Mickey Mantle Award: Honoring Baseball’s Best Assets

The Gold Glove celebrates superior fielding. The Silver Slugger recognizes outstanding offense. The Cy Young honors the highest caliber pitching. All distinguished awards, with rich histories and illustrious lists of past winners. But no one has stepped up to honor the real “most valuable” asset in all of baseball: the sweet baseball player asses showcased by those lovely baseball pants.

I’m here to fill that void, with a countdown of the 25 hottest asses in baseball. The butt that tops the list at #1 earns the inaugural Mickey Mantle Award, representing the finest ass to be found inside a pair of major league baseball pants.

First up: #25-21 on the list. We’ll ogle our way through all 25 on the countdown, 5 at a time (ahem). Let’s take a dip into the shallow end of the pool…

#25: Grady Sizemore
Cleveland Indians, CF

Staring out from the cover of SI this week with those beautiful brown eyes (in eye black!), I was almost convinced to rank Grady higher. Almost. But this Award is for the hottest ass, and while Grady’s butt is definitely Top 25 material, I cannot reward him for wearing such loose pants.

#24: Jarrod Saltalamacchia
Atlanta Braves, C

Jarrod is the brand spankin’ new rookie (called up May 2nd) representing’ in the Top 25 for all the new guys in the league. He may be shiny and new, but that ass has been honed for years on the diamond. Welcome to MLB, darlin’ – we’re glad to have you… and your lovely ass.

#23: Barry Zito
San Francisco Giants, P

Z may have downgraded himself from the hottest roster in baseball to the other team across the bay, but his butt is still just as beautiful as ever. He’s also only one of two pitchers to make the list- so his ass should be prized even more. Hot outfielder ass and hot catcher ass are a dime a dozen– but hot pitcher ass is to be treasured.

#22: Ryan Theriot
Chicago Cubs, 2B/SS

Am I allowed to make a “coon-ass” joke here about Louisiana hottie Ryan “The Riot” Theriot? Because if that’s a the type of coon-ass Nick Saban was referring to, it’s no wonder they’re recruited so heavily. Good news for Cubs fans and hottie fans alike: The Riot may soon earn himself a permanent starting slot on the Cubbies’ roster. The view in Wrigley just got a whole lot hotter.

#21: Brad Ausmus
Houston Astros, C

Our second catcher on the list (it’s a recurring theme- catchers develop the sweetest asses from all that crouching down and springing up), Brad is also the only guy from the two Texas teams to make the list. And look at him here, all coy- don’t be shy, Brad. Don’t hide your light under a bushel, baby- let it shine!

This entry was posted in baseball ass, Mickey Mantle Award, MLB, Texas Gal by Texas Gal. Bookmark the permalink.

About Texas Gal

Pitched four years for the Philadelphia Athletics, and then played shortstop for seven years for the Montreal Expos. Taught Rickey Henderson to steal a base. Taught Nolan Ryan to throw a punch. Taught Mickey Mantle to drink a beer. Threw one seven-hitter and seven no-hitters. Wonderboy was my creation, and first Jobu shrine was in my locker. Often called "the next Dustin Pedroia". Always wear high socks and eyeblack. Prefer to slide headfirst.

42 thoughts on “Mickey Mantle Award: Honoring Baseball’s Best Assets

  1. This is a glorious, glorious post. Can I forego studying to just stare at these pictures all the live-long day?

    I have no knowledge of the other men who may or may not have made the list.

  2. Andie knows- she got a sneak preview.

    And for the record, narrowing the list down to 25 was excruciatingly difficult, much less ranking them in order. There are so, so many lovely assets out there on display on the diamond.

  3. Once you’re done with the top 25, we should just have “The Booty of the Week”. Ass all season long…

    And this could def. continue into the NFL/college football seasons.

  4. Burnsy, it’s hard to pick Red Sox when they wear uniforms baggy like pajamas. Not that I don’t love Big Papi, but tight pants are a must.

    Mets, my favorite is Ausmus.

  5. Elric, I am sad I was not ever privy to that awesomeness until today.

    And ranking the asses is a delicate process- you can’t go just by one particularly HOT photo, you have to account for age and experience and how the ass looks in motion. It’s all very complicated.

  6. Noted and will do. I will sacrifice for all womankind to post pictures of hot asses.

    David Wells would have been on the list, but he had to go eat his weight in twinkies and then get another stupid tattoo and ride around on his dumb motorcycle and then shoot his mouth off about something.

  7. David Wells is the common man’s ass. He’s a blue-collared ass. His ass speaks for the asses of Middle America. His exclusion from this list is an affront to the asses of our forefathers.

    Speaking of fatass, could Curt Schilling enter the blog bracket?

  8. Speaking of fatass, could Curt Schilling enter the blog bracket?

    I think I am the Ladies… resident Schilling apologist, so if he wants to enter the bracket, I’ll be glad to have him.

  9. I’m in favor of accepting email submissions of other hot baseball player asses, and then having a follow-up post after the 25 are revealed that showcases Reader Favorites who didn’t make the cut.

  10. The funny thing about coonass is that there is no one in Louisiana who would take that as a sleight. It is a commonly-used term to describe my Cajun brothers to the south.

    Also, TG, since you are having submissions of hot asses and the sport is baseball and I am a guy, I nominate that woman who umped that one exhibition game. My choices are limited here.

  11. Oh … oh my.

    I just finished a super-long work day, and then pulled this up.

    I need a moment alone.

    (PS: another vote for “booty of the week” here!)

  12. That may be the case, Texas Gal, but as an umpire he needs to keep a level of professionalism. Not to mention that fact that he’s a guy.

    BTW-did you receive the pictures I sent for the competition?

  13. Wait a minute- I was kidding. You do know that umpires grab the catchers’ backs all the time, right? The ump isn’t trying to cop a feel or anything.

    If you sent the pictures direct to me, nope- send everything to the Ladies… address. Holly is not responding to every submission or anything though, because otherwise she would never be able to leave the computer.

  14. Yeah, I know you were kidding, and that the umps always do that. It doesn’t make the picture any less funny, though.

    I sent the pictures to the Ladies…address on Wednesday night.

  15. This is baseball butt time right. hmmm, How about
    Mark DeRosa? Or the classic butt ala JT Snow? Forget the fat butts I like my butts firm and athleletic like
    Mr. Zbikowski’s fine assets.

  16. At least with Zim you don’t have to worry about the baggy pants problem. I don’t think they make them large enough to be baggy on him.

  17. I think with the ridiculous amounts of money baseball players make there should be lotteries among “fans” who are interested to spank one or more of the players of their choice, especially if they are on a losing team. Pete Rose had a nice protruding butt and should have been paddled right where those cheeks protruded the most for his shenanigans. I want to see more ass slapping among baseball players not less, not this hand slapping shit that seems to be on the rise. We pay good money to see baseball player ass smacked hard and often by fellow baseball players!! When Mike Schmidt played I always saw his picture in the paper in the sports section either getting his ass smacked by someone or about to and that is as it should be with all the baseball players with nice round bottoms–smack those cheeks right where they protrude the most!!!

  18. WE NEED MORE SEXY PICTURES OF BRAD AUSMUS AND WIFE . HOT………………………………………………………………………….

  19. WE NEED MORE SEXY PICTURES OF BRAD AUSMUS AND WIFE…………………………………………………………………

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