Better get your tux out of mothballs: The hotties of the Philadelphia Phillies

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Together with their manager Charles Fuqua Manuel
The Philadelphia Phillies
cordially invite you to
A Party of Pants
on Saturday, the seventh of July
two thousand and seven
One Citizens Bank Way
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Meet your hosts and R.S.V.P. after the jump.

First on the dance floor: Chase Utley

 

Jimmy Rollins, looking dapper in his high cuffed pants

 

Wes Helms, kitted out for the occasion in eyeblack

 

Chris Coste is just happy to be invited

 

Shane Victorino

 

 

Party machine Pat Burrell

The very fast, very bad ass Michael Bourn

 

Carlos Ruiz (with special guest Antonio Alfonseca)

 

Jayson Werth (who didn’t understand the dress code and is dressed for a different party altogether)

Ryan Howard

 

Aaron Rowand insists you try the bacon pants hors d’oeuvres

Sometimes, parties that get out of hand make Aaron sad.

 

Greg Dobbs

 

Cole Hamels

Cole takes parties very, very seriously.

 

Winding the night down, Ryan Madson

 

And closing out the evening [cough cough] in Clearwater [cough], Flash Gordon (your pal and mine, Big League Sal Fasano, will be there in spirit)

48 thoughts on “Better get your tux out of mothballs: The hotties of the Philadelphia Phillies”

  3. We used to call them “bridgies” at crew practice, TSW. And I hated them too. I’ll have to see the abs in question to see if it worked for Jayson. Maybe at the Pants Party I can ask to see them.

    Big shout outs to Tex for the Ryan Madson photos by the way. Everything about that last one makes me giggle: The glove-as-hat, the teeny tiny bottle of water, the shoes under his arm.

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  4. MMFC: don’t worry. The party was thrown by the Phillies org. Good money says that preparations were going well, and then everyone just completed the rest of the plans in utter mediocrity, until the party was canceled.

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  5. Metsy, is that sarcasm on the state of the Phillie organization?

    If you think they lack direction, I think Rich Kotite is available.

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  8. Ladies, I have to tell you, this may not seem possible, and I f*ng hate the Phils, but Cole Hamels is about 465235% better looking in person. It’s like a cruel joke on the rest of malekind. He’s a black hole of beautifulness – you can’t look away. So sad to miss the PPP.

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  9. meech, I love you.

    aloysius, is Cole “takes your breath away” hot or “renders you mute” hot or “makes you incapable of saying anything but ‘Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God’ over and over again” hot? I MUST KNOW.

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  10. The second shot of Greg Dobbs makes me think he smokes cigarettes. Might just be that he had wrapped up a marathon sesh with one of the Ladies…, though. So, no worries?

    Also, Rich Kotite is available — if he’s done banging your mom(s). Or if you have an hot mom.

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  11. Right back atcha, Clare.

    I assume you’ll be up-close salavating at the Philthies pre-game, right?
    That’s cool, I’ll be in the parking lot selling nitrous balloons to bloggers. We’ll meet up afterwards.

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  12. is Cole “takes your breath away” hot or “renders you mute” hot or “makes you incapable of saying anything but ‘Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God’ over and over again” hot?

    Clare, ALL OF THE ABOVE.

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  13. *big deep breath*
    YES, no, YES, YES, HELL YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, kid, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, HELL YES, YES, Rockie, YES, no, no, six-fingered no, YES, Dodger, YES, YES, YES, YES, tarp, YES, YES, HELL YES, YES, HELL YES, YES, HELL YES, YES, HELL YES, SADEYES HELL YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, bunch of kids, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, no, Sal-stache.

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  18. *takes deep breath*

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

    *pauses for breath*

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

    *more breath*

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE(breath)EEEEEEEEE!!!

    I love my boys. SO much. SO, so much.

