ready to go to work. A man’s forearms are masculine and protecting at the same time- muscular enough to swing a heavy bat, strong enough to knock someone out (or to hold you close, if you like the schmoopy stuff).

And judging by the number of hits we get from people searching for athletes’ forearms, there’s a lot of other ladies out there who agree.

Scott’s a 5-tool player: ass, eyeblack, shoulders, chest and forearms.

I’ve got twenty (!) hot ballplayers’ forearms for you after the jump. You’re welcome.

Hit and Run: Winning, Losing, Hurting, Hitting & Fighting

* Jonathan Papelbon notched his 16th save on Saturday, helping the Sox to a 1-0 win over the Giants (en route to a 3-game sweep). Is it wrong that I cross my fingers and hope the Sox are only up by 3 or less every 8th inning? [The Times says the Sox are winning for all the wrong reasons]- I say, keep those wins coming.

* On the other side of Fenway Park, guitar-strumming hottie Barry Zito was wondering what the heck has gone wrong for him so far. He’s 6-7 with a 4.41 ERA this year, just after signing the largest contract ever given to a pitcher (not named Clemens). [$126MM smackeroos can change a lot of things, I guess.]

* A very deep sigh of relief: Aaron Rowand left the game early yesterday after limping away from the plate, but he says he’ll be back in the lineup tonight. WHEW. [Bacon Pants- Whatever it is you're doing to give yourself a "cramp in your left groin and calf", please stop it. Love, Clare & TG] Also, Clare & TG are steadfastly ignoring any and all possibilities Mr. Rowand will be traded away from Philly, because surely the Phils’ front office couldn’t be that crazy, right? Ahem.

* Chipper Jones, switch hitter and old school hottie extraordinaire (remember his cute rookie face back in ’95?), racked up his 2,000th career hit yesterday. [The Chip played it off as "pretty cool"] – I think Larry wants to celebrate at Hooters.

* So, what’s gonna happen with Michael Barrett? Even this giant Cubs homer can see he’s struggling behind the plate- and that’s not even taking the arguments with Zambrano and Hill into account. [Someway, somehow, I'd like to blame this all on Dusty Baker.]

And, oh yeah- Angel Cabrera won the U.S. Open. Big whoop. Call me when he can rock a pair of plaid pants like hottie Aaron Baddeley.

Father’s Day Aftershave – Texas Gal

All I know about sports, and my undying love for them, comes from my Dad.

As the daughter of a coach, I pretty much had to learn sports or perish- and I definitely chose to learn (and love) them. Some of my earliest memories are of me and my mother sitting in the stands on Friday nights and watching my dad coach in football games and waving my black and gold pompom for Lubbock High.

Daddy also made sure I grew up indoctrinated in the Church of the Texas Longhorns. The lullaby he sang to me as a baby wasn’t the standard “Rock A Bye Baby” tune, it was “The Eyes of Texas”. I’m pretty sure I learned to do the Hook ‘Em Horns handsign before I learned to walk.

Hottie Guide: U.S. Open 2007 (I Was There…)

Beyond this entrance gate, much hotness can be found…

I’ve got your viewer’s guide to all the hotties playing the links this weekend at the U.S. Open at Oakmont outside lovely and scenic (really!) Pittsburgh, PA. And thank you USGA and Oakmont for letting spectators take cameras onto the course, at least for the practice rounds, because I’ve also got pictures.

Can those cute dimples carry Zach to an Open victory?

Take a gander at all the guys to watch for after the jump…

Mickey Mantle Award: Baseball’s Best Asse(t)s, pt. 4

Previously, we honored 15 of the greatest rear views to be found inside a pair of baseball pants on major league baseball diamonds from New York to Oakland, and everywhere in between:

Mickey Mantle Award Part 1: #25-21
Mickey Mantle Award Part 2: #20-16
Mickey Mantle Award Part 3: #15-11

A hot ass smudged with dirt from a great slide? Yes, please!

And now we’re moving on to the single digits- the next five finest baseball asses around in our countdown on the way to the greatest butt of them all… the baseball bootie to end all booties. Follow me after the jump for #10-6…