Hottie Prospectus: The F’s Up With the Giant Pretty Dude?

Rey Maualuga, 62, 240, LB for USC. Strangely attractive.

Rey Maualuga, 6'3", 255, LB for USC.

I was under the impression that linebackers were, you know, rather lumpy. Not pretty, or at least not appealing to my own sensibilities. Then this cat from USC started showing up in ads and on my television.

Why was I not made aware of this sooner?

More Rey, and other hottie prospects for next year’s NFL and NBA drafts, after the jump.

So Rey’s big and has the look and all, but more importantly, he’s apparently the best there is at what he does. I don’t pay much attention to college football – don’t hurt me – but he’s ranked near the top of every mock draft I’ve seen, and he’s the top-ranked lineman in a very good class. But, eh. Mostly I just think he’s pretty.

I think this may in large part be due to his hair. I did, after all, have a crush on Troy Palomalu…

This picture has a sound effect in my head.

This picture has a sound effect in my head.

But, nah. I approve of him all around, lumpy muscularness and all.

I like.

He’s not the only eye-catching player in next year’s NFL draft, though, whether we’re talking looks or play. For example, there’s Knowshon Moreno, who I kind of love, because he’s kind of lullzy. Not to mention the fact that he’s a brilliant player, and also pretty cute, in his way.

Insert "you don't Knowshon" joke here.

However, as you know, I’m much more of an NBA girl than any other sport. So we’re going to segue into up-and-coming basketball hotties, via Pitt sophomores DeJuan Blair (basketball, left) and LeSean McCoy (football, right).

Like them tall, skinny and serious? We got you. Sturdy and fun? We got you too!

Like them tall, skinny and serious? We got you. Sturdy and fun? We got you too!

Of course, the top basketball Hottie Prospect would be Ricky Rubio, whether we’re talking hotness or draft position.

Ricky. Sigh.

Ricky. Sigh.

But I’m saving him for later. There are other well known prospects. One of the most notable is Brandon Jennings, he of the move to Europe and high-top fade.

Ah, to be eighteen and paid millions to play basketball in Italy.

Ah, to be eighteen and paid millions to play basketball in Italy.

Another one you may have heard of is little Stephen Curry. He’s actually a junior in college this year, which is crazy. He looks about three years younger than me, not two years older.

Not actually pedobait!

Not actually pedobait!

More adult-looking would be UConn Husky Hasheem Thabeet. He’s distinctively handsome, I think. And also, 7’3″.

I r srs husky. This r srs interview.

I r srs husky. This r srs interview.

Combining the two is Ohio State freshman BJ Mullens. Some have him ranked as high as one or two in next year’s NBA draft. I foresee lots of Adam Morrison comparisons in his future.

Cute, right? Like the boy that took you to the eighth grade formal.

Cute, right? Like the boy that took you to the eighth grade formal.

So, he’s cute. And good – “surprisingly athletic” is the phrase I’ve heard most often about him, and he once scored 62 points in a game. He looks like your average cute teenaged boy. Except for the seven feet tall part.

Like a seven foot Jonas brother!

How about you kids? Do you have any college players you’ve got you eye on for their move to the pros?

6 thoughts on “Hottie Prospectus: The F’s Up With the Giant Pretty Dude?

  1. Ohh hell nooooo!!!!!
    He is so not hot, peww peww.
    Now Oklahoma Sooner LB Ryan Reynolds is hot on and off the gridiron!! Ryan could beat out mamaugla on the field and with the ladies off the field! Show us some Ryan Reynolds and we will talk Hottie Prospectus.

  2. I want to suck on Rey’s lips.

    What?

    True Story: My friend is a doctor working on her residency in pediatric something or other. She had twin patients: DeJuan and D’adajuan. Nice.

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