NBA Finals Preview Part 1: The Celtics

The NBA Finals are here! After weeks of triumph (yay Hornets!) and disappointment (I miss my Chris Paul) it has finally been whittled down to 2 teams, in a showdown which is probably best described as David Stern’s ultimate wet dream. The Boston Celtics will face off against the Los Angeles Lakers in a best of 7 series. NBA history, replaying itself during primetime (and in HD!). The NBA, IT MATTERS PEOPLE! This has been a crazy season from beginning to end. KG to the Celtics. Shaq to the Suns. Kobe not going anywhere (and finally stopping the whining which I had thought would be incessant). But for me, the Celtics have been the most compelling story this season (other than the Hornets, but we’re talking the Finals here and sadly my Chris Paul did not make it). A one season turn-around of unprecedented proportions. The acquisition of veteran talent which has put the Celtics back on the basketball map. So here is a run-down of how they got here and how I think they’ll fare in the end (hint: it’s not good). Join me, wont you?

Regular Season: Record 66-16. This is the best single season turnaround in NBA history. They improved their previous season record by FORTY TWO WINS. 42. Say it again. 42 games were won this year that they lost last year. So lets do the math here (and also because I am to lazy to actually look this up) that means they only won 24 games last year. Now, I’m sure a team like the Timberwolves might disagree with this next statement, but that record blows! This season, the Celtics had won 24 games in DECEMBER. Not May. And in December (and January and February), the Celts looked all but indestructible. The “Big Three” were in full effect and I think a lot of people had already crowned the Celtics national champs. The continued to play strongly (if not perfectly) throughout the rest of the regular season and finished first in the Eastern Conference.

Post Season: Whoa, what the heck? Where did Atlanta come from? Or more precisely, where the heck did the Celtics go?? The Celtics struggled to close out teams in the first two rounds of the playoffs. No way would the Atlanta Hawks have taken the December Celtics to 7 games, but the April/May Celtics really felt like playing a few more than necessary. Suddenly the Celts went from being the hands-down favorites to shaky bet. As I said in the an earlier post, the Celts pulled out the wins, they just did it a few games later than you would have wanted them to. But here they are. They beat the Hawks in 7. They beat the Cavs in 7. They beat the Pistons in 6. Will they finally whittle it down and beat the Lakers in 5?

Gratuitous Al Horford pic. Mmm. We miss him.

Hotties: The most important part of almost any post. The Celtics have decided to hang around until the NBA finals, but have they provided us with any hotties to ogle? Umm. No. They have not. Maybe I’m wrong here, but after perusing various roster photos and live action pics, I can safely say that I am not attracted to a single player. WHAT THE HECK. I have halfway followed the Celtics all season long and not even realized they are seriously deprived in the good looks department! (My love for basketball has clearly grown to unmanageable levels if this is what has become of me. Watching a team with not one hottie on it. I am disgraced.)

Predictions: Lakers in 6. Unfortunately for the Celtics, I lost a lot of respect for them in the Atlanta series. Not to disparage what Atlanta was able to do, but really the Celtics should have pwnd them in 4. And yet there they were, playing a game 7. The Lakers have just looked solid for the entire playoffs (beating Denver in 4, Jazz in 6, Spurs in 5). Now, I’m really having a moral dilemma backing Kobe “I’m not a rapist but totally a cheater” Bryant and his Lakers, but I have a bigger problem backing a team in the finals where I cannot imagine having victory/celebration sex with a single one of their players. And there you have it. The Celtics are DUNZO.

Bye bye, Celts. it’s been a great year. I’d offer to console you, but I don’t want to have to hug any of you…

6 thoughts on “NBA Finals Preview Part 1: The Celtics

  1. I must agree with Christina. Not Hot. Also, the Timberwolves know that record blows – there’s just nothing they can do about it.

  2. I dont know. I try. I mean I don’t think they are BAD looking. I just dont want to have carnal relations with any of them. Which in my opinion is a problem. I don’t think I’ve ever supported a team where I didnt want to do atleast ONE of the players….

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