Bringing the Heat – New York Yankees

Everyone hates the Yankees.

Everyone.

None of the other Ladies would even admit that hotties existed on the Yankees. I say, F-that noise.

Give me the man in a motorcycle jacket. Give me the outsider. Give me the stud that all the pansies mock, because deep down inside, they know they do not measure up.

I don’t want your saccharine-sweet cuddly pretty boys.

Give me the villain.

This is how you see the Yankees. Evil. I’m giving you the villain you think you know on the outside, but click through the image, and you will be getting the hottie you know is there. Waiting for you.

Smoldering. Hot. Bad. Boys.

 


This little hottie has been accused of being an enforcer, using his deadly aim to take out opposing batters. But I never minded when a little love tap got rough…

 


Shallow, overrated, and empty. Cold, calculated, and cruel. Really, everything you expect not only out of a Yankee, but out of the whole of New York City. More, more, please more…

 


I don’t trust him. Is he good? Is he bad? Why does he want a snippet of my hair? He might be trying to kill me, but at the same time…

 

… could he possibly be trying to save me?

 

He’s too old. Washed up. Has been. Out of his mind. Tell me, what tricks do you know that I haven’t learned yet old man…

 

You turned on your last team. A traitor. This time is different, right? You wouldn’t leave me to the wolves now would you…

 

You are not a bad guy, but I am not taking you home to meet mom anytime soon either. If you were not a Yankee, I bet you would be considered a saint…

 

Rumor has always been that you like manly women. You want me to wear the boots while you borrow my heels? Only if you beg…

 

Why are you carrying that Bible? Stop praying every time I walk in the door. You keep saying the end is neigh, but so far you haven’t sent me out in into space…

 

Deadly silent. Which is fine, since we will share at least one common tongue…

 

Without you, there is nothing. You have the power to keep us alive and the power to destroy us all.

 

 

 

32 thoughts on “Bringing the Heat – New York Yankees

  1. Normally, I’d be all over Patrick Bateman or Jack Torrance… but in this context, I’m gonna stake my claim for Yankee Bullseye. Because I don’t care if he’s evil and wears pinstripes- he is HOT. Those forearms can distract me from the “NY” on his cap.

    Genius post, TSW.

  2. I’m all about a Bale/Robert Sean Leonard sandwich. I watched Swing Kids until I wore the tape out when I was in junior high. As a substitute, I’d take Bale/David Moscow from Newsies or Bale/Jackman from Prestige.

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  4. Notice how everyone is distracting themselves with talk of Newsies, because no one wants to face the awful awesomeness of Yankees hotties.

    If a hottie in Yankeeland is ignored by the rest of the country, does he really exist?

  5. It’s kind of on topic. I mean, it was set in New York, right? The Mets are like the Newsies (cause we like them) and the Yankees are like the Delanceys and Wiesel. It’s perfect!

  6. I’m blowin’ my dough and goin’ deluxe…

    I am also fond of Ann-Margret’s “High Times, Hard Times”, which I sometimes sing in my head while I’m running.

    Absolutely genius post!

  7. Thanks TSW. Hilarious post. Although I don’t think Jeter is shallow, I know many of the Yankee haters think so. But I don’t care – I’d hit it. Of course he’ll always be No. 2 behind the biggest Yankee hottie of all time – Don Mattingly.

    Also, I can’t thank you enough for that picture of Robinson Cano – nobody should be able to argue with that one.

  8. Extra P – Look over my complete body of work. Drugs are not only encouraged, they’re practically required.

    Kristin L – I love Cano, and had a hard time figuring out a “villain” for him. I was going to go with Kano from Mortal Kombat, but then I realized I wanted someone who was not so bad.

    Blade, if he wasn’t a vampire, would be good. Cano, if he wasn’t a Yankee, would be on the cover of GQ.

  9. Great concept, clever post. Does me saying that make up for the fact that I kinda think A-Rod’s cute? A little. A wee bit.

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  11. Man, all of you suck. Yankees will beat the other teams asses! There the best there is! Joe, The Babe, all of ‘em.

    Yankees will prevail.

    “The only things the Bostons were good at was a dumb tea party.”

  12. “yankee hotties” is even more of an oxymoron than, say, “military intelligence.”

    Signed me, a lifelong member of the Red Sox Nation.

    Meow!!!!!!!!!!

  13. Mets Chick – Thanks for mentioning Melky too. He’s just too adorable. And just wait until Phil Hughes gets off the DL – Yum.

    Chaos – Does that mean you were on the Mattingly train too? I’m still on that train. He’s like ten-twelve years older than me but he still does it for me.

  14. As a Yankee fan, I am glad to see some of my boys on this site. Jeter and A-Rod just make me melt!

    BTW, saw A-Rod’s #500 in person and it was AWESOME!

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