OK, so the tournament’s two rounds deep and by now your bracket’s a bigger mess than Kirsten Dunst’s smile. Not to worry, little Badgers…the Ladies have a quick fix. Behold our Sweet (Ass) Sixteen, a work of art more timeless than anything ever released by the Franklin Mint (including all 3,500 Princess Diana plates, except for the Magic Eye one), classier than the collectibles from the back page of Parade magazine, and perfect for making out with before you leave for work.
I have already stapled mine to the front door of my refrigerator and oh yeah, I’m taking those Lunchables out of the package one cracker at a time, just so I can prolong my face time with Brian Ligon. And Jamaal Tatum. And you, guy from A&M who never takes your warmups off…except in my head.
Now. Don’t you feel better about being 4% accurate? About being last in your Facebook pool? About eating a tiny slice of ham and tongue kissing a piece of paper? I thought so. Who loves you, baby?