Your designated Big 10 representative for the evening (Lady Andrea) and the only Big XII representative around these parts (me) were both tasked with a difficult job: watch the Alamo Bowl. Doesn’t sound hard- except that every single other person in the country was watching the Patriots take on the Giants. But Lady A’s allegiance to the Big 10 and my hatred of the Aggies is so strong that we persevered.
Since I’m 99% sure no one else watched the Alamo Bowl- here’s our play-by-play of the important action. You will notice we did not make one single “Remember the Alamo!” pun.
Lady A managed to flip back and forth to That Other Game, so in addition to the college ball, there’s NFL talk hidden in here as well. (There was actually quite a bit more teeth gnashing about the Patriots which was excised for fear of this turning into an NFL post)
Andrea: Here we go
Andrea: Though I’m sure my dad will make me periodically flip to the NE/NYG game
Texas Gal: You do realize we’re the only 2 people in the country not watching NFL
Texas Gal: well, us and these players’ parents
Andrea: yep. I was curious as to whether there’d be people in the stadium
Andrea: Like maybe they’re in their hotel rooms watching the NFL
Texas Gal: Aggies don’t understand that the NFL exists, I don’t think
Texas Gal: I object – why isn’t Josh Beckett reading the Ag lineups instead of that random dude who can’t speak
Texas Gal: I mean, I’m not confident Josh can speak all that well – but he wouldn’t sport that stupid haircut
Andrea: at least he’s eye candy
Texas Gal: I think #50 REALLY loves Jesus
Texas Gal: if that cross tattoo was any bigger, it would be full-body paint
Andrea: He could just tattoo jesus on the cross lifesize over his entire body
Andrea: That’d be tasteful and respectful
Texas Gal: YES
Texas Gal: and yes
Another example of Aggie class…
Texas Gal: INTERFERENCE (not really, but I want to call fake penalties on A&M)
Andrea: no objection here, I’d like PSU to win this
Texas Gal: it may shock you to learn that I want A&M to lose
Andrea: (falls over, dead)
Texas Gal: RADIOACTIVE GINGER SIDELINE DUDE
Texas Gal: he’s PSU’s version of Chris Jessie
Texas Gal: don’t touch the ball, dude!
Andrea: my dad was just commenting about the big red-haired kid who follows Joe Pa around b/c Joe Pa doesn’t wear a headset
Andrea: and then he went off on a tangent about how Hayden Fry never wore one
Andrea: ahhh, watching sports with the fam
Texas Gal: over/under on shots of the Alamo:
Texas Gal: 15
Andrea: ooooh, I’ll take the under
Andrea: b/c there will be too many Valero commercials to show the Alamo much
Texas Gal: you are so right
Andrea: oooh, I think I just had our first Alamo spotting. That’s 1
Andrea: does multiple times in one commercial count as more than one?
Texas Gal: I say we count each individual alamo shot even if in same commercial
Andrea: okay, so we’ve got 2
Andrea: dammit. PSU needs to get it together
Texas Gal: no kidding
Texas Gal: they looked good on that first stop and drive… and then fizzle
Andrea: oh oh oh! I do not like country “Life is a Highway”
Texas Gal: I have the original on my permanent driving music playlist
Texas Gal: this one sucks
Andrea: I love that song
Andrea: the best part is the “gimme gimme gimme WAHHH!”
Andrea: (I think I left out a “gimme”)
Andrea: but you get the idea
For your listening pleasure:
Texas Gal: “endured a tough season, seeing their coach forced out”
Texas Gal: HEY AGS
Texas Gal: you reap what you sow
Texas Gal: assholes
Texas Gal: Franchione is the asshole, really
Andrea: Field Goal Fran?
Andrea: I don’t know how the Pontiac play could NOT be the App. St field goal block
Texas Gal: that Appalachian st play never gets old
Texas Gal: the Trinity play is better
Texas Gal: but no one cares
Andrea: the trinity play is awesome
Andrea: but that upset was historical
Texas Gal: UCLA deserves everything it gets for hiring Neuheisel
Andrea: oh I know
Texas Gal: that guy is a snake
Texas Gal: he was the guy who presided over CU during one of the rape party years
Texas Gal: that program went in the toilet
Texas Gal: Jesus- who is the dummy in the booth?
Texas Gal: the constant snickering is annoying
Andrea: I’d probably be like that in the booth, laughing at my own jokes
Texas Gal: I’d talk about the guys’ butts
Andrea: well, obviously
Texas Gal: if they didn’t want us to talk about their butts, they wouldn’t wear those tight pants
Texas Gal: I think there’s a family of gingers on the PSU sideline
Andrea: has to be
Texas Gal: big JoePa follower dude
Texas Gal: just saw another with a moustache
Texas Gal: there’s no way they randomly have two radioactive gingers that aren’t related
Andrea: aren’t they ALL related?
Texas Gal: no, that’s Arkansas
Andrea: we have briefly flipped to the NFL game
Texas Gal: If A&M and the Pats both win, I will hurl
Texas Gal: do C-USA officials even know what a TD looks like?
