* My dream pairing of Josh “Tall Texan” Beckett and Jonathan “Cajun Closer” Papelbon tag-teamed to handily dispense of the Padres yesterday, earning Josh a MLB-leading 11th win and Papyboo his 18th save. [Jake Peavy didn’t stand a chance.] And let’s hope Dice-K made it out of Petco (and his Maddux encounter) alive.
* Pat “Slowcamotive” Burrell, meanwhile, dreams of someday… you know… HITTING THE BALL. He is hitting just .146 since April 26th- and the natives are (once again) growing very restless. [When MLB.com a/k/a “Baseball’s Sunshine-Pumping Mouthpiece” writes up an article about your suckitude, you know you’re in trouble.]
* Fellow Phillie Aaron “Bacon Pants” Rowand is having a spectacular year- and the talk of him getting a spot on the All-Star roster has begun. Obviously, he’s #1 (with a bullet) on my own personal All-Star roster. In other news, which might or might not be happening behind the scenes- I wouldn’t know because I’m trying to ignore it: [Lalalalala, I can’t hear those trade rumors!]
* Michael “Sucker Punch” Barrett is settling in just fine in sunny San Diego, thank you very much. And if anyone else in Chicago is missing him, the Cubs are still giving away Mikey B jerseys tomorrow and Mikey B bobbleheads on July 1st. [Mikey is 2 Good + 2 Be = 4 Gotten]
* Start with Sox, end with Sox. The Dirt Dogs are calling up Kason “I’m New Around Here, But I’m Really Hot” Gabbard to start on Tuesday (and not Jon Lester, as previously discussed). He’ll be filling in for DL’ed Curt Schilling. [It’s a definite huge step up, hottie-wise.]
Congratulations also go out to Georgia boy Dustin McGowan for his near-no-no (broken up in the 9th inning), 1-hit shutout complete game against the Rockies. He’s actually way cuter than those stupid mutton chops would lead you to believe.