Stand By Your Man – Fantasy QB Results: Week 1

Love maybe blind to flaws and shortcomings, but after the Week 1 of the Ladies Fantasy Quarterback League, more of than a few of the Ladies might be wondering if they should lie to their main squeezes and say that they have to go to their grandmother’s house next Sunday while quietly sending their back-up hotties a few text-messages to see if they might be around for a booty call. You know. Just in case.

Holly JimBobCooterGaveMe6

vs

Clare Speckhosen

Peyton Manning
23.52

Starting QB

Rex Grossman
4.80

Did Not Play – Not sweaty
David Carr

Backup QB

Jon Kitna
25.26


Donovan McNabb 11.26

“Just a friend”

Matt Schaub 11.90

158.92

Overall team score

163.70

QB Winner – Holly and Peyton Manning
Overall Winner – Clare

In repeat of Super Bowl XLI, Colts’ hottie Peyton Manning had his way with the Bears’ Sexy Rexy who couldn’t find his way end zone against San Diego. Overall though, Team Speckhosen sports Terrell Owens, Plaxico Burress, Joseph Addai,Travis Henry, Antonio Gates, and Mike Vrabel. Which is to say, that girl Clare is stacked! Holly would have been better served if she played the homer card and started the Colts defense and their 20 points that were wasted on the bench, instead of the Dallas D which cost her a valuable point for being -1 at the end of the day.

How bad are the Raiders? Jon “Fuck Lion” Kitna was able to go for 289 yards, 3 TDs, give up 2 INTs, and still walk – Stray Cat Strut? – away with the win.

TheStarterWife Terrible Turpees

vs

SA Woodson over Manning

Ben Roethlisberger
22.64

Starting QB

Tom Brady
24.28

Carson Palmer
15.76

Backup QB

Matt Hasselbeck
13.58

Steve McNair 3.12

“Just a friend”

Matt Leinart

114.94

Overall team score

191.38

QB Winner – SA and Tom Brady
Overall Team Winner – SA

Despite Ben throwing a career high four touchdowns, it was not enough to overcome the SpermDreamboat Brady’s 297 yards on Sunday. The difference in the team score? SA has Clinton Portis, Randy Moss, and the Seattle D. (Lucky for me, I have all three of those guys/defense in the Channel 4 News League. Unlucky for me, I forgot to take Moss and off the bench and should have played Ben instead of Rivers. Extra P? Consider yourself lucky.)

By the way? I am pretty sure that Ben is the only QB with a special GMC Sierra Truck Model named after him. (Love to Mondesi’s House for just sending me the link.)

Metschick (De)Jesus’ Homies

vs

Lady Andrea ThreatLevelMidnight

Philip Rivers
4.50

Starting QB

Marc Bulger
12.48

Alex Smith
6.64

Backup QB

Tony Romo
35.90

Eli Manning 27.68

“Just a friend”

N/A

102.90

Overall team score

109.18

QB Winner – Andrea and Marc Bulger
Overall Team Winner – Andrea

Like many fantasy league owners, Metsy was completely demolished by Philip Rivers’s disappointing performance. Andrea has to be regretting leaving Tony Romo and Adrian Peterson on the bench, but as demonstrated by the 49ers last night, a win is a win no matter how it goes down.

Texas Gal The Real (Colt)McCoy

vs

GordonShumway Angelina Ate My Baby

Vince Young
10.32

Starting QB

Drew Brees
4.28

Brett Farve
6.64

Backup QB

Jake Delhomme
21.24

J.P. Losman 5.04

“Just a friend”

Jay Cutler 16.96

102.80

Overall team score

94.38

QB Winner – Texas Gal and Vince Young
Overall Team Winner – Texas Gal

Vince Young may have been the first hottie picked in the Ladies Fantasy League, and his 78 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT were more lukewarm than sizzling, but he was warm enough to give Texy the win. GordonShumway may have gone for the older man with Brees, but could this finally be the year age catches up with him? (Don’t worry about Texy’s Farve reading these comments about getting “old”, considering he has not seen his reading glasses since “Friends” went off the air.)

And did we totally under-value the Bills J.P. Losman? The more he shows up on TV, the more I think we totally missed out on a world-class hottie.

15 thoughts on “Stand By Your Man – Fantasy QB Results: Week 1

  1. I didn’t pick up Indy’s D till after their game, sadly…and my and Clare’s matchup was within two points BEFORE LAST NIGHT’S DEBACLE, when I had Frank Gore and she had Darrell Jackson and SF was behind because they’re terrible, so OF COURSE they’re going to throw…*deep breaths, staring at Peyton Baby’s stats, cooing*

  2. I think Alex “Horse Fac” Smith got more points than Rivers did. (Scoring a meager 5.23 in my fantasy league, thereby placing all the load of eeking out a win onto Willis McGahee’s butter-like hands… thanks, Phil!)

    Well, I suggested it to TSW last night and I place it out here for all to ridicule– but what about drafting Hot Coaches, as well? After watching Mike Nolan prance around in that Reebok suit last night, I couldn’t help but wonder when Men’s Warehouse will be selling that for all us Nolan Wannabes.

  3. I think Alex “Horse Face” Smith got more points than Rivers did.

    You’re right, he did.

    Dammit. And Alex Smith is cute!

    Anyways.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s