Winning Over the Dicks – March Madness with the KSK Mafia

cavemanMarch Madness manifests itself in many strange and wonderful ways.

A sudden pride in a school that not only did you not attend, but you didn’t even consider it as a “safety”. Days on end of not leaving the sofa. Going from hating Dickie V, to thinking of calling him grandpa, back to cursing his bald head, finally ending at acceptance that you’re both at the same party and since neither one of you are leaving it would be best to just ignore him as much as you can.

The best two parts of the tourney? Rampant gambling in the form of office pools and the endless hours of smack talk.

Which means the Ladies day has come.

We have challenged the the Men of KissingSuzyKolber to participate in a battle of the sexes NCAA tourney pool. Winner gets to take over the loser’s site for the day.

Imagine, a whole day on KSK talking about The Joy Luck Club, our WNBA picks, the hot men of Australian Rules Football, “What the 19th Amendment means to me”, and kicker penises. An entire day without a single homophobic reference. The day we’ve been saving our “How to make slippers out of MaxiPads” post for. A day on KSK where Peyton Manning and Ben Roethlisberger are shown some respect. A beautiful, sweet day that will be.

Our picks don’t matter until tomorrow,  so we have all day to do some trash talking about the KSK Mafia. Let’s see what’s buzzing in the Ladies office…

Andrea, Business Affairs

I wait for March Madness for 49 weeks. I pour over my bracket from Sunday night until Thursday morning. And you know what? THIS YEAR I’M GOING TO WIN! I am so off-the-charts SICK AND TIRED of coffee-getters who pick their brackets based on which team has the prettiest goddamn uniform or which mascot would win in a fight! Those bitches end up taking the money EVERY YEAR. And why??? Because they think George Mason is a CUTE NAME! BUT NOT THIS YEAR! THIS YEAR, I WILL WIN! THERE WILL BE NO HOLDING BACK! I will emerge, with a blood-stained mouth and broken fingernails, from the carnage with the $80 firmly clasped in my hot little hand. And what will I use my $80 for? A male stripper for the boys at KSK and planning my posts for their site: Hot Guys of the PGA Tour, do-it-yourself mammograms, and A Guide to Why St. Louis Rules All and the Cardinals are the Best.

 

Holly, Director of Operations, “On vacation” but still replies to every email via cellphone (Ed. note – for reals)

I’ll keep this short and sweet, unlike me. Basketball is but a placeholder to me, a passionate but soon-forgotten summer fling before the return of autumn, school, and my steady boyfriend, Footbawl. Gird your bountiful loins, KSK, because upon our victory, your readers will be treated to a shot-by-shot analysis of every Peyton Manning commercial. Ever.

 

SA, General Manager

Oh God how I hate March. I hate this month with a passion. This time, every year the only thing that I hear around the office is “March Madness.” Nothing about the conference calls to our European office, nothing about that TPS report that won’t do itself, no. What I hear is “Number 1 seed this” and “upset that” and “bubble teams.” Damn bubble teams. Who cares about bubble teams? I have a company to run.

 

But I do enter. Every year. I make one of the newly employed staffers enter me into the pool under a pseudonym. And I’m going to win. Oh yes, I’m going to win. And I will be enjoying my winnings thoroughly. The money will be nice, but what I’m yearning for is the KSK takeover. I cannot wait until I get to say why college football is better than NFL, bask in the good looks of Huston Street, and tell who my first sports crush was. Then, and only then, will I finally appreciate why everyone loves March so much.

 

Clare, Promotions (Ed. note – Clare is in vacation in Hawaii and clearly is distracted. The Ladies have sent a good 400 emails back and forth the past few days, and the only word from Clare came via a couple of coconuts that washed up here in LA.)

Writing from Hawaii…just wanted to check in and say aloha…yesterday I saw a giant turtle chillin’ on the sand, watched extremely hot surfers catch waves at Pipeline beach, and smelled thousands of pineapples in a pineapple orchard. This place is heavenly. Talk to you soon–I’ll be back on March 19.

xo,
Clare
p.s. Pitt vs. the hotties of Weber State? What am I going to do with myself?

 

 

(Second coconut)

Clearly all the mai tais have gotten to me…I meant Wright State. Oops.

Metschick, Accounting

Ugh, March Madness is upon us again. I swear, March Madness is only the annoying month I have to put up with before baseball starts up again. And everyone with their brackets. Please. It’s all a matter of luck and chance anyway! You would swear that picking out which team can beat which other team is an actual measure of any intelligence or skill. I think a roomful of monkeys – you know, those animals that fling their own poo – could fill out winning brackets easier than 95% of America.

I – okay, I can’t take it anymore! That’s all a front. I really do enjoy filling out those little heaven-sent NCAA lotteries! I’ve actually never won, but isn’t the point of playing just to have fun? I can’t believe that I was asked to participate again this year – I thought for sure last year’s tirade against “bracketology” (the boss was right there, I don’t want him thinking I’m wasting precious company time on such frivolities, hello!) would be the final straw. But, they like me, they really like me! And this year, the guys at KSK want to play too! I swear, I’m far too giddy for this – this all takes me back to the cool kids’ table at lunch in high school (which I never got to sit at, boo!) I better calm down before my boss’ attention is aroused. I heard if we win, we get to like post over at KSK, which is kinda cool cause I have totally got all these cute shots of my kid! She’s totally adorable. Oh, and I would also have to do a post on Title IX, and how awesome it’s been for all college women. Jeez, have I been prattling on this long? Uh-oh, gotta go, my boss is calling me over – hope he didn’t see my bracket!

