Ever since I can remember my mom, Paula, has mooned over Pettitte.
I can grudgingly agree that he is handsome, especially when he’s pitching and you can see the fire in his eyes. However, the mere fact that he wears pinstripes makes me want to break out in hives. But she likes who she likes, even though she couldn’t tell you where he just spent the last three seasons, or how many games he’s won in his career, or any other random fact.
(I’m on pinch-hitting duties today, folks, so sorry for the delay! And congrats to J-Money’s sister on her graduation!)
It’s Mother’s Day Weekend, and we know what that means: pink bats on Sunday! I think it’s a charming idea, and it’s great for raising money – they’ll be selling many of the game-used bats. Howevah, you can also buy your own bat via Louisville Sluggers. No, you wouldn’t get teased for using a pink bat in your beer league. Not at all.
I’m a Lady… who loves freak accidents. (I mean, I don’t like that they happen to people, but I certainly laugh when I hear of athletes scratching their eyes on pillows, falling off their trucks, or hurting themselves hauling meat up several flights of stairs.) Golden State Warrior Monta Ellis injured his back while reaching up to sign an autograph for a kid. Doesn’t he know you should stretch before any and all physical exertions? Especially autograph-signing! (scroll down to see the story; it starts at “Murphy’s Law”.) Continue reading
Steve Smith will be haunting Carolina strip bars for years to come – he agreed to a three-year contract extension that’ll keep him in teal through the 2012 season. I can’t find the details, but I know he’ll definitely be able to make it rain. And not like Pacman.
Brad Penny racked up 14 Ks in his dominating performance over the Marlins. In his first career win over his former team, he pitched 7 shutout innings with no walks and only 5 hits. So, is Penny still dating Alyssa Milano? I can’t keep up.
Carl Pavano is not pleased at the Yankees’ request that he get examined by even more doctors. Of course he’s not! He’s probably scared that the doctors might fix him and he’ll actually have to earn the millions they’re paying him! Lazy ho.
UPDATE after the jump! Continue reading
Congrats to John Maine and Jose Reyes for being named NL Pitcher and Player of the Month for April!
Maine is 4-0, his 1.35 ERA lead the Majors, has 30 Ks in 33.1 IP, and plenty of other sexy stats.
Reyes hit .356, stole 17 bases, and scored 26 runs (every single one giving me delicious points in Fantasy BB – thanks, Reyes!).
Photo property of Tidewater Sports
Halladay, Maine honored as Pitchers of the Month for April
Reyes named NL Player of the Month, Faith and Fear in Flushing celebrates!
Alex Rodriguez named AL Player of the Month
Lebron James leads his Cavaliers over the Gilbert Arena-less Wizards and into the second round. Woo! Make it rain in Cleveland, ‘Bron! [I doubt they'll be able to sweep aside the Nets that easily. C'mon, we all know Toronto is going down!]
In other NBA news, with the Heat out of the playoff picture, Dwyane Wade will likely receive surgery on the shoulder he dislocated in Feburary. Aw, poor baby. Who here is going to help nurse D-Wade back to health? [He'll also have an MRI on his left knee - might as well get a 2-for-1 deal in case his knee needs some cutting up as well.]
Boom goes the dynamite! A Scott Rolen line drive in yesterday’s Cardinals/Brewers game found a target, and this guy gets a souvenir. Oh, and he got to keep the baseball too. [I fouled a ball into my face once. Yeah, I don't know exactly how it happened either.]
Ooooh, Torii’ Hunter’s in trou-ble! This past weekend, he fulfilled a promise he had made last September, by rewarding the KC Royals with four bottles of Dom Perignon (what, no Veuve Clicquot?) for sweeping the Detroit Tigers, giving the Twins first place in the American Central. And guess who broke the news?? Why, a a blog did it. [I'm sure if this had happened to the Vikings, they wouldn't have sent something as innocent as champagne.]
One same day his child was due to be born, Dontrelle Willis pitches the Marlins to victory over the Braves. All I did the day Baby Mets was born was attend my baby shower at work. [Willis also singled and tripled? Someone's happy to be a dad!]
Meanwhile, in Yankee land, A-Rod continues to obliterate everything in his path. He hit 2 HRs yesterday, and is now one home run away from the record for the month of April. In pitching news, Phil Hughes will make his major league debut on Thursday, against the Blue Jays. [Let's see how Clemens Lite performs on Thursday.]
More after the jump…
Barry Zito decides that his regular look isn’t working for him, so he’s now rocking the beginnings of a porn-stache. It looks like it worked, since he pitched well last night, getting his first win as a Giant. I wouldn’t mind seeing more pitchers follow suit – maybe there’s magic in them there facial hairs!
Vincent Lecavalier’s fourth goal of the series helps the Tampa Bay Lightening win to go up 2-1 against the New Jersey Devils. I don’t know hockey so good, so no quips. Thanks to Sax, for pointing VL out to me. I could always use another hottie to look at.
Dwyane Wade, anxious to be healthy in time for playoffs, turns to acupuncture. I’d let him puncture my acu, if you know what I’m saying. I’ve been watching too much Aqua Teen Hunger Force lately, so please don’t mind my Carl impression.
MLB’s favorite arm candy Alyssa Milano has designed a new line for MLB, Touch. It’s not like she has anything else to do, right? (Wait, I say arm candy like it’s a bad thing! Who among us wouldn’t want to date Carl Pavano, Barry Zito or Brad Penny?) Ms. Milano knows that as fun as it is to go the park to scope out the hotties, it’s also important for a Lady… to look good doing so.
