The 2007 NFL Scouting Combine has come and gone. Now put down the draft board, take a break from the minutiae, and see who’s a first-round pick in our hearts:
15. Ben Grubbs (OG – Auburn). Grubbs has demonstrated on-field leadership skills that have some scouts believing he’ll see playing time as a rookie. The Ladies…well, let’s just say we like a man who can take charge.
14. Calvin Johnson (WR – Georgia Tech). Still an “undecided” major. Luckily, as you can see, he’s very…adaptable.
13. Daymeion Hughes (CB – Cal). Projected as a mid-first rounder, this Pac 10 Defensive Player of the Year can defend our honor any day.
12. Dwayne Jarrett (WR – USC). Pro: 4.35-second 40. Experience in big games. Turned heads at the combine, even in a strong field of receivers. Con: Former roommate? Matty Leinart. If there exist any airborne STDs, it’s already too late.
11. Laron Landry (S – LSU). We’ll overlook his being named after the most irritating character on Friday Night Lights, for the sole reason that dude can rock the shiny yellow pants like nobody’s business. (C’mon, Green Bay, you know you want him.)
10. Jamarcus Russell (QB – LSU). Rumor (and Russell) has it he can wing it 84 yards. That arm strength’s really going to come in handy when he’s carrying us off into the sunset.
9. Robert Meachem (WR – Tennessee). Tennessee’s receiving corps was already going to be stretched thin in 2007…Meachem’s early departure pushes him a couple spots down the list out of spite.
8. Sidney Rice (WR – South Carolina). Rice wowed onlookers at the combine with a 39 1/2-inch vertical leap. We’ll reserve further judgment until we see what he’s capable of horizontally.
7. Leon Hall (CB – Michigan). Hall silenced critics of his quickness by running a 4.39 40 at the combine. May we suggest he use this speed to come on-a our house?
6. Levi Brown (OT – Penn State). We have to say we do not care for the possibility of Miami snapping up this cuddly master of destruction. Who wants to see that sweet face twisted in despair as he confronts the abyss that is the Dolphins’ future?
5. Anthony Spencer (DE – Purdue). There’s nothing we like better than a good stiff Boilermaker. (The drink. We mean the drink.) Spencer began his career as a basketball player, but teams in need of a hard and fast tackler are glad he made the switch.
4. Greg Olsen (TE – Miami). Please select your preferred “tight end” joke at this time, and insert as needed.
3. Adrian Peterson (RB – Oklahoma). Peterson’s injury history calls his longevity as a player into question. There’s a stamina joke to be made here, but it’s sort of gross.
2. Aaron Ross (CB – Texas). Rumor has Ross pegged as a possible first-round pick for Dallas. Now, this would force us to compete with the Cowboys cheerleaders for his affections, but the frequent wearing of the white jersey would so complement his killer grin. Dilemma, thy name is football.
1. Reggie Nelson (S – Florida). Nelson takes the top spot in a landslide. He can break up passes, block kicks, intercept with the greatest of ease, and he does it all with such an obvious glee that you can’t help but tilt your head and grin watching him…even if he is a Gator.