Cristiano and Nereida Are Dunzo a.k.a. Whoooooooo!!

Don’t feel too badly, she gets a souvenir!

Best.

News.

Ever.

After nearly six months of feeling Cristiano up in front of cameras and wearing annoyingly tacky CR7 earrings (who does that? who?), Nereida Gallardo, the most punchable WAG in the history of the universe, has finally been dumped out on her ass. Oh, happy day.

Portuguese tabloid 24 Horas, who broke the cheerful news, are speculating that the constant stream of stories and rumours about Nereida’s past might have been the reason behind the split.

[Dame's note: A few of those rumours -- an ex-boyfriend's tell-all, many slutty topless photos (NSFW, obvs), NOTW's crock story about Nereida spending a night 'bam'-ing Sergio Ramos]

Depending on which paper you read, Nerieda has either jetted off to Ibiza for some recovery time or has scurried off to her Mommy’s house in Majorca. Being the bitch that I am, I’d much rather imagine the gold-digger weepy, head in hands, crying to her mommy about how mean Crissie was to her.

And although this is literally the best football-related news I’ve heard all summer (it’s been slow, thanks Sepp Blatter), I can’t say I’m optimistic about Xtina’s future love-prospects.

The boy’s got a knack for picking out the crustiest hoochies possible.

Anyone up for a walk down Cristiano ho-train lane?

The 5-a-side Prostitute Pool Romp – Sep 2007

Cristiano and two of his teammates thought it a clever idea once to invite 5 hookers round for a bit of playtime by the pool once. Idiots. One hooker saw the money-train opportunity and captured a portion of the wondrous night on her cell.

The Hookers in Rome – Jan 2008

Two hookers in Rome’s red-light district this time. No idea what he was doing over there to begin with. One of the whores called him ‘stuck-up.’

Luciana Abreu – Sep 2007

Luciana, a Portuguese children’s TV star and weirdo bible-thumper, went on a few dates dates with Cristiano. She also went to watch him play in Manchester but it didn’t go any further than that. Xtina’s mummy, Dolores, really liked her though.

Gemma Atkinson – Jan 2007 – Jul 2007

To this day, I’ve only ever seen one photo of the two together and yet Gemma couldn’t stop blabbing about how awesome he was. Gemma is a serial WAG and now dating Marcus Bent.

Merche Romero – 2006

A Portuguese TV host and model nine years his senior, this hag was all things ‘ew.’ The relationship actually lasted a lot longer than I thought it would though — there are many, many photos of the pair nearly naked on the beach. If you thought the Whoreida hate was strong, there were literally dozens of anti-Merche sites that sprung up during the time these two dated, many of which continued the hate long after the pair broke up.

Miscellaneous Hoochies:

Carolina Patrocinio – Jan 2008

Yet another lady off Portuguese kiddie TV. I don’t think this actually happened.

Bipasha Basu – July 2007

A Bollywood actress who was once spotted getting up-close with Cristiano at a party. The photos made it all the way to Perez Hilton so it’s worth a mention.

Marina Rodrigues – Summer 2004

An ex-Miss Portugal who met Cristiano at a charity event. The pair were spotted together once while Cristiano was on vacation in Portugal but Crissie’s sister dismissed the rumours a while back.

[Thanks Kickette and Sarah for the tips.]

5 thoughts on “Cristiano and Nereida Are Dunzo a.k.a. Whoooooooo!!

  1. “The boy’s got a knack for picking out the crustiest hoochies possible.” Ha!

    This is turning into Sports by Brooks – more half-naked men please!

  2. You know what? I think she’s prettier now that she’s not with him anymore. Even as a Utd-hating Arsenal supporter who pretty much wants to vomit at the mention of Ronaldo, I can now look at her face with less contempt and seething dislike and think that there is actually something pretty there. Either that or my upbringing of never having the capacity to hate anything (apart from Man Utd) is overshadowing the deep loathing that may or may not be here.

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