Live from New York, it’s Laser Rocket Arm!

manningsnl.jpeg Holly’s Manning Disclaimer: I’m a Tennessee alum from a family of Colts fans. I love Peyton Manning. Love him. I have a Peyton Fathead on my bedroom wall. When he shows up in Knoxville for a charity event or a game, it’s like Elvis, Oprah, and Jesus Christ are in town. That’s just how I was raised, and there’s no deterring me. You’ve been warned. There’s still time to turn back before the jump.

Saturday Night Live airs way past my bedtime (my mind and heart apparently still belong to the East Coast), and I had to get up early this morning to watch our girls make mincemeat out of Marist. This is all by way of saying I’m unable to form any more complete sentences this morning, so please enjoy my notes from last night’s SNL, drunk typos intact, in convenient backwards livebloggy form:

11:30 [Monologue]

  • Oh my god the man can rock a suit.
  • Poking fun at the tv commercials right off. And a Brady and the rings joke. Wise choices.
  • Don’t wait for silence, dude…you can talk over the last few laughs.
  • His highlights look GREAT.
  • Awwww, Mannings in the heezy! Tender.
  • And Eli’s not being booed, how sweet, though Peyton kinda rushes through the “quarterbackforthenewyorkgiants” part.
  • The “Olivia with the Dolphins” joke = first LOL of the night
  • Where’s the Coop? I want some Coop!
  • I want him to be in every single fake commercial on the episode. That’s how I would have done this…no mention of his endorsements in the monologue, but just go straight to an hour and a half of commercial spoofs, and he’s in every one. Tell me you wouldn’t watch that.
  • 11:35 [United Way "commercial"]

  • AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAPeyton just knocked down a little kid!!!!!! this is the greatest ad for all time. I would give 10% of my income to the United Way if they ran this commercial on real TV.
  • HE IS CUSSING. DOES NOT COMPUTE.
  • Peyton will kill a snitch. Could I love him more? i could not.
  • 11:40 [Bronx Beat sketch]

  • So Peyton’s not an actor. But even Peyton playing Peyton is delightful because he’s Peyton dressed up in a zookeeper costume Peyton.
  • And Amy Poehler makes fun of his giant head at the 11:41 mark. I won $4.
  • I’m not sure there can be anything cuter than Peyton saying the word “bunnies”.
  • Maybe if he were holding a baby penguin while he did it. yeah.
  • 11:49 [Bracketology sketch]

  • Oh, wow, Amy Poehler’s totally using my strategy of picking cute mascots and pretty colors.
  • Texas Gal would like me to register her dislike of the joke at the expense of Texas orange. Maybe when football season starts, she and I can have an orange-off tickle fight. On pay-per-view. You know you’d watch.
  • They’re not making him do any heavy lifting. This is good. Athletes on this show are like trick ponies…you dress them up and make them do a few simple tricks. Peyton’s actually making me laugh, though. Well played.
  • OH BURN!! STAT BURN!! META STAT BURN!! [I think this may have been the first "they did a Peyton Manning" joke.]
  • Ok, ths shot of Peyton with his face in his hands with the news desk = hysterical. There are guffaws in the room for the first time since he knocked down that little kid. I want this to be the new Manning Face–just let him pull at his forehead like it’s made of putty when he throws an INT. which does not happen a lot (see: “arm, laser rocket”).
  • Ok, the eleventeenth time they use the Peyton manning joke it loses a little steam makes me have stabby feelings. Just make the show half an hour shorter and make all the sketches of reasonable length.
  • 11:57 [Cocktail party sketch]

  • Don’t like this sketch already. I hate watching people who play with their hair all the time because I do it too and I don’t like seeing how ridiculous it looks.
  • Peyton, look at the people you’re talking to, hon. Theeere we go.
  • 12:04 [Cartoon TV Funhouse]

  • Smigel, not even naming a cat Mittens and using penguins will make me forgive you for making me listen to Dora. Even fake Dora. I was a bilingual nanny, and I will never recover from that show.
  • And this is pretty funny. But still. Uncalled for.
  • DOES MITTENS HAVE FREE WILL I changed my mind this is brilliant
  • 12:08 [Locker rooom sketch]

  • “But Coach, these guys are so good. And I am really scared of them.” That delivery was pretty priceless.
  • PEYTON HAS A FRENCH KISSING PUPPET PEYTON HAS A FRENCH KISSING PUPPET PEYTON HAS A FRENCH KISSING PUPPET
  • SNL, still with the jokes that run four minutes too ldfsjl;vjksadhf;sdhjkHE’s DANCING SHINY FABRIC LOOK AT THAT HIP MOTION
  • Clare would like to register the opinion that “dude’s got some back yard on him”. Yes he does, Clare. Yes, he does.
  • 12:15 [Ladies and gentlemen, Carrie Underwood.]

