Hit & Run: WHAT THE HELL ON EARTH.

Is Mercury in retrograde? Have the stars knocked back a few too many cosmos (I am so sorry) at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe? I swear, I leave the internets alone for FIVE HOURS, and look at what happens:

Quack Attack, off the tracks: Oregon 24, Arizona 34. Dennis Dixon is out of commission and Oregon is out of the national title game. I wouldn’t call myself a Pac-10 homer by a long shot, but I’ve been watching a lot of Duck football this year, Dixon in particular, and whatever your allegiances, you can’t argue they’re a hell of a lot of fun to watch. That said: Losing the linchpin of your entire offense is one thing, but as far as I know Dennis didn’t maim any of his own teammates on the way off the field. A defensive collapse of this magnitude against Arizona is pretty much unforgivable, though not unexpected in the larger picture of CFB 2K7: Year of The Hell?.

dennis_dixon.jpg

Oh, Dennis. Your Crazy Eyes only make you more alluring.

A-Rod, pinstripe bound? Looks that way. (Could he be gagged, as well?)

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I’m told he’s on the left.

And but of course….Barry Bonds, indicted today. Yeah, no way I’m touching this one. Except to say that I’m really grateful the feds attended so diligently to two unwinnable desert wars and the plummeting dollar and our crumbling infrastructure and laughable public education, health care, and Social Security systems before going after this guy. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

barry_bonds.jpg

….wait a goshdamn second, that’s not his body hair in that bottom corner, right? Sing along if you know the words: DO NOT WANT.

Quoth our darling Texas Gal of Bonds, Rodriguez, and the Yankees: “Couldn’t happen to nicer folks.” *snicker* Isn’t that really the mark of the sort of day we just endured? That our morning roundup in celebration of the male form has a 66% douchebag population? Let’s do some palate cleansing:

My veryown Tennessee Vawls are ranked 7th in the country….in men’s basketball. (Yes, we’re still getting used to it ourselves.) Why did I bring this up? Well, here’s points leader Ramar Smith’s O-face:

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Lie back, and think of England San Antonio.

Ta ta!

~H

11 thoughts on “Hit & Run: WHAT THE HELL ON EARTH.

  1. Does anyone besides me feel sorry for Barry Bonds?

    I mean here is a guy who was probably going to make it to the HOF. He gets this notion of being the greatest home run hitter of all time in his noggin. He balloons up in the latter stages of his career and starts hitting HRs like never before… and the only person who doesn’t seem to realize the absurdity of doing this at his age is Barry himself.

    His place in the Hall of Fame, his reputation, his accomplishments, and, in the end, his freedom have all been put in jeopardy… for the sake of taking a shortcut. Sad,

    Will

  2. Yeah, I was going to say ‘his head’… but with a mug like that, noggin seemed like the right word. :p

    Talking animals are always cool. I don’t know if the Scoob ever took steroids, but I’m dead certain that those Scooby Snacks would have got him kicked out of MLB.

    But it ain’t the shortcut that is sad. To me it is that he is the only one that doesn’t see how ridiculous the whole charade is. That, and that he was willing to throw away so much in this crazed pursuit of Aaron and Ruth. Sad… in the same sense of seeing Donald Trump’s new 20 something squeeze on TV and seeing his dumb ass think it is his 60 year old charm that stole her heart.

    Will

  3. “the absurdity of doing this at his age”.

    Ripken, age 38: Career High BA and SLG.

    Gwynn, age 36-37: 14 more HR for career high, raised SLG over 100 pts, career high 119 RBI…never before over 90

    Aaron, age 37: Career highs – HR, OBP, SLG (OPS)

    Bonds, age 36: Career High HR, age 37, Career high OPS.

    How absurd!

    …I need the FFF too.

  4. Does anyone besides me feel sorry for Barry Bonds?

    I don’t. And not because he did steroids. But because he is such a gigantic douchenozzle. And I respect the fact that he doesn’t act all nice. But if you’re not gonna play nice, you better be prepared to not have any public sympathy on your side when you’re finally caught.

  5. The retrograde ended on the 1st of November, but it seems like this week it was more of that crazy mixed up reality. Why do I know this?

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