Texas Gal: /weak conference smack
Andrea: oh my god, do not get me started on CUSA officials
Andrea: they SCREWED Iowa out of an Outback bowl win against Florida two years ago
Texas Gal: in their defense, they’re not used to watching real football
Texas Gal: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Texas Gal: sad aggies = happy Texas Gal
Andrea: we should have a band and call it “Sad Aggies”
Andrea: b/c for some reason, that really tickles me as a band name
Texas Gal: I can only imagine the songs we would sing
Andrea: well, El Paso for sure
Andrea: just for kicks
Texas Gal: yes
Andrea: there was a Sad Aggie in the band, but he caught himself on the jumbotron and smiled
Texas Gal: the corps beats them if they don’t smile
Texas Gal: Erin [Andrews]‘ vest is cute
Andrea: it is. I love her.
Texas Gal: me too – she can do basically no wrong with me
Texas Gal: I love that she gets embarrassed about being on dance team
Texas Gal: most women would be all show-offy about it
Andrea: yeah, but it WAS Florida
Texas Gal: maybe it’s more that she’s embarrassed she went to Florida
Andrea: FG New England
Texas Gal: HELL
Andrea: I can’t believe they have FGs
Andrea: (instead of TDs)
Texas Gal: that’s true – better way of looking at it, I suppose
Andrea: the way they’ve been playing this year, they don’t get held to a FG very often
Andrea: I would’ve preferred the symmetry of the Dolphins doing it, but I’ll settle for the Giants beating the Pats
Andrea: who was the little guy in the middle?
Texas Gal: Was that Doug Flutie?
Andrea: ahhh, maybe
Andrea: I didn’t get a good look, just thought to myself, “There’s a wee little man in the booth.”
Texas Gal: It’s Flutie
Andrea: for all the scoring going on, this game is kinda boring
Texas Gal: I know – maybe it’s because the aggies suck all the fun out of everything
Andrea: is there a new Rambo?
Andrea: isn’t Sly Stallone like 74 years old?
Texas Gal: i was just going to ask you
Texas Gal: Grandparambo
Andrea: he and JoePa used to box in Philly together back in the 40s, I hear
Texas Gal: if by 40s you mean 1840’s, then yes
Andrea: ooh, they just showed Beckett in cowboy boots
Andrea: I squeed for you
Texas Gal: ACK!
Texas Gal: Did I miss it?!?! Was it just a little bit ago?
Andrea: yes. They were talking about the Aggie band boots and then went to Beckett and his boots
Texas Gal: Thank god for TiVo and the rewind button
Texas Gal: you’re officially my BeFri for making sure I got to see Beckett-In-Boots
Andrea: Beck in Boots, side kick to Puss in Boots
Texas Gal: Maybe Erin will go talk to him
Andrea: that’d be too much hotness in one place
Texas Gal: agreed
Andrea: ooh, tie game. (we flipped to Giants/Pats)
Andrea: actually, I came back from helping my mom and found my dad watching a show on how hot dogs are made
Andrea: that was rectified post haste
Andrea: ya can’t leave ‘em alone with the remote for a second
Texas Gal: BTW – Alamo count is at 7
Andrea: course, I think we’ve also had 7 of those effing Valero commercials with the bastardized Life is a Highway song
Andrea: those are a crime
Texas Gal: What is this song? I should know, but I don’t.
Andrea: we flipped back, I have no idea
Texas Gal: it’s that gatorade commercial - I’m gonna hit up Google
Andrea: Gooogle knows everything
Texas Gal: “Carmina Burana – O Fortuna” by Carl Orff. I want that playing anytime I do something of mild importance
Texas Gal: like, shovelling snow off my car
Texas Gal: or untangling a cord
Andrea: that song would be good when I’m waiting for things, like toast to pop up
Texas Gal: YES – or popcorn
Andrea: it would make it SOOO dramatic
Andrea: “will it pop up?!?! WILL IT?!?!”
Texas Gal: and then right when the climax hits – the toast pops and you take a bite
Texas Gal: victory!
Andrea: the Ladies should do ads
Andrea: they’d be AWESOME
Texas Gal: we’d put cat noises in the background of every one
Andrea: the music plays, the toast pops up, you take a bite, “MEOW”
Texas Gal: I don’t see how there could ever be a more perfect commercial
Texas Gal: unless there was Beck In Boots, perhaps scowling in the background
Andrea: with Antonio voicing Puss n Boots, very Abdul and MC Skat Cat
Texas Gal: and then reaction shots of the crowd – aka your roommate
Texas Gal: all super slowmo
Andrea: goddamn, the Pats are up by 10
Texas Gal: FUCK
Texas Gal: pardon me
Andrea: nope, that’s totally the right word
Texas Gal: SOMEONE JUST POPPED A CAN IN THE BOOTH
Andrea: NO WAY!
Texas Gal: your call: beer or soda?
Andrea: Flutie is drinking
Andrea: has to be
Texas Gal: Flutie is playing beer pong.
