Mountain West Panty Raid – (Thank heavens for Jack in the Box)

BYU Jordan CameronThis post almost killed me.   No hyperbole, no exaggeration, no whining.  God love you if you are a beat reporter covering the Mountain West Conference, because you are made of a stronger mettle than I.   It took me three days to come up with my all hottie MWC team, (I did manage to go work, see a movie, go to the gym, and play too much Wii in that time), but I swear to you I looked at the team rosters SEVERAL DOZENS OF TIMES to come up with five players.

I blame several things -

  • I was still high off of my Big Sky Panty Raid when I started this preview.   Portland State and Weber State just flat-out ruined me for other men for a couple of days.  (They’ve both advanced in their tourney, and are playing each other tonight.  Unfortunately the game is not on TV, which is a shame because with that amount of hotness it could easily be one of the highest rated events in ESPN3 history.)
  • The majority of the MWC websites are done through CSTV.com, which creates the same fucking boring sites for each of their teams.  Same layout, same style player pictures, same navigation, same same same same.   The only thing that changes are the colors.  This is the third one of these NCAA previews I have researched, and the second I see the browser redirect to a CSTV site, I immediately want to stab myself in the eye for looking at something so bland. (Yes, I am aware I am writing this criticism in a blog template.  At least we have pictures of hot men at the top.)
  • When I thought I might be able to dismiss teams (and thus their players) based on not making the conference tourney, I remembered THAT THE WHOLE LEAGUE PLAYS IN THE TOURNAMENT! That is right!  Tonight in Las Vegas two 4-12 conference teams, TCU and New Mexico, get to play!  If you are 4-12, you shouldn’t be rewarded with a trip to Vegas.  You should be rewarded with North Dakota or the UP of Michigan.

I thought about giving up.   I thought about emailing the rest of the Ladies and saying, “Ladies!  I just cannot do this!  Not only can I not find enough hotties, but I am starting to feel icky because a good third of the BYU team is already married and have kids, and while I have nothing against Mormons they seem a little young, right? Don’t make me finish this preview, Ladies… I promise I’ll cover cricket this summer if I don’t have to finish this league.”

And then I read this in a player’s bio, “enjoys eating tacos from Jack in the Box”.

Now, you will never catch me eating a taco from Jack in the Box, but suddenly he became more human.  BYU’s Jordan Cameron suddenly sounds like he’d be more fun than just a basketball game.  That maybe he’d want to just hang out with some friends, rent a movie, and maybe grab some tacos.  If things get really rowdy, maybe even a taco eating contest.

Jordan gave me the will to look on for more hotties.  Yes, the pictures in suits were going to be bland, but there had to be some gems in there.  Average guys who would just want to go get tacos.

I’m not going to bore you with the details of this tourney.  They all fucking play. (Sorry, from here on out in this post I will not swear for our Mormon friends.  I’ll even revise the above.)  BYU and UNLV are almost always a lock and unless Air Force decides to get all uppity.  (No pun intended.)

Conference schedule and seeding is here if you really want to know.

And now the rest of the hotties -

   Stephen Weigh – Utah

His bio says that you should say his name “Stee-ven Way”. He is from Australia, so I imagine he just likes fish tacos.

 

 

 

  Ricky Johns – Utah

Born in Jamica, raised in the Bronx, so he might prefer pizza to tacos.  Also played on the Jamacian National Team which means if he does like tacos, he’d most likely prefer fish tacos with citrus salsa but we cannot rule out jerk chicken tacos. 

 

 

 

 Wendell White – UNLV

From Los Angeles.   Can probably name 15-20 great taco stands without having to think about it. 

 

   Eric Platt – Wyoming

From Casper, Wyoming and now plays at U of Wyoming.   90% chance he has never seen a taco.  If pressed to name a favorite taco, he would pick steak but would worry that that “taco” was code for something dirty.

 

 

 

Please let me take this moment to apologize for going so far off the rails.  The MWC is a wonderful conference and deserves more respect than I am giving it.  I am sure there are dozens of good looking men in this league, but damn if these pictures make them hard to find.

Who wants to go get a taco?

17 thoughts on “Mountain West Panty Raid – (Thank heavens for Jack in the Box)

  1. Is Jordan Cameron the one at the top? He was unidentified. Also, I’ll take him and if he is Jordan Cameron, I’ll take him in Jack in the Box. I mean, TO. To Jack in the Box.

  2. I can appreciate a dude who is down with the Jack-in-the-Box tacos. Frankly though, I’m a bit disappointed that he didn’t say, “Eating a Peanut Buster Parfait from Dairy Queen.” Because man, when you’re east of the Rocky Mountains, there’s simply nothing better… (Other than a double-bacon cheeseburger from A&W.)

  3. A question for the ladies…

    Should my blog’s extensive coverage of the Mid-American Conference women’s basketball tournament be called HollaMAC Girls?

  4. Peanut Buster Parfait was the shit when I was a kid. I could never eat the whole thing, though.

    My favorite is Whataburger, though.

  5. All of the A-10 sites are cstv too, which means they all have the same identical advertisement for New Balance trail shoes. By the time I finished my preview, I was really effing sick of New Balance.

  6. In ever league I found you cannot avoid the CSTV. I bet by the time this is done, I crack and hunt down their designers.

    You know what is also bad? Have you noticed how many teams have FUCKING POP-UP ADS?

  7. It’s hard to find an all-hottie team for a conference where many of the participants are either Utah, Nevada, or non-city Colorado based teams. Just saying.

    Nice to see Cameron admit his love for Jack in the Crack.

  8. But about every other year those teams from the old Big Sky (now mostly in the WAC), and those in the WAC and those in the Mountain West sneak out of the mountains and whack the tar out of most of the teams they face. It’s serious basketball country up there, really, with a rather glorious history.

    You guys are probably too young to remember. Utah is the only team ever to win the NIT and then beat the NCAA champion (or was it the other way around?), back when the NIT was the better tournament about three out of four years.

  9. The Utes? They were a 90′s power house, and I do have some recollection of them going far in the tourney when I was in HS in the early 90′s. (Get off of my lawn!)

    Although I still do not know why all 14 teams play in their tourney…

  10. I’m a little late to the party, but Jordan Cameron’s sister is Brynn Cameron. From USC. As in, Jordan Cameron is known as Uncle Jordon to Matt Leinart’s kid.

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