Hot Stove Hotties: the Mostly Cubs edition

Each week this Hot Stove season, we’ll look at some done deals and juicy rumors involving our favorite MLB hotties, and the occasional not-really-a-hottie, but still worth talking about.

The Cubs were just cuh-RAZY this week, making approximately 1744 roster moves. And I decided to make a theme for this week’s post: Goofy Face pictures (no Pitcherface – that’s way too easy). They’re surprisingly easy to find. Anyway, back to the Cubs: They’ll send starter Jason Marquis to Colorado for reliever Luis Vizcaino.

"I wonder if I could eat my whole chin..."

Oh, and I found this site dedicated to Jason Marquis. Somebody sure does love Jason Marquis, apparently. He is kind of cute, now that I think about it. In fact, I couldn’t find ANY goofy-faced pictures of him (non-Pitcherface) because he never really looks goofy. This is as close as I could find:

Is he...smelling his hand?

The Cubbies are rumored to be super-close to a deal with outfielder Milton Bradley. Bradley had an absolute MONSTER of a season last year in Texas, batting .321/.436/.563. He’s projected, predictably, to do a little bit worse next year, because not everyone can sustain batting lines like that. (Well, OK, some people can.)

He can make a goofy face AND levitate! WOW!

Bradley has also been drastically underpaid throughout his career – if you scroll to the bottom of his FanGraphs page, you see his dollar value (based on performance) compared to his actual salary. In his career, Bradley has been worth a total of $72 million, but has only made $17 million.

Chicago’s next move was to sign middle infielder Aaron Miles so they’d be able to send Mark DeRosa to Cleveland for three minor leaguers.

DeRosa: "PFFFFFFFFFFFF"

Whew! I think that’s it for the Cubs. Moving on…the Red Sox signed a couple of guys to one-year deals: starting pitcher Brad Penny and catcher Josh Bard.

OMG! Josh Bard has grown an extra arm! That's even goofier than a goofy face...

In Los Angeles, the Dodgers freed up a significant chunk of change for next year when Andruw Jones reworked his huge contract. He’ll still get all the money the team (foolishly?) promised in the contract, but it will be spread out over the next 5 years, leaving the Dodgers with greater flexibility for 2009 as they try to retain Manny Ramirez or make other moves.

No Andruw, you can't conduct an orchestra with a baseball bat.

Also this week, the MLB Network made its cable debut in an estimated 50 million homes. My parents’ home, where I’m visiting for the holidays, is not one of those homes. I am not bitter…
(yes I am.)