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  19. I must admit, I giggled like a child the whole way down the post. I was *hoping* that someone would take notice that the Phils do have the HOTTEST team in baseball… It’s only fitting that the Ladies would be the first to cover this phenomenon. A couple of things- do we *really* think Wes Helms and Antonio Alfonseca are hot? Also, Greg Dobbs is *SMOKIN* in real life, Ryan Madson has the most beautiful get-lost-in-them-forever eyes, and Mike Zagurski- while he may not quite have the body of many of these strapping young men- certainly has the boyish charm and teddy-bear qualities, and I think he maybe deserves a pat on the back for that. Oh, and Victorino- Hawaii’s reigning sprint champ, may I add- also has a very VERY nice compact little body. I’m sorry if this was long. I study the bodies of the Phillies daily.

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  20. Mal, you can never be too long-winded when talking about hotties here.

    You and Tex come down on opposite sides of the “Wes Helms: Hot? Not hot?” debate. She likes his ass. I’m turned off by his gigantic head. I just put him in there for her.

    Fonzie is not hot. Fonzie is huggable, but not hot.

    Greg Dobbs is gorgeous. His nose looks like it was sculpted out of marble by Michaelangelo.

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  21. I just had to come back in here. Again. And again. And again.

    Dear Greg Dobbs,

    Please, PLEASE be playing 3rd base on August 29th. Please, I beseech you. You have a college degree, so I’m hoping I don’t have to explain to you what “beseech” means. I don’t have a college degree, so I’m hoping I used “beseech” properly. But I digress! You. Third base. August 29th. Thanks.

    Love,
    CW

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  22. So ChasevidWrightley has pretty much established herself as my most favorite ace commenter. Mal is also now my favorite rookie commenter.

    Wes Helms has a great ass – for reals. He may look like the bastard cousin of Jon Lieber in the face, but he has a SWEET ass.

    Ryan Madson is like a model. Everyone’s seen the Phillies Charities calendar pictures from last year, right? Ryan looks like an Abercrombie guy.

    I’m also gonna put down for the record that Brian Sanches is also SMOKIN’ hot. Like, hot to the touch.

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  24. Chasevid, as long as a righty’s pitching that day you’ll get your wish. Uncle Cholly has said a number of times that Greg has hit his way into starts against RHPs.

    God, the idea of being that close to D-Wright and Greg Dobbs…SO JEALOUS.

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  27. Clare, I might die. Seriously. Section 136, row 2. Third base line, David and Greg, Chase on second…*fans self*

    If Hamels is pitching, too? OH MY DEAR SWEET JESUS.

    Gosh, I love baseball…

    And that charity calendar…I can’t part with it. I’m particularly fond of September aka The Month of The Utley, and…whatever month had Aaron. I forget. I wish they’d done a charity calendar this year, too.

    And aww, thank you Texy!

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  28. I got a team photo the other day and hung it in my office today- needless to say, I haven’t been very productive ;)

    And TexasGal- you’re so right about Brian Sanches. Forgot about him. Shame though, after his performance yesterday and with bringing Flash back, they optioned him back down to AAA today. Also, your favorite rookie commenter?! I’m flattered :-D

    I hope for Chasevid’s sake that Dobbsy’s playing third on the 29th!

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  29. Dear Cole,
    I heard there’s a meeting today in the clubhouse, ya know, between your face and my crotch.
    Love,
    me

    And yeah, Greg better be playing or else CW is going to throw a mofo fit while sitting next to me…I’ll calm her down with a dose of Utley.

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  30. I’m not sure where else to post this- but the Man with the Pants of Bacon had a phenomenal game last night and I’m feeling that he deserves hump-day-hottie recognition. If you’ve previously done this and I missed it- I will immediately go to that post and stare at it all day. If not- I anxiously await some sizzling bacon pants, hopefully in the near future. Have a great hump day, Ladies…

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  36. oh yes, definately poor chutley. I love that picture of Rowand, even though he just broke his ankle. and A bay bay cole hamels.
    I love the phillies

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