Join me as I review Touch…
After a long winter, baseball finally returns to Shea Stadium, and I was there. Join me through the pics of the day…
The cold and snow have wreaked havoc in several cities for some ball clubs. Those ballplayers should follow the Mariners’ cue and make snow angels! Paint the ball black or something, I’m sure we can make this work.
Kevin Durant decides that school’s out; he declares for NBA draft. Can anyone here say they’d honestly do differently? Didn’t we go to college for girls/boys, drugs and alcohol? He’ll get plenty of those in the NBA.
C. Vivian Stringer, the Rutgers womens basketball coach (R-U!), reacts to Don Imus’ comments. She’s a much better woman than I, cause what Imus said? Them be fightin’ words!
More after the jump…
MLB was out in full force yesterday, but you won’t find any scores here:
Bartolo Colon will start the year in Rancho Cucamonga. And anyone with eyes can see that he is not hot, but I like saying ”Rancho Cucamonga.” [Try it, it's fun: Ran-cho Cu-ca-monga!]
Hottie prospect James Loney fails to make opening day roster. What?! The Ladies demand that he join the team, immediately! [Aw, Loney was miffed when he was told; does anyone want to help calm him down?]
I can’t believe this ugly feller shares a name
with such a hottie.
Even though Jeff Franceour has now been with the Braves for several years, he still remains a Boston Red Sox fan. Um, not much I can say about that. [The cynical side of me believes he's just buttering up the Red Sox for that right field job in 2012.]
I’ll just let the headline do the talking on this one: ”Face of Franchise, Zimmerman Is One Attractive Selling Point”. Oh hells yeah. [Howevah, my third baseman is still cuter than your third baseman, Nationals fans.]
A little more after the jump…
Two Ladies… had a stake in yesterday’s Opening Night game. After the jump, read their thoughts.
Because of injuries to Chien Mien Wang (hee – I said Wang), Carl Pavano is slated to be the Opening Day starter for the Yankees. I faintly remember a hottie by that name, but hasn’t it been ages since he’s pitched a major league game? [It's just a little hypocritical for a Mets fan to make fun of Yankee pitching, right?]
Across town, Mike Pelfrey locks up the 5th starter spot in the Mets rotation. What is it about an athlete sticking their tongue out that makes him cute? [You better pitch well, you're on my fantasy team!]
Scouts say Ladies… favorite Cole Hamels looked good in Sunday’s outing; several Ladies… say, “Duh!” [I wish he were on my team, fantasy or otherwise.]
He’d be cuter if he weren’t
married to a slutbag.
NBA chastises Gilbert Arenas for making $10 bets with fans. I think the crazy just makes him hotter. [Hey, Gil, I bet you $10 that all the Ladies... here would go out with you.]
Kevin Durant and Greg Oden, among many, are selected to the AP All-America team. Durant was the only unanimous pick. I’m sure his good looks helped just a tad. [Okay, I guess his mad ballin' skillz helped, too.]
I never realize exactly how much I miss baseball till I watch my first game in the spring. I missed the smell of the fresh cut grass, the hub of the crowd, the blue skies, the sun on my skin, and of course, the crack of the bat and the thud sound the ball makes when it hits the glove.
Oh, and the cute guys wearing tight pants! Join me after the jump, for all the Spring Training goodness.
The Angels’ Howie Kendrick might be a hell of a prospect, but he didn’t even know who Rudy Giuliani was. C’mon, Howie, dumb boys aren’t hot. [Did Howie see any coverage of 9/11?]
Barry Zito claims that he will boycott the media if he doesn’t like their treatment of Barry Bonds. Oh, Barry, get over yourself. No one cares what you think. [Barry being Barry]
Who’s going to pick out some goggles for Pat Burrell? His contact lenses are bothering the shit out of him. [Maybe Burrell should try some Accuvue]
Go celebrate, Rich Hill, you’re in the rotation! Just remember, there’s no sex in the champagne room. [Rich, you also have to remember that you pitch for the Cubs, so is it really that big a deal?] (Just kidding, Cubbie fans!)
Ladies… favorite Cole Hamels had a rough day yesterday, pitching 2 innings, and surrendering 4 ER and 4 walks. Yikes. Will any Lady volunteer to cheer up Cole? [Maybe Cole would like a nice back rub]
The Yankees have offered to pay for all the funeral arrangements of the
nine ten victims killed in a Bronx blaze on Wednesday, and for travel arrangements for family from Mali. That’s fucking awesome of them. Maybe Steinbrenner isn’t spawn of Satan after all. [Just for today, I love the Yankees]
* Javier Vasquez signs a 3 year/$34.5 million extension with the White Sox; the ladies of Chicago swoon. [Sox's GM doing some cash talking with Vazquez]
* Meanwhile, on the other side of Chicago (not really, they’re still in Spring Training!), Mark Prior has been moved to the bullpen for his next outing. It’s always sad to see a hottie made of glass. [Prior gets relief role in Cubs' Saturday game]
* David Eckstein may be short, but he’s got a huge … sense of humor! [Lowell Spinners will hold David Eckstein Step Stool Giveaway Night]
* NASCAR hottie Juan Pablo Montoya’s move was legal, say NASCAR officials. I say, he can bump me anytime he wants. [Juan Pablo Montoya did not merge into the field illegally as several competitors insisted]
* Jon Lester beats cancer. Who wants to bet this hottie does super-human things on the field this year? [Lester feels normal in first game after cancer treatments]
Hells yeah, I beat cancer!