Texas Gal: Nice overalls
Andrea: the only people I like in overalls are pregnant women b/c it’s cute and my grandpa
Texas Gal: Please tell me that was a coonskin cap on [PSU fan's] head, and not his hair
Andrea: it has to be, right? Davy Crockett and all?
Texas Gal: PSU fans: you do not have to purchase every single shitty Alamo souvenir
Texas Gal: DAMN – quit catching the ball, Ags!
Andrea: I know
Andrea: and the damn Pats are gonna win
Texas Gal: DROP THE BALL
Texas Gal: (that can apply to Pats or Ags)
Andrea: ooh, Giants just scored
Andrea: 1 minute left
Andrea: onside kick, here we go
Texas Gal: GIANTS! COME ON!
Andrea: Pats have it
Texas Gal: DAMN
Andrea: wasn’t a good onside kick
Andrea: right to Vrabel
Texas Gal: (who is cute)
Texas Gal: (damn him)
Andrea: man, these bowl games go so long
Andrea: big stop here
Andrea: c’mon PSU!
Andrea: did he just….fall down?
Texas Gal: YAY
Texas Gal: YAY
Texas Gal: YAY
Texas Gal: YAY
Texas Gal: CRYING AGGIE!!!!!!!!!
Andrea: that was a really pathetic display by the band
Andrea: Iowa’s band is way more pumped when we’re at the Alamo bowl, even when we’re losing to Texas
Texas Gal: Hee!
Texas Gal: quit talking about their tradition!
Texas Gal: stupid Nazi-ish behavior, ball-grabbing and sheep fucking does not equal tradition!
Andrea: sheep fucking is a great tradition
Texas Gal: Just ask any Aggie!
Andrea: I don’t inherently hate A&M, but I’d really like the Big Ten not to get embarrassed in bowl games
Andrea: and so far they aren’t
Texas Gal: I inherently hate A&M
Andrea: that’s fair
Andrea: I inherently hate ISU
Texas Gal: I’m kind of disappointed they’re not wearing their purple pants
Texas Gal: They have a history of being incapable of matching maroons
Andrea: …they have purple pants?
Texas Gal: their jersey would be maroon, and their pants would be purple
Texas Gal: They also went through a phase where they had a little Aztec-y print at the neck and sleeves
Andrea: I remember that
Texas Gal: Flutie: still the funniest guy in the room (in his mind)
Andrea: good JoePa impression
Andrea: or possibly the Wicked Witch of the West
Texas Gal: it is pretty good
Texas Gal: he calls him “Joepah” – like oompah
Andrea: that has been BOTHERING ME
Andrea: like “Joepuh”
Texas Gal: YES – Joepuh
Andrea: like that’s his name, like he’s Amish
Texas Gal: He would be the crabbiest guy in a buggy EVER
Andrea: can you imagine him trying to organize a barn-raising?
Texas Gal: I really wish they’d put one of those graphics up talking about what was happening the last time A&M won a national championship
Texas Gal: 1939
Texas Gal: Did they have electricity then? Running water?
Andrea: That ref? I think was in the Lollipop Guild
Andrea: “Holding…and we welcome you to MunchkinLand, falalalalalalala”
Texas Gal: Those are some FUG dudes
Texas Gal: They looked like Mr Potato Head
Texas Gal: Except melted
Andrea: those creepy crowd masks?
Texas Gal: No! Fans! I have to get a screen grab.
Texas Gal: Nice throw, McGee
Andrea: why didn’t he just take off with the ball?
Texas Gal: He’s an Aggie. Wondering why they do what they do is a futile exercise.
Andrea: I wonder if the other booth guys are like, “Get this kid outta here”
Texas Gal: Craig James and Chris Fowler are two of my very favorites. Erin on the sidelines is awesome. It’s basically a dream team– except for the always sniggering Flutie.
Andrea: Sniggering Flutie
Andrea: that’s awesome
Texas Gal: First track on the Sad Aggies debut album
Texas Gal: 2nd track?
Texas Gal: Joepuh
Andrea: with a fiddle
Texas Gal: 3. Beck In Boots
Texas Gal: 4. Gingers On the Sideline
Andrea: for the 5th track
Andrea: we cover Life is a Highway
[Craig James, who should know better, refers to the Aggies as the "Texas Aggies"]
Texas Gal: THEY ARE NOT THE TEXAS AGGIES
Texas Gal: THEY ARE THE TEXAS A&M AGGIES
Texas Gal: JESUS H CHRIST
Texas Gal: ahem.
Andrea: I just hid under the couch
Texas Gal: I needed “O Fortuna” playing while I yelled that.
Andrea: that’d be our 6th track
Texas Gal: The music playing behind me yelling?
Texas Gal: It should be called something deceptive like “Peaceful Contemplation”
Andrea: and then it’s you yelling with the dramatic music
Andrea: I like it
Look for the Sad Aggies debut album “I Went to the Alamo Bowl and All I Got Was This Lousy Coonskin Cap” to hit the shelves any day!