There are certain baseball teams that are filled to the brim with hotties- the A’s, the Twins and the Phillies (and the Red Sox farm system). The Reds are most definitely not one of those teams. They’re not a roster full of fug, they’re just unremarkable in general. This means two things: there won’t be a lot of pretty scenery to look at Great American Ball Park (unless the visiting team brings some of its own), but it also means the Reds hotties will be that much easier to spot.
Let’s go on a hottie safari, Cincinnati style…
Kirk Saarloos (rhymes with “Carlos”, not “loose”- even though I sure hope he is) is a rare animal in Reds country: a true hottie. The extra vowels are for hottness- he cannot be contained by one a and one o alone. Ignore the A’s uniform- he’s very much a Red now. Why in the world the Cincinnati promotions department hasn’t already plastered his hot body in a Reds uni all over the interwebs, I do not know. They’d sell a lot more tickets.
“Arroyo” has several meanings in the Spanish language (according to the very authoritative folks at Houghton-Mifflin, which is always the first source people go to for Spanish translations). First, “stream or brook”, and that just sounds all sensitive and artsy, much like Bronson and his guitar stylings. Second, “bed”, which I understand many ladies would be interested in when it comes to Bronson, though this look has possibly turned me off him forever. And finally, “gutter”- and Bronson may belong there due to his potty mouth and infamous carousing after-hours. Or does it get him bonus points?
Cute face, hot catcher’s body. Next!
Ken Griffey, Jr. (circa 1996)
It wouldn’t matter if Griffey had grown a third eyeball and gained 60 pounds and braids his nose hair, he’s Ken Griffey, Jr. and he rules and he will always be hot (based on the Mariners years if nothing else).
Adam Dunn’s ass
Adam Dunn may not be hot – but his ass is pretty fine, so it made the list. I work with what I’m given. Also, there was no way I was leaving Adam off any Reds roundup because back in my Texas Angel days, he was one of our UT football recruits and he was very sweet. He ditched us after a year, but I’m not holding that against him. I am nothing if not a sucker for any Longhorn connection, no matter how tenuous.
For real news, rumors, information and dirt about the Reds that is not written by a fan of two of their rivals (though I can’t guarantee as extensive coverage of Adam’s ass), check out one of these great Reds blogs: Red Reporter, Red Hot Mama & Redleg Nation.