  • Carrie Underwood, your LEGS! Didn’t you used to be cute? Eat a sandwich, honey. Romo needs all the help holding onto you he can get. (Too late?)
  • 12:23 [Weekend Update, which did not contain Peyton, but I kept writing.]

  • A Gore joke I don’t resent! And Amy Poehler’s hair looks amazing! Nice, Weekend Update.
  • “I think the Presidential seal should be a real live seal”. Between that and the HeadOn reference? Cute night terrors, fake Tim Calhoun.
  • Ok, stop now. STOP. NOW. STOP that, fake Tim Calhoun.
  • ENOUGH LEERING AT RONALD MCDONALD, SETH MYERS.
  • “This is good news for people who think the problem with animal rights activism is not enough bear murder.” Zing!
  • 12:31 [Some guy is singing.]

  • As if I needed another reason to loathe American Idol. Who’s this clown keeping me from wondering where Amy Poehler gets her hair did?
  • 12:34 [300 sketch]

  • OH my god that’s Peyton in the bald cap with the choppers SKEERY
  • Not seeing the funny in this one. and Peyton’s makeup is scaring me.
  • Wait, so the whole premise of that four-miniute scene was a big dumb guy not throwing a rock? Comedy!
  • 12:50 [Front porch sketch]

  • Goofiest. Wig. Ever. Even goofier than the laser rocket arm wig.
  • Fantastic delivery on what had to be a really hard line to say with a straight face (the one about carrying ham in his pants so he’d have a secret)
  • 12:52 [Mercedes meatloaf sketch]

  • I…..ummmm….you know Peyton has this car. I mean, you know it in your heart, right? Because he does.
  • 12:53 [back from commercial]

  • The Danny Zuko headshots of Peyton are getting me all hot and bothered, which is not something I’m used to feeling about Peyton. WHAT’S HAPPENING TO MY BODY, DAD??
  • 12:58 [Good night, New York.]

  • Cooper! And cake! Awwww. Happy Birthday, darling laser rocket arm. Nighty night.
  • Verdict: I’m in total agreement with the Mighty MJD: “…I was hoping that while I watched, I’d pick up another reason or two to keep watching SNL. And I did. I will watch again, the next time Peyton Manning is hosting.” I don’t think many viewers were expecting him to earn laughs on his own, but he managed it more than once. I certainly found him more engaging than much of the regular cast.

    Good show, son. See you on Battle of the Gridiron Stars.

    19 thoughts on “Live from New York, it’s Laser Rocket Arm!

    1. Your love for Peyton kinda makes me nauseous, but my status as a MU Ohio student fills me with irrational Ben Roethlisberger love that I’m sure plenty of people think is gross as well. To each their own QB, I guess.

    2. Best parts:

      1. United Way commercial, hands down
      2. Peyton’s big head joke
      3. Peyton laughing uncontrollably into his towel, and trying to hide it
      4. “don’t pull a Peyton Manning!”
      5. Peyton’s dance moves

      I think they didn’t show Cooper at the beginning because the joke was that his mom let them all down by not making it in the NFL… and mentioning Cooper not being able to make it in the NFL wouldn’t be a very funny joke.

    3. The United Way commercial is the clear winner.

      Yeah, nothing funny about spinal injuries. Unless it’s a clown with spinal injuries. (Man, that joke works for EVERYTHING!)

    4. CORRECTION:

      I irrationally root for Darian Durant (a UNC QB with 50 school records), and he’s the backup QB for the Saskatchewan Roughriders!

      Note to self: never comment on a blog while trying to live blog an NCAA Tournament game. It comes out as gibberish.

    5. The reason I didn’t watch it is because I like the big goofy bastard and I was afraid I’d have to have my hands over my face the whole time. So he was pretty good, eh?
      I will watch the show on Tivo now that I’ve read your liveblog.

    6. I thought Peyton looked unusually cute last night, like he got his hair cut a little differently.

      And yes I’m a 24 year old woman, so I can say that and not be ashamed.

    7. Wow. He was actually good in the parts where he had to act a little too. He needs to be added to the cast.

      Although I could have done without seeing his nipples.

    8. Did you notice that he claps like a retarded kid? I expected that to be the case but it was even more delightful in person. I wish he would have had said something about weed when introducing his mom to finish off the Ricky Williams trifecta.

      I don’t know if it will make me watch SNL but it made it so I won’t turn away in a fit or rage like Lindsay Lohan on saturated fats (or anything that isn’t powder or -OH based for that matter). Pretty much every sketch was too long and they still came up short at the end.

      The headshot of Peyton with the aviators was pretty mancrushtastical.

    9. He’s no Tom Brady…But that show was one of the best ones that an athlete has hosted. The United Way commercial was the tops. And the NCAA thing was good too. Does any else think that Peyton in the NCAA skit looked like the janitor from Scrubs.

    10. Did anyone else notice Seth Meyers plant a big kiss on Eli Manning during the close? If you still have it on DVR, check it out.

      (12:58 [Good night, New York.])

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