Texas Gal, Archives (Ed. note – Texas Girl is down in Florida checking out Spring Training – for real – and like Clare has sent her missive via coconut. After sorting through all the SQUEES! we figured out she’s coming back next week with a lot of pictures of men in baseball unis. Some Ladies get the best assignments. )

TheStarterWife, Senior VP of International Strategic Development

Fuck this place. I need a new fucking job away from these mindless drones. A fucking office pool? Are you fucking kidding me? Do I look like I have any fucking time to fill out a fucking form, much less a fucking form that forces me to interact with you losers? Look at my title. Look at it. Fuck you for bothering me with this “feel good office” shit. Fuck. Next thing you know you’ll be asking me to buy some fucking Girl Scout cookies.

What? Why didn’t you tell me those small-dicked pricks at KissingSuzyKolber were in on this. Your lack of fucking communication skills are the reason you still work in fucking research and I have this fucking title. I bet those fucks over at KSK don’t have such good fucking titles. Fucking hacks probably cannot even spell “title”. Those fucking douchebags didn’t bother to call one, NOT ONE FUCKING ONE, female when they started their nattering little sewing circle of a site. Well fuck them. You know what I would post on their fucking little “Please vote for me for a bloggy” website? All day long, I would repeat this fucking post. Fuck you and your fucking belly.

J-Money/Gordonshumway, Lead Designer

(Ed. note – picture is worth a thousand words. And this picture says to me, “Be ready boys, you’ll be wearing these soon.)

57 thoughts on “Winning Over the Dicks – March Madness with the KSK Mafia

  1. Suss: maybe that should be the 28th amendment. Or perhaps the states can each just tackle this one on their own, with Kim Meltzer from Michigan going first.

  2. I know I’m betraying my own gender in a BIG way here, but perhaps you could mimic one of KSK’s off-topic posts and do a “Best Scenes In A Romantic Comedy” draft. The more Julia Roberts, the better.

    That’ll teach ‘em to lose to a bunch of girls.

  3. I need everyone to know in advance that I filled out both my D—-spin Pants Party and KSK-Ladies brackets on a screaming-high-altitude drunk at a mountaintop bar, and based my selections solely on the majority opinions of my barmates. This is going to be a bloodbath.

  4. I can’t wait to see the Vaginarchy take over KSK.
    Don’t worry Majerus masturbation lovers, it’s only for a day.
    Sick balls, Ladies…

  5. There goes TheStarterWife, already starting in with the anti-Semitism against Unsilent.

    Not really sure what we would do if we won. MMP Goat Porn Collection Bukkake is a fine start, though.

  6. Christmas Ape – I was going to throw you into the rant about being a no-show in DC for the Steeler-game watching, but then decided I couldn’t be be mad at another Steeler fan.

    Besides, I cannot be an anti-Semite. Jewish runs neck in neck with Italian for what I am most often mistaken for. (Latina comes in third.)

  7. ‘Twas Christmas Eve. I was stuck with the fam in the D.C. exurbs. And, if memory serves, you were saying on DS that you didn’t want to reveal yourself. I probably wouldn’t have been in great spirits, anyway. Willie Parker fumbling inside the five rankles the soul.

  8. What exactly are the stakes here? Some blogger blogs something on another bloggers blog? Ooo… shocking.

    Not that I want to instigate this further, but what the hell happened to the hey-day bets of: “I’ll wear a dress if a NHL team from Florida wins the Stanley Cup!”? Or the timeless, “I’ll shave my head if the Cubs don’t have a winning record this year!”?

    Come on, kids. You can do better! What about a KSK Team “Dick Out” Photo? (Though, I’m beginning to wonder how well those guys represent the male gender as a whole? Maybe a “Dick Out” isn’t the best idea, as it’ll simply confirm what most women think about men in the first place: Insignifcant.)

    Ape: Had a good evening with or without you that evening. Nothing like a room full of supremely drunken black-and-gold folks drinking IceHaus and debating who ranks as a bigger deuchebag: Ray Lewis or a Convicted Felon? (Turns out their one-in-the-same.)

  9. These bastards are going down. And that’s not just the liquor talking. I’m only sorry I’m down in Florida, and not able to fully participate in the asskicking until next week. My picks are in, though, little boys… you should be very afraid.

  10. I hope y’all win, I’ve enjoyed reading all your posts since I came across your blog last week. Hope you got Davidson, Old Dominion, Oral Roberts winning and Winthrop in the regional final against the repeat National Champs Florida.

    Of course, I’m a guy, so I’m probably wrong. :lol:

  11. I was skiing the park on sunday in a tshirt. nothing beats a good spring skiing, but the best time is always over at a-basin on the beach. Take a run, grab a beer and a hot dog, grab the lift back up, repeat

  12. Pingback: The Drunk Kansan Sports » SAINT ANDREW’S NET: SEXY BALLADS!

  13. Those maxi-slippers dredge bad memories of falling asleep at a friend’s house while in high-school, then waking up with a (thankfully, unsoiled) maxi taped to my arm, so I have to say… KSK better win this, to keep further max-invention away from the internets. But they better not post Tubgirl on Ladies…, that said. Nor Goatse. Nor anything else that can be construed as PTSD fuel.

  14. Pingback: KSK Mock Draft: These Are Our Countries, Rd. 2 | Kissing Suzy Kolber

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s